Rafe flinches. “But what if…” He chews his lower lip, then lets out an impossibly heavy sigh.
Mr. Qureshi leans forward, his smile still a little droopy, sad. “It’s never easy confronting our families, even if we ended our time with them on good terms. I know this is difficult, but you won’t be alone.”
I tighten my grip on Rafe’s arm, wanting so badly for him to know down deep that I’ll be there for him every step of the way, wanting to chase away whatever demons from his past still haunt him.
“Kazuya can explain more in the morning,” Mr. Qureshi continues. “He has techniques that can help when you get there. Best of luck. And keep an eye out for Xers.”
The second we step out of Mr. Qureshi’s office, Rafe kind of falls apart. He slumps against the wall and covers his face with a shaking hand. Unsure of what he needs, I slide an arm around his shoulders. They’re tight with nervous tension. Though he doesn’t pull away, he doesn’t look up at me either.
I’m itching to say something that will fix it, but I chew the inside corner of my lower lip to resist the urge. The last thing I need to do is to push him too hard. If we’re going to try and sew something up tomorrow, we’ve got to be on the same page, and I’ll just have to be patient. Wait for him to tell me what he needs no matter how much I’m itching to rush him.
Rafe takes a few slow breaths before he finally looks up at me. “Not freaking out. This is how I look when I’m totally stable and ready to face hard stuff. I swear.”
His grin is an epic fail. Fur springs up along his arms, then he shifts, shrinking down into fox form. Rafe lets out that little chirp of a bark, and I put both fists on my hips. He whimpers and rolls onto his back, as if he thinks his cuteness will distract me. I squat and rest my elbows on my knees.
“Hey, don’t do that. Stick with me, and we’ll talk about it, huh? Hiding from the truth doesn’t help anything.”
Rafe whimpers again and lets his tongue loll out.
I lift a brow. “Nope. That’s not gonna work on me, buddy, especially not if we’re going to go on this mission tomorrow. We need to talk.”
With a funny little huff, Rafe flips back onto his feet, then shifts back into human form. His cheeks are always a little rosy, but now they’re bright red as he shuffles his feet. “Sorry.”
Rubbing his arm, I grin. “Hey, it’s okay to freak now. Better here than out there, right?” Tilting my head to the side, I grab his hand and pull him down the hall. “Come on. We’re going to get all the nerves out today, so in the morning we can take care of business.”
I drag him out the back door toward the dorms. At this time of day, it’s doubtful Haya will be in the room, so we shouldn’t get interrupted. Other students dart past us at top speed. Yasmin waves from across one of the fields as she coasts into the rec center.
Rafe and I float through the door to my dorm room, and I tug him onto the couch. Throwing a fluffy blanket at him, I will my boots away so I’m left with comfy socked feet, and lean against the opposite side. “Okay Warren, spill. I know it sucks but it’s better to get it out. Emotionally vomit all over me and let the healing begin.”
Huffing a half laugh, Rafe tugs the collar of his t-shirt away from his throat like it’s choking him. He keeps his gaze on the ground as he says, “My sister Paige was kidnapped.”
His words sock me right in the solar plexus. “No…”
Rafe nods, picking at a piece of fuzz on the blanket. “A pack of wolf shifters took us both and told me they’d kill her if I didn’t help them take Cade Blakemore.” He threads his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t want to help them but I couldn’t let them hurt Paige.”
“Of course not. I can’t even imagine what I’d do if someone threatened my little brother…” Something tingles in my memory. As tears sting my eyes, I try to grab at it, but it slips away.
“So I pretended to lose my powers and went to the school. Over the next few weeks I got to know Cade and…” His nostrils flare.
“You couldn’t do it?”
Shutting his eyes, he shakes his head. “We were down in the basement at Blakemore looking for what we thought was a weapon of some kind when we came across this magic.” Rafe drags his lower lip between his teeth. “I thought it was the wolf shifters coming for Cade, or someone working with them, and I wanted to stop them. I was going to lead them away and then...I don’t really know what happened. There were all these voices, these weird, blue lights. Then this insanely strong magic hit me, tearing me apart.”
He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. I squeeze his hand, then reach up to trace the red lines around his eyes with a thumb. “Is that how you got these?”
Rafe nods. “We found out later that the magic belonged to a supe who gave up her power — and the power of others — a long, long time ago. Cade went down there and claimed it eventually, but it could have killed her too. When I came to as a ghost, I tried to leave to find Paige, but Cade was the priority so I couldn’t leave Blakemore.”
I chew my lip and attempt to shove down the unreasonable jealousy stirring in my chest. Obviously, Cade would take priority if he’d put her in danger. This rationality doesn’t help as much as I’d like it to, though. Especially not after the look I’d seen on Rafe’s face when we both saw that news report about her wedding in the common room.
It hits me then, hard.
He loved her.
I wrap my arms around my waist and force my attention away from this stupid jealousy. This is life and death, so much more important than any piddling teen drama. I refuse to let whatever I’m feeling screw up Rafe’s opportunity to find eternal rest.
Rafe runs a hand over his face. “Once Kaz showed up, I thought that force, whatever it is, would guide me to Paige, but it didn’t. Even the enforcers can’t find her.”
That explains the guilt and pain radiating off him. What kind of horrible decision to be faced with? Protect a sibling or kidnap a fellow supe? I clench my teeth. Anger lights up in my insides. If I ever find these wolves, they’ll wish they’d never touched Rafe and his sister.
“But they’re right,” Rafe says. “I need to start in Blacksburg, where she was taken in the first place. See if I can trace her from there. You don’t-” he swallows, “you don’t have to help me. I know what I did was awful.”
I lace my fingers through his. “Don’t be stupid.”
He looks up at me, brows lifted.
“Of course I’m going to help you, because I expect you to help me with mine...once I figure it out.” I grin and Rafe laughs. “Now let’s go find that sister of yours, huh?”
Chapter Fifteen
The next morning, we meet Kaz at the front of the school. We haven’t seen him since the blow up with Landon this weekend. I’m still not positive we can trust him, but I know we need his help. Even though Rafe and I have made a lot of progress, we haven’t even attempted ghost travel yet. Kaz is our only means of transportation.
As Rafe and I stroll toward him, I offer my best smile. “Ready to get this show on the road, or...in the sky?”
Kaz grins. “That’s not exactly accurate, but I’ll take it.” He rubs his chin with a forefinger and thumb, his brow wrinkling. “But, before we do, about what Landon said in the rec center. He’s right, I used to be an Xer, but I swear I’m not anymore, and I will do everything in my power to protect you from them. If you’re not comfortable with having me as your Ghost Guide, I’ll understand.”
Rafe and I exchange a glance. Either we’ve done a horrible job hiding our own concern, or Kaz just knew he needed to speak to it. Do Ghost Guides have special powers apart from finding the newly dead who need them? Obviously, they have a certain amount of magic and spells, but is there more? I’m definitely not asking nearly enough questions. I guess the amnesia has distracted me a little.
“Thanks, Kaz,” Rafe says, extending a hand. “I know all about regret. Got more than enough of my own.”
They shake, and Kaz lifts a brow at me. “What about you, Billie?”
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I tap my chin with a pointer finger. “Well okay, but if you try to trap me in an ugly locket or something, we’re going to have words.”
Kaz laughs. “Don’t worry. Lockets aren’t my style anyway. If anything I’d use a hideous brooch.”
I chuckle, still a bit wary, but willing to give the guy a chance. After all, I still have no idea who I used to be. If when my memory comes back, I discover I was some kind of horrible human being, I’ll want a little mercy and understanding myself. Better not to make enemies because I decided to stick my nose up at somebody.
“Now we’ve got that out of the way, a few things before you leave,” Kaz says. “Even though I’ll stay connected with the two of you, and I’ll help if you get into trouble, most of this has to be on you. We’ve found that when Ghost Guides interfere, it actually makes passing on more difficult in the long run.”
“Why is that?” I ask.
Kaz spins the watch on his wrist. “It’s complicated. But the simplest way to put it is that you don’t feel like you’re the one who completed it. Which, as I’m sure you can understand, causes snags.”
“Then why can we help each other?” Rafe cracks his knuckles with a thumb.
“That’s the other thing.” Kaz looks at me. “Remember that you’re there as a support and encouragement. Ultimately, Rafe has to do this himself.”
I give him a thumbs up. “Got it. Help but don’t help. Easy peasy and not at all difficult to follow.”
Kaz smirks. “Exactly.” He clicks his tongue. “That should be it. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. And if you get into trouble, just call out and I’ll bring you back. Ready?”
Rafe shoves both hands into his pockets, his whole person tinged a little green. “I hope so.”
“It’s natural to be nervous,” Kaz says. “Especially if you haven’t been drawn to a certain person or place. But sometimes you have to take that first step before you’re pulled in the right direction. Keep in mind what you’ve already accomplished so far. Supes would be in a lot of trouble if it wasn’t for you.”
A smile flicks across Rafe’s face. “Right.”
I swallow and pull my hair back, clutching it with a fist. “Well then let’s take that first step, huh?”
Kaz touches our shoulders and we’re again wrapped in that insanity burrito. It carries us through the air, across cities and fields and hellish traffic circles, until we hit ground in the middle of a forest. The scent of pine swells up around us. Birds chatter and small creatures scurry through the bushes nearby.
I take in the rocks and trees and patches of snow. A creek gurgles a few feet from us, its tiny waves catching the sunlight pouring through the branches above. It’s peaceful, quiet, and if we didn’t have unfinished business to take care of, I’d definitely want to chill out on that rock close to the bank.
Spinning in a small circle, I face Rafe again. My shoulders tense when I see his face. He’s staring at the water, dark eyes narrow, jaw tight, hands clenched. Fear and anger battle it out for dominance on his face.
“You okay?”
Rafe flinches. “Nope,” he says through clenched teeth. “Just give me a minute.”
Tension winds up his neck. As he breathes slowly, though, it loosens a bit, easing out little by little. When his hands finally unclench, I try again. “Do you feel, uh, drawn anywhere?”
It sounds straight up stupid, but also makes sense based on the questions our teachers have been asking at Locklear. Mr. Qureshi made it sound like we were ready for this, but even with everything we’ve learned, I feel unsteady and ill-equipped.
Rafe exhales slowly and shuts his eyes. I inch forward, intentionally allowing the leaves to pass through my boots, so I won’t distract him. What does that tug feel like? It sounds like he’s experienced it once before but seems to be struggling to find it now. After another minute or so, he shakes his head, and looks up at me.
“Nothing. I don’t feel anything.” Rafe growls and kicks at a rock. “Why can’t I feel anything?”
“Maybe…” I chew a thumbnail, trying to figure out the right thing to say, “maybe it takes a minute. If you’re upset-”
“How else am I supposed to feel?” Rafe snaps, pacing toward the creek, then back toward me. “For some reason whoever or whatever is in charge of all this doesn’t seem to think it’s important for me to find my little sister who’s been missing for who knows how long and might be-” his voice cracks and he stops, fingers laced behind his neck. “Might be…”
I take a chance and move a little closer. “Hey, focus on the first thing, huh? What happened here? By this creek?”
With a sigh, Rafe shoves one hand in his pocket — I think the one where he keeps that bike lock — and faces the bank again. He takes a few slow breaths before saying, “Paige and I came out here to swim one day after school.” His eyes slide out of focus as he turns like he’s watching it happen all over again. “We were racing each other back home, something we did all the time. I had to make sure we showed up at the same time. Our mom’s really protective of her.”
Rafe’s voice cracks again. He swallows and starts off away from the creek, the sound of clicking coming from his pocket. Still careful of my steps, I follow, wishing for once I could read minds rather than connect with the dead.
We walk for a long time before Rafe finally speaks again.
“I was so close to home.” Rafe’s adam’s apple bobs as he stares through the trees at a gray wood house with smoke curling up from the chimney. “This group of guys, wolf shifters who graduated a few years ahead of me, stopped me right here. I should have shifted back into human form. Then they wouldn’t have been able to get me in that cage.”
Anger rages up from my gut and threads tension through my jaw. I grind my back teeth together, trying to breathe through the furious red haze screaming in my mind and focus on Rafe’s story.
Rafe’s pocket clicks again and he shakes his head. “They threw me in a trunk so I couldn’t see where we went. I have no idea when or where they grabbed Paige, but they took us to this cabin. Told me they’d kill her if...” He trails off, then moves forward, hovering just above the ground as if a force beyond his control is dragging him toward the house.
Maybe he’s finally feeling that unfinished business tug.
I follow, passing through a shabby fence and gliding just behind Rafe. Dirty snow lays in clumps throughout the backyard. Dusty camp chairs sit on the wide back porch. A light inside illuminates a patched gray couch and dinged up furniture. The woman standing in the kitchen, drinking from a glass tumbler, has a hard face and high cheekbones. I don’t see any of Rafe in her features.
I edge a little closer to get a better look into the room, stopping beside Rafe who now stares at the woman with an expression I can’t quite read. His brows wrinkle and his lips are pressed together so tight they lose their normal color.
Inside, pictures hang on the wall above the round table in the breakfast nook. Three older boys who share Rafe’s jawline and dark hair smile out of their frames. Just below them, a little girl with his dimple displays a wide grin. But there’s a spot next to her that’s clearly empty. The wallpaper is faded around a perfect square space where another picture must have hung.
A new wave of anger ignites in my chest, but when I look at Rafe and see the pain twisting his face, sadness adds its wail to the raging fury. “Rafe…”
“I’ve always been a disappointment to her,” he says in a voice so quiet I can barely hear him. “But I didn’t think…”
Rafe mashes the heels of his hands into his eyes, the muscles along his forearms laced with tension. When he looks up again, the pain tilts toward anger, twisting his lips into a sneer and pulling his brows low. He drops his fists to his sides and the glass in his mother’s hand shatters.
We both jump almost at the same time she does.
As she shakes her head and starts to clean up the glass, Rafe covers his mouth. Grabbing his arm, I haul him away from the win
dows, dragging him back into the forest. When we’re almost to the creek, I stop and take Rafe’s shoulders.
“I didn’t mean to do that,” he says. “I didn’t know I could do that.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you had. Though I probably would’ve broken every window in the house. Guess you’re a step ahead of everybody in corporeal telekinesis.” My attempt at a smile falters.
“She’s right to hate me though.” Rafe squeezes his eyes shut and tears slide down his cheeks. “It’s my fault Paige was kidnapped. I should’ve taken better care of her.”
I cup his face, grazing my thumbs over the scars he still carries around from when he died. All at once images play across my vision. Like my own life flashes, they’re translucent, but still painfully clear.
A much younger Rafe shifts out of fox form alongside a little girl with pigtails, obviously Paige. Tiny bits of blood splotch one of her knees, but she laughs, dancing toward their mother and waving her arms in the air.
“Mommy, shifting is so much fun! Rafe showed me the best places to chase frogs. But-”
“What on earth happened to your knee?” Rafe’s mom asks, sinking down to look at the scrape.
Paige waves a hand. “Just bumped it on a rock. I know my awesome new shifter powers will make it heal real fast, but do we have the Band-Aids with the race cars on them? I still want one.”
Rafe’s mom purses her lips, throwing a glare at her son, before sending Paige off to patch her rapidly healing knee. The second the little girl disappears into the other room, his mom springs upright, claws out. They draw blood across Rafe’s bare chest. He barely reacts other than to step backward.
“How dare you let her get hurt? You are so irresponsible.” She lashes out again, this time dragging marks down his shoulder blades when he sinks to the floor, covering his head. “It is your job to take care of her.”
As the memory fades away, Rafe swallows. “Did you see that?”
A lump forms in my throat. “Yes.”
It takes every ounce of my self-control not to float back to his house and break every piece of glass she owns. What kind of mother does that to her kid? I get protecting the youngest, and I understand that the shifter community is different, but what that woman did is next level messed up.
Ghost Academy: Book One Page 10
