by R. M. Lynn
“Holy shit,” Kyler says as he stands, and they hug. “I could fucking kiss you right now.”
“I’d kiss you right back,” Dylan laughs out as they pull apart. “I’m going to go tell Noah, and then we have to figure out what to put on the demo. It shouldn’t be too hard since Noah has everything on the laptop already.”
“Okay, yeah, and we have to tell Ayden and Oliver,” Kyler tells him, clearly flustered. “I literally can’t believe this is happening.”
“Believe it, my friend,” Dylan exclaims with a huge smile. “I told you this was it. I told you.”
“I’ll meet you out there in a minute,” Kyler says as Dylan heads for the bedroom door. “Let me change.”
Dylan flashes a smile and nods before heading out of the room. Kyler turns to look at me, still in shock from the news. I smile up at him as he moves toward me. Shifting up onto my knees, I wrap my arms around his waist, while his go around my shoulders. His face buries into my neck.
“This is fucking crazy,” he mumbles. “I can’t tell if it’s really happening.”
“It’s really happening,” I whisper and cup his face in my hands so our eyes lock. “I’m so proud of you, Kyler.”
I kiss him then, my tongue flicking his bottom lip. He grabs the back of my head and sweeps his tongue over mine once before pulling away. His hand runs back through my hair as he smiles softly at me.
“I have to go call Ayden and Oliver with Dylan. Did you want to hang around? Otherwise I can come over later.”
“I might head home to shower and get some homework done. Just let me know when you guys are done celebrating,” I tell him and give him another hug.
“Alright, babe,” he murmurs. “I’ll call you later, yeah?”
We get dressed together, and I kiss him goodbye before heading out and back to my apartment. While I was happy for them, especially in their presence, when I was alone with my thoughts, an ache fills my gut realizing that graduation for them is only in four weeks. Nagging questions and thoughts fill my head. I turn on the TV to drown out the negativity in my head, and pray I’m just as shocked as the guys are about the news.
Later that evening, I sit down on the couch next to Mackenzie and tell her the news. Violet Lane was discovered, and the guys were going to be heading on tour in less than a month. I could see her expression take on the many emotions I had been feeling all day. I know her relationship with Noah was beginning to transition, and as I look at her, I know she’s wondering what will happen with it just as I am with my relationship with Kyler.
“I mean, that’s amazing news,” she finally says. “I bet they’re so excited.”
“Yeah, they are,” I tell her. “You should’ve seen them when they got the news.”
“What are you going to do about Kyler?” she asks quietly after another minute or so of silence.
I shrug and mutter, “I have no idea. I think I’ll have to talk to him. I’m not sure… I’m happy for him, so happy, but I’m nervous about what could happen. I mean, will his soon to be celebrity status mean anything for me? I don’t want the attention it could bring.”
“That’s a good point,” she agrees. “These people get slaughtered in the media.”
“I also don’t want to hold him back from taking opportunities. What if he bails on an overseas tour or something because I’ll be here?”
“Also a valid point,”
Before I can respond, my phone rings in my hand. “It’s Kyler,” I mumble before answering. “Hey, babe.”
“Hey, baby, I wanted to know if you and Mack wanted to come out with us tonight. We’re going to Rudy’s for some karaoke,” Kyler says into the phone, and I can hear the guys being rowdy in the background. “It was Dylan’s idea, so… But yeah, you should come. I want to see you.”
“Let me ask Mack,” I tell him before turning to her. “The guys want to hit up Rudy’s. Do you want to go?”
She shrugs and says, “Sure, I’ll go.”
“Okay, when should we come over?” I ask Kyler.
He replies, “We’re ready when you are, Livy.”
I can tell from his voice that he’s probably been drinking and smoking weed since this afternoon. Based on the noise in the background, I’d say the guys are on his level as well. I tell him we’ll be over in a few minutes before we hang up. Mackenzie goes to her room to change quickly. I head to the bathroom to touch up my makeup and put in contacts. Once we’re ready, we head over to the apartment, and we can hear the music playing even from outside. Mackenzie knocks, and Noah answers hugging us both, although I notice his hug with my roommate lingers a bit.
“Livy,” Kyler calls from across the room.
I sit down next to him, let him hug me to him while taking in the amount of mini liquor bottles and beer cans littering the living room, and look up into his eyes.
“Babe, when did you guys start drinking?” I ask softly.
He shrugs like it doesn’t matter and says, “Maybe around one or two. I’m fine.”
I bite my bottom lip and look away from him. He tips my chin back up to look at him.
“I’m fine, Livy,” he murmurs.
“Okay, Kyler,” I mumble in response.
“Don’t be mad, baby,”
I ignore him because I’m not mad. I just know the guys can go from zero to one hundred faster than anyone else I know. Arguments start a lot quicker, and I know with the thoughts circling my head, things would escalate quickly if they got out when he was drinking like this. While I like to talk to him as soon as a problem occurs, I know I’ll have to wait until he’s sober to discuss it.
“Ready to go, guys?” Ayden asks after chugging a beer.
“Let’s roll,” Oliver responds for the group.
We get to Rudy’s a bit later, and the guys are already at the bar getting drinks. Soon they cover an entire table with drinks, sit Mackenzie and I down to guard them, and finally head up on stage to start a round of karaoke. I raise an eyebrow at them because, normally, not all five of them go on at once. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever even heard Noah or Oliver sing before.
Dylan takes the first microphone as one of the guys running the DJ booth sets up more microphones in front of the others.
“Evening, everyone,” Dylan hums into the mic, and cheers erupt. “So, we have some friends,” He points to us, “and lately, they’ve been throwing around the words ‘boy band’ a lot. This has gone on long enough. So, here’s to you.”
In my defense, I only ever say it once in a while and all in good fun. Mackenzie is constantly comparing them to boy bands, calling them a boy band, and teasing about them doing a choreographed dance for one of their gigs.
I bite back a smile as the music for I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys begins to play through the speakers throughout the bar. Dylan opens it up singing the first few lines. Suddenly, Dylan leads the rest of the guys in the chorus. It is probably the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. Noah and Ayden switch off versus, and Kyler takes the last one, giving me a wink when he steps up to his mic. Dylan holds the higher notes, cheers erupting every time. When it ends, they bow to the crowd.
“I knew you had it in you!” Mackenzie shouts at them while others clap around us.
I shake my head at them but can’t contain my grin when Kyler approaches and wraps his arms around me. I giggle against his lips when he kisses me.
“That was hilarious,” I murmur as our eyes meet.
“I definitely think it’s a solid back up plan,” he replies and kisses the side of my head.
◆◆◆
The next week or so follows with minimal contact with Kyler or really any of the other guys. They had rented a sound booth from a recording studio half an hour away from campus to perfect their demo. Two and half weeks before graduation, they finish the demo and send it in to The Lost Boys. I wasn’t there when they did it, but I’m present when they get the phone call from the band’s agent.
“Shut the fuck up, guys,�
�� Dylan suddenly says as we’re all gathered in the living room just hanging out. “It’s Staffer calling.”
Everyone gets quiet immediately.
“Hello?” Dylan says into the phone. “Yeah, this is he… Yeah, I’m glad you got it… They liked it? That’s awesome… No, that would be great… I’d have to talk to the guys, but I don’t see why it’d be a problem… Yeah, we graduate in less than two weeks… Yes, we’ll be there. Thank you, Mr. Staffer.”
He hangs up and looks at the us as we watch him with expecting eyes.
“We got it,” he says quietly.
Noah jumps up from his seat. “We got it?”
Dylan laughs and repeats louder, “Yeah, we got it.”
Kyler kisses me hard before getting up and giving the rest of the guys hugs. They laugh and cheer to themselves. The smile on my face is making my cheeks sore. The ache in my chest grows, however, and I know it’s time to talk to Kyler.
Later that night, we’re in his room as he stands in unbuttoned jeans, digging through his closet for a shirt to wear to go out and celebrate in. I cross my legs on his bed and bite my bottom lip while watching him run his hand through his hair, damp from the shower.
“What does one wear to celebrate getting discovered?” Kyler asks me with a chuckle and turns toward me. “Dylan told me that Staffer wants to talk to us after graduation, before the tour. He wants to sign us to the label. I literally feel like I’m dreaming.”
“I’m really happy for you, Kyler,” I murmur.
“What’s wrong?” he asks as soon as I speak.
I shake my head. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.”
His eyes are questioning, and he says, “You’re lying. I can tell from your tone. Something’s wrong.”
“I just… There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. I don’t know if I can keep it to myself anymore,” I explain softly.
He sits next to me and puts an arm around my waist, squeezing my hip. “Tell me.”
“I’m nervous,” I whisper and already feel the sting of tears hitting my eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it.”
“Do what, baby?” he murmurs. “Everything’s fine.”
“Kyler, you’re going to be famous. Your fan base is already growing,” I explain quietly. “I’m not… I don’t think I’m ready for what that means for us. Distance aside, I like to be private, and I don’t want my face on every magazine, gossip about us spreading everywhere. And I can’t be an anchor on your life. I want you to take opportunities, tour the world, be a rock star, and I feel like I’ll hold you back.”
“You could never hold me back, Alivia,” he insists roughly and stands from the bed. “I don’t know what you’re doing right now. Because, to me, it sounds like you’re trying to find a way out.”
“Kyler, that’s not…” I begin and stop to shake my head.
“It’s not what? You’re not even going to try to figure it out, are you?” he snaps and runs a hand through his hair. “Come on tour with us, if you’re so worried about distance. I can’t do anything about gossip magazines, Liv, so I’m not sure what you want from me on that end.”
“I can’t go on tour with you, Kyler,” I tell him. “I have another year here. You know that.”
“You won’t need it with the amount of money I’ll have,” he argues.
I frown at him. “You know I want to work, and you know money isn’t involved in this. This degree means a lot to me.”
“Fine,” he breathes out and throws his hands up in frustration. “I don’t understand, Liv. I haven’t given you a single reason to make you doubt any of this.”
“I know, Kyler,” I sigh out as a tear slips down my cheek. “I know it’s me, and I’m sorry.”
“Don’t do that,” he snaps. “Don’t say sorry like you’re leaving.”
“I just need to figure it out,” I whisper. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You can’t do this to me now, Alivia. I’m leaving in less than two weeks,” he goes on angrily. “You can’t say you need time when I don’t have any to give you.”
“I needed you to know how I felt,” I whisper.
“Great, now I know,” he bites back. “What would you like me to do with the information? Tell me because I’m going to lose my fucking mind. You can’t break up with me, Alivia. I… I don’t know what I’d do without you.” His hands go back into his hair before he sits down next to me to grab my hands. He whispers, “Tell me how to fix it, baby. Please.”
“There’s nothing to fix, Kyler,” I murmur and cup his face. “I promise. I just need you to be patient while I get my head together. I don’t want you to be upset when my insecurities come out. That’s all.”
He pulls away from me and shakes his head while cursing lowly. I wipe another tear away and stand from his bed.
“You have fun, okay? I should have waited to talk to you until tomorrow,” I mutter. “I’m sorry, okay? Will you please call me tomorrow?”
“You’re not going to come?” he asks as he turns to look at me again.
“I don’t want it to be awkward,” I tell him. “I just want you to have a good time, and we can figure it all out tomorrow.”
“Fine,” he mumbles with another head shake. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
He lets me kiss his jaw before I leave. When I get home, I stare at the ceiling in my bedroom. I know it is all my fault, but I can’t help the insecurities from building up inside my head. I know he doesn’t understand it, but hopefully, with some time we can figure it out. My insecurities will be gone, and we’ll be happy. It’ll just take a little time.
◆◆◆
Chapter Twelve
Kyler
I had to have blacked out at least once already. I’ve drank too much not to. Music blares throughout the unknown house. We had gone to the bars beforehand, but somehow, we’re here, and I’m not quite sure how it happened. I rub my eyes, notice the red solo cup in my hand, and take a long swig.
“You’ve had enough, man,” Ayden scolds me.
When he reaches for the cup, I shove his hand away and stand up from the brown leather couch we’re sitting on. He stands with me and grabs my arm as I steady myself.
“Kyler, you’re done,” he snaps at me and reaches for the drink again.
“Fuck you,” I retort and shove his chest.
I must’ve blacked out again because when I come out of it, I’m no longer in the living room. Instead, I’m in the kitchen, a blonde plastered to my front, her hand at the waistband of my jeans. I’m not sure how I got into this situation, but at the moment, I couldn’t care less. I bet this girl wouldn’t bitch to me about how her life is ruined because I finally am making it big. What kind of girl says that, anyway? I’m going to be able to give Alivia anything and everything she wants, but that’s too much according to her. She doesn’t want my money, the fame, and she doesn’t seem to want anything to do with my new journey I’m about to take. She doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me either. Or at least, in my drunken mind state, she doesn’t.
When the girl kisses my neck, I let her. Because I can. Because Alivia wants to leave me anyway, so what’s the difference, right? My hand goes to her hip. She doesn’t have curves like Alivia. Instead of pulling away when her hand pulls me down to meet her lips, I let her kiss me there, too. Her hands move to my chest, like Alivia does when she kisses me. I tighten an arm around her and deepen the kiss.
“What are you doing?” I hear, and then I’m shoved away from the girl. “Kyler, what the fuck, man?”
“Stop,” I snap at Noah as he tries to wedge his way in between the me and the girl.
“Kyler, we’re going home. Right fucking now,” Noah barks at me.
I grin. I don’t know why, but I do.
“You think this is funny?” he asks me and shoves at my chest, making me sway a little.
“What did I do?” I question with a shrug.
“You’re so fucking fucked right now, man,�
� Noah chastises with a shake of his head.
I shove him away from me and grab the girl’s hand. I hear him shout at me, but I trudge on with the girl in tow. When I run into Dylan by the staircase, I curse to myself.
“What’re you doing?” Dylan asks me, a hand at my chest, as he eyes the girl behind me. “You have a girlfriend. Did you forget about her?”
“No,” I retort. “She’s forgetting all about me, though.”
Dylan shakes his head. “What’re you talking about, Kyler? She’s probably at home waiting for you to get back.”
“Fuck off, Dylan. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re sloshed, Kyler. Fucking think for a second,” he snaps and throws a hand up at the girl behind me. “Is she really worth it? No offense, sweetheart, but c’mon, Kyler. You can’t do this.”
“Fuck. Off.”
Before he can try to stop me further, I take the girl upstairs. Then, I black out. Again.
◆◆◆
“Get up,”
I startle as the hard voice sounds throughout my bedroom. I open my eyes. Not my bedroom. I groan and rub my eyes. Noah tosses a pair of clothes on the end of the bed.
“Where am I?” I mumble, my voice thick.
“You’re in some random fucking bedroom at the house we partied at last night,” he tells me, anger boiling over in his voice. “Do you remember anything?”
“Parts,”
“You refused to leave with anybody. You fucking locked yourself in here all night, Kyler,” he explains. “Thankfully, she left before I got back, so I was able to get in. I brought you a change of clothes.”
I can only focus on the one word so I ask weakly, “Who’s she?”
He shrugs and throws his hands up in exasperation. I lift up the covers and immediately realize I’m naked. I sit up and drive my hands through my hair.
“What did I do?” I ask, horrified. “Noah, what the fuck did I do?”
