“Angel.” he said sitting next to me and handing me his cup of hot chocolate. “You shouldn’t be out here alone.”
“You’re awesome.” I said indicating the hot chocolate that I could smell had been laced with brandy, just the way I liked it. “And I’m not alone anymore.”
“You knew I’d come down.” he said putting an arm around me and pulling me closer as I nodded. Of course I’d known. “All done with the girly bonding session?”
“There’s only so much interrogation of her life this girl can take.” I told him, “I actually believed Nat was going to water board me for not sharing enough information at one point. I’m surprised your ears weren’t burning.”
He laughed, unzipping the navy blue hoodie he was wearing and handing it to me, “It’s cold, put this on.”
I gave him the cup and pushed my arms into the sleeves, wrapped the material around me and breathed in his scent.
“Did you just smell my jacket?” He laughed lightly.
“It smells like you.” I defended and really, says the man who sticks his face in my hair every chance he gets.
“I’m hoping that’s a good thing?” He took a drink and passed the cup back to me, before wrapping his arm back around my shoulders and pulling me closer to him.
“Yep.” I nodded as I wrapped both hands around the cup and leaned into his embrace. “I like your smell. It makes me feel safe. Definitely a good thing.”
He wrapped a piece of my hair around his finger and spoke softly, “That first night when you fell asleep on me, your hair was still damp from the snow and I could smell coconut from your shampoo all night. It became my favourite smell overnight.”
I smiled sadly, “I used to smell like cherries, Jase loved it. When...he took me, the bathroom at the house had all my products in it. Everything I used, right down to the same toothpaste. So as soon as I was back home I threw everything I had ever used away. All of it. Then I made Cam insane when I stood in the shampoo isle of the supermarket for an hour, sniffing all the bottles for something that was nowhere near the smell of cherry.”
“Well I’m glad you picked coconut.” He sighed deeply and pulled me tighter.
I twisted towards him, put the cup down on the bench and cupped his cheeks between my hands so I could see into his eyes. “You’ve gone dark on me Wolfman.”
“A little.” He admitted, holding my gaze.
“James?” I asked about his brother as I recalled that it was around this time of year that he had died.
“I don’t think anyone has ever been able to read me like you do.” He smiled down at me and reached out to lift my legs and shift me into his lap. I sat sideways on him with my legs dangling over the arm rest of the bench and leaned my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and rested his chin on my head, breathing deeply for a few seconds before he began to speak.
“I’ve already told you a lot about him, about the person he was and his personality. You know he was three years younger than me, the same age as you and Greg. They were close. Greg and I never really became close as friends until he joined the force too, it was always him and James whenever the family got together. But James and I were very close. I took him everywhere.” he laughed quietly, “It was an ego boost to me really, he had this big brother hero worship thing going on. He would brag about how good I was at sports, how I kept good grades at school and was determined to join the police force. He came to all my karate tournaments and cheered louder than anyone else. He looked up to me, but he always believed he was somehow inferior, that he would never be able to live up to people’s expectations of him because they thought he should be like me. I always told him he was enough and only ever had to be himself, but I’m not sure he ever believed it. We were more or less inseparable, until I joined the force. What with training and then finally going out on the job, we spent less and less time together. He began to resent me and avoided me whenever I was at home. I can see it now, but I was oblivious at the time, caught up in living my dream.” Adam paused and I looked at him. He stroked my cheek with his fingers and sighed.
“He got involved with a bad crowd as the saying goes and started doing some stupid things. Little things that built up and got worse over time, until I came on duty one night to find him in the cells after being arrested for drunk driving. I was so fucking angry with him, told him he was soiling my reputation on the force, making me look bad. Then I realised how selfish I had sounded and tried my best to support him. He assured me it wouldn’t happen again. Yet a few weeks later he was taken in for drug possession. He made more promises. Mum was devastated, Dad was just silently disappointed. He’s never been a man of many words, his actions speak louder. Anyway, gradually things escalated until it got to the point where if James got caught again he was facing prison time. He made all the promises again, did everything he needed to do. He got a job, was talking about going to college and getting some qualifications. Our parents believed he had actually done it this time and were supportive. Not me. I got harder on him. Despite the fact I did believe him, I never told him. I was brutal and constantly gave him grief, threatening to disown him if he put another foot wrong. But he did it. He pulled it out of the bag and things were better for him. I was so fucking proud of him. But of course I didn’t tell him, I continued to let him think I wasn’t there for him. The last time I saw him he told me he would prove me wrong. And I wanted to tell him he already had, but something held me back and I didn’t say it. Instead I told him he hadn’t done enough yet, a few months of good behaviour, staying off the drink and drugs and a college place wasn’t enough. I was so hard on him because I thought it would make him try harder to stay on track.” Adam ran his fingers through his hair and drew in a ragged breath.
“You can stop, if you want to. You don’t have to tell me all in one go.” I told him, sitting back and seeing the pain on his face. He reached out for me and wrapped me in his arms again, pulling me close.
“I just need to feel you Angel. Need to feel you close, to know you’re here.” His voice was cracked with emotion.
“Always.” I whispered before he continued.
“I was on a night shift when the call came in. Armed robbery in progress at a 24 hour pharmacy. My partner and I weren’t close by so we left it to other units to respond and continued with our own patrol. Maybe twenty minutes later I got a call from my sergeant to say James was involved. I all but exploded. I knew instantly he’d broken his promises. It had all been lies. So I decided there and then I was washing my hands of him. I wanted nothing more to do with him. No more lies and empty promises. I ignored my partner’s advice to go over there and insisted we carry on with our duties. It wasn’t part of our area, we weren’t required to be there and this was one mess James could get himself out of. The next thing I know, my sergeant is yelling at me down my radio to get my arse over there right now. James had been shot. I’ve never driven so fast in my life, I’m amazed we even got there alive, the entire journey is still a blur. I could guess what had happened. James had gone into the pharmacy desperate for drugs and held up the cashier and our own armed response team would have taken him out when he looked like he posed too much of a threat. I knew as soon as we got there I was too late. He was gone. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. He hadn’t been robbing the place. He had died trying to take the gun from the drugged up fucker that was holding the cashier up. The weapon had gone off in the struggle. Armed response took the junkie out, but not before he took James.” The tears that now streamed down my cheeks matched Adam’s own.
“I never told him. Never got to tell him I believed in him. Because I did. I really did. I was just too fucking stubborn to admit it. Too fucking stupid and prideful to stand by him while he turned his life around. And now he’ll never know. Fuck! I worshipped that kid Angel. And he’ll never know.” Adam sobbed, burying his face in my hair.
“He knows Adam. I promise you he knows. He always knew. You were his big brother, nothing takes tha
t away.” I told him as I held him.
“I took it away.” He replied quietly.
“No. You never took your love away. Never that. You proved that by being so hard on him. He wanted to prove you wrong and he would have known that was your way of pushing him to do it.”
“You think so?” He looked up at me, tears staining his cheeks.
“I know so. The people we love always know, even if we don’t say the words. There are so many ways to say I love you. So many actions, without ever having to say anything. My brother carrying spare gloves around for me? That’s him saying he loves me. The way Nick pulls my hair? That’s him saying it. When I call Liv Olive, I’m saying it to her. Being tough on James was you telling him you loved him and that you wanted more for him. And he took your love and was determined to do something with it. The fact he wanted to prove you wrong tells me he knew, undoubtedly, that you loved him and his own actions, changing his life and proving you wrong, that was him telling you he loved you back.”
“When we ask each other Okay?” He grinned cheekily, regaining some of his composure.
“That too.” I admitted with a smile.
Adam held my eyes with his as he contemplated my words. “Thank you for fighting with me Angel.”
“You know I always will.” I told him.
A crooked smile lit up one side of his face, “Can I fall in love with you yet?”
“Not if I fall in love with you first.” I smiled back and wrapped my arms around his neck in a tight embrace. The kind he had given to me so many times before. My stomach tumbled when I felt his lips on my neck and I sighed in pleasure and anticipation of that kiss he had promised me.
The warm fuzzy feeling iced as a noise at the edge of the woods startled us both. The unmistakeable sound of a person running through dead leaves brought us both to our feet.
“Did anyone come out here with you?” Adam asked, scanning the tree line for signs of life, all emotion gone from his demeanour. He had snapped into protection mode in a split second and was suddenly all business.
“No.” I shook my head and took the hand he held out to me as he turned to look at me.
“Go upstairs and tell Greg I went to check it out. Then go back to the others and lock the doors, don’t let anyone in but us.” He instructed me.
“Adam...” I hesitated, concerned for him.
“I’ll be fine.” He kissed my forehead, “Get Greg for me ok? Go fast Angel.” I nodded and ran up the steps to his apartment.
A while later Adam and Greg returned. Dana and I were the only ones still awake. They had found signs of someone being out in the forest behind the house, but whoever it was had disappeared fast. Greg decided to stay downstairs in his own place after all. He had planned on staying at Adam’s, but they both now thought it was safer for him to be at home. I said I’d take the sofa rather than sharing with Dana as originally planned, allowing Greg his own bed. Dana piled the sofa with pillows and blankets and gave me a sly smile before leaving Adam and me alone in the living room.
“Okay?” He asked as he sat down next to me and reached across to pull me, sideways, into his lap.
“Okay.” I nodded and rested my head against his shoulder. He pulled a blanket over us and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Aren’t you going upstairs to bed?”
“No. Staying right here with you.” He buried his face in my hair, nuzzling my neck as he did so. I smiled contentedly and fell asleep.
Of course I awoke wrapped around him the next morning. I didn’t have an oh shit moment and run for the hills. I snuggled in closer and enjoyed the moment.
“Hmmmm, definitely my favourite sleeping position.” he murmured, half asleep, and pulled his arms tighter.
*****
My lady continues to be taken in by those men. She belongs to me, she always has. I must nip this in the bud before one of them defiles her. I cannot allow that. I did not wish to be hard on her, but she leaves me with no choice. She will suffer in unimaginable ways before her lessons are learned and it is all because of her so called friends, her family. I know I can use her feelings for them to my advantage and I will turn her against them. They will know soon enough that she does not belong to them. That she has always been mine.
*****
Chapter Fifteen
Adam and I were at the supermarket, picking up barbecue supplies. In typical British style, summer was taking it’s time in making an appearance, but the weather was getting slightly warmer considering it was already June. Not that my twin and his trusty sidekick needed good weather for a barbecue. Cam and Nick, after spending an entire evening binge watching YouTube videos on the fine art of barbecuing, had decided they wanted to do a Sunday roast on it. They had sent us off with strict instructions to buy the biggest joint of beef we could find, because they’d invited everyone we knew. I foresaw a lump of meat that was burnt on the outside and raw in the middle, but they were insistent and to be fair, most of their adventures in barbecuing were successful. We were in the car park, loading our shopping into Adam’s car when I heard him.
“CeeCee.” The voice came from behind me and I froze instantly. I’d known things had to come to a head eventually between Adam, Jase and me, but I’d been happy to continue in my little bubble denying anything was wrong.
“Get in the car Angel.” Adam said his voice low and commanding.
“Cee, please look at me.” Jase pleaded. I didn’t want to but I had to turn around to get in the car. I took a deep breath and turned, making my way towards the front of the car. As Jase stepped into my path I halted and breathed in sharply when I saw his face. He had a swollen, black eye, bruises ran along his jaw, there were grazes across his nose and cheeks and his lip was swollen and cut.
“What the...” I breathed, reaching up to his face on impulse and snapping my hand back before it made contact.
“Ask your bodyguard here.” Jase spat venomously as Adam took my arm and steered me around the car to the passenger side.
In shock, I allowed Adam to sit me in the car and looked at him wide eyed, as he got in the driver’s side, unable to conceive that he would do anything like this.
“Cee, he did this. It might have been dark, but it was him. You know it as well as I do. Who else could it have been Cee?” Jase managed to call out before Adam slammed the door shut.
Jase hammered on the window. Adam sighed and took the keys from the ignition and calmly got out of the car. He closed the door behind him and spoke to Jase. Adam kept his distance and remained calm. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but I could see by the look on Jase’s face that Adam wasn’t getting through to him. Jase had been horribly beaten, his movements and the way his arm was curled into his side told me there were other unseen injuries on his body.
Could Adam have done this? I shoved the thought away as soon as it came to mind. There was no way. Adam was a police officer. No, even if he wasn’t a police officer I couldn’t see him doing anything like this. To deliberately and maliciously beat someone in that way just didn’t hold true to the person I knew Adam to be. And yet, he hadn’t denied it and he plainly hadn’t wanted me to see Jase in that state. Although I knew that could just be Adam protecting me. I hated to doubt Adam, but I knew Jase could take care of himself. I’d never known anyone get the better of him. Not that he was a big fighter or anything, but he had earned himself enough of a reputation when he had been in that kind of situation, that word got around and people just knew not to mess with him. And yet I was pretty sure that aside from Mick, Adam could be the person who finally did take on Jase and come out on top.
I watched their exchange through the windshield. There was no yelling or physical contact. They just looked like two men having a perfectly normal conversation. Jase turned and looked at me through the window. He paused for a few seconds and then turned back to nod at Adam before walking away, his head hanging low.
Adam got in the car and started it without a word. The drive home was filled with a tense silence th
at neither of us broke. When we got there I went straight to my room without speaking to anyone. Cam and Nick didn’t seem to notice and Adam just joined in with their preparations. I wanted to know what happened. I wanted to give Adam a chance to tell me. But the fact that he hadn’t even opened his mouth or tried to come after me told me that he didn’t want to talk. And there was that much going on in my head at that moment, I don’t think I would have given him a fair hearing.
When the others arrived for the barbecue I ventured out of my room. Adam occasionally slipped an arm around me or kissed the top of my head. I didn’t shy away from the contact, I wanted it, needed it as much as he did. We shared our drinks as normal, but it wasn’t normal and we both knew it. We needed to talk and neither of us was about to do that with everyone else around.
“I’m gonna get going.” Adam came to be in the kitchen. I was sitting alone at the island, nursing a glass of wine that I didn’t even want.
“Alright.” I nodded. I wanted to ask him to stay, to just hold me and keep the darkness away, the way only he could, but I didn’t say it.
“We’ll talk tomorrow, ok? I’ll pick you up from college after your exams. About six yeah?” He asked.
“Fine.” I said, looking at my glass as I turned it in circles.
“Do you need me to take you in?” He pushed a strand of hair from my face, trying to get me to look at him.
“No. I’m having breakfast with Nick first, he’s taking me.” I supplied numbly.
“Look at me Angel.” He whispered, the pain evident in his voice.
I did, searching his eyes. I knew this man. At least I thought I did. He wouldn’t do this. And maybe he thought I should automatically know that, without question. But I wanted, no, needed to hear him say it. I tried to let him know that as we looked into each other’s eyes. He sent his own message back, one that told me I shouldn’t have to ask. That I should just know and that I could count on him. But neither of us said the words the other needed to hear. We were at a standoff.
Educating Callie Page 27
