“Broadfoot needs a foot on the ground here, anyway,” says Gardner. “Never fear, dear Josiah will be safe under my wing – and under my eye. While the war lasts I’m to be governor of Lahore – which between ourselves is liable to consist of protecting Mai Jeendan when her disappointed soldiery come pouring back over the river. Yes, sir – we surely earn our wages.” He surveyed me in my gorracharra outfit, of which the most important part was a steel cap, like a Roundhead’s, with long cheek-pieces that helped conceal my face. “You’ll do. Let your beard grow, and leave the talking to Ganpat. You’ll make Kussoor this afternoon; lie up there and go down to the river ghat after dark and you should fetch up with Lal Singh around dawn tomorrow. I’ll ride along with you a little ways.”
We set off, the six of us, at about ten o’clock, riding parallel with the south road. It was heavy with traffic for the Khalsa – baggage and ration carts, ammunition wagons, even teams of guns, for we were riding with the rearguard of the army, a vast host spread across the dusty plain, moving slowly south and east. Ahead of us the doabb would be alive with the main body as far as the Sutlej, beyond which Lal Singh was already investing Ferozepore and Tej Singh’s infantry would be advancing … whither? We rode at a fast trot, which troubled my ankle, but Gardner insisted we must keep up the pace if I was to reach Lal in time.
“He’s been over the Sutlej two days now. Gough must be moving, and Lal’s going to have to take order pretty sharp, or his colonels will want to know why. I only hope,” says Gardner grimly, “that the weak-kneed son-of-a-bitch doesn’t run away – in which case we might just have the gorracharra under the command of someone who knows what the hell he’s doing.”
The more I thought of it, the madder the whole thing sounded – but the maddest part of it was still to be revealed. We’d made our noon halt, and Gardner was turning back to Lahore, but first he rode a little way apart with me to make sure I had it all straight. We were on a little knoll about a furlong from the road, along which a battalion of Sikh infantry was marching, tall stalwarts all in olive green, with their colonel riding ahead, colours flying, drums beating, bugles sounding a rousing air. Gardner may have said something to prompt my question, but I don’t recall; at any rate, I asked him:
“See here … I know the Khalsa’s been spoiling for this – but if they know their own maharani has been conspiring with the enemy, and suspect their own commanders … well, even the rank and file must have a shrewd idea their rulers want to see ’em beat. So … why are they allowing themselves to be sent to war at all?”
He pondered this, and gave one of his rare wintry smiles. “They reckon they can whip John Company. Whoever may be crossing or betraying ’em, don’t matter – they think they can be champions of England. In which case, they’ll be the masters of Hindoostan, with an empire to plunder. Maybe Mai Jeendan has that possibility in mind, too, and figures she’ll win, either way. Oh, she could charm away the suspicions of treason; most of ’em still worship her. Another reason they have for marching is that they believe you British will invade them sooner or later, so they might as well strike first.”
He paused for a moment, frowning, and then said: “But that’s not the half of it. They’re going to war because they’ve taken their oaths to Dalip Singh Maharaja, and he’s sent them out in his name – never mind who put the words in his mouth. So even if they knew they were doomed beyond a doubt … they’d go to the sacrifice.” He turned to look at me. “You don’t know the Sikhs, sir. I do. They’ll fight their way to hell and back … for that little boy. And for their salt.”
He sat gazing across the plain, where the marching battalion was disappearing into the heat haze, the sun twinkling on the bayonets, the sound of the bugles dying away. He shaded his eyes, and it was as though he was talking to himself.
“And when the Khalsa’s beat, and Jeendan and her noble crew are firm in the saddle again, and the Punjab’s quiet under Britannia’s benevolent eye, and little Dalip’s getting his hide tanned at Eton College … why then” – he gestured towards the road – “then, sir, John Company will find he has a hundred thousand of the best recruits on earth, ready to fight for the White Queen. Because that’s their trade. And it’ll all have turned out best for everybody, I guess. Lot of good men will have died first, though. Sikh. Indian. British.” He glanced at me, and nodded. “That’s why Hardinge has held off all this time. He’s probably the only man in India who thinks the price is too high. Now it’s going to be paid.”
He was a strange bird this – all bark and fury most of the time, then quiet and philosophical, which sorted most oddly with his Ghazi figurehead. He chucked the reins and wheeled his pony. “Good luck, soldier. Give my salaams to old Georgie Broadfoot.”
* * *
a Must is the madness of the rogue elephant. Doolali=insane, from Deolali Camp, inland from Bombay, where generations of British soldiers (including the editor) were received in India, and supposedly were affected by sunstroke.
b The name given to the tracts between the rivers of the Punjab.
Chapter 12
I’ve never cared, much, for service with foreign forces. At best it’s unfamiliar and uncomfortable, and the rations are liable to play havoc with your innards. The American Confederates weren’t bad, I suppose, bar their habit of spitting on carpets, and the worst I can say of the Yankees is that they took soldiering seriously and seemed to be under the impression that they had invented it. But the Malagassy army, of which I was Sergeant-General, was simply disgusting; the Apaches stink and know dam’ all about camp discipline; no one in the Foreign Legion speaks decent French, the boots don’t fit, and the bayonet scabbard is a clanking piece of scrap. All round, the only aliens in whose military employ I could ever be called happy were the Sky-Blue Wolves of Khokand – and that was only because I was full of hashish administered by their general’s mistress after I’d rogered her in his absence. As for the Khalsa, the one good thing about my service in its ranks (or perhaps I should say on its general staff) was that it was short and to the point.
I count it from the moment we set out south, the six of us in column of twos, gorracharra to the life in our oddments of mail and plate and eccentric weapons; Gardner had furnished me with two pistols and a sabre, and while I’d have swapped the lot for my old pepperbox, I consoled myself that with luck I’d never need to use them.
I was in two minds as we cantered down towards Loolianee. On the one hand, I was relieved to elation at leaving the horrors of Lahore behind me; when I thought of that hellish gridiron, and Chaund Cour’s bath, and the ghastly fate of Jawaheer, even the knowledge that I was venturing into the heart of the Khalsa didn’t seem so fearful. A glance at the scowling unshaven thug reflected in Gardner’s pocket mirror had told me that I needn’t fear detection; I might have come straight from Peshawar Valley and no questions asked. And Lal Singh, being up to his arse in treason, would be sure to speed me on my way in quick time; in two days at most I’d be with my own people again – with fresh laurels, too, as the Man Who Brought the News that Saved the Army. If it did save it, that is.
That was t’other side of the coin, and as we rode into the thick of the invading army, all my old fears came flooding back. We kept clear of the road, which was choked with transport trains, but even on the doab we found ourselves riding through regiment after regiment marching in open order across the great sunbaked plain. Twice, as you know, I’d seen the Khalsa mustered, but it seemed that the half hadn’t been shown unto me: now they covered the land to the horizon, men, wagons, horses, camels, and elephants, churning up the red dust into a great haze that hung overhead in the windless air, making noontide like dusk and filling the eyes and nostrils and lungs. When we came to Kussoor late in the afternoon, it was one great park of artillery, line upon line of massive guns, 32 and 48 pounders – and I thought of our pathetic 12 and 16 pounders and horse artillery, and wondered how much use Lal’s betrayal would be. Well, whatever befell, I’d just have to play my game leg for all
it was worth, and keep well clear of the action.
There’s great debate, by the way, about how large the Khalsa was, and how long it took to cross the Sutlej, but the fact is that even the Sikhs don’t know. I reckoned about a hundred thousand were on the move from Lahore to the river, and I know now that they’d been crossing in strength for days and already had fifty thousand on the south bank, while Gough and Hardinge were trying to scramble their dispersed thirty thousand together. But muster rolls don’t win wars. Concentration does – not only getting there fustest with the mostest, as the chap said, but bringing ’em to bear in the right place. That’s the secret – and if you run into Lars Porsena he’ll be the first to tell you.29
At the time, I only knew what I could see – camp fires all about us in a vast twinkling sea as we came down by night to the Ferozepore ghat. Even in the small hours they were swarming over the ferry in an endless tide; great burning bales had been set on high poles on either bank, glaring red on the three hundred yards of oily water, and men and guns and beasts and wagons were being poled across on anything that could float – barges and rafts and even rowing boats. There were whole regiments waiting in the dark to take their turn, and the ghat itself was Bedlam, but Ganpat thrust ahead, bawling that we were durbar couriers, and we were given passage in a fisher craft carrying a general and his staff. They ignored us poor gorracharra, and presently we came to the noisy confusion of the southern bank, and made our way by inquiry to the Wazir’s headquarters.
Ferozepore itself lay a couple of miles or so from the river, with the Sikhs in between, and how far their camp extended up the south bank, God alone knows. They’d been crossing as far up as Hurree-ke, and I suppose they’d made a bridgehead of about thirty miles, but I ain’t certain. As near as I’ve been able to figure, Lal’s headquarters lay about two miles due north of Ferozepore, but it was still dark when we passed through the lines of tent-lanes, all ablaze with torches. Most of his force were gorracharra, like ourselves, and my memory is of fierce bearded faces and steel caps, beasts stamping in the dark, and the steady throb of drums that they kept up all night, doubtless to encourage Littler in his beleaguered outpost two miles away.
Lal’s quarters were in a pavilion big enough to hold Astley’s circus – it even had smaller tents within it to house him and his retinue of staff and servants and personal bodyguard. These last were tall villains with long chainmail headdresses and ribbons on their muskets; they barred our way until Ganpat announced our business, which caused a great scurry and consultation with chamberlains and butlers. Although it was still the last watch, and the great man was asleep, it was decided to wake him at once, so we didn’t have to wait above an hour before being ushered into his sleeping pavilion, a silken sanctum decked out like a bordello, with Lal sitting up naked in bed while one wench dressed his hair and combed his beard, another sprayed him with perfume, and a third plied him with drink and titbits.
I’ve never seen a man in such a funk in my life. At our previous meetings he’d been as cool, urbane, and commanding as a handsome young Sikh noble can be; now he was like a virgin with the vapours. He gave me one terrified glance and looked quickly away, his fingers tugging nervously at the bedclothes while the wenches completed his toilet, and when one of them dropped her comb he squealed like a spoiled child, slapped her, and drove them out with shrill curses. Ganpat followed them, and the moment he’d gone Lal was tumbling out of bed, hauling his robe about him and yammering at me in a hoarse whisper.
“Praise God you are here at last! I thought you would never come! What is to be done?” He was fairly quivering with fright. “I’ve been at my wits’ end for two days – and Tej Singh is no help, the swine! He sits at Arufka, pretending he must supervise the assembly, and leaves me here alone! Everyone is looking to me for orders – what in God’s name am I to say to them?”
“What have you said already?”
“Why, that we must wait! What else can I say, man? But we can’t wait forever! They keep telling me that Ferozepore can be plucked like a ripe fruit, if I will but give the word! And how can I answer them? How can I justify delay? I don’t know!” He seized me by the wrist, pleading. “You are a soldier – you can think of reasons! What shall I tell them?”
I hadn’t reckoned on this. I’d always thought myself God’s own original coward, but this fellow could have given me ten yards in the hundred, and won screaming. Well, Gardner had warned me of that, and also that Lal might have difficulty thinking of reasons for not attacking Ferozepore – but I hadn’t expected to find him at such a complete nonplus as this. The man was on the edge of hysterics, and plainly the first thing to be done was to calm his panic (before it infected me, for one thing) and find out how the land lay. I began by pointing out that I was an invalid – I’d only been able to limp into his presence with the aid of a stick – and that my first need was food, drink, and a doctor to look at my ankle. That took him aback – it always does, when you remind an Oriental of his manners – and his women were summoned to bring refreshments while a little hakim clucked over my swollen joint and said I must keep my bed for a week. What they thought, to see a hairy gorracharra sowar treated with such consideration by their Wazir, I don’t know. Lal fretted up and down, and couldn’t wait to drive them out again, and renew his appeals for guidance.
By that time I’d got my thoughts into some order, at least as far as his Ferozepore dilemma was concerned. There are always a hundred good reasons for doing nothing, and I’d hit on a couple – but first I must have information. I asked him how many men he had ready to march.
“At hand, twenty-two thousand cavalry – they are lying a bare mile from Ferozepore, with the enemy lines in full view, I tell you! And Littler Sahib has a bare seven thousand – only one British regiment, and the rest sepoys ready to desert to us! We know this from some who have already come over!” He gulped at his cup, his teeth chattering on the rim. “We could overrun him in an hour! Even a child can see that!”
“Have you sent messengers to him?”
“As if I would dare! Who could I trust? Already these Khalsa bastards look at me askance – let them suspect that I traffic with the enemy, and …” He rolled his eyes and flung his cup away in a passion. “And that drunken bitch in Lahore gives me no help, no orders! While she couples with her grooms, I wait to be butchered like Jawaheer –”
“Now, see here, Wazir!” says I roughly, for his whining was starting to give me the shakes. “You take hold, d’you hear? Your position ain’t all that desperate –”
“You see a way out?” quavers he, clutching at me again. “Oh, my dear friend, I knew you would not fail me! Tell me, tell me, then – and let me embrace you!”
“You keep your bloody distance,” says I. “What’s Littler doing?”
“Fortifying his lines. Yesterday he came out with his whole garrison, and we thought he meant to attack us, and held our ground. But my colonels say it was a feint to gain time, and that I must storm his trenches! Oh, God, what can I –”
“Hold on – he’s entrenched, you say? Is he still digging? Capital – you can tell your colonels he’s mining his defences!”
“But will they believe me?” He wrung his hands. “Suppose the deserters deny it?”
“Why should you trust deserting sepoys? How d’ye know Littler hasn’t sent ’em to give you false reports of his strength, eh? To lure you into attacking him? Ferozepore’s a ripe fruit, is it? Come, raja, you know the British – foxy bastards, every one of us! Deuced odd, ain’t it, that we’ve left a weak garrison, cut off, just asking to be attacked, what?”
He stared wide-eyed. “Is this true?”
“I doubt it – but you don’t know that,” says I, warming to my work. “Anyway, it’s a dam’ good reason to give your colonels for not attacking headlong. Now then, what force has Tej Singh, and where?”
“Thirty thousand infantry, with heavy guns, behind us along the river.” He shuddered. “Thank God I have only light artillery –
with heavy pieces I should have no excuse for not blowing Littler’s position to rubble!”
“Never mind Littler! What news of Gough?”
“Two days ago he was at Lutwalla, a hundred miles away! He will be here in two days – but word is that he has scarcely ten thousand men, only half of them British! If he comes on, we are sure to defeat him!” He was almost crying, wrenching off his beard net and trembling like a fever case. “What can I do to prevent it? Even if I give reasons for not taking Ferozepore, I cannot avoid battle with the Jangi lat! Help me, Flashman bahadur! Tell me what I must do!”
Well, this was a real facer, if you like. Gardner, for all his misgivings about Lal, had been sure that he and Tej would have some scheme for leading their army to destruction – that was what I was here for, dammit, to carry their plans to Gough! And it was plain as a pikestaff that they hadn’t any. And Lal expected me, a junior officer, to plot his own defeat for him. And as I stared at that shivering, helpless clown, it came to me with awful clarity that if I didn’t, no one else would.
It ain’t the kind of problem you meet every day. I doubt if it’s ever been posed at Staff College … “Now then, Mr Flashman, you command an army fifty thousand strong, with heavy guns, well supplied, their lines of communication protected by an excellent river. Against you is a force of only ten thousand, with light guns, exhausted after a week’s forced marching, short of food and fodder and damned near dying of thirst. Now then, sir, answer directly, no hedging – how do you lose, hey? Come, come, you’ve just given excellent reasons for not taking a town that’s lying at your mercy! This should be child’s play to a man with your God-given gift of catastrophe! Well, sir?”
Flashman Papers Omnibus Page 118
