by Brandon Witt
He tipped his head to the side and said what he figured Bobby knew he was going to say. “Can’t afford it, but I picked up some chicken on the cheap and we’ve got potatoes.”
Bobby let out a small, frustrated sound and shook his head even as he was tightening his arms around Tommy. “My treat. Just this once.”
“I can feed my kids, Bobby.”
Bobby’s arms dropped from around Tommy’s waist and he took a step back. “You say that like it’s news.”
“Yeah, well….” Tommy was muttering more to himself than to Bobby as he turned the water off and wiped his hands on a ratty dishtowel, but he turned to meet Bobby’s eyes. “Sometimes you act like it’s news to you.”
He could see Bobby bristle and knew they were headed for a fight.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? You think I forget for one second that you’re not a charity case and don’t need anything from me if I’m not sucking your dick?”
Tommy decided to let that comment go for the moment. “Maybe you forget that we don’t need pizza and dessert and trips to the lake. We don’t need any goddamn handouts from anyone!”
Bobby shook his head and let out a disgusted sound, something close to a laugh, but it lacked any sign of amusement. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I just want pizza? Or maybe I’m being a selfish prick because I wanna spend time with you tonight and not watch you cook and clean before you leave for work? Maybe I wanna sit around under the fan and watch movies instead of turning this place into a goddamn oven. Did you ever think it was maybe about me and not you?”
“Well, okay! You don’t gotta yell!” Tommy threw the towel down on the countertop and crossed his arms over his chest, but he could feel the tension between them break. Bobby was on the verge of laughter and Tommy couldn’t blame him. “I guess the heat is starting to get to us, huh, copper?”
Bobby took a step closer to Tommy. The smile playing at the corners of his mouth told Tommy he was in for some teasing.
“Might be the heat,” he said slowly, reaching a hand for Tommy, pulling him away from the counter he was leaning against. “Or maybe your pigheaded, self-righteous attitude about pizza and ice cream.”
Tommy let himself be pulled in, but he didn’t drop his arms from his chest. “Maybe I just don’t want you to think I’m easy to live with. Wouldn’t be fair to mislead ya or anything.”
Bobby grinned then, leaning closer until the tips of their noses touched. “Or maybe you’re just an asshole.”
“That too,” Tommy said with a small laugh. He relaxed against Bobby and wrapped his arms around him. “That was a pretty shitty thing you said.”
“Which part? That you’re an asshole? Because no one that’s met you can claim otherwise….”
Tommy sobered, and he chewed the inside of his cheek as he decided if he should say what he was thinking. He tipped his head back far enough that he could see Bobby’s face and said seriously, “That I’ve only got use for you if you’re sucking my dick.”
For a split second, Tommy thought Bobby might make a joke, tell him he had a use for him if his ass was in the air too. Instead, Tommy saw the look of recognition in Bobby’s eyes, chased away quickly by a look of deep regret.
“Christ, Tom,” he whispered, dropping his forehead to Tommy’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I said that.”
Tommy slid his hand up Bobby’s back and ran his fingers through Bobby’s short blond hair. He let his eyes fall shut as he whispered, “I’m sorry if I ever make you feel like that.”
He wasn’t sure if Bobby had heard him at first. His words were so soft and so quiet, so unwilling to be spoken aloud. But when Bobby lifted his head and looked him in the eye, he knew Bobby had caught every one.
“You do.” Bobby whispered, a tender admission, and it looked to Tommy he felt guilty for even saying it. “Not always, but sometimes. And I know it’s just because… you’re you.”
That left a whole world for them to talk about. An ugly world full of Tommy’s demons and Bobby’s optimism. A world full of regret and pain and missed opportunities and that malicious bitch everyone called Hope. It was too much for Tommy to think about. It might always be too much, so instead of prying the lid off Pandora’s box and letting all the evil of his world fly into Bobby’s face again, Tommy gave him a slow smile. “Now who’s the asshole?”
“Still you.”
While Bobby made the call to order three large pizzas, breadsticks, and a couple of two-liters of soda, Tommy sent Mike down to the corner store for some ice cream. Bobby quirked his brow and gave him a crooked smile. He covered the phone with his palm and whispered, “You can’t even let me buy the ice cream?”
Tommy knew it was ridiculous. He knew he was being stupid and, just as Bobby had said, pigheaded, but no, he couldn’t let him. “If you pay, you get to pick the flavor.” Tommy knew it was a thin excuse at best.
“And I always pick chocolate peanut butter,” Bobby replied, adding with a smug grin, “Your favorite.” Tommy didn’t get a chance to respond because Bobby turned his attention back to the phone call. “Yeah, I’m still here.”
DINNER ARRIVED just as Colleen got home from work. She looked haggard, starting to fray and tatter like the shirt she wore. Tommy felt the same stab of guilt he always did when he looked at her after a long shift. No seventeen-year-old should ever look like a middle-aged single mother with dull hair and bags under her eyes. He hated it.
She practically collapsed into the chair across from Tommy as she reached for a slice of pizza. “Rocky told me he could use me down at the bowling alley on my days off. He had two people quit this week, and Rhonda is gonna drop her baby any day now. He’s pretty desperate, told me he’d start me off at twelve an hour.”
Tommy thought about it for a minute. No way could he let her take a second job. Things were okay. No room for extras, but everything was covered. “That’s a lot more than your hourly down at the diner. You could just quit and work for Rocky full time.”
Colleen shrugged and finished her bite of pizza before she answered. “I did the math. When ya factor in my tips and the free food I get from the diner, it’s about the same. Maybe less.” She kicked off her sneakers with a sigh of relief before she went on. “But picking up a few shifts down there would be nice, ya know? Maybe even have a real Christmas this year or something.”
Collin heard her words and his face lit up, and Tommy could tell Carrie was trying not to look hopeful at the idea of more than one present under a Christmas tree they didn’t have to steal. Bobby was doing his best to keep his mouth shut about the whole subject, and Tommy had to give him credit. It was probably killing him not to offer any input.
“I’ll talk to him tomorrow. Maybe he can work me in around my schedule down at the pub.”
Tommy followed Colleen’s glance when she cut her eyes to Bobby. Bobby’s jaw was rigid, and he looked at his slice of pizza like it had done something to offend him. The look she gave Tommy was hard and pointed when she said, “You’ve been working forty-plus hours since summer started. You plan on giving up sleep?”
“You’re working full time too. Besides, it wouldn’t be the first time I skipped out on some shut-eye.”
Tommy’s comment got a derisive snort from Bobby. He got up from the table and tossed his napkin and half-eaten food into the trashcan. Tommy thought for a minute Bobby was going to take off for the night, maybe for a few nights. He looked fed up. He lasted longer than I thought he would….
“How about we move this into the living room and put on a movie?” Bobby asked, patting Carrie’s shoulder before he freed Max from his high chair. The kids all hopped up, grabbing the remainders of dinner, cups of soda, and more napkins as they went. It took a moment for the room to clear before Colleen and Tommy were alone.
Colleen waited for the kitchen door to swing shut before she said anything. “You guys barely see each other a couple hours a day as it is. Sometimes not even that.”
Tommy picked the black ol
ives off his pizza and scowled. “He’s over here all the damn time.”
“Bullshit.” Colleen didn’t sound angry. She sounded tired but willing to stand her ground. “He spends half his time at work, and the rest he tries to divide between his mother and you. If anyone is going without sleep around here, it’s probably Bobby.”
Colleen had a point and Tommy knew it. It frustrated the hell out of him. He scrubbed a hand over his face and let out a deep breath. “What the hell am I supposed to do, Col? Skip town and go on some romantic getaway? Say fuck it all and let us starve so I can spend some time with him?”
“I don’t know, but the guy is begging for scraps of your attention. He knows he’s about number ten on your list of priorities and he gets that, but he’s not gonna stand around and wait forever, ya know?”
“Yeah, I know. But knowing doesn’t get me any closer to fixing it.”
Colleen offered him a sad smile as she nudged him under the table with her toe. “Story of our lives, huh?”
Tommy stood up from the table then, picking up after the kids and clearing the mess away. “That’s the God’s fuckin’ truth,” he said, feeling foolish for the resentment that always rested under the surface. Resentment for his father, resentment for his mother, resenting Bobby a little too. If he and Bobby could’ve just made their connection a few years from now when things were more settled, when Tommy had gotten custody of the kids, when Colleen was out of high school and maybe in a better job with fewer hours and more pay, when he didn’t have two babies to take care of on top of the rest of the necessities. Things would’ve been different. Things could’ve been easier. If he’d only been born to someone who had some sense of decency, some sense of responsibility, everything would’ve been different. “Coulda, woulda, shoulda, right?”
As tired as she obviously was, Colleen got to her feet. She took over for Tommy in the cleanup and tilted her head toward the living room. “Just don’t let Bobby fall into that category, all right?”
Tommy balled up the napkin in his hand like he was trying to choke it. “All right.”
TOMMY GOT his things together, changed his clothes, and found his shoes under his bed before heading into the living room where Bobby was sprawled on the couch with Carrie curled up next to him on one side, Collin on the other with Max and Zoe settled happily in his lap. It must have been Carrie’s pick for the movie because a cartoon was playing, one with fairies and a princess in dire straits. Davey and Mike were hiding from the girlie-movie cooties in their bedroom, but Collin seemed content to watch, probably knowing it was his turn to pick the next one.
The picture they made was so comforting and so sweet, Tommy considered joining them. In the end, though, he decided Bobby probably needed to talk more than he needed to simply hold Tommy’s hand while the kids contended for their attention.
He leaned over the back of the couch and whispered in Bobby’s ear, “I hate to drag ya away from your fan club, but we gotta get.”
They both knew Bobby had an insanely early shift, and they had decided earlier that he would drop Tommy off at work before heading home for the night.
Bobby turned his face toward Tommy. He didn’t look like he was ready for a fight anymore, but Tommy knew firsthand how a few minutes with Max and Zoe and Carrie—even Collin when he wasn’t doing something life threatening—could have that effect on someone. Bobby shifted and put the babies between Carrie and Collin, gave Carrie a kiss on the cheek and told her to be good, and then headed out the door with Tommy.
Neither of them said anything at first. Bobby didn’t seem angry anymore, but he seemed reconciled, and Tommy couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. He finally broke the silence. “I’m not gonna take on another job.”
Bobby sounded thoughtful when he said, “I didn’t say you shouldn’t, Tom.”
“I know.” Tommy shifted in his seat and looked at Bobby. “I’m just sayin’.”
“I know how tight things are for you.” Bobby’s sigh sounded pained. “It just drives me crazy that I’m not even allowed to make a suggestion or try to lend a hand or… anything.”
Tommy let the comment about lending a hand roll without remark, but he asked, “You have a suggestion? Because right now, swear to God, Bobby, I’m all ears.”
Bobby’s hands got tighter on the wheel, and he glanced at Tommy. “No. That’s part of what pisses me off so damn much.”
The laugh he let slip probably wasn’t appreciated. “Welcome to my life, copper.”
Bobby laughed, too, then and said, “I’m well acquainted with it, but thanks.”
When Bobby pulled up behind Smarty’s, they shared a long, heated kiss. It left Tommy feeling lonely, and he didn’t want to get out of the car. They hadn’t had any time together that didn’t involve the kids in days.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Bobby whispered, looking like he felt the same way.
TOMMY SAT on the front porch. At nearly five in the morning, he knew he should be in bed. He was looking at the tip of his cigarette as it glowed angrily in the dark. He’d been thinking more and more about quitting lately and had cut back to less than a half pack a day, but he’d been off work for over two hours, and he couldn’t make himself sleep. He thought about what Colleen had said earlier in the evening about Bobby. He knew she was right. Bobby wouldn’t stand around and wait for his attention forever. Yeah, he’d managed to get a few minutes alone with Bobby, but it wasn’t nearly enough. Something was going to have to give soon, and Tommy hated to think what that might be.
Most days lately he felt like all he wanted out of life was to have the kids safe and happy, well fed, and to be somewhere quiet, alone with Bobby pressed against him. He laughed softly at the idea, thinking he was too old to be making wishes at the night sky. Tommy sucked one last, long drag from his cigarette all the way down to the filter before crushing it out. He was about to get up when headlights shone down the street.
Bobby’s car rolled slowly to a stop in front of their house. Tommy stood up, wondering what could be wrong that would bring Bobby to him in the middle of the night when he was supposed to be working in less than an hour.
He was already in his uniform when he stepped out of the car. Tommy had never had an interest in men in uniform before, especially not cops. But the way Bobby looked in his, the way the trousers fit his ass, the way his badge shone on his chest, made Tommy’s blood sing to look at him.
When Bobby started up the walkway, Tommy asked quietly, “You here to arrest me, Officer?”
“I’m here to ask you what the hell you’re still doing up.” Bobby grinned as he took two of the stairs and then reached for Tommy.
Tommy dipped his head and brushed his lips against Bobby’s before he said anything. “You first,” he whispered and then kissed Bobby again.
“I was on my way to work and saw you sitting out here.”
“Your work is three miles in the other direction.”
Bobby glanced down like he was embarrassed, but then he caught Tommy’s eye. “I swing by here a few times a night if I’m on duty, make sure everything looks okay.”
“Yeah?” Tommy knew then something was changing, because, rather than be annoyed and tell Bobby they didn’t need him watching over them, he realized he liked the idea.
“You gonna tell me to knock it off?” Bobby took another step, standing on the porch close to Tommy.
“Would you quit if I did?” Tommy leaned in as he asked his question, letting his breath brush against Bobby’s neck with his words. He could feel Bobby swallow hard before he answered.
“Probably not, no.”
Tommy was already in Bobby’s space, his hand on Bobby’s hip over his holster. He pressed closer and asked, “Then why should I bother?”
It seemed like Bobby had forgotten what they were talking about. When Tommy rolled his hips and slipped his other hand between them, he could feel Bobby’s cock hardening. Bobby didn’t say anything, but he made a small sound and took in a sharp brea
th. Tommy grinned and trailed kisses up his throat until he caught Bobby’s mouth with his own.
They stood for a long moment on the dark porch, kissing and touching each other. Tommy’s erection was getting painful in his jeans. He pulled back for a breath and asked, “How long do you have?”
Bobby’s groan was more frustration than excitement. “Less than twenty minutes.”
“I can work with that.” Tommy grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him to the door.
THEY DIDN’T have time to think or even do much, but they needed a safe place where the kids couldn’t wake up and stumble in on them. Tommy dragged him through the living room, into the kitchen, and then around the corner to the laundry room. The space was small, cramped, and hot, but there was no way anyone would find them there.
Tommy pulled the small doors shut behind them and pushed Bobby up against the dryer.
“Is this some new kink you’ve been hiding? Fluff-and-fold fetish?”
Tommy was already trying to open Bobby’s belt and get inside his pants, but he laughed at the question. “Maybe you should stop talking before I change my mind.”
Bobby took the warning and didn’t say anything for several minutes. When Tommy struggled with the various buckles on his gear, Bobby pushed his hands away with a hint of impatience. He unlatched his duty belt, tugged open his trouser belt, and finally unzipped his pants as Tommy leaned in for a sloppy kiss.
Tommy slid his hand inside Bobby’s briefs and started to push them down his hips. Bobby was already jerking Tommy’s jeans open, and he let out a whimper when he realized that was all Tommy was wearing.
Tommy pulled back with a predatory smile and asked, “You like that?” When Bobby nodded, Tommy didn’t bother to tell him he’d run out of clean shorts and hadn’t had time to wash any.
