by Cara Dee
With tourists as well as locals crowding the streets this fine Friday afternoon, it took us almost half an hour to get to Fourth Street where the restaurant was. Henry had recommended it, and it was next door to the gay bar we’d gone to my first weekend in LA.
“I’m so full.” Mattie puffed out his cheeks and sought out the shade on the sidewalk. Basically, it meant he plastered himself to the walls of the buildings. “You were right. I shouldn’t have eaten so much. Now it’s gonna take at least twenty minutes before I’m hungry again.”
I rolled my eyes, then checked my watch. We were standing outside the restaurant, which had an interesting theme judging by the outdoor seating area. It was as if a steakhouse had undergone the same makeover I had to make it more stylish. It was minimalist. Wooden picnic tables and rustic mini crates for condiments were paired with linen napkins and plates that were square. A waiter walked by with a tray of drinks, each glass frosted.
“Aren’t we having dinner kinda early?” Mattie asked.
“Julian has work at like four in the morning,” I replied. “Something about post-production and being first in the studio.” Other than that, it was good we ate early because Malibu wasn’t around the corner. Depending on traffic, it was an easy forty-five minutes one way. A far cry from what we were used to back home.
Mattie scoffed. “If my boss ever tells me to work that early on a Saturday, I’m gonna quit.”
My mouth twisted up. “That would be his husband.” And as I said that, I spotted Julian walking toward us. His curly brown hair was a mess, like he’d had a taxing day. To my surprise, the aforementioned husband was with him too. Noah.
Julian smiled tentatively when seeing me, and I smiled back.
“I managed to drag Noah away from work early,” he said. “Good to see you again, Zach.”
“Yeah, you too.” We exchanged a one-armed hug, and I said I was glad Noah could join us too. Then I placed a hand on Mattie’s back. “This is my little brother, Mattie. Mattie, Julian and Noah.”
“Nice to meet you, Mattie.” Julian shook his hand. “Zach told me he was excited for you to join him in LA.”
“That’s because he can’t live without me,” Mattie answered with a smirk.
Noah laughed, and I shook my head in amusement.
“All right, let’s get some grub.” Noah led the way toward the hostess’s desk near the front door, and he requested a table outside. Since we were early, we only had to wait ten minutes.
It didn’t take longer than that for me to relax fully. We were a mismatched foursome, Noah probably in his early forties, then Julian and me in our twenties, and Mattie at seventeen. Different walks of life, different careers, different everything. But Noah seemed like a laid-back man, more so than Julian. In our few days of texting back and forth, I’d learned a bit more about him, and I was especially interested in how Noah was the one who’d gotten him into the film industry as a composer.
Most of all, it felt fucking amazing to make new friends.
“Ah, man, I almost forgot to tell you, Zach,” Noah said, grabbing another rib off his plate. “Brook has a bone to pick with you.”
“Oh, yeah.” Julian’s eyes lit up. “She can’t stop thinking about you and your partner. Henry, yes? I’m sorry, I met so many people that night.”
“Um. Who’s Brook, and what did I do?” I took a sip of my beer.
“Brooklyn Wright,” Noah explained, and I nodded. The woman who Joseph worked for at that makeup company. “Apparently, you and your man got hot and heavy by the mirror station at the club. You wore some makeup?”
Mattie dropped his fork and knife, and I felt my face turn redder than a fucking tomato. Oh my fucking God, this wasn’t happening. I had no issues being open, but Christ, maybe Mattie didn’t need to know the details.
“Er, yeah.” I cleared my throat.
Mattie turned to stare at me like he didn’t know who I was.
“Long story,” I said.
“I have nothing but time, son,” he replied.
I ignored him while my cheeks continued to burn, and I waited for Noah to elaborate.
He had an annoying little smirk going on, gaze darting between my brother and me. Then he chuckled quietly and went on. “Right, so she’s in the middle of launching her new brand, but seeing you and Henry that night sparked some idea that would take her in another direction. Her words. Now she can’t stop complaining when we see her. She keeps saying she can’t feel it, can’t get into it, ’cause this new idea is in the way.”
I didn’t know what to say, other than…I guess it was flattering Henry and I had inspired her? In fact, I sat a little taller, and I didn’t care if Mattie knew.
“Henry made me try a lipstick,” I told him. “It was bizarre and uncomfortable and sexy, and I rocked it.” No need to get into how I’d sunk into this weird mind-set of wanting to put Henry on an altar and worship him.
Mattie shook his head in a daze, though he wasn’t stunned enough to stop shoveling mac and cheese and brisket into his mouth. “I don’t know who you are anymore.” He wiped barbecue glaze off his mouth, and I snorted.
He said it in a way that I didn’t have to worry about him thinking the changes in me were wrong, just different.
“I just came out to him,” I clarified to Noah and Julian.
“Ohhh.” Julian nodded in understanding. “Well, evidently you made an impression.”
That was cool.
Before the evening was over, I’d gotten a new number to put in my phone. Noah and I exchanged digits, and it was implied we’d all meet up for a barbecue at their beach house sometime.
Mattie and I walked back to my truck, and I couldn’t shake the anticipation. There was excitement building up, and it was because I was creating something new. This was for me—and Mattie, obviously, but…I really dug this. I was making friends and going out to dinner, for the first time allowing myself to have a social life.
Then I thought of Henry, and it was impossible to shake the smile. I was a dork. A dork who wanted to go home quickly and tell the boyfriend about this awesome dinner.
Unfortunately, when we got back to Malibu, we faced a shitstorm. From the driveway, we could hear Ty yelling at Henry.
“Oh, shit.” Mattie slammed the door shut and jogged up to the house.
I was quick to follow. “Hold up, Mattie.”
Eighteen
Oh, Ty. Oh, Martin. Oh, fuck
“Wait. Wait.” I caught up to him and put a hand on his shoulder before he could open the door. “Don’t go in.”
“Why?” Mattie looked to me incredulously. “They’re fighting—and Henry’s been too polite.”
“I know, but listen.” I nodded at the door, waiting for him to understand. Because I could hear Henry; he was pushing Ty. After days of way too much silence, maybe it was this Henry had been waiting for.
“Just leave me the fuck alone!” we heard Ty shout. I automatically sought out the windows on the second floor, ’cause his voice came from up there. “What part of ‘I don’t wanna talk about it’ don’t you understand? Fuck!”
“Come back here right now, Tyler.”
Mattie and I both took a step back at the force in Henry’s voice. How he could command so much authority without yelling or cursing was a mystery.
“Damn,” Mattie mumbled.
I murmured my agreement and sat down on the stoop, glad we were in the shade. It looked like we’d be here a while.
The next time Henry spoke, his tone was more patient, though it brooked no argument. He said he was done waiting to have this discussion, and I definitely didn’t mind. Maybe I could finally figure out what they’d been up to.
“You had to excuse yourself when that boy was telling his story at the group session,” Henry said. They had to be between the foyer and the living room for us to hear him so well. Only one window was open, and it was down here. “You may pull off the asshole act very well, but I don’t believe it’s genuine. Something he sa
id upset you.”
“Believe whatever you want,” was Ty’s reply.
“Come on, Ty,” Mattie whispered, sitting down next to me.
“I have all the time in the world for you,” Henry told him. “We’re not done here until you’ve explained to me why you feel the need to push everyone away by behaving rudely.”
I hummed, having not considered that. Was Ty purposely pushing people away?
I’d figured it was the influence of the elder Benningtons, who didn’t seem to accept anyone who wasn’t privileged. Though, privilege was the wrong word, because they didn’t see their own. Basically, if you didn’t live as well as they did, you were just a lazy fuck or making the wrong choices.
“You don’t have all the time, though.” Ty’s words broke the silence. “Mom and Dad didn’t.”
“Shit.” I brushed a hand over my mouth and tried to tap into his way of thinking. What he said raised a bunch of questions, mainly one. Had he been given enough time to grieve his parents?
“It’s easier to leave before you get abandoned, right?” Ty went on, and my heart fucking broke for him. “You think I give two fucks about Grandma and Grandpa? You think I don’t know how goddamn vile they are? But they’re safe. My future is secure with them. As long as I do as they say, I know I’ll be okay.”
I was suddenly relieved I wasn’t in there. I wasn’t sure I could handle seeing Henry crestfallen, and I was fucking certain that’s what he felt.
Waiting for Henry to respond, I imagined his brain going a mile a minute to piece together what was going on with Ty. And had been going on for years.
“Tyler… Christ. That’s not the way to live your life.”
I moved closer to the door as Henry’s voice had lowered. Mattie followed.
“Did you know your father wanted to own a bookstore?” Henry changed the subject, although I suspected it was for a good reason. “When we grew up, he said he wanted a shop full of science fiction and fantasy books.”
“Wasn’t he a lawyer or something?” Mattie whispered.
I shrugged with one shoulder. I didn’t think Thorne had actually been a lawyer; he’d been a business major, but it was something that’d put him in a suit each morning.
“Of course, our parents didn’t approve,” Henry went on. “Luckily for Thorne, one thing made him happier than any dream career—his family. You and your mother.” And you, I wanted to add. “He lived a happy life, but he made a lot of compromises for our parents that he shouldn’t have.”
“I didn’t know that,” Ty said quietly. I almost missed it.
“I don’t want you to have to make those compromises, Tyler,” Henry murmured. “There will be countless occasions where you’ll have to compromise, but not that. Not with your dreams.” He paused. “You used to sketch. Every time you and your parents came down to visit, you’d draw me something.”
“I was a kid.”
“You’re still a kid. You’re a young man who has the time to figure things out—if you want to. Whether you pursue your childhood dream of becoming an animator or you’ve thought of something else… But can you tell me you want to major in business at Columbia like your father and I did? Do you want to waste your creativity because my parents are a safe choice? You’ll be suppressing who you are.”
That struck a nerve even with me, and I was one of the lucky ones. Getting to know who I was becoming was vital to me. If I had to bury that now…
Henry had spent years hiding who he was.
I drew up my knees a bit so I could rest my elbows on them. Being out wasn’t only reserved for sexual preference, was it? I mean, technically, it boiled down to being out as whoever you were. No hiding, no suppressing.
“Does it matter?” Ty responded eventually. “They’ll never go for that.”
“It does matter,” Henry countered patiently. “I want nothing more than for you to choose to stay with me, but if you’re not ready for that, I will be the prick who forces you to stay.” Fuckin’ A, he was going there. He was putting his foot down. “I have sole custody of you for another year, Ty. You’re not going back to your grandparents.”
“Wh-what?” Ty was… Shit, I didn’t know. I couldn’t tell. Was he angry? Shocked, in disbelief, numb?
“You do have one choice,” Henry continued. “I would never tear you away from your life, so if you want to live in Camassia Cove, we will. But you will not live permanently with my parents because I can’t sit by and watch them take over. Not when it’s hurting you.”
Mattie and I exchanged a look. Where would they end up? Hell, at this point, I had to be realistic and wonder where I would end up too. I’d gotten attached to Los Angeles, though I couldn’t see myself leaving Camassia behind for good.
“And what if you die?” Oh, Ty was angry. Scratch that, he was back to livid. My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I ignored it quickly. This was more important. “Don’t you fucking realize I wanted you gone ’cause you’re so much like Dad?” Jesus Christ. That poor kid. “I told you once I wanted to get into animation, and what did you do? You bought me a digital sketchpad. Grandma called it silly nonsense for little children. When I told Dad I didn’t wanna do Little League anymore, he said okay like it was nothing.” Ty was getting himself worked up, his words coming out ragged. “Grandpa told me that boys who grew up to be good men had learned how to stand on their own on a football field first. With you—fuck! I can’t do this. I c-can’t get attached to another p-parent and then—” His voice was cut off by something, or someone. There were muffled sounds.
I blew out a breath and gave Mattie’s leg a squeeze.
My phone buzzed again.
“I had no idea,” Mattie said quietly.
“Me either.” I ran a hand through my hair, hating feeling useless. I wanted to do something. Help out in any way. “This is good, though. If Henry was waiting for a breakthrough, he just found it.”
Mattie nodded absently. “That’s one messed-up coping mechanism. He’s been pushing people away so he won’t have to go through losing them.”
“We don’t know what happened right after his mom and dad died,” I pointed out quietly. Mattie and I knew a thing about losing parents, but we’d somehow always had the support we needed to get past it. I hadn’t had a choice after our dad left. Mom was ill, so I had to take care of Mattie. It was so long ago that the memories were getting fuzzy. Either way, we had Nan.
What we didn’t have were two grandparents who drilled bigotry and ignorance into our heads.
“They all but drove Henry out of town,” I said, “and I don’t think they gave Ty much comfort.”
“Mm…” Mattie nodded. “I hope it gets better now—”
“Jesus Christ, where’s the fire?” I pulled out my phone as it buzzed again, and then I frowned. It was Martin who’d called twice and now sent a message.
Why is no one answering?! I just need to be picked up, for goodness’ sake. I’m not asking for a kidney.
“What the…” I clicked on his number and put the phone to my ear.
“Finally!” he answered. “Where is Henry?”
“He’s…” I wasn’t gonna get into that. “He’s busy—”
“Good. Anyone but him can pick me up. Joseph laughed in my face—figuratively, of course—so it will fall on you.”
“Um, okay. Where are you?” I asked.
“Just—” He made a frustrated noise. “Just get on the road. I’m near Pepperdine. I should ask them to pray for me.”
I didn’t know what that meant, but the urgency in his voice was enough to get me moving. Pepperdine University wasn’t far away, maybe ten minutes down the highway toward LA. I got Mattie to go with me too, because I figured Martin’s car had broken down, and my little brother was better with cars than I was.
It was a frazzled and sufficiently ruffled Martin we picked up on the side of the road, and there was no Mercedes to fix. Mattie shuffled toward the middle of the seat, and Martin got in with a huff. When I asked him
where his car was, he looked at me as if he was ready to tear me apart.
“Hey, I’m not the enemy here, princess.” I turned the car around and headed back on the highway. “What happened?”
He got snippy. “It was stolen, okay?”
“How would—oh God.” I pressed my lips together, only it didn’t help. A loud laugh broke free, and I slapped the wheel. “Are you fucking kidding me? He stole it again?”
Perhaps this time, his ex would stay an ex.
No wonder Martin didn’t want Henry to pick him up.
“I’d rather not discuss it.” He turned to look out the window instead.
Whatever. It gave me time to explain the sordid tale of Martin’s ex stealing his car once in the past, and this was round two. My brother laughed, as expected.
“But how could he steal it with you inside?” Mattie wondered, chuckling.
Good question.
“He feigned carsickness and said he needed to throw up.” Martin folded his arms over his chest, the white fabric of his button-down yellowed in places by the road dust. “Being the good boyfriend I am, I stepped out to help him. That’s when he took the wheel and drove off, calling me a cocksucker as he went.”
I tilted my head. Something about this story triggered my suspicions.
“Martin,” I said slowly, “why did he call you a cocksucker and take off with your car?”
He huffed again.
He wasn’t gonna answer.
I had a feeling I knew where this was going, so I prodded some more. “Did he, by any chance, catch you giving head to someone else?”
Because who the fuck could forget that Martin had a thing for sucking twenty-five-year-old dicks?
My brother was following us like a tennis match.
“He didn’t catch me.” Martin waved a hand, dramatic. “I was trying to be a good partner by confessing and being honest.”
“Well, that went great.” I rolled my eyes and made a quick decision. Fuck taking him home. I was bringing him with us to the house.
