Out

by Cara Dee

  My eyes flashed open, and I mouthed a silent, “Oh my fucking God.” The gasps followed, and I sank into him, wishing I could crawl under his goddamn skin.

  “Say it,” he whispered against my neck.

  “Whenever,” I groaned. “It’s yours.”

  Henry shivered and withdrew from me. Then he turned me onto my back, wrapped my legs around his hips, and forced his way inside me again. I heard the muted slap as one of his hands grabbed the headboard. The other found my cheek, and I turned toward his touch.

  I wanted mirrors on the ceiling. I wanted to see his muscles flexing as he thrust his cock into my ass.

  “So beautiful.” He pushed in once more and brushed his thumb over my bottom lip. “I’ll want you in every position imaginable. Begging, sweating, gasping, shaking.” He started moving faster and deeper, and he fisted my cock gently, as if I wasn’t already losing my mind. “You’ll spread your legs for me, won’t you, Zachary?”

  “Yes,” I hissed. “Kiss me.” I tangled my legs with his for leverage so I could meet his thrusts, and I tried to pull him down. “I want you, Henry.” I didn’t mean for that to come out as a damn whine.

  “You have me.” He lowered his head and captured my mouth with his in a wet, hungry, erotic kiss that left me breathless. “Tell me how it feels.”

  “I can’t—” I couldn’t fucking understand how he was still forming words. My mind was swimming, like I was drunk or high. “Oh God. Full—I feel full. Overwhelmed. Oh fuck, right there.” I arched my back and dug my head into the pillow, and the euphoric sensations crashed over me. “It feels fucking amazing,” I panted. “Fuck me harder.”

  He went harder and pressed a palm on my lower abdomen, right under my cock. I didn’t know how, but it felt even greater.

  “Get yourself off,” he commanded quietly. “I want your gorgeous chest full of come so I can lick it up.”

  I whimpered and succumbed to the pleasure. My body took over. I stroked my cock quickly and bore down on him, the pain only fueling the intensity.

  I heard us, the slick sounds of his cock sliding in and out of me, and I smelled us, the scent of sex and man making my mouth run dry. And I felt him…everywhere. I swallowed against the dryness and forced my eyes to stay open. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to drink in the sight of him. Henry was immense in a way, especially when he was looming over me and playing my body like an instrument.

  “I wanna come,” I gritted. “Fuck.” I slipped a hand farther down, cupping my balls and ghosting my fingers around my ass. That, when I felt him pushing in, was heady. I teased his skin and slid through the slickness, and almost got off at the sound of his sharp intake of air.

  “Ahh—Zach… Hell.” He pounded into me and dropped his forehead to mine. My hand went back to my cock, and I chased my orgasm. “I’m there, darling.”

  With my thoughts racing ahead to his cock releasing his come deep inside me, I lost it all. I groaned as my climax surged through me, and then I stopped breathing. Rope after rope splattered up my chest. My taste buds reacted to the delicious scent, my mouth pooling with saliva.

  Henry rocked deeper once, twice, and shuddered violently. I felt his cock throbbing as he emptied himself in my ass.

  It was too much, lust overload, and I checked out. I had no choice. Every fiber of me was hypersensitive and rigid, and I rode out the orgasm until all I heard was the ringing in my ears.

  I gasped for air, and Henry collapsed next to me. His cock disappearing from me caused me to wince in pain, yet it made me feel empty too.

  I resurfaced from the haze to Henry leaving slow, openmouthed kisses on my chest. I shivered like crazy and wanted him inside me again. The feeling of being fucked, taken…I’d never known it would be like this.

  “Christ…” I exhaled and weaved my fingers into his hair. “I wanna be yours, Henry.”

  I tasted sex on his tongue as he gave me a toe-curling kiss, and I moaned breathlessly and wrapped my arms around him.

  “I mean it,” I mumbled into the kiss.

  “I meant it when I said you’re a dream come true.” He smiled softly and teased my bottom lip with his teeth. “For the sake of my sanity, we’re going to take this slowly. Lord knows I’m already yours, but you’re so—”

  “I remember my own age,” I grated. Then I pinched his nipples. He hissed and smirked. I shook my head. “You’re stubborn.”

  “I’m realistic,” he corrected. The amusement in his eyes ensured the moment wasn’t completely ruined. “The world is a big place. You have a lot to explore.”

  I nodded. “True. Before I can make my own decisions and know who I want to date, I have to fuck the entire gay population. Makes sense.”

  “Smartass.” He left the bed and extended a hand. “Shower with me.”

  I guess I could do that.

  My mood went to shit during breakfast when I learned how Henry’s private conversation with Ty last night had gone. Apparently, Henry had apologized for not sticking around, stating he felt awful about it, which… Everybody knew that already. The man wore guilt like Kanye wore arrogance.

  Ty had shrugged and said he’d just been relieved, ’cause he didn’t want Henry around.

  Having spent the last week and a half with Henry, I could picture the hurt slashing through his features upon hearing that.

  He’d powered through, though. He’d told Ty that even though he had a lot to make up for, he was going to be strict. He wouldn’t tolerate bullying and putting others down in any way. And the next time Ty acted like a douche, he would lose his phone. To be honest, I didn’t understand why he still had it.

  Mattie spent the morning in the pool and writing a list of things he wanted to see in LA. Because, I figured, taking him sightseeing would give Henry and Ty more alone time.

  Around noon, I heard a car pulling up in the driveway, and Henry looked to me, confused.

  “It’s probably Martin,” I said, losing my tee. Seeing Mattie in the pool made me wanna dive in too. “I texted him.” I’d also found the balls to send Julian from the nightclub a message. “I told him I missed his baked goods, so he gave me a lecture on how they’re called artisanal pastry creations or whatever.”

  Henry seemed surprised, in a good way. “You’re very fond of him.”

  I smiled and lifted a shoulder. “How could I not be? He should be here too.”

  Henry didn’t disagree with me, and in response, he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss.

  “Holy fuck.” Ty came out on the terrace, having spent some quality time brooding in his room. “You two? I mean—fuck, are you also a faggot, Zach?”

  I was so stunned that I couldn’t reply. I didn’t know what to think.

  “Tyler!” Henry was just as stunned—and horrified.

  Faggot.

  I’d never been called that before. I supposed I was in a good place mentally, because the word didn’t hurt me. However, it filled me with anger.

  Henry sighed. “I forgot to tell him about us.”

  Wh… What? No. No, that wasn’t it. It was okay he hadn’t told Ty, just like I’d forgotten to inform Henry that my brother knew. But what Ty had said was not fucking cool.

  I pointed a finger at Ty. “Use that word again, and you and I are gonna have a serious motherfucking problem.”

  Ty flinched. He hadn’t expected my reaction.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Mattie jumped up from the pool, grabbed his towel from a nearby lounger, and walked over.

  “He saw Henry kiss me.” I didn’t look away from Ty. “So he asked if I’m a faggot too.”

  Mattie groaned and looked exasperatedly at Ty. “Dude. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  Ty gnashed his teeth together and averted his stare to the ground.

  “I think we need to step out for a while,” Henry stated. To me, he lowered his voice a little. “We’ll be back in a few hours. I want to take him to Second Family.”

  “Okay.” I nodded and linked my fingers with his fo
r a beat, then watched the two Benningtons disappear inside.

  Other than knowing Second Family was a safe space for LGBTQ+ persons who didn’t have a family to fall back on, I didn’t have a sense of their activities. I’d have to google it later.

  Or ask Martin, I thought, as he emerged in the wide doorway.

  “I arrive, and Henry leaves with an angry little bee in tow.” He sniffed and put a hand on his hip, and I couldn’t help but grin.

  “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” I hadn’t realized I’d managed to miss Martin’s presence in the forty-eight hours since we left their little corner of Malibu. “Martin, I want you to meet my kid brother. This is Mattie. Mattie, Martin—Henry’s best friend.”

  “Thank you for not saying oldest friend, dear.” Martin winked and extended a hand to Mattie. “My, my, are you legal?”

  “Back off, cradle-robber. He’s seventeen.”

  Mattie chuckled and shook Martin’s hand. “Good to meet you.”

  “Likewise, honey.” Martin eyed us. “You’re certainly related.”

  “People keep telling us,” my brother said. “I’m gonna jump in the pool again.”

  “Be right there.” I nodded before facing Martin. “Want any help with that?” He was holding a paper bag with the cupcake sticker that was his logo.

  He handed the bag over, then unbuttoned the top two buttons of his light blue shirt. “Remember to share.”

  “We’ll see,” I said. “Henry probably has a pair of trunks you can borrow upstairs.”

  “A day by the pool does sound lovely.” He pursed his lips. “Okay. I’ll go make a pitcher of margaritas.” He turned on his heel without another word, and I grinned again. It was nice to have him around.

  Tightening the drawstrings of my board shorts, I stepped closer to the pool where Mattie had gotten comfortable in an inflatable pool chair. It was bright pink and had a bunch of flamingoes on it.

  “I know what you’re gonna say,” he told me. “Pink is totally my color.”

  I laughed and jumped in.

  Seventeen

  It’s starting to look a lot like I’m starting a life here

  Over the next four days, I didn’t see Henry and Ty as much as I would’ve liked to. Every morning after breakfast, Henry took his nephew to a new place on the famous list, leaving me alone with my brother. Martin stopped by often too, and he spent the night twice.

  He’d brought Eagle one day, and the cat wouldn’t leave his carrier, so Martin had taken him home again.

  One thing I could put behind me was the bitchy feud between Martin and Henry. They were on good terms again and found time to have a glass of wine and bicker about skipping brunch last Sunday; therefore, they needed a new spot for next week. Now that I was a “seasoned” Los Angelino, Martin had shifted his attention to my brother. It was he who now had to experience the best restaurants Malibu had to offer.

  On Sunday, we were apparently going to a place in Venice. I let Henry and Martin deal with that.

  I’d taken Mattie sightseeing a few times too. I’d gotten lost, effectively making me feel less seasoned, and shown him Sunset Boulevard, Venice Beach, downtown LA, and Beverly Hills. Today we were going to Santa Monica—for a couple reasons. Firstly, I wanted to show Mattie the pier. Secondly, we were having dinner with Julian.

  Henry had been adorably miffed when he’d deduced I wouldn’t be home when he got back with Ty.

  “We won’t be too late,” I’d said, which had wiped away his frown. He’d kissed me soundly and repeated that he wanted me to have fun.

  He and Ty were off to West Hollywood where they’d join some people from Second Family for lunch and a group session. I was still waiting for the details on that. In fact, I was waiting for a lot of details. At the end of each day, Henry was exhausted, and Ty was…I didn’t even know how to describe it. He’d grown silent, almost depressed.

  I guess I’d expected to be part of it more. On the other hand, it was probably best for Henry to establish this—whatever it was—with his nephew. For now, I settled for having my nights with Henry.

  I was sore as fuck today.

  “Are you ready?” I came down the stairs and checked the pockets of my new shorts. I’d followed in Henry’s footsteps and bought a pair of army green cargo shorts and flip-flops. With them, I was wearing my white “Let Me Be Perfectly Queer” tee.

  Mattie nodded, only to splutter a chuckle when he spotted the print across my back.

  I smirked, pocketing my wallet.

  On the way to the truck, he told me he’d talked to Nan, and she was sending us a “little vacation gift” so we could buy ourselves something.

  “That never gets old,” I chuckled. “Seeing my own paycheck every month does nothing, but when she transfers twenty bucks for ice cream, I grin like a loon.”

  “I know, right?” Mattie snickered and rounded the truck.

  I got in behind the wheel, carefully, then backed out until I could make a turn. “Did you think about Henry’s offer yet?”

  Last night after dinner, Henry had admitted he was trying to convince Ty to extend his stay, and he wanted Mattie to able to stay too. Ty was staying no matter what, but of course, everything would be easier if he stayed willingly. Anything to make progress—and postpone the inevitable fallout with Henry’s parents.

  “I don’t mind sticking around.” Mattie shrugged. “I’m getting a tan here. Girls love that.”

  I snorted.

  As we reached the main road, he asked if I was staying too.

  This was where shit got hard. “I’ve been away from work for too long.” I talked to Pammie briefly yesterday, and she was good until next weekend. It helped that we only had the store open for evenings at the moment. She didn’t have to run herself ragged. “If I leave next Thursday, I’ll have been here three weeks.”

  Mattie nodded slowly. “Maybe it’s best I stay another week or so. I wanna know what’s going on with Ty. He wouldn’t say a word to me last night.”

  Yeah, after today, I was done with the CliffsNotes. Henry only mentioned the basics during dinner. They went here, they went there, they volunteered, they bought supplies for minor charity events. He didn’t say much about how Ty was taking it. Or if they talked.

  I constantly went from wanting more info to wanting to give them privacy.

  “Did they do something special yesterday that made him all…mopey?” Mattie asked. “Other than the phone thing.”

  I had no idea. “I mean, I can guess.” We knew Henry had taken Tyler to Culver City where Second Family had a call center. Teenagers from all over the country could call operators there to talk. Often it was young people who were terrified to come out to their families. “I checked Second Family’s website the other day,” I mentioned, sliding on my shades. “They have a page for stats on kids who commit suicide and shit like that.” I may have gotten choked up when seeing the numbers. “If Ty got a reality check, maybe that’s what had him down.”

  I had my fingers crossed for it. It meant he could change.

  “One can hope.” Mattie took out his phone. “Second Family… So does Henry work there? Oh, there he is. Or, he’s mentioned. He helped start it. That’s cool.”

  “He helps out with finance shit,” I said, side-eyeing the page. I hadn’t read the history, which I should’ve. “I think he pays the rent for their headquarters when funding is low or something like that.”

  “Yeah, he’s on the board with a fancy title,” Mattie replied absently. “He helped start the nonprofit in 2013 with four others, two of them close friends.”

  Huh. “Is Martin mentioned?” Nah, I would’ve known if he was involved.

  Mattie hummed. “Nope. An Elizabeth, a Bridget, a Marisol, and a Joseph.”

  “Ugh.” Why, oh, why? “Joseph Robertson?”

  “Yeah, you know him?”

  I shook my head and grumbled, “He’s a friend of Henry’s. They used to fuck.”

  Mattie barked out a laugh. “Are y
ou jealous?”

  “Shut up.” I reached over and punched his arm.

  “Just…” I sighed in defeat as Mattie closed his mouth around the bigger part of an ice cream cone. “Christ. Don’t spoil your appetite.”

  “Mmm. I won’t, Dad.” He licked the strawberry soft serve off his lips and leaned against the railing. Thirty feet below, waves rolled in underneath the pier. The sun was blazing, and it felt like all of Santa Monica was here. “Hold up.” He stuck a hand down into his pocket and fumbled to grab his phone. “Gotta take a photo of the Ferris wheel before we go.”

  “Send it to Nan,” I said. Our grandmother loved those deathtraps.

  “I will. Here—she’ll ask why we’re not in the picture.” He stepped closer, and then we had the big wheel behind us as we smiled into the camera. “Great. Oh, are those churros?”

  I pushed him toward the start of the pier. “You’re not having another snack. We have dinner in less than an hour.”

  “Stop being so uptight!” he bitched.

  “I’ll show you uptight, you little shit.” I slung an arm around his shoulders and hauled him close so I could lick his cheek.

  He groaned and shoved me off of him while I laughed.

  “People are gonna think it’s me you’re perfectly queer for now,” he complained. “No offense, but my boyfriend would be hotter.”

  “Dumbass, you look like a younger version of me.” I shook my head, grinning. It struck me how glad I was to have him here, so I could share this with him. It was nice to see him let go of all the responsibilities we had at home too.

  Following the slow-moving herd of people, we made it off the pier and crossed the bridge that went over the highway between the beach and Ocean Avenue. On the way, I told him the little I knew about Julian, his husband, and their friends. Mattie made one comment as I mentioned Sophie Pierce and the other celebs, and it was, “Oh yeah, she’s hot.”