Out

by Cara Dee

  He was reluctant to let me go home alone, but I promised I wasn’t driving. I lived two blocks away, so I’d be in bed within ten minutes. Plus another five if I had the energy to shower.

  I told him I wouldn’t be alone for long; my brother was almost home, and yada yada, then I was on my way. Ribs aching and bandaged, eyebrow stitched up, mouth banged up a bit, and this motherfucker of all headaches.

  “Quit it,” I grumbled, half asleep. I assumed it was Mattie who was wiping a wet towel gently over my face. It rasped over my five-o’clock shadow.

  His quiet voice confirmed it two seconds before I smelled his body spray. What was it with teenagers and Axe?

  “Dude, you’re freaking me out. I talked to Pammie. She told me everything. I’m sorry I didn’t get your message—”

  “Shhh, please.” I kept my breathing steady for fear any fast movement would set off my headache again. “I’m okay,” I whispered. “Tired. Glad to have you home. Lemme sleep.”

  “Okay.” His voice came out thicker, and it was an automatic reaction to open my eyes and make sure he was all right. Seeing his wobbly little smile and glassy eyes was its own gut punch.

  “I’m really okay.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it a bit. “Good to see you.” I managed a weak smile.

  “You too.” He’d gotten more color. His hair was a shade lighter from the sun. He looked great. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

  Yeah. I guess it was a rite of passage I hadn’t experienced yet. The hatred…all because of who I was… I racked my wounded brain, searching for the hurt. Maybe it was there somewhere, buried under the shit pile of anger.

  “Um.” Mattie looked over his shoulder, toward my door. “You have visitors, but I can tell them to wait if you want.”

  Ty and Henry. Hell, they were here? In our apartment? I was suddenly glad I hadn’t crashed on the couch earlier. I’d certainly considered it. My bedroom felt safer; I was away from the “This is how they live?”

  I winced internally. Ty had been here countless times, and Henry wasn’t one to judge. Now wasn’t the time to get insecure.

  Henry’s out there.

  “Can you send in Henry and some water?”

  He nodded quickly and stood up. “Be right back.”

  I released a shaky breath and stared up at the dark ceiling. Only the lamp on my nightstand was lit, casting a low glow and shadows everywhere.

  At the sound of the door opening once more, my gaze fell, and so the gut punches kept coming. Seeing Henry for the first time in weeks all but tore me apart. Had I ever seen something so beautiful? It was almost haunting. Despite the dress pants and button-down that fit him perfectly, everything was wrong, yet so right. He’d lost a couple pounds. He was unhappier than I’d ever seen, and his scruff had reached beard status.

  He walked in, steps measured and almost cautious.

  I blinked as he became blurry for me, and I could sense it was only the beginning. My throat closed up, and my eyes burned.

  Henry set the glass on my nightstand, then sat down on the edge of my bed. There were no words. Not a single one. Maybe neither of us knew what to say. Although, he knew what to do—thank fuck. He came closer and closer until his forehead carefully touched mine, his warm fingers gingerly brushing my unharmed cheek.

  It broke the levees for me. I blinked, this time causing tears to fall down.

  He sucked in a quiet breath and shook his head minutely. I curled my fingers into his shirt, and my breathing became ragged. I sniffled and hurt and trembled. I’d missed him. His nose grazed my cheek, his lips ghosting closer to where I needed them. Every touch was so careful yet laced with an urgency that mirrored what I felt.

  He kissed me tenderly, avoiding the corner that hurt the most. I defied my pain and applied pressure; I just needed a taste. Just a little. I cupped the back of his neck and teased his parted lips with my tongue, and he let out a soft groan. It resembled the one he’d made the first time we kissed. The defeat—I’d never forget it.

  “I was so worried.” His whisper broke at the end. “God—” He shuddered and dared one kiss that gave me all the comfort and passion and love. It wasn’t in my head. It couldn’t be. “We only had Mattie’s text message to go on,” he murmured in between featherlight kisses. “‘Call me,’ it said. ‘Call me ASAP. At the hospital.’ And then you wouldn’t fucking answer the phone.” When his gaze met mine, I brushed a thumb under his eye. “I think I broke every law to get up here while your brother got in touch with your grandmother.”

  I hadn’t even thought of her. I didn’t wanna worry her since I would be fine.

  “I’ll be okay in a few days.” I wiped my cheek. “Concussion and some bruises.”

  “Darling…” He sighed quietly and closed his eyes, our foreheads touching again. The contact was good—I craved it. “I fear I won’t be able to let you out of my sight for a while.”

  I’d smile if it didn’t hurt too much. “I can live with that.”

  “That’s good, because I know I don’t deserve it.” With a final kiss, he straightened, robbing me of his warmth, and held the glass of water out to me. “Tyler gave me the business yesterday, and—” He shook his head quickly. “We can talk later. You need to rest. Do you have any medication I can give you? Have you eaten?”

  My fretter was here.

  Twenty-Four

  We are so fucking adorable

  Come morning, I’d gotten another seven hours of sleep, and I felt marginally better. The pain around my mouth had lessened significantly, and my ribs ached dully, which was far better than the sharp bolts whenever I moved.

  “Hey.” Mattie came into my room with breakfast. “Henry went out and bought some stuff.”

  “Thanks.” I winced and sat up against the headboard. I was glad I didn’t know what I looked like. The idea of taking a shower after the hospital had proved to be way too optimistic, so that was on the list for today. I needed to take a leak too.

  Mattie set the bag on the nightstand before digging up breakfast sandwiches, containers of yogurt, tea, and thin pancakes. I loved those. Henry knew it too. He also knew I liked my OJ.

  “No juice?”

  “Um.” He looked into the bag, then shook his head as if he remembered something. “He said something about—like, if you had cuts around your mouth? It could sting or whatever. I told him you drink tea sometimes, so he got that.”

  Tea was for when I was sick. Did this count? Either way, Henry still managed to make me all sappy when he was so considerate. Who the hell would think of that juice thing otherwise?

  “This is great.” I yawned and checked the time on my alarm clock. “I think I wanna shower first.”

  “All right. Need any help standing up?”

  I shook my head. “Get Henry for me?”

  He’d insisted on staying the night on the couch while Ty had driven over to the inn where they’d booked a room. I bet Henry regretted staying now. The couch was fucking awesome, but it wasn’t big.

  “Oh. He’s running errands, but he told me to say he’d be back before lunch.”

  Ah. Well, all right, then. I wasn’t gonna pout.

  “Zach?”

  I made a sleepy noise and moved closer to the hand that was playing in my hair. Henry. He’d replaced my pillow with his chest, and I drew my fingers through his sparse chest hair.

  “If this is a dream, I don’t wanna wake up,” I mumbled.

  I felt his chuckle rather than heard it.

  It wasn’t a laughing matter, dammit. In my dreams, we were together, said I love you every day, demanded good grades of the teenagers, and had two girls. I was leaning toward twins more and more, to be honest.

  Reality looked a lot different.

  Stretching out carefully, I yawned and looked up at Henry. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep again. Thanks for bringing breakfast.”

  He touched my cheek gently, concern etched across his features. “You can sleep again. I only thought you might like some
pain relief and something to eat.”

  I was awfully sore. I pushed myself up to sit and grunted under my breath. Realizing how hungry I was made me look at the time, and I was surprised I’d slept so long. It was already three in the afternoon.

  Henry got out of bed and pulled on a T-shirt. He was back to casual clothes—shit, it was the first time I’d seen him in jeans.

  “Did you nap with me?” I cocked my head.

  “I may have.” He grew a little guarded, ready to be defensive. “I needed to be near you.”

  My mouth twisted up. “And you didn’t take advantage?”

  That loosened him up, and he smiled ruefully. “Don’t think it didn’t enter my mind, but no. I’ve behaved like a complete tool. I felt that sharing your bed was pushing it enough.”

  I was interested in hearing more about how he’d behaved like a tool—after I’d gone to the bathroom and taken painkillers.

  “I’ll be back soon.” Henry leaned over the bed and kissed my forehead. “Does soup from Panera sound good?”

  Oh God, yes. Perfect comfort food when I was all pitiful and hurt. “Broccoli cheddar, please. Um, in one of those bread bowls?”

  “Naturally.” He quirked a grin and said he’d bring back some other treats too.

  While he was gone, I took another shower, a cold one. I was flushed with the wrong kind of heat and figured it was my body working to recover. The cut across my eyebrow looked cleaner, and the swelling around my mouth was gone. Ribs and head continued to hurt, and I knew that could take a few days.

  After my shower, I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my hips. I inspected my face in the mirror as I shaved, and though there wasn’t any swelling, I had blotchy little bruises here and there. Under my eye and at the corner of my mouth, there were two angry marks that had darkened overnight.

  Mattie had to be home. There was music coming from his room, so I hollered out for him as I returned to my own room.

  He poked his head out. “Something wrong?”

  I paused in my doorway. “Can you fill me in on what I’ve missed?”

  “Yeah, sure.” He shut off the music and followed me. “Nan wants to see you as soon as you’re up for it. I told her you were feeling better.”

  “I appreciate it.” I stepped into a pair of sweatpants and thought fuck it to the rest. I wanted to stay in bed. That’s where I ended up after I’d dropped the towel in the laundry basket. “Any news about the Bennington drama? Have they gone to see the ’rents yet?”

  He shook his head and sat down on the foot of the bed. “They don’t even know Ty’s back in town. Henry wanted to wait until you got better. Plus, they’ve been doing other stuff. They went to Ty’s parents’ grave yesterday.”

  There was a pinch of relief there. It could’ve been one of those things Ty needed. If his grandparents hadn’t given him enough time to heal after Thorne and Shelly had died, maybe he had to go through a new grieving process.

  “That’s good.” I nodded, reaching for the painkillers on the nightstand. “How’s he doing otherwise?”

  “Better.” Mattie smiled. His own relief was clear as day. “He slips a lot—he gets defensive and hostile, but he catches himself. Henry’s helping him change the coping mechanism or whatever he called it.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.”

  “Oh, and Pammie gave the security footage to the police.”

  “Okay, good.” I would have to call her later.

  I didn’t think much would come of it. The case was no doubt low priority, even if not a whole lot happened in this town. Now I knew I’d done what I could, though.

  Mattie was hesitating about something. Without his cap on to twist back and forth, he scratched the spot below his ear and chewed on his lip.

  “Spit it out,” I chuckled.

  He huffed, frustrated. “Did you have to wear that shirt? I know how it sounds, and I don’t want you to adjust to make others comfortable, but I don’t wanna find you beaten up somewhere either.”

  I should’ve anticipated this. It was something I had to think about. Part of me felt like I had to shout louder only because I now happened to belong to a…what, minority? Christ, I was a white man. I belonged to the most privileged group that existed, and nothing short of a neon sign—or graphic tee—would change that to the outside world.

  The other part of me wanted to live my life in peace. Standing out had never been my thing. Then, after learning more and more how people were affected… Henry had been ostracized by his own family. Joseph had been beaten half to death by his father. The stories of abuse and suicide I’d read from Second Family’s website were what nightmares were made of.

  “That’s a no,” Mattie sighed heavily.

  “I’ll be smarter next time,” I conceded. “My temper got the best of me yesterday.”

  “But you’ll wear those tees,” he grumbled.

  Yes, I would. Maybe they were silly; for me, they were fun. But when push came to shove… “I’ll take a hundred beatings if just one kid passes me on the street, sees the shirt I’m wearing, and finds comfort in the fact that he’s not alone.”

  He nodded jerkily and swallowed hard. “I get it, bro. You know I do.” I did. He was worried, and that was okay. “Can I get one that says ‘I’m not gay, but my brother is’?”

  I snorted a laugh and kicked his knee with my foot. “Only if it’s pink and there’s a unicorn on it.”

  He smirked.

  There was a quiet knock-knock on the doorframe that let us know Henry was back. Judging by his compassionate expression, he’d heard plenty too.

  “Soup for the wounded.” He walked in and held up two bags. “One burger and fries for the brother of the wounded too.”

  “Aw, yeah. You’re awesome.” Mattie jumped up and accepted the bag from Jack in the Box.

  I lifted a brow. My brother was obsessed with Jack in the Box burgers. Henry had taken the time to get to know him, hadn’t he?

  Mattie said he was gonna eat in his room, and I reminded him to take out the trash before he disappeared. Then I accepted a huge bread bowl filled with broccoli cheddar soup, the heavenly smell making my stomach growl.

  Henry had picked a salad for himself. Fucking salad.

  “You’re one of the most extraordinary young souls I’ve met, Zachary.”

  The spoon with dribbling soup got stuck midair, and I looked over at Henry in confusion.

  He smiled faintly and mixed his salad absently with his fork. “I’m not sure how to explain myself. It’s a feeling. It’s your energy. You’re the small-town, everyday hero who inspires and protects. You make people smile all around you. It’s…”

  “Are you okay?” I reached over and felt his forehead.

  “Smartass,” he sighed, then chuckled once and shook his head again.

  Humor had been the easiest way to respond. I didn’t have anything else for this moment. What he said made me nervous, because I didn’t know where he was heading, and because I didn’t see myself that way. It seemed like big shoes to fill.

  “You make me want to be a better person.” He gave my knee a squeeze.

  I felt the same about him. More than that, he made me see possibilities. I had hopes and dreams that hadn’t existed before him. Before my time in LA.

  “If you don’t give us an honest shot, I don’t know what I’ll do, Henry.”

  Couldn’t he fucking see how good we were together?

  He swallowed and nodded once, giving up the notion of food. He set the container on the other bedside table. “I owe you so many apologies I’ve lost count,” he murmured. “What Martin’s been trying to tell me for weeks was more or less slapped in my face by Tyler the other day. He was quite the asshole about it.”

  “Good. What did he say?” Did I dare hope?

  “He may have called me a blind bastard and pointed out I was pushing you away the exact way he pushed me away.” He shifted, visibly uncomfortable, and cleared his throat. “I was taking the safe option.”


  Well, look at that. I’d have to buy Ty flowers. Or a video game with bloodshed and gore.

  “I’m a hypocrite,” he admitted bluntly. “I was telling him how that wasn’t a way to live his life, protecting himself for an end goal that was only okay at best, and there I was, doing the very same thing.”

  “Don’t you just hate it when kids get smart?” I asked around a mouthful of soup.

  The situation was serious, but I was too giddy to put my severe face on. He finally got it. And Ty had put it into words not even I had considered.

  Henry ignored my remark, eyes flashing with apprehension. “Will you give me a chance to earn your forgiveness?”

  I couldn’t stick to the funny anymore. Not when he looked at me that way. Setting down my delicious soup, I winced at the pain in my ribs and scooted closer to Henry.

  “Will you give me the chance to earn your trust?” Ending up on my knees, I bent over a bit and brushed our noses together. “You’ll want me for yourself?”

  “Yes,” he whispered. “I’ve only ever wanted you for myself, Zachary.”

  “But now, we’ll make those boundaries.” I kissed him lightly. “Yeah? You and me, no one else.”

  He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose. “You’ll be all mine.”

  “Ditto.” My smile broke free, and I kissed him harder.

  “Jesus, baby.” He met the kiss with passion and stroked the back of my neck. “It’s a good thing I’m sitting down. This level of hope can bowl a man over.”

  “I want you to be hopeful,” I murmured. “I’m hopeful as fuck. For one, your cat is kinda ours now.” I grinned at his cute huff. “Secondly, now I won’t feel as alone in my dreams for the future.”

  His expression softened, and he took himself another kiss. “Our future.”

  “Ours.” My ass landed on the mattress again, and I pressed my lips to his shoulder before reclaiming my soup.

  “Speaking of Eagle, has he lost weight?” Henry asked. “He deemed me worthy of a cuddle earlier, and he feels lighter.”