by Chloe Neill
CHAPTER TWELVE
THE FIRST RULE OF FRIGHT CLUB
I woke slowly after dreaming that I'd had to reapply for my position as Sentinel, and Ethan had found me utterly lacking for the job. It wasn't difficult to imagine the origin of that fear - namely, that I was being blackmailed by a woman in love with my boyfriend, even while my House was on the brink of destruction.
Ethan was already up, so the bedroom was utterly quiet. Indulgently, I pulled the sheet over my head and let myself pretend the world outside was empty and blackmail-free.
I didn't want to tell him. I wasn't supposed to tell him. After all, what was the first rule of the RG? Don't talk about the RG.
The entire point of the organization was to monitor the behavior of Masters and the GP so they couldn't act dictatorially and hurt vampires along the way. It was hard to do that when they'd identified you as a spy. How could I give up the Red Guard to a Master's scrutiny? How could I punish Jonah for my lack of discretion and Lacey's obsession with Ethan? If I confessed where I'd been, wouldn't I be negating the GP's careful effort to be anonymous, their decades of work, and all the members who'd given their twenty years of service?
Wouldn't I be betraying Jonah?
But I also couldn't let Lacey be the one to spill to Ethan what she'd seen. He wasn't supposed to know at all, but he certainly shouldn't find out from her. Especially not when she'd use it as an excuse to drive a wedge between us.
Maybe I'd wanted too much, hoped for too much - that I could be an RG member and have a relationship with a Master vampire, of all people. Maybe this would be the end of us: our friendship, our camaraderie, our relationship.
That conversation was going to suck. I knew he'd be angry and feel betrayed, just like Lacey had said. In true Sentinel form, I analyzed the risk, walking through every possible result of my confession:
1. Ethan, drunk on love, would tell me he was proud I'd agreed to serve vampires by joining the RG.
2. Ethan would dump me in a special ceremony in front of Cadogan House.
3. Ethan would kick me out of the House in a special ceremony in front of Cadogan House. Commemorative T-shirts would be prepared bearing the words I SURVIVED MERIT'S EXCOMMUNICATION.
4. Ethan would do both two and three, then kill Jonah.
5. Ethan would turn inward, then let loose a silent but deadly rage that would destroy Cadoga n House and most of Hyde Park. Mayor Kowalcyzk would blame it on our genetics; Catcher would blame it on love.
The scenarios were the least comforting, because one way or the other, Ethan was going to find out, and Jonah was going to be exposed.
I had an unwinnable choice, which was hardly a choice at all.
I hated regret, and that was what I was feeling right now. Not so much regret that I'd said yes to Jonah, but that I hadn't been more careful the night before and that I'd baited Lacey enough to prick her into blackmailing me.
Unfortunately, sitting around and whining about it wasn't going to change anything. A killer was still roaming the city and my House was facing a ticking time bomb. Oliver, Eve, and Cadogan needed someone to fight for them, so I flipped off the sheet and climbed out of bed. The night would bring what the night would bring. Better to face it like a soldier - head-on, and without fear - than cower beneath a sheet.
I checked my phone and found a message from Jonah: CHECKING WITH RG CONTACT ABOUT CADOGAN; WILL ADVISE.
I wasn't sure how plugged in his contacts were. But he'd clearly been right about the contract clause. Maybe he could offer help. It would be an absolute godsend.
Since Ethan and the others were downstairs handling the House, I took a long, hot shower, trying to think through the murders I still hadn't managed to solve. We knew Oliver and Eve had been killed after visiting the registration office. Their bodies had been placed in a warehouse in Little Italy, and there were slivers of aspen near the body, possibly from a weapon created by McKetrick.
We also knew a black SUV was involved in their deaths and our House drive-by, and that McKetrick had used black SUVs in the past to terrorize us.
Of course, this was Chicago, and black SUVs were a dime a dozen. And McKetrick denied any knowledge of the murders, and particularly the idea that someone had used his weapon. Frankly, if he was so certain he had scads of political power, why lie? Why not admit to me what he'd done, and trust that no one would believe if I pointed to him as the culprit?
I wasn't ready to give up on McKetrick as a suspect, but I was beginning to think there was more to the puzzle than met the eye.
When I was clean and dressed, my hair in a ballerina-esque topknot, I downed as much blood as I could - the kitchen blissfully empty of Lacey Sheridan - and headed downstairs.
Ethan was behind his desk, the only one in his office. He wore a white button-down, the sleeves rolled up and the collar unbuttoned. He was ready for a long night of work, but he looked exhausted. He probably hadn't slept well.
"Good morning," he said.
There was no hint of anger in his voice, which suggested Lacey still hadn't spilled the secret she thought she knew. That made me breathe a little easier.
"Good morning. " I sat down in a chair in front of his desk. "Any news?"
"Nothing of note. The humans are on guard outside, and we made it through the night without incident. I'm pleasantly surprised Darius didn't buy them off, too," he sardonically added.
"Bribery is clearly in his playbook. No news on the murder front, either. Or at least, no messages from the Ombud's office. "
"The killer covered his tracks well," Ethan said. "But that doesn't mean there isn't a clue out there ready to be found. "
Exactly why I wasn't ready to give up. Not yet.
"I'm going to ask everyone to pack a bag," Ethan said.
I stared at him, my heart deflating. He didn't think we could do it. He didn't think we could find a way to stop this, and thought we'd lose the House. That I'd be camping out on my grandfather's couch by nightfall.
The defeat in his eyes brought tears to mine. "We have tonight and most of tomorrow night. We can find a way. "
"Can we?" he asked. "Without bloodshed?"
I opened my mouth, then closed it again, lacking a good retort.
There was a knock at the doorway. Lacey stood there in a trim black suit with white piping. She smiled at Ethan, but scowled at me.
"Lacey," Ethan said. "Coffee?"
"That would be lovely," she said, stepping inside.
He glanced at me. "For you?"
"No," I said, watching Lacey. "I'm fine. "
Ethan put in a call to Margot, requesting espressos for both of them. As he offered the instructions, Lacey moved closer to me, her gaze growing colder with each step.
"Did you tell him?"
We were only a few feet from Ethan's desk, and my heart began to race. No doubt, in some primal part of her brain, she thought she'd ferreted out a traitor - and that bringing me to justice would bring her and Ethan closer together.
But I wasn't going to let her destroy my relationship, regardless her motive. I narrowed my gaze at her. "There is nothing to tell, and I have more important things to do than worry about what you think you saw. "
"I saw enough," she quietly said, watching Ethan as he chatted with Margot on the phone.
"Can you please just focus on the drama we've got instead of creating drama that isn't really there?"
"Creating drama?" Her eyes flashed silver, which raised goose bumps on my arms. "I am here," she fiercely whispered, "in this city, because you are a child with no sense of how grave this situation is. Because you can't give him what he needs. "
"I give him exactly what he needs. "
"No," she said, "you're just easily accessible. "
I nearly growled at her. "If he wanted you, he'd be with you. But he's not. At the en
d of the night, he comes home to me. "
My mouth had gotten me in trouble before, and that had been exactly the wrong thing to say to a woman already threatening to tell Ethan what she'd seen after she'd followed me halfway across town.
"Ladies?" Ethan asked, staring at us from across his desk, the phone back in its cradle. There was no mistaking the tension and magic in the air. "What's going on?"
"It's about Merit. "
My chest heaved as I tried to suck in air, waiting for my enemy to strike, to place her pawn before I made my own strategy.
I loved Ethan. But Jonah was my partner. I had to protect both of them. I just hoped I was clever enough to do it.
His gaze switched to me. "Merit?"
But before I could speak, she made her move. "She's having an affair with Jonah. "
My eyes went dinner-plate wide. That's what she thought I'd been doing? "I most certainly am not having an affair with Jonah. "
Ethan looked confused . . . and dubious. "Jonah? The Grey guard captain?"
"The same," Lacey said. "Last night she left the House. I thought her behavior, her disappearance, was suspicious. So I followed her. "
Ethan looked equally suspicious. "You followed her. "
Lacey slid me a glance over her shoulder, equal parts daring and accusing. "She drove to the harbor, where security let her in. She met Jonah on the harbor wall. They were alone. They embraced. " She looked back at Ethan, ready to deliver the final blow. "There was blood in the air. "
Ethan's gaze silvered.
"She isn't faithful to you, Ethan. You had to know that. I had to tell you. "
"Lacey, leave us, please. "
But she wouldn't listen. Her eyes were frantic, her voice panicked. She'd made her final play - her only play - and she wasn't sure whether it had worked. "Don't you see what she's doing to you? What she's done to you - to the House?"
"Lacey, get out!" Ethan bellowed.
"Ethan - "
He turned to glare at her, his expression no less polite than it had been with me. Sure, she'd accused me of cheating on him, but she'd also come tattling to Ethan. That wasn't exactly laudable behavior.
She did as she was told, slamming the door shut behind her.
Ethan stood up and walked toward me, a thousand questions in his eyes. "Tell me," he said. "Tell me now. Do not make me wonder, Merit. Do not make me put our relationship in her hands. "
I swallowed down a bolt of panic. I hadn't prepared for this - for the assumption she'd actually made. What was I supposed to do now?
I certainly couldn't tell Ethan I was having an affair. I wasn't having an affair; I wouldn't do that to him, or anyone else.
There was no honorable exit strategy here, only a least offensive option. I could be honest, pray that he'd forgive me, and hope to God that Jonah did, too.
I called up every ounce of bravery I possessed, and it was only barely enough to force the words past my lips.
"I joined the Red Guard. "
Ethan's face went white, and his eyes went huge. He stared at me, and my heart fell to my knees.
"You - you . . . " He tried to speak, but he was furious enough that he couldn't get the words out. "You did what?"
I cleared my throat, trying to find my voice and remember why I'd made the decision that I had. Because I'd been given the choice to serve, and I knew my choice had been right. "I joined the Red Guard. I'm a member now. "
He just stared at me, as seconds or minutes or hours passed. I waited on tenterhooks while he assessed my dishonesty, and probably the validity of our relationship. Finally I broke, and filled the silence I could no longer stand.
"You were gone," I said. "And the GP was destroying us from the inside out. They came to me, and I said yes for the House - for what was left of us without you. "
He put a palm against his chest. "For my House? To join an organization whose sole purpose is to spy on us?"
"We aren't spies," I insisted, holding my ground. "It was the right thing to do. Is the right thing to do. We were falling apart, and things certainly haven't gotten any better. I'm so sorry. I hated keeping it from you, Ethan. Hated it. But I couldn't tell you. "
He glared at me. "Don't talk to me about your motivations. " He wet his lips and looked away. "You've been inducted?"
Fear strangled me, and it took me a moment to answer. For both of us, there was no turning back. "Yes. Lacey saw it. She followed me to the meet. "
His jaw clenched. "And he's your partner?"
I shrank back into myself, fearing this answer would seal my fate. If Ethan hadn't been at stake, I wouldn't have answered. But it would be disrespectful to lie to him.
"Yes," I finally admitted.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" His eyes flashed silver, and a pulse of bright, hot, furious magic filled the air.
I swallowed, and nodded. Ethan's chest rose and fell, shock and fury battling in his face. He looked like he couldn't decide whether to scream or cry, whether to bellow out his agony or curse the gods.
"You were gone," I repeated.
He barked out a laugh. "And that's the rub, isn't it, Merit? I'm back now. "
I nodded.
"I've been back . . . for a month . . . and you hadn't bothered to tell me?" He took a menacing step closer. "I had to find out like this, from another Master, Merit? From a vampire I made and trained? A vampire who has, apparently, more honesty than my own girlfriend. "
"I couldn't tell you. You may not agree with what I did, but you know why they exist. You know what they stand for. " Right and justice, I thought.
That didn't seem to matter to him. "Did you share blood with him?"
"It was just a drop. Just a drop on a blade. There was no drinking. I swear it. "
There was a sudden sadness in his eyes, a sadness that hurt me more than anything else and seared me to the bone. He wasn't just angry; he was hurt.
"I am so sorry. I didn't want this to come between us. "
"This, Merit, is an organization that presumes I'm shitty at my job, that I require guarding, that I am like them, the members of the goddamn Greenwich Presidium, which is currently trying to take my House away. "
I stood a little straighter; he was making my point for me. "That's exactly why I had to do it, Ethan - because that's what the GP is. They're tyrants. And we're trying to keep that from happening. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. But for better or worse, the secret wasn't mine to tell. "
Fury unabated, Ethan shook his head. "You told me Jonah helped you while I was gone. It appears that wasn't an accident. "
"He helped me with the raves while you were busy taking care of the House. And after you were gone, we worked together to figure out what Mallory was doing. "
"And have you lied to me about anything else?"
That question stung just like a slap. "I didn't lie about this. "
"You significantly omitted. Regardless, you'll resign. "
"What?"
"You'll resign. " He took out his phone and held it out, fire in his eyes. "You'll call him right now, you'll tell him it was a mistake, and you'll resign. "
I stared back at him. "I won't resign. I made a promise, and it was the right promise to make. "
His eyes blazed again. "You took an oath to me. To this House. "
"That's why I'm doing it! Ethan, now more than ever, we need the Red Guard. We need eyes on the GP. We need vampires who are willing to look beyond what the GP tells them to do and think critically. We need help. "
"We need a Sentinel with undivided loyalties. "
I stepped closer to him. My own temper was rising, but damn, did anger feel better than guilt and fear.
I put a finger in my chest. "I'm Sentinel of this House, and I'm loyal to it. My jo
b is to do the right thing, and in my judgment, this is the right thing. "
"You joined a secret organization whose goal is to undermine my leadership!" He sounded flabbergasted.
"No, I joined a secret organization to watch the bad guys who were undermining - and who continue to undermine - your vampires. "
"And now you'll resign. "
"I absolutely will not resign. " Whatever doubt remained about my RG membership was quickly dissipating, despite Ethan's efforts to the contrary.
His nostrils flared. He wasn't used to being challenged. "I am Master of this House. "
Finally, familiar territory. "And I am Sentinel of this House. Ethan, if the RG came to you tomorrow, you'd do the exact same thing. Yes, I made a difficult decision. I made a decision that clearly is making you ask questions about my loyalties, and that truly sucks. But this is the right thing for the House, and I stand by it. And if you'll stop acting on your prejudices and think - truly think - about the advantages this gives us, you'll know it, too. "
"I know I trusted you with my House, Merit, and with my honesty, and with my heart. Was that the right thing?"
As if in answer for me, my phone rang. I didn't so much as reach down to turn it off, but his eyes narrowed anyway.
"Who is it?"
"Ethan - "
"Check the goddamn phone, Merit. "
My hand shaking with adrenaline, I pulled it out of my jacket pocket and checked the screen. I closed my eyes.
"Who is it?" The words were half question, half accusation.
I opened my eyes, staring back at him, countering his distrust with irritation of my own.
And meanwhile, the phone still rang, the new sound track to our battle. "It's Jonah. "
As Ethan's eyes narrowed, my heart raced faster. "Answer it," he gritted out.
"We're in the middle of a - "
"Oh, no," he said. "We are quite done here. Answer the phone, Merit. Let's see what brings the intrepid captain to your door. "
His tone was insinuating and insulting, but I wasn't going to argue with him. Not about the RG. I'd made my decision, and he'd live with it.
Or he wouldn't. I replayed his words in my mind. Done here? I mentally repeated. What had he meant by "done here"? Done with me? Done with us?
I raised the phone to my ear, and had to work to keep my hand from shaking.
"I know my timing's bad," Jonah said, and my first thought was that he'd somehow psychically ferreted out our argument. "And you have House issues to deal with. But we have a problem. "
"What happened?"
There was silence for a moment as Ethan stared me down. But even he could see the concern in my face, and his expression softened just a bit.
"Two of Morgan's vampires are dead. Decapitated, just like Oliver and Eve. They found them at dusk. Their guard captain just called me. But, Merit, it's worse. The murder was in the House. "
I felt the blood drain from my face, even as I wondered - and then answered - why Morgan hadn't called us first. Because it was me, and it was Morgan, and the not-very-interesting history between us still made him weird that way.
"Okay," I said. "Let me see what I can do. "
"I'm at Navarre now. Get here as soon as you can. "
I hung up the phone and put it back in my pocket. I could see the debate in Ethan's face: Should I show her how angry and hurt I am by asking something snarky, or lose the attitude, given the expression on her face?
"What happened?" he finally asked, his voice carefully neutral.
"Two of Morgan's vampires are dead. They found them in Navarre House at dusk. "
Ethan's eyes widened. "The killer was inside the House?"
I nodded.
Ethan ran a hand absently through his hair. "You should tell your grandfather. They can assist with arrangements or the investigation . . . whatever's necessary. "
I nodded again. "I'm sorry this is happening right now," I said. "I know the timing is atrocious. I didn't mean for you to find out - about the RG. "
For the second time tonight, that was exactly the wrong thing to say. I'd reminded him of what I'd done, and why he should be angry.
He snatched his suit jacket from the back of a chair.
"Where are you going?"
He slipped on the jacket, and slipped his phone into a pocket. "I think you'd know that, Sentinel. I'm going with you. "
"But the House?"
"We have hours yet, and the lawyers are on it. Perhaps, should the opportunity present itself, I will have words with your new partner. "
The expression on his face left little doubt about what those words would be.
* * *
Ethan gave Malik a heads-up that we were leaving. Malik was obviously surprised, but after scanning our faces for a moment, he wisely decided not to argue.
Ethan told him about the deaths at Navarre House and asked him to apprise Luc. I also stood by while he had a closed-door chat with Lacey, no doubt warning her to keep quiet about what she'd seen and dismissing her claim that I was having an affair.
I couldn't imagine he'd tell her about the Red Guard, but I wisely decided not to ask.
Navarre House was in the Gold Coast, north of Hyde Park and near the lake, and I was still the default transportation mechanism.
We drove in total silence. Ethan didn't mutter a word, too angry at me to speak. And I wasn't especially interested in talking to him. I'd opted to put my ass on the line to keep Cadogan safe from the GP. In my position, he'd have done the same thing.
And you know what? If I was the type of girl who quit an obligation because my boyfriend told me to, Ethan wouldn't have been interested in me in the first place.
So I concentrated on driving and not becoming any more furious than I already was.
When we reached Navarre House, an imposing white mansion with a turret at one corner, I parked in the first open spot I could find.
Ethan looked over at me, and his gaze was flat. "I presume, since Jonah called you, Scott knows about the murders. "
Scott Grey was the Master of Grey House, the third of Chicago's three vampire Houses. "I would think so. I'm sure word has traveled from Noah. "
"Does he know about the RG?"
"No. Just Jonah. And me. And now you. "
"Is that why Jonah called you?"
"I doubt it. He knows we've been investigating the Rogues' deaths. Ethan - "
I said his name, unsure how to begin but knowing we needed to talk. But he held up a hand. He'd hear nothing more from me, not right now.
"Let's just get through this meeting," he said.
