Out

by Cara Dee

  “Lord, you could be twins,” Henry muttered.

  It wasn’t the first time I’d heard that. Mattie’s hair was a little darker than mine, that was it. Same six-foot height, same build, same blue-green eyes. Although, now as he got closer, I could see he was paler. Which meant I must’ve gotten some color.

  “I hope you won’t trade me in for a younger model.” I thought that was funny. Henry didn’t. Oh, well. I cupped my hands around my mouth. “Mattie!”

  His head snapped up, and he grinned tiredly when spotting me. Then he nudged someone next to him—Ty, I assumed. He was a few inches shorter, and a guy who looked like he belonged in Texas with that cowboy hat was blocking my view. And when the dude sidestepped and I caught the first glance of Ty, I kinda wished I never did. Livid was correct. He wanted to be anywhere but here.

  His bright hazel eyes fixed me with a death glare, and he didn’t even look at Henry. Much like his uncle, Ty was a mix of warm colors—like his hair and eyes—and cutting features. He had the body of a runner; right now, a murderous one.

  It pissed me off.

  “Holy fuck,” Mattie blurted out. “You changed, bro. Everything. I mean…”

  I forced a smirk and ran a hand through my hair. It was what he was currently staring at with a strange expression.

  “Hello, Tyler.” Henry’s voice snapped my attention back to where it was supposed to be, and I jerked my chin at my brother. We should give them at least a semblance of privacy.

  We were surrounded but managed to get a few paces farther away, where Mattie immediately rattled off everything that was different about me. The haircut, I had a tan, new clothes, and “there’s something else too…” His words.

  I was busy watching the awkward reunion some feet away. I managed to catch a couple “whatevers” from Ty as Henry said he was happy Ty had come down. Next, Henry offered to help with the luggage, but Ty merely wrenched away and started pushing his luggage cart toward the exit.

  I didn’t think before acting. I let out a sharp whistle that got his attention—and possibly others’ as well—and pointed toward another set of doors. “Wrong exit, and lose the fucking attitude.”

  Ty’s jaw clenched, and he directed his glare at the floor instead.

  “This is gonna be great,” Mattie said.

  I chanced a glance at Henry, only to avert my gaze. He was in for it now, and he already appeared surprised.

  We shuffled toward Henry’s car in uneasy silence that Mattie and I tried to break a few times without much success. He stopped short when we were outside and the wall of heat hit us, and I said, “I know, right?”

  Ty was out of the car the second we stopped, and while Mattie had eagerly taken in the sights on the way up to Malibu, Ty seemed unimpressed by the whole thing. I watched him stalk up the driveway, sans his luggage.

  “Fancy digs, Mr. Bennington.” Mattie looked at the house.

  Henry paused, having just opened the trunk in the back. “I apologize, we didn’t get a chance to say hello at the airport. Call me Henry, please.”

  Mattie nodded and shook his hand. “Matthew, but everyone calls me Mattie.”

  I joined Henry and hauled out my brother’s duffel. “Don’t get Ty’s bags.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he can get them himself.” I shrugged and handed Mattie his bag. “If he wants to act like a kid, we should treat him like one.”

  “I missed you, Dad.” Mattie flashed me a dopey grin.

  I chuckled.

  Henry thought about it, then nodded firmly. “You’re right.” He sent me a small smile. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  The relief covered me like the softest, fuzziest blanket. I bet he could see it too. Rather than getting cutesy about it, I offered a quick wink and then followed my brother toward the house.

  I told him the second bedroom upstairs was his. The third was Ty’s, in case he got the stupid idea of leaving in the middle of the night. The floorboards creaking and the fact that he would have to pass Mattie’s room as well as Henry’s would hopefully be enough to change his mind.

  “I get it.” Mattie nodded. “What room is yours?”

  Dammit. I didn’t wanna lie to him, but we hadn’t been here five minutes yet. I was planning on talking to him after dinner.

  “There’s a guest room downstairs,” I said. Which wasn’t a lie. There was a guest room on the first floor. “Anyway, dinner’s in an hour. You can unpack and get a shower or whatever.”

  “Cool. I’m starving.”

  “Yeah, me too. Henry’s ordering from some Italian place.” I side-eyed him with a grin. “They don’t cook at home much here. And I can’t wait for you to meet Martin. He’s hysterical.”

  “Who’s that?”

  “Henry’s best friend.” We reached the house, and I opened the door for him. Ty was already inside; I spotted him in the kitchen on the way to the terrace. “Ty,” I called. “Third bedroom upstairs is yours, and when you want your stuff, it’s waiting for you in the car.”

  “Whatever.” He sat down by the pool with a soda and yanked off his hoodie. “I’m just gonna sit here for a week, and then I can go home again.”

  By now, I’d reached the kitchen, and I leaned against the open glass doors. “Okay. Watch out for the rattlesnakes.”

  “What the fuck?” Mattie exclaimed.

  Ty had grown rigid in the lounger, and I smirked.

  Henry had said he’d only seen the snakes a once or twice, though he heard them sometimes.

  Speak of the devil… Henry appeared next to me with a menu. It was from the restaurant, so I quickly picked a dish that sounded good. Mattie took longer to decide.

  Henry was watching his nephew, looking like he was trying to decide something too. There was an air of authority around him I couldn’t see earlier today. The man had the ability to come off as a ruthless businessman even as he wore his cargo shorts and flip-flops, but Ty was his weak spot. They both needed to get to know each other again and see where they ended up.

  “Tyler, come pick your meal, please.” He waited for a reaction from Ty. So far, nothing. The kid had his back to us, and he was just looking out over the hillside.

  Mattie silently returned the menu to me and pointed at the item he wanted. I nodded in acknowledgment.

  “If you don’t pick your dinner, you’re not eating,” Henry told Ty.

  “Great, he’s gonna starve me too,” Ty muttered.

  I opened my mouth to call him out for being fucking juvenile when Henry rested a hand on my arm, cautioning me.

  “It’s all right. Tyler isn’t hungry. He can join us for breakfast in the morning if he wants to.” With that said, Henry walked over to the fridge, and I followed so I could return the menu. I told him Mattie’s order as he checked what condiments we had. Probably a double check to distract himself. We’d bought it all yesterday. The kitchen was full of pretty much everything.

  Mattie ventured upstairs to explore and get settled in, and I figured a shower couldn’t hurt.

  I preferred dinner when Henry and Martin were glaring at one another. The awkward tension between the two Benningtons made for one stilted meal on the terrace.

  Ty sat with us, though he had nothing to eat. Henry had caved momentarily and said the fridge was full, and still, Ty didn’t move. He merely sat there with his empty soda can.

  “Do you know why Henry wanted you to come down here?” I asked.

  Ty lifted a shoulder and turned his head toward the ocean. “I guess he wants to play parent for a minute.”

  “Tyler—” Henry started.

  “I tracked him down,” I told Ty. “I wanted him to know what kind of man you’re becoming. Wait, did I say man? I mean, what an absolute fuckwit.”

  Ty’s head whipped back, and he glowered at me. Mattie’s utensils clanked against the plate.

  “You started this shit?” Ty seethed.

  “Yeah, you’re welcome,” I replied. “You think I’m alone in thinking you’r
e turning into an elitist bully?”

  “I’ve told you this before, buddy,” Mattie said quietly. “Our friends talk shit about you, and you’re sort of giving them all the reasons to.”

  Ty swallowed hard and stared at his lap. His posture changed slightly, as if Mattie’s words packed a punch. I hoped they did.

  “Fuck them.” Ty raised his chin, feigning indifference. “They don’t matter, anyway. Just a bunch of losers.”

  “And me?” Mattie cocked a brow. “You said Aaron was too poor to chill with us. I work nights and weekends to afford car insurance and going to the movies. You dumped Jenny because her ‘rusty pile of shit’ broke down so she couldn’t come over and blow you. My car is a rusty pile of shit, and my brother worked his ass off to give that to me for my birthday. You also told Gideon he should just give up on Micaela ’cause he wouldn’t be able to afford to take her to nice restaurants. I couldn’t take Andrea on dates all the time when we dated, so you tell me, Ty. Am I a loser too?”

  I slumped back and rubbed a hand over my mouth, all but gutted by his words. More than that, I was torn. Proud as fuck because my brother was mature and damn wise. But…he’d been forced to grow up young, kinda like me. And I didn’t like that. I would’ve wanted him to stay a kid for a while longer.

  “Answer him, Tyler.” Henry’s command was low and controlled, though I could sense the underlying anger. Knowing him, he was probably taking this as a personal defeat too. Another thing I didn’t like.

  “No,” Ty gritted. “He’s not a loser.”

  “Then why are the others?” I asked.

  He refused to answer that.

  “I’d like a moment in private with you,” Henry told him and wiped his mouth with a napkin before standing up. “Follow me, please.”

  Well, shit.

  Ty rolled his eyes but followed Henry into the house.

  I chewed the inside of my cheek. How bad would it be to listen in?

  “I’m proud of you, by the way.” I faced Mattie and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “You know I always wanna be able to do more for you, right?”

  “Shut up, Zach,” he groused, shoveling food into his mouth. “He’s the dipshit. I have no fucking complaints about what we have. You do tons already.”

  “I know, but—”

  “I’ll throat-punch you,” he warned.

  I frowned. “Why would you do that? You’d end up getting stitches like last time you tried to throw me down.”

  I hadn’t seen how close he’d been to that table. Honest.

  He snickered and touched the scar on his jaw absently, all while pushing more food into his mouth.

  The next silence was at least comfortable, and I got to finish my dinner too.

  Maybe you should tell him you like cock now.

  I sat up straight and cursed at my own thought. Just like that, the discomfort returned. My stomach tightened, and I flicked a glance at my brother. He’d take it well, right? Nan and I had raised him to be accepting and open-minded. Plus, he had friends who were gay.

  “We gotta talk about something.” I cleared my throat and pushed away my plate. Suddenly, the pasta and garlic sauce and all that damn cheese was forming a brick in my gut. “I, uh, I had another reason for coming to California.”

  “Oh?” He belched into his fist and grabbed an oregano roll from the container of side orders. “I hope you haven’t checked out any colleges here. I know you want me to get my money’s worth, but there’s nothing wrong with the state college back home.”

  That was a whole other argument. And I did hope he would pick another school, one with a better engineering program.

  “It’s not that,” I said. “It’s about me. For the past couple of years, I’ve… I don’t know how to put this, but I’ve had thoughts.” I sucked at this.

  “It’s okay, big brother.” He patted my arm. “It’s called puberty. Happens to all of us.”

  “Fuck off,” I chuckled. I shook my head. “Can you hear me out, goddammit?”

  He made a go-ahead gesture and leaned back, a hand going to his stomach.

  I sighed. It was time to blurt it out. “I wasn’t sure I was straight.”

  Mattie lifted his brows and lolled his head along the back of the cushion until he met my gaze. “Uh, what?”

  “You heard me.” It would do me no good to get frustrated. “I didn’t know, and I wasn’t comfortable doing anything about it at home, so when…” I waved a hand at him. “You know, when you started bitching about Ty last winter and we talked about maybe getting in touch with his uncle, I thought…maybe I could explore. Or, I got that idea when you told me his uncle lived in LA. And LA… I figured, it would be a good place to find out—Jesus, just say something.”

  “Um, sorry.” He sat up straighter again, frowning. Then he scratched the spot below his ear, something he did when he was uncomfortable. Dammit. The only thing worse would be when he twisted his cap—yep, there he went. He turned his cap backward and readjusted it. Another tell of his. “I don’t mean to be a dick, Zach, but…” He shifted in his seat, hesitant. “I kinda already assumed you were queer. Or gay, sorry.”

  My eyebrows shot up. “The fuck? Is there a sign on my forehead or something?”

  “No, but there’s gay porn on your computer at home,” he replied frankly.

  It was my turn to slump back, and I ran a hand through my hair. I couldn’t fucking believe that gay porn I hadn’t even particularly enjoyed had outed me.

  “I wasn’t banking on it,” he amended. “I mean, I like Meghan and that other one—the redhead.”

  “Alice.”

  “That’s the one.” He bobbed his head. “But I don’t know, you were checking out guys too.” That was news to me. Not that I’d done it, but that he’d noticed. “And, uh, just so you know…the Peyton that Nan wanted to set you up with—her friend’s grandkid or something? Yeah, Peyton’s a dude.”

  “For chrissakes, Nan thinks I’m gay too?” I stared at him in disbelief.

  He shrugged, then nodded once. “It ain’t like we’ve discussed it at length.”

  “You only assumed—yeah, I got that,” I muttered.

  “But, so, now you’re out, yeah?” He tested a smile.

  “I guess so.” I was still confused about the whole conversation. “We’re cool, right?”

  “Of course we are.” He furrowed his brow. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

  I let out a tired chuckle, the relief hitting me hard, and his question was valid. He’d never indicated we’d be anything but cool, no matter what.

  Maybe it was part of it—for many, anyway. There was always that risk, and losing my family which was already so small would slay me. I couldn’t imagine what Henry had gone through. The phantom pain and emptiness I felt at the mere idea were enough to make me wanna run into his arms and hug him.

  About that… I should tell Mattie it was Henry I’d sunk my claws into.

  “One more thing.” I shifted in my seat and blew out a breath. “I’m sorta dating Henry.”

  Finally, I had shocked my brother.

  “What the—are you s-serious?” he stuttered. “Isn’t he a little old for you, bro?”

  “Hey,” I warned halfheartedly with a lazy smirk. “His life experience is a big part of the draw. He’s…fucking amazing.” Not to mention I found the age difference a complete turn-on.

  Mattie’s discomfort was back now, though I could tell it was more related to not wanting to hear about his brother’s love life than the fact that Henry was a man. “That’s great. Weird…but great.”

  I reached over and flicked the brim of his cap in response.

  Sixteen

  I think holy fuck is accurate here

  The next morning, I woke up to Henry’s mouth leaving a soft trail of kisses along my shoulder blades. I smiled sleepily and stretched out, only for him to stop me. Or rather, he stopped me from pushing down my leg that was bent at the knee, conveniently giving him some extra access to my ass.

/>   Good to know, lying on my stomach with one leg up would give him ideas.

  The sound of a bottle opening sent a bolt of excitement through me, and I lazily pushed my ass out. Give it to me. Slipping a hand under myself, I grasped my cock and gave it a slow stroke.

  Slick fingers parted my ass cheeks farther and rubbed me in sensual movements. He was taking his time this morning. And I didn’t feel like breaking the silence, so I let my body language say all there was to say.

  I exhaled heavily as he entered me with two fingers. His hard cock pressed against my thigh, and I shifted closer to him. More, more, more. I felt his smile on my skin, more kisses following along my shoulder.

  Three fingers. Long, teasing strokes, stretching me.

  Then he slipped them out.

  “Holy fuck,” I breathed. “More.”

  “Shhh…” He grasped my chin gently and made me tilt my head back to him. “Do you want me to use protection?”

  Holy fuck, I repeated to myself. Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck. I shuddered, gulped, and shook my head quickly. At fucking last, he was gonna take me. And, no, I didn’t want anything in the way. I wanted to feel every inch of his skin and then have him fill me.

  Henry didn’t say anything else. He caught my mouth in a kiss before he slicked up his cock. He was the only thing on my mind. I couldn’t think of anyone or anything else even if I tried.

  We stayed in that position, me mostly on my stomach, one leg pulled up, him halfway on top of me. He rubbed his cock between my ass cheeks for too goddamn long, and I turned my head again and groaned into the pillow.

  By the time he began applying pressure to breach my opening, I couldn’t even tense up. I wanted it too much. I was fucking ready.

  The burn flared up, and I sucked in a breath. The moment meant something to me; it was two years of fantasies becoming reality, and with the perfect man. I screwed my eyes shut as the pain speared me, and I realized it wasn’t the only thing fucking spearing me. I choked on a gasp. Henry was all in. Jesus, was he.

  “I’m sorry, baby boy. I couldn’t wait.” He breathed shallowly against my shoulder and slid a hand down one cheek to squeeze it firmly. “I won’t be able to stay away from you now.” He pulled out slowly, then pushed in again, and the pleasure rippled through the pain. “I need this tight, fuckable little ass to be mine.”