by Ines Johnson
Chapter Two
"She's lost the one mate and the other deserted her. Certainly the property reverts to the family." Dain's uncle, Bil, pawed at an ancient china bowl on the windowsill. His lips curled, barring a sharp grin.
"A male's bloodline does not usurp a woman's rights." Chanyn's Aunt Angyla stood near the fireplace on the other side of the room, away from Bil, looking down her nose at her surroundings and its occupants.
They'd gathered in Dain's office. Chanyn sat on the settee where Dain proposed to her weeks ago. The memory clung to the forefront of her mind, strong and bright.
Bil moved before the window, blocking the morning sun. Angyla crossed in front of the fireplace, the last ember went dark. Chanyn cradled her elbows to her chest, rubbing the goose bumps that rose. Along with the bumps, another memory rose in her mind.
At the age of ten Chanyn woke to find her mother gone. She'd felt sad, but not scared. She understood the workings of the ruins she lived in. She knew how to gather food from the garden and collect water from the rain barrels. She was alone, but she lived relatively the same as she had each day of her life. Not much changed that day, not even when her mother returned the next morning.
Tonight, in a room full of family members, Chanyn felt an, aloneness, unlike before. In the space of a month, she'd met her true love, found a true friend, and earned the trust of an ally. After a lifetime of being alone, for the first time Chanyn felt abandoned.
Bil and Angyla continued to bicker over Dain's property and wealth. Chanyn tuned them out.
A warm hand took Chanyn's. The grasp was awkward.
Merlyn.
She rubbed Chanyn's hand as though she were trying to wipe off a smudge. Her unpracticed smile was lopsided. "Don't worry. Mother won't let him take your wealth. Though it's probable that she will entangle the funds in the family coffers beyond your reach."
"The money doesn't matter to me."
Chanyn's currency had always been love and affection. Dain's friendship alone filled her well, and then he brought her Jian. Chanyn would give every cent of the money, every acre of the property to these people if only she could have Dain and his generous heart back.
Merlyn opened her mouth. Then closed it. She took a breath, leaned into Chanyn and spoke. "Did you love him?" The edges of her eyes bunched when she said the word love, squinting as though peering into the sun.
Chanyn looked into her cousin's curious eyes. Eyes that reminded her of her mother. But unlike her mother's quest for data, there was the growing warmth of compassion at the corner of Merlyn's eyes. Chanyn realized the younger woman asked because she wanted to understand, not catalogue the answer.
Chanyn nodded in response. "I do... did love him." The tense tripped her tongue.
Merlyn leaned in closer, eager. "Could you describe the indications to me? But not viscerally, quantitatively if possible?"
Chanyn tried to find the words to give the feelings measurement, and failed. "I felt a part of something. I felt wanted. I felt..." And there the feelings failed her, so she reached for a fact. "He was my friend."
Merlyn nodded at this last statement, as though she could grasp the fact better than the meaning. Her eyes went dreamy, unfocused, as though she were peering into the past. "I had a friend once."
Chanyn squeezed her cousin's hand. "You have a friend now."
Merlyn startled. Then relaxed under Chanyn’s hand. Chanyn gave her cousin another squeeze. And then she gripped her cousin's hand tightly. A wave of nausea threatened. Chanyn took a couple of deep breaths. Merlyn awkwardly patted her back. The rubbing motion wasn't helping, but Chanyn didn't want to dissuade the other woman's infantile steps toward affection. She needed a steady hand right now.
Her stomach convulsed again. Chanyn’s hands flew to her womb as though she could protect the novel life in there. Her aunt and Bil continued to argue, their voices grating on Chanyn's nerves as she held her breakfast in, refusing to let go of anything more. Dain had given Chanyn his entire world, and the moment after he left the earth she was barely clinging to what remained.
The nausea relaxed its grip and she stood up. "Quiet!"
All eyes went to her. Chanyn took a deep breath, preparing to speak. Unfortunately, she'd stood up a little too quickly.
Chanyn dashed for the china bowl that Bil coveted and promptly emptied her belly into it.
When she straightened, Bil's eyes were bright. "She's ill." He barely masked the delight.
"No, idiot," said Angyla. "She's pregnant."
"But, she lost the baby," Bil protested.
They all looked to Chanyn for conformation.
"The sudden vomiting so closely after first meal suggests a second pregnancy," Angyla continued. "The sickness happens due to a high level of hormones the body produces to protect the placenta. That indicates this pregnancy will be viable."
Chanyn took another deep breath. She straightened her spine, wiped her mouth, and prepared to speak. But something in the door caught her attention. Actually, it was someone.
Jian.
He stood in his robes, a bit disheveled as though he hadn't slept or washed in the day he'd been gone.
Chanyn wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and hide while he soothed her.
"Is that a hound?" Aunt Angyla sneered. "You let hounds into your house?"
Chanyn saw Jian's eyes lower, his head bow. She was about to tell her aunt off when she caught something behind Jian. Or rather someone.
Chanyn did take off running then. She moved past Bil as he pocketed a smaller piece of china, past her aunt who pressed herself into the far corner, past Jian whose arms opened for her. Chanyn ran straight up to Khial and wrapped her arms around his neck. She could tell this startled him, because for a moment he stiffened. Then tentatively, slowly, his arms came about her. Chanyn couldn't stop herself. She began to weep. As her body began to shake, Khial's grip on her firmed.
"Out," she heard him say. "All of you. Out."
He spoke quietly, but his voice resonated, brooking no argument.
From her place buried in his neck, Chanyn heard the shuffling of feet passing her by.
"Lady Merlyn," she heard Khial say. "You're welcome to return whenever it pleases you."
Chanyn couldn't see her cousin's response, but felt certain she would be seeing Merlyn sometime soon.
Chanyn didn't know how long she stayed wrapped up in Khial. She kept her focus on his strong arms, the soft cushion between his neck and shoulder, the strong beat of his heart. He was the first to break the silence.
"I'm sorry," he said.
Finally, Chanyn broke away from him. They were alone, just the two of them.
"Promise me—" Chanyn had to stop, clear her throat and try again. "Promise me you won't leave me again." It took courage to beg. Chanyn had no fear facing down a wild animal, but a pair of greedy humans proved a far different story. She never wanted to face the beasts on her own again.
Khial hesitated.
Chanyn went on. "I know I'm not him. I'll never be what he was to you. But you and I are the only two people who loved him. And now his child grows inside me. I can't do this alone. I mean, I could, but I don't want to. I don't want this child to grow up without its father, like I did. I want it to have a loving home, like Dain did. I don't know what that looks like. You do."
Khial looked at her, helpless. "I always felt like a guest here."
She clasped his hands in her own. It wasn't like in the romance novels where the lady's hands were dainty and the man had large paws. Both Chanyn and Khial had strong, callused, capable hands. "We could do it together. We don't have to be true bonded mates in the physical sense if you don't wish it. But we could be the parents we never had."
Khial looked at her doubtfully, but Chanyn could see a slight flicker in his eyes. "You'd trust me with a child?"
Chanyn frowned. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Don't you know about my parents?"
"I know they made bad decisions and hur
t one another. My mother was not an ideal parent either. But we don't have to be them. I trust you. You've always been honest with me. You were distant because you didn't know me and you were trying to protect Dain. But I don't think for a second that you would hurt anyone or anything. For Goddess sake, you could barely handle a boar."
Khial's bark of laughter took them both by surprise. He looked down at her midsection and then into her eyes.
"I don't know what kind of father I'll be," he said. "But I promise I won't leave you again."
Chanyn heaved a sigh of relief. She was hugging him again before she realized he might not like it. But he gave no resistance.
Chapter Three
Jian knew that Lord Khial's eviction didn't extend to him, but he left the room nonetheless.
He'd kept a steady hand on the young lord the whole way home. Only moments ago, the man could barely make it up the steps to his home. Ghosts lived in those sky blue eyes. Jian didn't feel an ounce of jealousy, bitterness, or regret when Chanyn ran into Lord Khial's stiff arms. Instead, he wanted to instruct Lord Khial on how to hold her properly. That she liked it when you rested a firm hand at the small of her back. That she'd become entirely pliable if you placed a second hand at the base of her neck.
But Jian held silent. Instruction was no longer his trade. He'd promised the rest of his life to the Goddess, away from her daughters and the men who aimed to please them.
Jian walked down the hall with the same heavy steps that Lord Khial marched up them.
"You're not staying the night?" The manservant, Rianald, materialized before him.
Jian kept his back to the staircase that led to the sleeping quarters. He shook any last desire from his head.
"You have honored this house," Rianald bowed. "You have done well for this family. I'm sure the Lady Darlyn smiles on you alongside her son from their place with the Goddess."
Jian's mouth wouldn't work to respond. He bowed.
He stepped outside the front door of the house into the windless day. A pressure pushed him backwards as he stepped over the threshold. Jian pushed his way on and heard raised voices.
"That girl needs serious guidance!"
At the base of the stairs stood Lady Angyla and her daughter Lady Merlyn.
"Marrying the son of murderers and the son of pornographic actors." Lady Angyla spotted Jian and her face soured even more. "And cavorting with sex workers."
Jian looked away.
A conveyance pulled up to the curb and a manservant hopped out to take Lady Angyla's hand. She glanced back at the house with disgust. "That girl is a lost cause. Come along Merlyn."
But Lady Merlyn hesitated. She turned to Jian and climbed one step.
"You're a..." The lady leaned in and whispered. "A Pleasure Hound?"
Jian wasn't quite sure if he should answer after her mother's admonishment. He bowed his head.
Lady Merlyn climbed two more steps. "Do you happen to know a hound by the name of Jaspir?"
Jian did know that name. "Yes, my lady. I trained with him."
She took the remaining steps until she stood level with Jian. "So, he's still... at the temple?"
"No, my lady. Jaspir did not take the vows. For a Pleasure Hound to take the vows his heart must be free. You cannot serve the Goddess and man. A hound is only the vessel of the Goddess, to be used by her. Jaspir's heart belonged to another."
Lady Merlyn's golden-brown eyes brightened, reminding Jian of Chanyn's. "Because of love?"
"Yes, my lady."
Lady Merlyn's hand rose to her lips, then hovered at her heart.
"Did you know Jaspir?"
Lady Merlyn nodded, her smile brightened her face. Again, Jian saw the family resemblance. "He was my friend." And then a frown dragged one side of her smile down. "But if he's not at the temple, where is he?"
"The last I heard he was working at... The Stallion."
Lady Merlyn's frown deepened, bringing the other side down. By the look on her face, Jian assumed she knew what kind of carnal establishment The Stallion was.
"My lady?" The manservant from the car came forward with his hand outstretched. Lady Merlyn descended the stairs and allowed herself to be put in the car.
Jian stole one more glance at the house. He tucked it tight into his memory, and then walked away.
He strolled slowly, leisurely. The steps he'd taken recently limited him to the confines of the temple. In the last five years, when he found himself outside of the temple, he'd walked with a purpose to get food or supplies. But now he simply walked for the joy of it. Feeling the earth crunch beneath his feet, the strength and the certainty in the firmament of the Goddess who cradled them all.
Jian concentrated on stepping lightly on the earth. Imagining first his skin, then his muscle, and finally the bones of his feet touching the earth lightly. He gave himself over to the exercise fully, allowing the earth to support him. Knowing that with each step toward the temple, he was headed in the right direction. Back to his life's purpose, to be in total service to the Goddess. Behind him, Chanyn remained in good hands. She and Lord Khial would make it together. Jian focused his attention on letting her go, replacing his arms around her waist, his lips on hers with Lord Khial's.
He lost himself in the simple task of walking. One foot in front of the other. Needing to please no one but the Goddess. Needing to think of nothing. Empty. Weightless. An offering that She would find pleasing to fill up with her will.
The walk from Chanyn's home to the temple took thirty minutes at a leisurely pace. Somehow, morning turned to night before Jian returned home. He saw that he had a welcoming party.
Elder Gerry sat in an old bamboo chair just outside the entrance to the temple. His face upturned, gazing at the stars. It was a favorite pastime of the old monk. He'd taught Jian to read the stars. In the night's sky, Jian spied Orion burning bright. Often depicted as a great warrior, Orion's story also told of epic love, sacrifice, and constant pursuit.
The two men returned their gazes to the earth at the same time. Elder Gerry sighed and the peace Jian had cultivated over his walk cracked.
"I never told you why I came to this place," Master Gerry began. "As a second son, I fell in love with my brother's bond mate. She and I were great friends. I knew she preferred me to my brother. So, one day I told her of my feelings. She admitted she felt the same way. We made love. Once. And then she married my elder brother as promised."
He closed his eyes as though shaking the memories from his head. "I couldn't watch them, day in and day out. So I left. I left her and my family behind. I came here and I dedicated myself to the Goddess. Soon, I came to love the Goddess—not more than my lady, but differently. It’s not equivalent—what I felt for that girl and what I feel for our deity."
Elder Gerry rocked back in his chair, his face upturned to the stars once more. "She became ill ten years ago, the girl I loved. I had great responsibilities here. If I left the temple, even for a few weeks, it would have put the brothers in a bad way. So I stayed. She died.
"The Goddess is my one true love. Most people love another human being. If they're lucky, that love is returned. Men like us who have not received the love of a mother; we are perfect servants to the Goddess. We can devote our entire selves to her. She is our mother, our friend, and our one true love."
Elder Gerry looked Jian square in the eyes. "If Lady Chanyn called out to you again, would you go?"
Jian didn't have to think about his answer. It was, "Yes." If Chanyn stubbed her toe and called out to him, he'd go to her.
Elder Gerry nodded. "And that is why you cannot cross this threshold to rejoin your brothers. Our mistress is a selfish one. To serve as we do you must give all your heart to Her. We serve all her daughters equally, not one more than another."
Jian stared down at his feet as they took a step back.
"What you feel for your lady is not wrong. Neither is it right. It just is. You will be sorely missed. By me, most of all."
Elder
Gerry rose from his chair and came to Jian, halting his backward progression.
Elder Gerry embraced Jian. "Our ancient brother Rumi says that there is a field beyond the ideas of wrongdoings and rightdoings. One day I'll meet you there, my son."
Jian untied his robe and put on the proffered cotton shirt that Elder Gerry held out to him. The material itched his skin. He took the sack of his belongings. Then he walked away from his home.
Chapter Four
Khial clenched and then unclenched his fist, his shoulder ached from being suspended in midair.
"Dain told me that the garden is so lush because his mother still watches over it," Chanyn said beside him.
"Oh?"
Chanyn's hand perched on Khial's arm. His elbow pointing toward her breasts, as he'd seen bonded males of high society walk with their ladies. Khial felt ridiculous.
"Does it bother you to speak of him?"
Khial clenched the fist of his suspended arm. The bunching muscles caught Chanyn's fingertips in the crook of his elbow.
Chanyn nudged her fingers out of his crook. "I can stop if it bothers you."
"No, no." Khial unclenched his fist, but they automatically clenched again. "Well, yes. It’s just too soon right now. But another time. Perhaps."
Chanyn removed her hand entirely from his arm. "Khial, do you mind if we sit down?"
"Of course." Khial guided her to a white metal bench in a shady spot of the garden. The sun and clouds jockeyed for a place in the late afternoon sky. Chanyn sank onto the bench and rubbed her neck. Khial rolled his shoulders round.
"I'm sorry," she said. "You're a bit taller than me. It was a little awkward holding your arm like that."
"I thought that's how ladies and gentlemen walked," he said. "Arms out at odd angles like that?"
A light rumble of laughter shook Chanyn's chest, bringing the outline of her nipples into view.
"Let's make a promise," she said. "Let's not do things because we think it’s what we should be doing. Let's do them because we want to do them. And let's teach our child to do the same. Deal?" She put out her hand. The motion pushed her breasts together so that they swelled above the neckline of her dress.
