Just the word—“restrain”—made her squirm. She wanted something to contain her, something to pull against that wouldn’t give way. If Jasper tied her, she wouldn’t be able to escape, she’d have no choice, and she could just let go. For as long as he held her, she’d have no responsibilities and that sounded like the best thing in the world.
“Yes, that’s okay. Better than okay, actually. I think I’d really like that.”
The corner of his mouth curled up then, carving a smile into the granite of his features. “I think you will, too. But first, I’m going to set some ground rules. Number one is that if you want me to stop anything at any time, just say the word. Eventually we’ll use safewords, but for now I’ll stop whenever you say ‘stop,’ or ‘no,’ or ‘don’t.’ If you want to practice, you can say ‘red’ to make me stop, or ‘yellow’ if you feel like you’re getting close to your limit. Understood?”
“Yes.”
“Number two is that when I ask you a question, you answer me. You have a responsibility to me to answer honestly. Don’t disappoint me.”
She shook her head, trying to imagine anything worse than disappointing Jasper. There weren’t so many things on that list, and frankly most of them had already happened. “I won’t disappoint you.”
“Good girl. That’s all for now.”
“Can it be time for the fun part?”
He grinned then, and it was almost hard for her to believe she could make him so happy. “You think this is going to be fun?”
Pressing her lips together, she nodded, trying to keep her hips still, because yes, she was sure this was going to be fun.
“Let’s see, shall we?”
Jasper reached for her hands and made quick work of tying the sash around her wrists and then fastening them to somewhere on the headboard. Her arms were stretched above her head, and she tugged. But the terry didn’t budge, she couldn’t slip out, and she gave it another yank just because she could.
“Okay?”
He was looking at her so intensely she thought she might burst into flame, but aside from feeling as though she might spontaneously combust . . . “Yes. I’m not pulling because I want to get loose, I’m pulling because I want to prove to myself I can’t.”
And oh, the look on his face when she said that. Like he wanted to groan and bite his fist, like she might be causing him physical pain. His voice was hoarse when he said, “Okay.” Clearing his throat, he shook his head. “You let me know if that changes.”
In return, she nodded her agreement. She would.
At first all he did was touch her; slid his big hands over every inch of her body, his mouth following some of the trails he left. After he’d rendered her pliant and boneless, that’s when he started to hurt her. Starting with soft bites, it wasn’t so long before he was sinking his teeth into her flesh in a way that she was almost certain would draw blood, but never did. It should’ve been alarming, the way he was attempting to devour her, but she loved how it felt. The pressure, the smarting of it . . . the way the imprint of his teeth was left on her skin. If her hands had been free, she would’ve run her fingers over the indentations so she could relish them in yet another way. As things were, she could look at them, and sigh as he marked her again and again.
The front of her body was patterned with the temporary brands before he turned her over and slid his legs underneath her torso.
“Have you ever been spanked, Tinker Bell?” She wrenched her wrists hard in their bonds, and Jasper laid a soothing hand on her back. “Careful, sweetheart. Don’t pull too hard or you could hurt yourself. I don’t want you doing any damage to your nerves, okay? If that’s not something you want to try . . .”
He left off, and that was her opening. To say no, or that she didn’t want to. Even not yet. But those things would’ve been easy to say. What was so much harder was what she most wanted to say. But his thighs were broad and firm beneath her ribs, and he was offering her this. He wouldn’t if he didn’t want to, right?
So she swallowed and tried not to bury her flaming face into his thigh. “No, I’ve never been spanked, but I . . . I . . .”
The way her hips rocked against his leg was downright embarrassing. But the most she could do was lessen the movement, not stop it entirely.
“Would you like to try?”
Bless Jasper for not making her say it but giving her a way to have what she wanted all the same. “Yes.”
He didn’t leave any time for her to be uncertain or experience regret. All she felt was Jasper’s firm hand meeting the curve of her butt. He did it over and over again, pressing a forearm over her sacrum to keep her in place so he could hit her more. Harder. And oh, did she love it. The impact, the force. Some of the blows stung, some of them not so much, but always it was his hand on her, and he didn’t stop until she was breathless and her backside was pleasantly hot. Even then, he didn’t stop touching her, but switched to rubbing instead, his palm moving firmly over skin that felt more sensitive than before, and she had to moan.
“Feel good?”
“God, yes.”
He chuckled then, the sound surprising. Smug and delighted. Had she ever heard Jasper sound like that? She didn’t have long to dig through her memories though, because he was shifting her off his lap and rolling her onto her back.
When she was settled, more aware of the gentle throbbing heat on her butt that was pressed against the sheet by her own weight, she opened her eyes which she’d closed at some point. It was overwhelming, the pure sensory experience. Colors looked brighter somehow, sounds were louder, and Jasper’s touch, not just where he’d spanked her, but all over, was deliciously powerful.
He clasped her knees and spread her out, tutting at her as he ran a finger through the wetness gathered between her legs. “So you enjoyed your first spanking?”
“Yes.” She wrapped her hands around the sash still holding her down and pulled again, confirming that she still belonged to him, that he could still do whatever he liked. And whatever he liked was to slap—quick and hard—the inside of each thigh, making her gasp and then groan.
“You won’t always.” Smack, smack, gasp. “But I’m glad you did this time.” More blows, making her squeak and squirm. “You were meant to.” Two more strikes, the hardest yet that made her cry out and then he was sinking fingers inside of her. The sensation made her arch her back, drop her head back and spread her legs further. It made her feel shameless, but not in a bad way at all.
“Jasper, please.”
“Please, what?” With his fingers moving inside her and the way he’d brought her body alive, she could barely parse his question, but she understood well enough to know what her answer was.
“Please, I want you inside me. Please.”
“Not quite yet. You’re going to learn patience, and we’re going to start today. I’m going to set my alarm for an hour from now, and every time you come during the hour, you’ll get a spanking for two minutes. Not a nice one, either.”
The casual way he picked up his phone from the bedside table and presumably toyed with it until the timer was set made her crazy. How could he do such a thing while he was handling her like this? But soon enough she wished for his attention to be divided, because he set to turning her on. Or tormenting her.
Between his fingers and his mouth working her over, and the spankings she got for failing, she was losing her mind by the time he finally untethered her hands and led them to his shoulders as he settled between her thighs.
“Can you give me one more, Tinker Bell?” She tossed under him, shaking her head in denial, but she knew she would give it to him. When he pressed inside her, sheathed in a condom and gentle as could be, she arched up to meet him. Whoever had described men as having slim hips had never been with Jasper. The way he fit between her legs was assertive if not downright aggressive, and she wanted him all, wanted him to make her fee
l conquered.
So she begged him—harder, harder, Jasper, please, harder—and he gave it to her until she clenched around him and with a few more pleasingly brutal thrusts, he shuddered over her, gasping her name.
***
“What the fuck happened, Jasper? You look like hell.”
He felt worse than that. It had been a week since he’d deflowered Keyne, and he was fucking her any chance he got. Which, since it was the end of the school year and she was a senior, meant a lot. Yeah, she had exams to take and graduation to prepare for, but for the most part the last couple of weeks were a joke. He’d even given her permission to stay out past bedtime tonight. Partly because he’d needed to talk to someone that wasn’t her and partly because she’d earned it. She’d worked so hard this year to finish out and get into college despite what had happened, and he was so proud of her. She deserved a night out, and Sasha’s mother had assured him she would be home while the girls ordered pizza and watched a movie.
“Do I have to speak with Mistress Alice about your manners, Leisl?”
His chastisement didn’t inspire any contrition. No, Leisl stuck her tongue out at him. “You know we don’t play that way. Now if I mouthed off in the club, that would be a different story.”
She smiled, a downright smug expression. Yes, he’d seen the result of Leisl being bratty. It had looked a lot like Mistress Alice taking Leisl over her knee and applying a paddle to her ass. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, but it was indulgent and she knew it.
“Seriously. What’s up?”
He looked around, like he was afraid someone might hear, even though they were sitting on Leisl’s plaid living room couch. It was too bad Leisl wasn’t Mistress Alice’s to do with what she liked all the time, because surely he could convince her to get rid of this eyesore.
Now that he was here, he wasn’t sure he could say it. How should he put this? Leisl was about as liberal as they came, but he’d watched her go all Mama Bear on behalf of subs who she didn’t think were being cared for or respected. He was in no hurry to have those claws turned on him. That also meant he trusted Leisl to give it to him straight even if that meant she wanted to castrate him.
After she’d done Keyne’s ink, he’d invited Leisl over for dinner a few times, and she and Keyne got along swimmingly. They’d gang up on him over dinner, and Leisl had even gotten Keyne to go shopping. Edwin had brought them back to the house with arms full of bags, and Keyne had looked as though she’d honest-to-god enjoyed herself. Yes, Leisl was fond enough of Keyne she’d murder him if she felt it appropriate.
“I fucked Keyne.”
On the plus side, Leisl didn’t vault up and go digging in her kitchen for the nearest butcher knife. On the minus side, she didn’t look terribly shocked. He gave her a minute, wondering if the idea was sinking in like water into soil, but then he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Are you going to say anything? I’m dying here.”
“Well, I’m not surprised.”
Jasper bristled. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Leisl was one of his closer friends, and if she’d thought this was going to happen, why didn’t she say something? Smack him upside the head and drag him by the ear to someplace she could dress him down? Why didn’t she report him? Now he was getting irritated she hadn’t called DCF on his ass. Keyne wasn’t Leisl’s responsibility, she was his, but still . . .
“It means I wasn’t sure when it would happen, and I know you wouldn’t start anything. But the way that girl looks at you, and from the things Alice has said . . .” Leisl’s round eyes went even rounder. “She looooooves you.”
Naturally, he hit her in the face with a pillow. It just seemed like the right thing to do. After a few minutes of pillow-fighting, they settled back on the couch, and Jasper scrubbed a hand through his hair.
“But she’s eighteen. She’s my ward. I’m responsible for her. And I—” He choked on the next words because when they came out, it would sound a whole lot like he was a vile person. He deserved to feel that way, but Keyne rated so much better from the person she’d placed her trust, her life in.
Leisl punched him in the arm. “Hey. If I thought you were in any way, shape, or form abusing her, I’d call DCF on your ass myself, no matter how good friends we are. But . . .” She sucked air through her teeth, and shook her head, her ponytail braids swinging around her shoulders. “It’s complicated. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred I’d say this was dead wrong, but I know you, Jasper. Honestly, the thing I’m most concerned about is you’ll get tired of her and she won’t know what the hell to do with herself after having been with you.”
“I wouldn’t leave her. Ever.”
It came out sharper than he meant to; he shouldn’t yell at Leisl. A small smile tipped of the side of her mouth though. “I knew you’d say that. And you know what? I believe you. Also, in some ways, I think Keyne’s lucky.”
The snort that escaped through his nose was not flattering. “How do you figure? She lost everyone and everything, and ended up with me, who knows fuck all about anything.”
“I mean you love her, you’d do anything for her, and you’re not one of those dudes who goes out hoping to find some lost lamb to corrupt. Until her, you’d made a point of being with women who only wanted you for kink and sex, and who were your own age. They were all independent, self-reliant women and you didn’t try to change that. It’s not like this is a pattern for you. You’re sitting on my couch beating yourself up over what I’m assuming was at least a consensual act, if not begged for. Or am I wrong about that?”
“Of course she consented. What the hell kind of monster do you think—”
“What the hell kind of monster do you think you are? I know it’s pretty far from ideal, but even if things don’t work out between you guys, when she goes looking for another Dominant, she’s going to know what she’s looking for. And no one who has anything but the best intentions will ever lay a finger on her because they’d know you would literally kill them if they mess with her. I’m not sure it’s right, but I’m damn sure it’s not wrong.”
Sometimes Leisl could be childish or flippant, but when she looked at Jasper with those big brown eyes, he could feel the sincerity rolling off her in waves. She meant it. She didn’t think he was a terrible person or that he was irreparably damaging the person who was most precious to him in the world.
“Okay.” He tried to let the words sink in, make their way through his system. If nothing else, it sure as hell wasn’t going to do Keyne any good to have either a guardian or a . . . whatever he was to her now who was having a mental breakdown because of the guilt he was carrying around. What he could do was give Keyne an out or someone other than him to talk to. “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to give Keyne your information and strict instructions to call you if she’s ever unhappy. If I ever get out of line with her, I expect you to murder me your damn self.”
Leisl held up a hand in a mocking pledge. “I don’t like violence and we already traded cell numbers ages ago. But I solemnly swear I will tie you up and call the proper authorities if she gives me the slightest hint this is not okay with her. Deal?”
They shook on it and Jasper collapsed back onto the hideous couch, mashed his hands into his eye sockets until colors bloomed behind his lids. He only stopped when Leisl tapped him on the shoulder.
“Also, she can call me about anything she wants. Anytime. Tell her that, too. Want a root beer?”
Yeah, he did.
Chapter Twenty
June
Death threats ought to have been effective when a person could beat the crap out of someone twice her size. But somehow, Jasper seemed to know when to take her seriously, and when to bend the rules even when she herself wasn’t always sure.
She’d threatened him with death if he did anything special for her graduation. He’d agreed he wouldn’t, wen
t as far as to pinky swear at her behest. And then . . . Well, one could make the argument inviting Leisl to the ceremony and out to dinner afterward wasn’t really special. Jasper had, in fact, been urging her to spend more time with Leisl, more time with her friends, even though all she wanted to do was spend time in bed with him.
Or not even in bed. They still went to the gym every weekend, they still worked side by side in the evenings. She wanted every second she could have with him because even his proximity made her happy. Jasper being nearby made her feel like there was the possibility of being whole again. Or at least of having learned to function enough to pretend to be whole.
She turned around in the white lawn chair to find Jasper’s craggy face in the audience. It was easy because Leisl still had her lace parasol open above her head. And oh, boy was she getting stares for that. As was Jasper. Of course everyone probably thought he was dating Leisl. And that was fine. If she had to pick someone for Jasper to date—that wasn’t her—she’d pick Leisl. Leisl wasn’t his usual type, but that was probably a good thing. Leisl was fun, and Jasper needed more fun in his life. She’d make sure he got it.
Keyne waved, and both Jasper and Leisl waved back. Jasper was stone-faced and dignified, and to other people he might not look like he was enjoying himself. She knew better; this was an act because he was so god-awful terrified of what would happen if someone found out about them. Leisl was far more enthusiastic, bouncing in her seat and almost beaning someone’s grandma with her parasol.
Though her heart was heavy because she could feel the loss of her family and Gavin more sharply than usual, she was also buoyed by the love coming from her cheering section. Plus, Alice had given her a present at her lesson a few days ago: a Tinker Bell figurine who was wearing boxing gloves. She had no idea where Alice had found it, but she’d been so delighted, she hadn’t cared. Especially when Alice had punched her arm—not lightly—and said, “You know who to call if any of those fresh-ass preppy boys in New Haven bother you.”
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