by Meara Platt
But she wasn’t ready to turn back.
She sank onto a stone bench beside a row of boxwood, buried her face in her hands, and cried. She was so unhappy, but didn’t want to hide away like this any longer. Joshua was right in telling her she ought to read The Book of Love. She didn’t want all the beauty in life to pass her by. Nor did she want to be prune-faced, watching everyone get on with their lives while she sat alone and continued to blame herself for failing as a wife.
Perhaps the Gleasons had done her a favor by insulting her.
Indeed, this had been the pattern of her marriage to Walter, them always finding fault, and Walter doing nothing to stop them. He’d never stood by her. She’d been too young then, not even eighteen when first married, and not strong enough to fight for herself.
Yet too ashamed to ever turn to her parents for help.
As she cried, she felt the presence of someone else now kneeling beside her. “Holly, who were those people? What did they say to you?”
“Oh, Joshua!” She threw her arms around his neck, not thinking about what she was doing, only knowing that she needed to hold onto him or else she’d drown in the sea of her sorrows.
He wrapped his arms around her and drew her up with him, pressing her body against the heat and hardness of his. He caressed her cheek and ran his hands up and down her shivering arms.
“How did you know I was out here? You were dancing with my sister. The music hasn’t ended.”
“Do you think I cared? Dahlia saw you walk out as well. She understood I had to come after you. Who are those people?”
“Walter’s parents. The Gleasons. They’ve never forgiven me for chasing their son away. They think I made him so unhappy, he ran off to war because he could no longer stand to live with me. It isn’t true, Joshua.”
“I know.”
“You believe me?”
He nodded.
“I think he went off to fight because his closest friends had done so only a week before he enlisted. He didn’t run off because of me. I was inconsequential to him. I don’t know why he married me. He never loved me.”
“Then, he was a monumental fool.”
She sniffled against his chest, her cheek resting against the light wool of his jacket. “I was the fool.”
“No, you were too young to know any better. He used you, although I don’t know for what purpose.”
She continued to cling to him because she still felt as though she might drown if she ever let go. “I don’t want to die old and unhappy. But I don’t know how to change myself. I’m no longer a silly eighteen-year-old. I cannot bat my lashes and flirt and giggle inanely.”
“No, you can only be yourself.” He kissed the top of her head.
“But who am I, Joshua? I don’t recognize myself anymore. How do I find myself again?”
He kissed her cheek and must have felt the wetness of her tears against his lips. He drew away slightly and ran his thumb along her cheek to wipe away the teardrops. “Holly, that book you gave me…”
“No, I don’t want it back yet. I’m still afraid.”
“Why?”
“My mind is too cluttered to make sense of my feelings. I’ve heard my cousins speak of it. It’s quite powerful. I don’t know what it will do to me.”
He feathered light kisses on her eyes. “I have a proposition for you. I’ve read it. Let me guide you through it. Will you agree to this? If a passage proves too difficult, we’ll skip over it. Perhaps return to it later when you are more confident.”
“But this book is about understanding and finding true love. How can you be sure you’ve got it right yourself? Have you ever been in love?”
“No.” He caressed her cheek again. “But I know love when I see it. And I know how others have cruelly twisted you into believing you are undeserving of it. What do you say? Will you do this with me?”
She nibbled her lip, about to refuse because being too close to Joshua frightened her. But here they were already alone in a dark garden. She was wrapped in his arms, clinging to him with desperation.
Perhaps falling in love with him.
But how could she trust her feelings?
This uncertainty was all the more reason she had to get love right. “Yes, Joshua. I will.”
He released the breath he must have been holding.
Had her answer mattered to him?
He withdrew his handkerchief and used it to dry her eyes. She laughed. “I’ll owe you another handkerchief. That’s two I’ve taken from you.”
“I have another dozen at the ready for you.”
“No, I think two must be my limit. I’ve cried enough tears to last me a good long while. I’m tired of being a watering pot. And tired of hiding myself away.”
“Hurrah! Good for you, Holly.”
“How are we to do this? You spend your days in Parliament. We’re often busy in the evenings. I can’t very well come to you in the wee hours of the morning.”
“I promise to keep my shirt and trousers on if you do.”
She laughed, although it sounded much like a groan. “Out of the question.”
“Out of the question that I keep my clothes on? Or out of the question that I take them off?”
“Kindly be serious. This is important to me.”
“You’re right. Sorry. You’re easy to tease. Can you visit me at my office? Not alone, of course. I don’t think Violet or your sisters would mind accompanying you. My brother Ronan is also assigned there. So is Robert MacLauren. Violet knows both of them. They’ll entertain Violet and your sisters while we read. How does that sound?”
“A workable plan. I’ll ask them tonight. If they’re agreeable, we’ll come by tomorrow in the early afternoon. Is that all right?”
“More than all right. You’re shivering. Let’s get you back inside before you make yourself ill. In any event, we’d better return before anyone notices we’re both missing. The music has stopped.”
“Oh, then we had better go in separately.”
He nodded. “You go in first. I’ll stand out here for a while. But I’m still claiming you for the supper dance, and then I’ll escort you to supper.”
She could not hide her surprise. “Are you not tired of me yet?”
“No, Holly. Not even the littlest bit.”
She walked in, shaking her head, wanting to understand how a man like Joshua could be so kind and patient with her. Perhaps that book would explain it because she had no answers. All she knew was that he made her feel young and alive again.
Well, she was still young. Only two and twenty years of age. But until now, she’d carried herself as though she were a widow of two and sixty years.
No longer.
No more wearing these dull-colored gowns. She’d borrow cheerier gowns from her sisters and cousins if she had to since they were all of similar size and height. They would require little alteration.
More importantly, she would no longer hide in corners.
Joshua had feathered kisses on her face, but he hadn’t really kissed her yet. Yet? Was this what she wanted? If she was to be honest about it, yes. He’d had the perfect opportunity to kiss her romantically when they were alone in the garden.
Had the thought crossed his mind?
Perhaps he didn’t want to.
Well, it was for the best he hadn’t. She did not want to be kissed out of curiosity or pity. When Joshua kissed her, she wanted it to be because he loved her.
Perhaps she was hoping for too much.
But was it wrong of her to hold out for the chance of love?
Chapter Five
Joshua remained standing alone in the garden for another few minutes. The next dance had started, but he was in no hurry to join in the revelry. He needed the enveloping night breeze to cool his ardor and allow him to regain control of himself.
Holly.
This young widow tore at his heart. He’d wanted to crush his mouth to hers and kiss her into oblivion. But how could he? She was too dis
traught, so confused and vulnerable. If he had kissed her, she would have surrendered to him completely.
He could have taken full advantage.
But this was not the Brayden way.
No matter how much he wanted to nibble the sensitive pulse at the base of her throat or lick along her soft lips, he could not do it.
Not yet.
But Lord help him! He was counting the hours, the minutes before he would do just that, and more.
That he would kiss her eventually was not in question. Only the timing of it remained in doubt. Nor did he doubt he would seek more from Holly, for her body, even hidden under those drab gowns she wore, had him in spasms.
He was not used to these conflicting urges warring inside of him. Until Holly, his choices had been easy. Keep away from the innocent lasses. Bed the willing ones. Move on. No promises. No complications.
But Holly?
She was the definition of the word complication.
He could not bed her unless he was willing to marry her. Even if he found the strength within himself to keep his hands off her, how could he move on? There was an innocent quality to her beauty that he simply could not resist. She drew him to her like a moth to a flame.
Her eyes. Her smile. Her sweetness and vulnerability. Her hurt.
Yet, she was not weak.
There was a quiet strength in her that only needed the right guidance to be drawn out. He meant to be the one to guide her. But what then? Could he let her go?
Did he want to let her go?
In truth, he didn’t think so.
He strolled back inside and remained standing alone on the periphery of the ballroom, watching her as she joined her sisters in chatting with friends and potential beaus. He kept a sharp watch, ready to interfere if any man appeared too interested in her.
While he was not yet certain what to do about her, he was not ready to allow another man near her. He could pretend the reason was to protect her from scoundrels, but mostly it was because he was a possessive, low-brain arse.
What did she mean to him?
The thought plagued him, but he did not have to figure it out tonight.
Since Ronan and Robbie were chatting with her and her sisters, he knew Holly was in safe company. But the moment the others moved off to dance the next set, Holly was suddenly left standing alone.
The Gleasons, like the jackals they were, descended upon her again.
Joshua immediately tensed.
They had yet to speak to Holly, and her face had already turned ashen.
He walked over in time to hear them mention something about a ring. “…you know it belongs in our family. You are no longer a part of it,” was the tail end of what he heard.
“Is there a problem, Miss Far…Mrs. Gleason?” he corrected, realizing he’d never thought of her as married to another man. To him, she was Holly Farthingale.
She looked as though she wanted the floor to open up and suck her in. “No, Captain Brayden. Thank you.” She sighed when he did not move away. “There seems to be a misunderstanding about a ring.”
“Which belongs to us,” Mr. Gleason intoned, his expression dark and challenging. His wife’s expression was merely icy, not a trace of warmth in her eyes or her pinched lips.
Joshua stared at Holly, knowing this goodhearted girl would never keep something that did not belong to her. This was just her late husband’s family seeking to hurt her again.
“It was my bride token,” Holly explained. “Walter gave it to me on our wedding day. He never said anything about it belonging to his family. I thought he’d bought it for me.”
Joshua folded his arms across his chest. “I’m sure he did.”
Mr. Gleason’s anger turned on him. “Are you calling us liars?”
“I am merely questioning why it has taken you years to ask for it back. Did it not occur to you to ask for it or at least mention its significance, when you kicked Mrs. Gleason out of her home? You certainly had the presence of mind to do that within a week of her husband’s burial.”
“The ring is ours, whether it is a family heirloom or not,” said Mr. Gleason. “Our son had no funds of his own. Everything he had was provided by me. If he purchased the ring, it was done with my blunt. I own it.”
Joshua wanted to grab these interlopers by the scruff of their necks and toss them into the street. They were making up this latest claim in order to hurt Holly. Their son had obviously given the ring to her as a bride token, just as she’d said. Whether a court of law would require her to return it was doubtful.
Holly placed a hand on his arm. “Thank you, Captain Brayden. But I don’t want it. They had only to ask for it years ago, and I would have given it to them. But just to be clear, Walter did purchase it for me. He told me the name of the jeweler’s shop where he acquired it. As far as I know, they are still in business. It would be a simple matter to get at the truth.”
Walter’s parents appeared nonplussed. “Keep it, if it means that much to you,” the mother said. “We know you care more for it than you ever did for our son.”
Holly’s hand was still on his arm, and he felt it trembling. “Where are you staying? I shall have one of the Farthingale footmen deliver it to you tomorrow. But I ask that you give him a receipt for it in return. I wouldn’t want any further misunderstandings.”
“We’re lodging at the Highmore,” said Mr. Gleason. “Have him bring it over tomorrow morning at ten o’clock.”
Joshua did not want them causing any more mischief. “I have a better idea. I’m good friends with the Royal Navy’s liaison to Parliament. He owes me a favor. The Highmore is along his way to the Admiralty offices. I shall ask him to deliver the ring to you. If you still have a complaint, you may lodge it with the Admiralty.”
The pair walked away displeased and a little intimidated.
Holly turned to him, burying her face against his arm as she laughingly snorted. “Royal Navy liaison? That’s your brother Ronan.”
He grinned. “I thought it sounded more impressive. I don’t want Sophie and John getting mixed up in this meanspirited nonsense. That conniving pair would have accused the poor footman of delivering a fake, or some such rot. I saw the scheme in Gleason’s eyes. They won’t dare accuse an officer in the Royal Navy. Ronan can appear quite fierce and daunting when he isn’t being an idiot.”
“I’ll be glad never to see them again. I don’t care about the ring. I know they asked for it, thinking it would hurt me. But why should I hold on to anything from that family? Their son did not love me. I’ve hidden the truth from everyone, including myself.”
“What they did to you is inexcusable.” His grin faded. “I’m more determined than ever to see you free of their taint. It’s time for the real Holly Farthingale to be allowed to shine. We start on this project tomorrow.”
She nodded. “I’m looking forward to it with all my heart.”
“I know.” Because this girl had a big, loving heart that until this moment, had been stepped on, kicked, and battered. “Let me find Ronan before he slips away. I’ll let him know to stop by Chipping Way tomorrow morning.”
“Thank you. It feels good to have someone on my side.”
“Always, Holly.” He wanted to take her in his arms, but when did he not? “I owe your sister this next dance. Will you be all right if I leave you?”
“Yes, I see my cousin Dillie by the punch bowl. I’ll stay with her until they call the supper dance…that is, if you still wish to dance with me. I know I’ve already asked you this, but I seem to be causing you an awful lot of trouble this evening. I would completely understand if—”
“No trouble at all. Yes, I’ll come back to claim you for the supper dance.” He walked her over to her cousin, relieved to see Dillie’s husband, the Duke of Edgeware, with her. No one would dare approach Holly while under this duke’s watch.
He then spoke to Ronan, whose eyes lit up at the prospect of the assignment. “I ought to be the one thanking Holly for the chance to rel
ieve my boredom. Of course, I’ll gladly do it.”
“Don’t start a fight with the oaf. Holly just wants them out of her life.” He walked over to Holly’s sister to claim the dance he’d promised her.
Heather was all giggles as he twirled her around the floor, but he didn’t mind nearly as much as he usually did when dancing with these younger debutantes. She was only eighteen and therefore permitted to be lighthearted and frivolous.
But he could not help noticing the stark contrast between the two sisters. Heather was a happily innocent debutante, asking him questions about the various noblemen at the party. “Is he a rake? A scoundrel? Worthy husband material?”
He warned her away from most of the men she’d pointed out.
In contrast, Holly had already been married at that age and was having the confidence trounced out of her by her husband and his poisonous parents.
It seemed forever, but could not have been more than half an hour before the supper dance was called. Holly, in her pale gray silk gown, looked like an angel, lovelier than all the other young ladies in the crowd.
She knew this lively reel, apparently.
When the music started, although she was still her reserved self, he felt the excitement coursing through her body. There was no doubt she was enjoying the dance immensely. He was pleasantly surprised when she even managed to flirt with him, batting her eyelashes at him and casting him a fetching smile or two amid their hops, skips, and turns.
If she teased him like this when meeting at his office tomorrow, he’d draw the shades, barricade his door, and have his lustful way with her.
She was devastating to his senses.
He couldn’t touch her or look at her without his body turning to fire. When she laughed, genuinely laughed, she filled the empty recesses of his heart.
Him?
He’d long outgrown his lovesick schoolboy urges.
After the dance, he escorted her into supper. Lord Milford’s tables were laden to groaning with an impressive assortment of game fowl, venison, and fish, some cooked in their own juices and some basted with plum or apricot glazes.
