by Elle Scott
Clarity. I need clarity to understand everything; his motives and why I'm here.
As I bring my other hand up to wrap around the mug I realise I'm holding the orb, I can't even remember putting my hand in my pocket for it. The colour is pulsating much deeper and brighter than normal, almost as if my grip is awakening it. Almost as if my thoughts are awakening it.
I look back up to the photograph in front of me. Miles' wide and unassuming grin reaches beyond the frozen moment in time. And like a torch shining light into all the shadows in my brain, I realise I've been looking at Miles with a clouded perception. I've seen that facial expression before, I've seen it many times before—when we found our first orb; when he discovered him and Eli shared the same birthday two years apart; when Ross tripped over a whole heap of cords while trying to run with a calibrating machine in his arms; when I told him how much I enjoyed his company; the smile I saw two days ago when he opened his office door to find me on the other side. I've been looking at this the complete wrong way. Beyond the frame and behind the glass, that's the truth.
I turn to look at him running back the other way across the sand bank. A child can't fake honesty, a child can't fake who they really are, a child can't fake emotions. The same lit up smile that graces this stunning photograph, has been shown to me all along—it's been showing—HE has been showing me the real him.
Viv is wrong. I can trust him.
I return the orb to my pocket and place my still full mug on the bench. I take slow resolute steps towards the front door. I open it slowly, not from hesitation but from the realisation sinking in. Step by step along the path, I let the puzzle piece itself together in my mind. My mind, which has been filled with a mixture of lies and half-truths that have all jumbled up into one mass of rubbish I don't need. Like an ocean purges seaweed, the debris of confusion is discarded, it washes up on the shore—more unneeded with every wave. If I get rid of it all, I can make space for the truth. Uncluttered and left wanting, I'm ready for the fill. And Miles has given me the space, here, to have that. Unequivocally and without restriction. The closer I get to him, the faster my legs take me.
‘Miles!’ I call out with excitement.
He stops running when he sees me. I can see from his expression that he is unsure of how I will be towards him. I make no room for confusion and greet him with my arms wide open, surrounding him with warmth and thanks. He waits half a second before returning the hug, the strength in his grasp is comforting, protective, careful, gentle. We release and I can finally look into his face for the man he is, the man I always deep down knew he was.
‘I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,’ I shake my head in disbelief at the person I was becoming, an un-trusting accuser of friends and disbeliever in my own instinct.
‘Stop it Nora, stop apologising. You've got nothing to be sorry for,’ Miles says with great fervour.
‘I've had a hard time knowing what to make of all this, people whispering in my ear, people pushing me away, people confusing me,’ I look up to him. ‘You confused me. I've always appreciated you, never doubted you, but I listened to the whispers Miles and I'm so sorry.’
I'm earnest, I don't know how to be anything else right now.
Miles’ eyes glaze over; his whole body tenses. ‘You've got no idea. I don't deserve your apology. I am the one who is wrong. I've done wrong things. I've sat back and allowed them to happen. I can't… I can't…’ He sucks in a lung-full of air and trembles as he breathes out.
I look at him in shock as he stares at me, the lines his wince creates tell me untold stories of pain. Maybe all that I was told wasn't a lie? It's weird that I've seen two full-grown men fall apart this week. It's different today though. Yesterday feels like a fog, like my brain was so overcrowded; I had no hope of making sense of any new words floating in my ears. My only coping mechanism yesterday was to shut down my own emotions to arrange the information that cluttered my mind. Trying to sort it out was tiring. Today though, right now, even though I don't know exactly what is happening or what has happened—somehow my mind is clear and it all makes sense.
‘I've failed, Nora. I failed you, I failed our team, I've failed as a decent human. I tried to make it right, I tried to convince myself that it was all for the greater good, that I would make it all worth it—but I stayed silent for too long, I made excuses… to wait for you… now look at me, here… hiding. My mother would be so ashamed of the man I've become.’
His guilt is real. His tears comfort me and wash away any remnants of doubt. I sit down and reach up to take his shaking hand, I pull him down with me. I wait for him to continue, to spill all his thoughts and all his memories of the past five years. But he stays quiet. We sit facing each other with our knees up, every now and then I nudge his knee with mine, urging him to let it out.
‘Speak to me,’ I say.
For a split second, I think he is going to jump up and run away like Xander, too proud to show vulnerability. But then I watch him take a deep breath and run his fingers through his hair. His speckled eyes dart to mine, his stare is so acute I want to look away, but I don't. Dark blue with splashes of yellow, like someone has poured a mixture of waffles and blueberry jam into his irises. I take them in, I take in their raw anguish. I see a part of him I've never seen before… and it's beautiful.
‘I don't know where to start.’ His voice is pure heat; it warms my heart first and then trickles throughout my whole body.
I know what I want to know. ‘Why not start from where I left off? What happened after Xander and I entered the Corridor?’
‘Right,’ he lets his fingers caress his hair again. ‘Not five minutes after you entered, the Uprising appeared and took us to a hide out. That's when I found out Viv was involved with Seth, the Uprising leader’s son, and she had been working for them the whole time, sending them information about everything we had been doing. Her animosity towards me made so much sense. They believe their story. That's the hard part to figure out, they believe they are doing the world some great justice by taking the orbs from my Father. Their cause to them is virtuous but they are just puppets… ugh, I can’t…’ He breaks eye contact and hangs his head low for a second before lifting it back up again. ‘So many people have died Nora!’
‘What do you mean?’
‘They all died, all of them, in the harsh truth of the day, they were murdered by my father’s guards. I led the guards straight to them, I told them where they were hiding, and then I watched them all die; too much of a coward to do anything.’
TWENTY-TWO
Nora
‘What do you mean they all died?’ My voice is shaking, ‘Eli? Ross?’
‘Oh no, god no. They left, it all got too much for them. All The Uprising team that captured us though, all of them. Seth had no clue what his father was capable of, he was innocent… doing what he thought was right.’
Viv thinks she’s doing the right thing, and the hurt she must be living without her fiancé - I can forgive her for that. But the vision of who I thought she was has transformed into someone I don’t know; someone full of secrecy and hidden agendas. If I’m going to have to make an unbiased choice, I need to know who she is, I need to know who Miles is, who this Uprising leader is and Professor Ladlow…
‘Tell me more, what happened next? Why all the violence?’
‘After my Mum died my father didn't know how to connect to me, I only joined Palladium to be close to him. It was known as Havendale Department of Applied Sciences back then. Did you know that?’
I shake my head even though I've heard that name before, I can't quite place where.
‘He developed the company with all his scientists, but the one man by his side the whole time was Professor Nichols. They were co-directors. Years ago they were approached by the Government offering a lucrative deal to hand over their technology. They were both all for it until Nichols started to become distant and agitated. He kept saying it wasn’t worth selling themselves short for. I don’t agree with it, but my dad
forced him out so he couldn’t disrupt the agreement. Within weeks of leaving, Nichols had formed The Uprising and assembled teams, spies, everything, just in time for Viv to join our team. Then they stepped back the whole ten months while we collected the orbs, letting us do all the work. Their big plan was to ambush us at the Corridors and take us hostage until my dad handed the orbs over. That’s why I wanted everyone to get into the Corridor that day, my dad ordered me to.’
‘Did you know the whole time? What it did?’
Miles grabs my knee and squeezes it. ‘Do you want a break?’
‘Did you know Miles?’ I raise my voice.
He lets go of my knee and goes to run his fingers through his hair but stops. ‘No. I can't blame you for thinking that but I knew as much as you did until… that day.’
He pauses and follows through on his signature hair tug. It makes me smile, a little character trait that shows me he is human. I’ve always thought he did it because he was being nonchalant and cool, but now it seems as though he does it to cover his nerves; to give himself a moment while he gathers courage or strength.
‘I had just held Viv—more fragile than I’d ever seen but with more strength in her than I thought possible—as she watched her boyfriend die in the most unmerciful and futile way. Then to make things worse, you and Xander didn’t exit the Corridor in the amount of time you were supposed to. I was pissed off. I wanted answers and I wanted them right away. As soon as the helicopter landed on the Base, I stormed into my father's safe and cowardly quarters. He was cold and emotionless, he said; “If you did as you were told, this wouldn't have had to happen.” He couldn’t see that it didn’t have to happen. I hadn't been this furious since my mum died. Even then that was with the universe, which ironically isn't as fierce as anger towards another human can be. He stood up out of his pretentious suede ottoman and poured himself a short glass of whisky. He offered me one, I mean, ha, how cocky and immovable. That day his arrogance grated at me so much it stripped away any left-over feelings of paternal care. They’ve grown back, some, but not the same.’
He takes a long breath and stares out to the lake, I give him the time.
‘I confronted him about ordering the death of those innocent Uprisers. He said it was to protect us, the Corridors, the guards. He says if it wasn’t for their deaths we would all be dead right now.’
‘Jennifer said Palladium are selling the orbs to the government and military as weapons?’
‘Jennifer?’ Miles looks confused.
‘She’s with Viv you know!’
‘Ha! Right. That explains why she was so desperate for a job here. I’m so stupid sometimes!’
Normally I would roll my eyes and tease him for being silly for thinking he was stupid, some jovial hit on the arm to show him that I think he’s doing fine, but my mind swirls with too many questions.
‘So, Palladium are selling them as weapons?’
‘Nora. No. I mean Seth told me that too, I don’t know why they are saying that. I demanded to see the files, the contracts, the communication documents. The government only want technological growth though—they want faster computers, key-lines, and grand portals, and floating cars, and security shields.’
‘Well maybe Nichols believes they are and thinks he is doing the right thing by taking them away? Maybe he has that “kill a few for the sake of all” thing going on. I don’t agree with it… but it would explai—’
‘I wanted to believe that it was something so simple as a misunderstanding. But they are dangerous. They have to be stopped.’ Miles’ eyes glisten above trembling lips. ‘Dammit!’
‘What? What else happened?’ I urge him.
‘The Uprising managed to destroy Team Charlie’s Corridor before they arrived, but for the rest of you—Team Beta, Delta, you and Xander, well I guess they couldn’t destroy the Corridors then right? There were people inside.’
This is what Jennifer was talking about but she had it back to front, it was the Uprising destroying the Corridors not Palladium. But why?
‘Their silence after Seth’s death lasted about a year and a half, until my father heard from Nichols for the first time since he left Palladium. He threatened to destroy the Corridors and their inhabitants if he didn’t give the orbs over. When my dad refused to take the bait, I left. Yep, instead of keeping you all safe, he would rather risk it over his precious orbs. I took a few people with me and luckily enough one of them had a prototype for the projected shield to keep us and your Corridor safe. There’s a third place too, with Team Beta’s Corridor, which is run by the person who made your orb! We both broke away from my dad—but we didn’t have enough time or people to protect the other Corridor… Team Delta… the six of them…’ and, as if he can see the scene right now, his eyes crease into slits, his head pulls back shying away from the imprinted vision.
‘It’s…’ the words become lost in my throat.
Miles shuffles himself closer to me.
‘It's a war,’ I whisper.
‘That is exactly what it is and I've been swimming in blood this whole time, trying to clean it off but it's stuck to me.’
He leans out and rolls his hands down his shirt.
‘I had all the information too,’ he spreads his fingers out like he’s holding a book, ‘I had all the data in my hands, all I needed was to wait for you but Kate was sent in by the Uprising. She was a good little liar!’
‘Xander's sister?’
‘Yeah. She's in the Corridor on their orders. As soon as she went in I knew that Viv sent her and was still working for them. I never told her I knew, I thought I could keep a better eye on her. Now Kate has all this collected information about the orbs, how they work, how to manipulate them, blueprints, pass codes—and soon to be in their hands? These people who lie to their own children, kill innocents because they don’t get what they want! They will take the orbs and use them for god knows what reason.’
‘Miles?’ I sit up on my knees and lean forward to him. ‘Why did you need to wait for me? And why are we here?’
‘Plan B.’ In the single moment it takes Miles to smile, he moves effortlessly from melancholy to vitality. Not in the manic way my mother used to, but in a purposeful way. I watch the depths of his soul that perpetuated agony and guilt convert into strength and accountability.
He stands up and holds his hand out for mine. ‘Come on. This time, I really do need a break.’
He walks down towards the cabin and takes another path that leads off to the right. I watch him with admiration before I realise I should follow him.
‘You're doing it again,’ I say as I run to catch up.
‘What?’ he asks. His casual long strides and lifted chin reek of confidence, so sure of himself.
‘The whole attitude change thing!’
A laugh tickles up from his belly and spills effortlessly out his mouth.
‘Grieve for as long as you need but to dwell on the pain will only send you backwards… that’s what my mum used to say to me.’ He weaves between apple trees, grabbing their trunks as he swings himself around them. He stops about five trees in and sits down on a hammock that stretches between two large apple trees.
‘After she died, I started to live really present. If there was something to worry about, I'd do as much as I could to prevent or to fix it—but once I've done all I can, I can't stay in that worry. It's been difficult to live in the moment lately but I guess when I'm here in this magical place…’ He pauses for a split second to look down at the scar on his palm and traces around the marking with his finger. ‘And with you here… it's easy to forget the worry, if only for a brief time. It won’t help anything to dwell in it for every second of the day. You've experienced first-hand how fast time goes and how quick things change. Let me give you a hint, you enjoy the future a lot more when you live in the present!’ He smiles to himself. ‘She told me that too!’
He looks across to me and motions for me to sit down next to him.
‘It makes per
fect sense. I only wish I could do the same thing.’ I look forward to the lake and imagine what it would be like to swim in it. Carelessly letting the water rush through my arms as I push myself through with ease.
‘What are you thinking about?’ He asks, interrupting my daydream.
‘I wish I could swim,’ I muse. I’ve shied away from the water since, well…
‘I'll teach you one day when this is all over,’ he nudges me with his shoulder. ‘If that’s what you want?’ He knows my story as much as I know his.
I'm amazed with how safe and familiar I feel here, with him, now that I know the truth. There’s still one more thing though.
‘What was the chest doing in the lake?’
Miles laughs, ‘I hid that there when Kate entered the Corridor, I had to consider a different method to bring the madness to an end. This option kind of fell into my lap. Strange actually.’
‘By option, you mean plan B? What is it?’
‘We're not really having a break now are we?’
‘Miles?’
‘You are plan B, crazy girl.’
TWENTY-THREE
Nora
I should be shocked that I’m part of a big plan to stop a war, but instead, the knowledge ignites the simmering fire that began last night. I was given the orb for a reason and I'm dying to know why. If Palladium and the Uprising think the orbs are more valuable than people’s lives and are using their loyal followers as pawns, who is next? Viv? Xander? Kate?
‘I'm listening.’ I motion around us to the serene lake, to the rock mounds that lead up the cliff face, to the mountains covered in trees, and to the small cabin. ‘I don't have anywhere else to be!’
Miles looks at me and gives a shy smile.
‘I'm glad you trust me,’ he says as he stands up. ‘Come on, no break then, I'll make us some coffee and I'll show you what's inside the chest.’
There's one thing I've learnt in the last few days; expect nothing and be ready for anything.
