by Bry Ann
“Hello Nixon,” I say casually.
“Look we both know why you’re here. Leave the girls the fuck alone. Fill your needs elsewhere. They are both a mess. Let them get on with their lives. Heal, all that.”
I try to ignore him, but I can’t. He said both. They are both a mess. I step forward.
“Lacey there?”
He cocks an eyebrow and steps right up to me. I see Sven twitch like he’s unsure if he should pull him away. I wave my hand letting him know it’s fine.
“Wondering if she’s still alive?”
He’s testing me. I know he is, but I'm not wasting time in a pissing contest.
“Yes.”
Because I fucking need to know.
“She’s alive. Barely… but she is. She’s a strong woman.”
“I can get her the best medical care. Let me help her.”
His eyes narrow, drilling into me. “She left for a reason. I'm not gonna be the asshole who hands her back!”
I'm suddenly very glad I looked into him. Apart from killing him, this man will not budge. He will literally guard these girls with his life. I mean one of them is his sister for God's sake. The sister he never knew. He’s determined not to fail her.
I hear faint whimpering in the car. I'm sure it’s Rose. I can almost envision Lacey right beside her, quietly comforting her. God damn it, I need to see her!
“So Rose’s brother, huh?” He stiffens. “Quite the task. Protecting a girl you’ve never really met. If you don’t then your girlfriend dies. Sage, was it?”
“Stay the fuck away from her!” he roars. “She’s been through enough!”
I can see the veins popping out of his neck. His hands are balled into fists. His control is impressive because he wants to fucking kill me right now.
“Leave Sage out of this.”
There’s anger in his voice, but more than anything else there’s desperation. He’s practically begging me. A year ago I would have found it pathetic, now I feel for the guy.
“I need to see…”
All heads turn when a car door clicking open rings out in the cold open air. Out walks a very shaky Lacey. We hear Rose’s faint voice, but the door shuts before we can see her. My breath hitches. Lacey’s so pale. She’s fully covered in clothes and looks weak. Physically, at least. Her internal strength, and bravery, still blows me away.
“Lacey,” I breath.
“Leave Nix and Rose alone. It’s me you want.”
“Lacey…”
“Boss…” Sven growls, knowing I'm thinking of taking Lacey and hightailing it out of here.
“Sir, please. Let them go.”
“Lacey…” Nix says, sadly, knowing she’s actually giving them a chance where they didn’t have one before.
She turns to him and places a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve done it before. I want you two safe more.” She pauses a second and whispers, “Tell her soon. Okay? She needs family.”
Shit. Lacey knows he’s Roses brother. God, she’s so fucking smart. Nix’s eyes go wide. He faintly nods, in shock.
Slowly, Lacey approaches me. She’s wobbly. I wonder if anyone’s noticed how sick she is. Probably. There’s just not much you can do about it when you’re on the run. She puts a hand on my arm. I see Sven’s eyes narrow in it on it, surprised she’s touching me. More surprised I'm letting her. To be honest I am too. I turn to her, trying to keep my face impassive. She can’t know what I feel right now.
Because it’s not anger, it’s relief.
I should be angry.
“Please let them go. I'm begging you.”
“Boss!” Sven snaps. “I won’t…”
“I know! Give me a fucking minute.”
I turn back to Lacey and gently move her hair back. She’s shaking so hard, just like before. A tear rolls down her cheek, but she seems detached from it.
“I can’t little dove. I need Rose.”
“No please! Please, let her go!”
“Boss!” Sven yells, pulling out his gun.
I turn to see Nix running for the car, trying to get out with Rose. I reach for my gun as well. When my hand reaches the holster, it’s empty. My head snaps up. Lacey is there with the gun held loosely in her hand. My chin hits my chest.
“Lacey,” I say tentatively.
Has she lost her mind? Probably. How much can one person take?
“Drop it, Sven!” Lacey says sternly, trying to sound brave.
She waves the gun back and forth between Sven and I.
“I said drop it!” she shrieks. She’s shaking so hard. I could easily disarm her, but I think my shock is stalling me. She took my gun, and I didn’t fucking notice. What the hell is she? How does she keep sneaking past me?
While Sven is distracted by Lacey Nix comes out of nowhere and tackles him. They are throwing punches rolling around on the floor. Brother vs. whatever Sven is to Rose. This snaps me out of whatever trance I'm in.
“Sorry little dove,” I mumble.
I walk right up to her, knowing she won’t shoot me. I almost feel guilt watching her panic and conflict increase the closer I get. I twist her arm as little as possible, disarming the gun. She reaches for it again, but I stare her down.
“Don’t Lacey.”
I turn and shoot an inch from Nix’s foot. Lacey gasps. Everyone freezes.
“Off Nixon!” I warn.
He stands, wiping his bleeding lip. His eyes bore into us. He grabs Lacey, since he’s closer now, and pulls her over towards him.
“Just leave them alone. Can’t you see what you are doing? They are just normal girls. Not criminals. They aren’t used to all this.”
He’s right. He’s so fucking right, but… I can’t. I can’t let her go.
“I know.” Nix’s face fights to remain neutral. “But I can’t. I can’t lose her. Not yet. Not until I know she’s medically healed.”
“What about her mind? Do you care about that at all?”
While we’re talking Lacey pulls away from Nix. Nix and I go back and forth until I see something happen to Lacey I’ve literally never seen before. I’ve seen her detached before, plenty of times. But now, it looks like she’s shutting down completely.
She pulls away from Nix and goes straight to the floor, tucking herself in tight. She stays there in that tiny ball, rocking back and forth, crying right in front of all of us. Every jaw drops. Including Sven’s.
“Lacey!” a voice gasps.
The car door is thrown open and Rose comes running out. Sven zeroes in on her. Rose runs to Lacey and wraps her arms around her, whispering words of comfort in her ear. Nix looks like he wants to fucking kill himself.
I walk over to them. I turn to Sven and tell him to have my back in case Nix pulls anything. Somehow he manages to pull his eyes off Rose enough to nod back.
“Seriously,” I growl over my shoulder. “If I get shot, you die.”
He shakes himself off and pulls his eyes from Rose to watch the scene. Thank fucking God. I approach the two of them cautiously. When I get close, Rose starts to shake. I'm less than a foot from her when it becomes too much and she flails around and falls back onto her ass in the dirt. Nix is there in a heartbeat, helping her up, protecting her. I know Sven, him and Rose are having a moment behind me, but I'm distracted by Lacey. She’s still rocking and crying.
“Lacey,” I whisper, crouched in front of her. I'm terrified to touch her. I have no idea where her mind is at. No idea what will send her spiraling even further into the darkness.
“Little Dove.”
She sobs harder, curling even further into herself. Slowly I place my hand on her knee. She doesn’t flinch or fight it.
“I don’t want to hurt you or hold you captive. I just want to make sure you’re alright.”
I'm just going about it in the sickest, most fucked up way possible.
“I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be here,” she keeps chanting. I don’t know if she means here on the ground literally, the cabin or g
oing back with me.
She digs her nails into her hands. I slowly uncurl them and wipe the indentation marks.
“Don’t hurt yourself,” I whisper. “Where don’t you want to be?”
There’s a pause before she answers. “Outside,” she sobs. “I just want…”
She falls apart before she can finish; rocking, sobbing, quietly chanting words to herself. I turn around for a moment. Everyone is looking at me with a dropped jaw: Sven, Rose, Nix… all the of them. I guess this is not a side of me I ever reveal, but I couldn’t just let her mind shatter and not do anything. She’s gonna be the death of me. Even knowing that I turn back to her.
“I'm gonna touch you, okay Lacey?”
I scoop her up in my arms. She tries to pull tighter into herself while I'm holding her. I stare at all of them daring them to say a word. Of course, Nix does.
“You’re gonna destroy her.”
That’s my fear.
“Sven, if you want Rose you have five minutes to deal with that.”
I storm towards the car. The driver holds the door open for me.
“Don’t take my gun little dove,” I whisper as I place her in the car. She scrambles to the other door and tucks herself up again, blocking everyone out. She’s in hell. Her mind’s holding her captive. I figured hell would be a place I could easily reach her, but it turns out in hell the people you love are always one step of reach.
She rocks in her seat. The seat creaks as she rocks back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
“I'm not going with you and I want Lacey back!” Rose’s voice rings from outside the car.
“Oh little Rose, you know I can’t take Lacey away from Boss. You know that as well as I do.”
Thank God he has some sense.
“I want her!” Rose shrieks.
I glance out the window and see Nix holding her back. I gotta say Sven does bring out the best in her. I glance over at Lacey to see if she notices what’s happening. If she did she’d be fighting to get out of the car so she could stand by Rose. She is so far gone she doesn’t even hear what’s going on.
“Can’t let you take her,” Nix says, referring to Rose. “It’s not just her life on the line here.”
Sven looks ready to murder. He turns straight to Rose, hands shaking.
“This isn’t over Rose.”
She looks at him with dead eyes. “Will it ever be?”
Her eyes water, his soften. “You’re mine, little Rose. I want you with me.”
“I can’t…”
“You ran. You have feelings for me and you fucking ran! That’s all this is!”
Nix looks like he wants to be anywhere but there. Gotta be awkward.
“Of course I did you fucking asshole!” Rose screams. “You don’t get it. You never will. I was a pawn in your game, but I'm a real girl with feelings and morals! You’re a heartless bastard!”
She storms to Nix’s car and locks herself in. I know she’s crying in there. Nix glares at me, then at Sven. I'm truly surprised Sven hasn’t killed Nix and just taken her.
“You two fucks… I will get Lacey back.” Nix points to the side of the car Lacey’s in. “You hang in there kid! I haven’t forgotten you.”
Nix backs up to his side of the car. Never once turning his back on Sven. It’s a shame we’re on opposite sides of this whole thing I like the guy a whole fuck of a lot. Sven doesn’t waste any time storming to the car.
“Sit in the front,” I call out the door. I don’t want Lacey any more frightened than she already is.
Sven is steaming in the front seat, but the broken girl next to me has my full attention. The car and following plane ride seem to take for-fucking-ever. I just want Lacey back at the house where I can take care of her in private, where it’s safe. It’s a risk showing people a softer side of me, and I already let that slip once. It’s a risk for both of us. If people see I care about her I automatically make her a target.
“Sven,” I say as we get off the plane, “You let Nix live, even though he kept Rose from you?”
“It’s her brother,” he says like it explains everything.
That’s when I know for sure. He loves her for real. Not just for her body or as an obsession. He’s in love with her. It’s why he doesn’t have her right now. Because he doesn’t want to take her against her will. Not again. I feel like a sick fuck for having Lacey here. She’s currently dragging herself behind us. I tried to hold her, to help her inside, but she kicked and fought against me.
“We’ll get Rose back Sven.”
“How?” For the first time since meeting him, he sounds dejected.
“Don’t know yet. Give me some time. Alright? I’ll think of something.”
“Fine.”
He walks off. The final car ride back to the house is awkward. I swear to God when we finally get home I want to pick Lacey up and run her into my room, but I don’t. I let her walk on her own, and pick where she wants to go. Freedom of choice.
Without looking at me, Lacey scatters the second the car door is open. I follow her. My heart breaks as realization dawns on me. She runs down the familiar stone steps, down the hall, straight to the cell I used to keep her in. She goes to the spot by the back wall where she always used to hide. She tucks herself back up, but her shoulders relax considerably. It’s the familiar.
“You’re not a prisoner Lacey,” I whisper, choking on my words. A tear rolls down my cheek. She’s so broken, and it’s all my fault.
She starts to cry. “Yes, I am.”
She’s talking. Thank God.
I practically sprint over to her. “Lacey, no, not anymore. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” more tears, “I never wanted…”
My head falls into my hands.
“I never wanted to hurt you. I just… I didn’t….”
“But you did.”
I meet her eyes. “I know Lacey. I know. But please let me help you now. Don’t stay down here, in this cell.”
“I'm scared.” She starts to shake. “You’re gonna use my weakness against me. You’re gonna…”
She cries even harder. “I'm falling apart. I'm gonna die. After all this… I can’t take much more.”
I snap. I put my hand under chin and lift it. “I will not let you die.”
“I wish you could be Adam all the time. He… you… keep me safe.”
I still. “I want to keep you safe all the time.”
She shakes her head rapidly. “That’s a lie! It’s a lie. Please go. Leave me here. Leave me!”
I grab her hands, but she starts to fight me. “Let me go! No! Stop!”
She kicks at me, but I block it with the side of my forearm. “I just want to help you, Lacey.”
“No please. No. I don’t want your help!”
“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
I grab her sleeve and pull it up. She kicks and fights and begs, but I hold firm. This is for her. Not me. I have to take a deep breath to hide my reaction when I see her arm. It’s etched with cuts, words, wounds. All the pain she keeps hidden is right here written all over her arm. She turns to hide her face in her shoulder.
“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm disgusting. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
I didn’t know it possible for a man like me to hear his heart shatter, but in the silence of the cell, I hear it break into a million tiny pieces. I grab Lacey and pull her into me.
“Stop. You’re perfect. You’re coping in the only way you know how. Please, I'm not judging you. I'm not.”
She wraps her arms around me, her nails dig into my back like she’s trying to block her pain with my body.
“I just want to be safe. I'm so, so tired. Forever tired.”
Another tear falls. “Come on little dove. Want to go to my room? Let’s get you a shower, clothes, a doctor, a therapist…”
Her soft giggle cuts me off. Despite myself, I find myself smiling. “What?”
“I sound like a project.”
She looks down at
her feet. Her eyes are still slightly amused.
“You are my project little dove. My favorite one. Now let’s get out of here.”
I stand and extend my hand. She looks at it unsure. She decides against it because she uses her weak arms to push herself to her feet. She wobbles a bit but eventually gets herself to standing.
“Got it?”
“Yeah. Um, I'm good.”
“Just let me know if you aren’t. I'm here. Do you remember where my room is?”
She nods. I shake my head and laugh. “Of course you do.”
She starts to walk off. A few times I catch myself reaching my arm out just in case she falls. She seems dizzy. She wobbles on her feet several times but never lets herself fall. She makes sure she doesn’t need me. On the way over I text the kitchen to make us dinner, something fresh.
“Lacey, do you like sweet potato?”
She furrows her eyebrows.
“And fish? And broccoli?”
She nods, sheepishly.
“Alright then. That’ll be dinner.”
Sure enough, she leads us straight to my room. She stands to the side and waits for me to undo the locks.
“Oh quit being modest. You could get us break us right in. Couldn’t you Lace?”
She looks down at her feet, but I see her smiling. I shake my head and walk forward. She takes steps back. I type in all my codes and take out my key, making sure to follow all the safety protocols I’ve set in my place before swinging the door open.
Lacey stands there hesitant.
“Go ahead,” I say, extending my arm in a welcoming gesture.
She looks at me to see if I mean it. Slowly, she walks forward, running her fingers over everything. She looks at me. She has so many guards up, justifiably so.
“Can I take care of you?”
So many emotions flicker in her eyes. “Is it pretend?”
“No. Remember how I said this room was safe? How you could say what you want?”
