Jase picked up the corner of the duvet and climbed into the bed as though it were nothing unusual. And honestly, it wasn’t. He’d spent countless nights in my bed and it hadn’t been all that long ago really. I missed him too, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.
“Hi.” He said as he settled next to me on the pillows, hands behind his head.
“Hi.” I whispered, turning my eyes to the window and the wrathful storm outside whose thunderous roars suddenly matched the pounding of my heart.
We watched in comfortable silence. Even after everything that had happened, it didn’t feel awkward to be this close to him and after a while I felt him slowly inching closer.
“Jase, please...” I begged painfully. I knew I couldn’t resist him if he touched me. I needed him.
“I just want to be near you babe.” He stretched an arm out and pulled me to him before I could resist. I don’t know why I didn’t fight him, push him away and tell him to leave. Yes I did. I was weak. Weaker than a rich tea biscuit in a hot cup of tea is what I was when it came to Jason Montgomery. I couldn’t stop myself. I snuggled into him and rested my head on his chest, draping an arm across his bare stomach. We both sighed in contentment. Jase trailed his fingers through my hair and I closed my eyes, loving the feel of his hands back where they were supposed to be.
“I’m so sorry CeeCee.” He whispered. I didn’t react. I lay there, silent and still, waiting to see if he would continue. Secretly hoping that he had some magic words that would make it all go away, miraculously setting everything right again.
“I never wanted to hurt you, never meant to lose you. I don’t know what I was thinking, if I was even thinking at all. But I swear to you, if I could go back, I would never even think about doing it again. I’m an idiot. I was the luckiest man alive and I fucked it up. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me, my reason for living. And I can’t even give you a reason for it. I’m so sorry Cee.” His voice cracked and I looked up to see the tears spill over and begin to fall down his face. His eyes met mine when I lifted my head and I looked away hastily.
“Is there a chance for us Cee?” he whispered, “Can you forgive me? Can we come back from this?”
“Jay don’t, please.” I begged again. I hadn’t called him that in forever and I mentally berated myself for doing it as soon as I saw the flicker of hope cross his face.
“I’ll do anything.” He pleaded.
“Jase, even if I did forgive and forget, I could never trust you again. That’s not fair on either of us, we can’t live like that.” I told him, my own tears now falling freely. He reached out and wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb.
“I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust again baby. Tell me you don’t love me anymore. Tell me and I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone. I won’t bother you again.” He twisted so we faced each other held my face gently between his hands so our eyes met. “Say the words baby and I’ll walk away.”
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t say the words because they weren’t true and I wasn’t sure they ever would be. I couldn’t guarantee that there wouldn’t be a small part of me that loved this man forever. I had loved him my entire life and I couldn’t just switch that off. That was why this was so hard. That was the reason I had held on so long even when things started to go wrong between us, because no matter what had happened, how he had changed or what he had done, I had never stopped loving him.
“I can’t.” I sobbed.
And he was kissing me then, gently at first, tentatively, testing my reaction to his lips on mine. And I didn’t stop him, because just for a minute, just for one blissful moment I wanted to be back where we were before. Madly in love and unable to keep our hands off each other. Best friends. Together. Callie and Jase.
So I kissed him back. His hand moved to the back of my neck and into my hair in the way I adored, the other wound around my waist, pulling me closer to him. The feel of his smooth, solid chest under my palms sent shivers down my spine. I reached up and tangled my fingers in his hair as he shifted us, to pin me underneath him, his tongue sliding over my lips and into my mouth. Damn, I missed kissing him.
“You’re everything CeeCee. Everything to me.” He whispered as he trailed hot kisses down my neck and across my collarbone. I moaned in pleasure, lost in the sensation of his bare skin against mine, the familiar weight of his body above me.
“They could never do what you do baby. They never meant anything. They could never be what you are to me.” He pushed the thin strap of my vest top off my shoulder and replaced it with his lips, moving slowly down my arm.
Wait. What?
“They?” I asked breathlessly and pushed him back from me abruptly, attempting to sit and pulling at the straps on my clothes to cover myself.
“Hmmm?” he murmured caging me in with his arms and leaning forward to chase my mouth with his as I twisted my head away from him.
“They. You said they.” The blissful haze had rapidly evaporated, giving way to a black, angry fog and I pushed at him until he moved off me and we knelt, facing each other on the bed.
“Cee, what’s wrong?” He frowned. Seriously?
“They Jase. You said THEY could never do what I do. None of THEM ever meant anything. Exactly how many were there Jase?” I demanded, my voice rising gradually with each word.
“Fuck!” he whispered, dragging a hand down his face.
“Yeah. Fuck!” I agreed, “Get out!”
“Baby wait, let’s talk a bit more. We were getting somewhere. We can sort this out.” He argued, his eyes pleading with me.
“No we can’t.” I began pushing at him until he had no choice but to stand up, the tears streamed down my face as I looked at him. “I thought...maybe for a second. Just maybe. Because I wanted to believe we were worth it, that we were bigger than that. But we can’t. We really fucking can’t Jase!”
I stood, drying my eyes with the heels of my hands and gathered his clothes. When he refused to move I flung them through the open window into the flower bed that lay underneath. I grabbed his boots and threw them out after. The irony that my Mum would always tell him off for trampling her flowers when he used the window and threaten to bury his designer boots in the flower bed was not lost on me.
“Get out!” I was yelling now and I knew I would get Cameron’s attention sooner or later. I just hoped Adam had left.
“Cee, please.” Jase looked at the window where I had thrown his clothes.
“No!” I said through gritted teeth, “You almost had me there Jase. I nearly fell for it. You must have a really low opinion of me to try that shit.”
“It’s not like that Cee. You do mean more.” He moved towards me, attempting to explain and only succeeding in digging himself further in.
“Don’t! And stop calling me that!” I put a hand up to stop him, “You need to go Jase.”
“I’m not leaving until we sort this out!” Jase was angry now.
“The fuck you’re not!” My bedroom door flew open and Cameron stood in the frame, anger pouring off him in waves. He moved forward swiftly and grabbed Jase by the arm, dragging him from the room in nothing but his underwear, snarling vicious words at him all the way to the front door.
That’s when I noticed Adam. Standing in the living room, a look of pure hatred on his face, aimed at Jase. Great!
“Angel...” he turned towards me. I couldn’t read his expression, but I was in no mood for lectures.
“Don’t.” I said, throwing a hand up in the air. “I know I’m weak. I know I’m an idiot alright? Cam will give me all the I told you so’s I can deal with, of that you can be certain. So just don’t okay?”
I turned and slammed my bedroom door behind me. Then I climbed back into my bed and cried myself to sleep. I vaguely remember Cam coming in and gathering me up in his arms at one point. Whether it was due to a nightmare or my tears over Jase I wasn’t sure. The next morning when I awoke to the smell of bacon and the sound of voices I was alone in my bed.
I shuffled, puffy eyed, towards the kitchen where Cam, Nick, Adam and Liv were gathered around the island as Mick stood by the hob wearing my “Domestic Goddess” apron. I rested a hip on the counter close to Mick, needing his unwavering strength; he leaned over and kissed the top of my head. I looked at them all through swollen, tear stained eyes.
Adam handed me his cup and kissed me on the forehead, Nick reached over and pulled my hair, Cam winked at me and Liv wrapped her arms around my waist from the side, resting her cheek on my shoulder.
“Full Irish breakfast, that’ll set you right love.” Mick looked at me over his shoulder as he cooked.
“You threw his clothes out the window.” Liv whispered.
“Yeah.” I whispered back.
“In the rain.” She continued.
“Yeah.” I answered quietly.
“You’re my hero.” She grinned.
*****
Twin 2: You know, you’re the perfect height for an arm rest.
Me: I am finding you zero amounts of funny right now Cameron!
*****
“You sure you’re ready for this?” Nick asked when I climbed onto the bike behind him outside college. For weeks I had been guarded to within an inch of my life and I was feeling ever so slightly claustrophobic, on top of the paranoia. I needed to let off steam. So I’d jumped at the chance when Nick had called and told me Popeye could fit us in for our tattoos that afternoon. I’d been straight on the phone to Cam telling him Nick was picking me up from college so he didn’t need to. Cam knew we would be up to something, but he didn’t question it as long as I promised not to leave Nick’s side.
“Of course I’m ready.” I said “We’ve talked about this for years.”
“You know it can’t be undone?” Nick warned, smirking.
“What, are we having each other’s names inked on our foreheads? Or are you chickening out on me Mr Warren? You’re covered in the things and it’s not like it’s my first.” I reminded him. A few years ago, not long after our parents died Nick had inked matching tattoos on Cam and me. An anchor on the back of Cam’s ankle and I had a ship’s wheel in the same spot. Nick told us I steer the ship and Cam anchors us in, not that I was doing much in the way of steering our ship lately.
“Looking forward to it.” Nick grinned, “Although, I think I like the idea of my name on your forehead. I wouldn’t have to worry about any more moronic ex boyfriends, rendering you brainless in the middle of the night, if they all thought you were mine!”
A few hours later Nick and I lay side by side, on a blanket in our hillside spot as the sun hung low in the sky, comparing our new matching tattoos. Nick had doodled and played around with a lot of designs, finally coming up with the mathematical symbol for congruence that he had randomly found online, meaning different yet the same. We’d both instantly agreed that the two small horizontal straight lines and one wavy line was just right. The only difference between the two was a small sunshine next to Nick’s symbol and a tiny crescent moon beside mine. I had always called him my sunshine, but he had only admitted to me while Popeye was inking him that he had started calling me moonbeam because he thought of me as his moon.
“...because” he’d explained, “no matter how dark it gets, you still shine bright.” I may have ugly cried a little at that. In front of Popeye and his wife Zena, who had popped in to enjoy lunch with her husband on her break from work. Classy Callie as always!
“They’re perfect.” I smiled as we held our wrists next to each other, admiring the simple artwork.
“Agreed.” Nick said, “Although one more brain dead moment with Jase and my name is going on that head of yours!”
“I’ll settle for the ring finger tat when we tie the knot.” I told him with a wink.
“Deal. What are you going to do with the bracelets from that wrist?” Nick asked me, lacing his fingers in mine and bringing our hands down to rest on his chest.
“Well, since there are only two from that side I can fit them on the other arm with those three.” I’d played around with them and figured out which ones I wanted next to each other. I briefly considered removing the one Jase had given me, but something stopped me. It was a string of amethyst stones, meant to represent protection and neutralise negative energy. He had bought it from a beach vendor during our first trip to Ibiza. I knew I was being sentimental, but I just didn’t feel right taking it off.
“I can come up with something to cover that one too if you want. It will have to be bigger though.” He offered.
“Hmmm, I would like more ink at some point, but I’m kind of attached to the bracelets. They all mean something important to me because of who they came from, so I want to keep wearing them.” I told him.
“You’re right. The ink means something special and the bracelets do too. Besides, you are only allowed matching tats with someone else.” He declared.
“Since when?” I turned my head to face him and frowned at him.
“That’s your theme. The ink you have matches mine and Cam’s. So I won’t put anymore on you unless it means something between you and someone important.” He reasoned, making me smile at the sentiment.
“Love you Sunshine boy.” I bumped my shoulder against his.
“Love you back Cal.” He pulled a strand of my hair. “Anyway, talk to me about the Adam situation.”
“Get over it Nick.” I groaned.
“Nope. Not until you see what’s right in front of you.” He pushed.
“Even if I wanted him, I can’t have him.” I told him.
“Why the hell not?” Nick frowned at me.
“Because I’m broken and he deserves better.” I shrugged. Who was I to put all of my baggage onto Adam? Not that I believed for a second he actually wanted me that way.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nick was angry and I flinched at his tone as he turned on his side and reached over to pull my chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing me to look at him. “He would be the luckiest man alive to be with you. You are not broken, that piece of shit messed with your head and you’re dealing with it, but you are NOT broken Callie. If you were you wouldn’t be here right now. You’d be rocking in a corner somewhere, afraid to live your life. You are everything Adam deserves and more. And you deserve someone like him too. Don’t sell yourself short Cal, nobody is better than you. You never talk like that about yourself again. You hear me?”
I nodded, feeling a little emotional and over whelmed at his outburst. He moved his hand to the back of my neck and brought our foreheads together. “Okay, but it’s only been five minutes since I broke up with Jase. I can’t go out with anyone else yet, even if Adam was interested. And I don’t know if I’m even into him that way.”
“Rambling Cal. It’s nobody’s business but yours when you choose to go out with anyone else. You’ve got to stop worrying about the gossip mongers in town and live your life for you Moonbeam. Believe me I know, if you worry about the gossip you’ll never live the life you deserve. You’re the only one that counts.” Nick threw an arm around my shoulder as we both sat up fully.
“When did you get so wise?” I peered at him thoughtfully.
“When my parents let me and my brothers down on an epic scale and I had to fill both their shoes. I’ve been the subject of my fair share of the town gossip Cal, you can’t let them grind you down.” He stood and pulled me to my feet.
“You’re right. Let’s get vodka on the way home. Sleepover at yours. I’m in the mood for Warren brother shenanigans.” I suggested, realising Nick could do with letting off some steam too.
“You want to party on a school night?” Nick put a hand to his chest and feigned shock.
“Let’s go wild Sunshine!” I laughed.
“You don’t have to ask me twice Moonbeam!” he replied as we climbed onto the bike.
*****
Nick: Do you think I’m ugly?
Me: No. Why would you say that?
Nick: Wait, what did I just text?
Me: Do you think I’m ugly?
Nick: Yes. But it’s ok, the lemurs will still take you.
Me: The lemurs only want you dude!
I put my phone away and went back to my book. I was working a lunchtime shift and was thankful it was quiet, mostly due to my fuzzy vodka head from the night before. I’d stayed at Nick’s place and he, his brother Ethan and I played drinking games until we couldn’t string a sentence together between us. Danny and Heath had thought we were hilarious. Now I was suffering for it.
“What’s his name?” Adam asked as he leaned towards me across the bar.
“Zack.” I said, smiling back at him and closing the book.
“Vampire? Werewolf? Gargoyle?” he asked with raised eyebrows.
“Human!” I announced triumphantly.
“Human? That’s a big step for you, are you sure you’re ready for this?” He teased, his eyes sparkling as his smile grew.
“Don’t panic, his girlfriend is a succubus.” I deadpanned.
“And how’s that working out for him?” he asked, feigning seriousness but unable to hide the crooked smirk that had appeared.
“They’re having difficulties with the whole “her touch can kill” thing, but they’re making a go of it.” I explained.
“He’s got it covered though right? I mean he’s a badass obviously?” Adam grabbed a menu off the bar and opened it while he spoke.
“Total badass!” I confirmed.
“Well, it’s ok that he’s human then.” He laughed and looked down at the menu.
“You know her books?” Cam had arrived with Adam and had been silently listening to our exchange. I turned to get their drinks and passed their lunch orders to Kat in the kitchen. Ear-wigging their conversation as I went.
Educating Callie Page 14
