Her unhurried ardor enticed him, and within a moment, he felt his skin heat and his heart race. For as his tongue expertly explored her mouth, he wished nothing more than to part her modest knees with one of his own and press himself against her. And sweep her into his bedroom to fraternize…
He pulled away, placing his hands on her bare forearms. “I have to stop.” He leaned his forehead against hers and exhaled deeply.
“I’m sorry.”
He pressed his lips to her forehead. “Never apologize for acting on your desires. You’re beautiful and sensual. And very, very arousing. I can enjoy you without becoming more intimate, but I can’t kiss you again. Not right now.”
They stood frozen, holding each other for several minutes, until Gabriel opened his eyes and stroked her cheek.
“Whatever you want, Julianne. Tonight, I’m yours. Do you want me to take you home? Do you want to stay?”
She nuzzled his jaw with her nose. “I’d like to stay.”
“Then I think it’s time for bed.” He extended his hand and helped her to her feet.
“Doesn’t it seem strange to you? Sharing a bed with me?”
“I want you in my arms and in my bed every night.”
Julia was quiet for a moment as she picked up her messenger bag.
“Does that bother you?” He frowned.
“No. Maybe it should.”
“I’ve missed you this week.”
“I missed you too.”
“I sleep better when you’re in my arms.” He smiled at her warmly. “But it’s your choice where you sleep tonight.”
“I’d like to share your bed,” said Julia shyly. “If you’d let me.”
“I’d never deny you that.” He led her down the hallway to his bedroom.
She sat on the bed, and he picked up the framed photograph from on top of the dresser.
“You have a picture of me under your pillow. I thought I should return the favor.” Gabriel smirked as he handed her the photograph.
Julia racked her brain to try to remember when he could have found the old photo she had of him.
“How did you get this?”
“I should be asking you where you obtained a picture of me from my days on Princeton’s rowing team.” Gabriel untucked and unbuttoned his dress shirt, exposing the tight T-shirt that clung to his chest.
Julia grew embarrassed and looked away, silently ruing the day men decided to wear undershirts. Watching him undress was even sexier than watching him in a purple towel that was far too small.
“Um, Rachel had it on her bulletin board. And the first time I saw it, I took it.”
He leaned down to lift her face up so that he could examine her expression. “You took it? You mean, you stole it.”
“I know I shouldn’t have. But you had this wonderful smile. I was seventeen and stupid, Gabriel.”
“Stupid or smitten?”
Julia rested her eyes on the floor. “I think you know.”
“Rachel took pictures with her phone while she was visiting. This one is my favorite, which is why I framed it.” He examined her closely. “Don’t you like it?”
She seemed flustered. “You look nice.”
He took the photo out of her hand and carefully placed it on top of the dresser. “What are you thinking? Tell me.”
“The way you looked at me while we were dancing…I don’t understand.”
“You’re a beautiful woman. Why wouldn’t I look at you?”
“It’s the way you looked at me.”
“I look at you like that all the time.” He kissed her softly. “I’m looking at you like that right now.” He brushed her hair back from her face. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
After changing into what would serve as her pajamas, she stood in the doorway of the bathroom, backlit in white light.
“Stop,” said Gabriel. He had returned to the room during her absence and was lying in bed, staring at her.
Julia looked down at her clothes and fidgeted. She hadn’t known what to wear. Most of her pajamas were too juvenile to wear in front of him, and she didn’t own any lingerie for sleeping. Not that she would have been brave enough to wear lingerie to bed with him. So at this moment, she was clad in a dark blue T-shirt, which was large enough to hide her chest, and a pair of athletic shorts that had Saint Joseph’s University’s logo on the front.
“You’re exquisite.”
She made a face and reached over to switch off the light.
“Wait. Standing there, in the light, you look like an angel.”
She nodded to indicate that she’d heard him before silently joining him.
Gabriel immediately pulled her into a warm embrace, and as he did so, she realized he was wearing a T-shirt and shorts too.
They were quite a pair. But now their naked legs could tangle together blissfully under the sheets. He kissed her tenderly and leaned back on the pillow, sighing in pleasure as she rested her head on his chest, wrapping her arm around his waist.
“I’m sorry you’re lonely, Julianne.”
She appeared puzzled by his non sequitur.
“Earlier this week when we were talking on the phone, you mentioned that you feel isolated, that you don’t have any friends.”
She winced in remembrance.
“What if I were to buy you a kitten or a rabbit? Someone to keep you company at your apartment.”
“Gabriel, I appreciate the thought, but you can’t just throw money at my problems.”
“I know that. But I can spend money to try to make you smile.” He kissed her again.
“Kindness is worth more than all the money in the world.”
“You shall have that. And much, much more.”
“That’s all I want.”
“Stay for the weekend. Here. With me.”
She hesitated only for an instant. “Okay,” she whispered.
He seemed relieved. “How about a fish? They’re the new companion animal.”
She laughed. “I don’t think so. I can barely look after myself, let alone another poor creature.”
He lifted her chin so that they could see one another. “Then let me look after you,” he whispered, eyes intense and unblinking.
“You could have any woman you want, Gabriel.”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “I only want you.”
She rested her head against his chest and smiled.
“Being without you, Julianne, is like enduring an endless night without stars.”
Chapter 22
Two almost lovers were tangled around each other, their naked legs entwined in a large bed under an ice-blue silk duvet and white Frette sheets. The woman mumbled in her sleep, moving fitfully, while the man remained still, enjoying the pleasure of her company.
He could have lost her. Lying next to her, he was conscious of the fact that their evening could have ended very differently. She didn’t have to forgive him. She didn’t have to accept him. But she did. Perhaps he could dare to hope…
“Gabriel?”
He didn’t answer, for he thought she was still asleep. It was three o’clock in the morning, and the bedroom was shrouded in darkness, a darkness made visible by the lights of the city’s skyline diffused through the blinds.
She rolled over so that she could see his face. “Gabriel?” she whispered. “Are you awake?”
“Yes. It’s all right, darling, go back to sleep.” He kissed her lightly and stroked her hair.
She propped herself up on one elbow. “I’m wide awake now.”
“So am I.”
“Can I—talk to you?”
He quickly mimicked her position. “Of course. Is something wrong?”
“Are you happier now than you were before?”
Gabriel looked at her for a moment and gently tapped her nose with his finger. “Why the deep question in the middle of the night?”
“You said you weren’t happy last year. I was wondering if you are happy now.”
“Ha
ppiness is something I know precious little about. You?”
Julia twisted the edge of the bed sheet in her hand. “I try to be happy. I try to focus on the little things and find pleasure in them. Your pie made me happy.”
“If I’d known the pie would make you happy, I would have given it to you sooner.”
“Why aren’t you happy now?”
“I bartered my birthright for a bowl of pottage.”
“You’re quoting scripture?” Julia was incredulous.
Gabriel bristled. “I’m not a pagan, Julianne. I was brought up Episcopalian. Richard and Grace were very devout. Didn’t you know that?”
She nodded. She’d forgotten.
His face took on a remarkably serious expression. “I still believe, even though I don’t live like it. I know that makes me a hypocrite.”
“All believers are hypocrites because none of us live up to our beliefs. I believe too, but I’m not very good. I only go to Mass when I’m sad, or at Christmas and Easter.” She reached her hand out to find his and clasped him tightly. “If you still believe, you must have hope. You must believe that happiness is possible for you too.”
He released her hand and rolled onto his back, gazing up at the ceiling. “I lost my soul, Julianne.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re looking at one of those precious few who have committed the sin unto death.”
“How?”
Gabriel sighed. “My name is the bitterest irony. I’m closer to a devil than an angel, and I’m beyond redemption because I’ve done unforgivable things.”
“You mean—with Professor Singer?”
He laughed bitterly. “Would that those were my only sins. But no, Julianne, I’ve done worse. Please just accept what I say.”
She inched closer. Her delicate features creased with worry, and her eyebrows knitted together. She took her time considering the words he had not said, while he trailed repentant fingers up and down her arm.
“I know that keeping secrets from you is hurtful. I know that I won’t be able to keep them from you forever. Please, just give me a little time.” He exhaled slowly and lowered his voice. “I promise I won’t make love to you without telling you who I am first.”
“It’s a bit soon to discuss that, don’t you think?”
He frowned and searched her eyes. “Is it?”
“Gabriel, we’re just getting to know one another. And there have already been a few surprises.”
He winced. “You need to know my intentions. I don’t intend to seduce you, then leave. I don’t intend to save some of my secrets until after I make you wholly mine. I’m trying to be good.”
Gabriel’s vow was made in good faith. He wanted her, he wanted all of her, but he realized while he lay awake that night that he couldn’t take her virginity before he’d revealed his true self. Although her ultimate reaction to Ann had taught him to hope, he was still afraid that his revelations would drive her away. She could do better. Nevertheless, the thought of Julianne with someone else made his heart stutter.
“Do you have a conscience?”
“What kind of question is that?” he growled.
“Do you believe that there’s a difference between right and wrong?”
“Of course!”
“Do you know the difference?”
Gabriel scrubbed at his face with both hands and kept them there. “Julianne, I am not a sociopath. Knowing isn’t the problem—doing is the problem.”
“Then you haven’t lost your soul. Only a creature with a soul can tell the difference between right and wrong. Yes, you’ve made mistakes, but you feel guilt. You feel remorse. And if you still have your soul, you haven’t lost your chance at redemption.”
Gabriel smiled sadly and kissed her. “You sound like Grace.”
“Grace was very wise.”
“And so are you, Miss Mitchell. Apparently,” he gently mocked her.
“Actually, I am. With a little bit of help from Aquinas, Professor.”
He reached over and pulled up her T-shirt slightly so that he could softly tickle her naked flesh.
“Ah! Gabriel! Stop it!” She giggled and writhed, trying to get away from him.
He continued for a moment, just to give himself the pleasure of hearing her laughter ring out in the darkened space. Then he let her go. “Thank you, Julianne.” He caressed her cheek. “You almost make me believe it.”
She placed her arm around his waist, snuggling into his side and inhaling his scent gleefully. “You always smell good.”
“You can thank Rachel and Grace. They started buying me Aramis a long time ago. I kept on buying it out of habit.” He grinned. “Do you think I should try something else?”
“Not if Grace bought it for you.”
Gabriel’s smile faded, but he pressed a kiss to her forehead nonetheless. “I suppose it’s a good thing she didn’t buy Brut.”
Julia laughed.
They lay very still for a few minutes, before she whispered close to his ear. “There is something I’d like to tell you.”
Gabriel pursed his lips slightly and nodded.
In spite of the dark, she looked away shyly. “You could have had me in the orchard. I would have let you.”
He traced her cheek with a single fingertip. “I know.”
“You know?”
“I am practiced at reading a woman’s body, Julianne. That night you were very receptive.”
She was surprised. “So you knew then that I—?”
“Yes.”
“But you didn’t…”
“No.”
“Will you tell me why?”
He paused thoughtfully. “I didn’t think it was right. And I was so happy to have found you and to have you in my arms…it was enough. It was everything.”
Julia leaned over and pressed her lips to his neck. “It was perfect.”
“When we go home for Thanksgiving, I’d like to take you back to the orchard. Will you come with me?”
“Of course.” She pressed a kiss just shy of his tattoo, for she knew he flinched whenever she touched him there.
“Kiss me,” he whispered.
She complied, pressing parted lips and open mouth to his, tasting him for as long as he would have her. Until he sighed and moved away. She was saddened by the sudden loss of contact, and an old worry reared its head.
Gabriel felt her tense. “Don’t confuse my restraint with a lack of desire, Julianne. I burn for you.” He moved her gently so that she was on her side and spooned behind her, burying his face in her hair. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered.
Julia wanted to tell him that she slept better with him than without him. She wanted to tell him that she would like to sleep with him every night and that she earnestly desired him.
But she didn’t.
***
When she awoke the next morning, she was alone. She glanced at the old fashioned clock Gabriel kept on his nightstand and was stunned to discover that it was already noon. She’d slept far too long.
He’d left her a continental breakfast and a note that was propped up against a wine glass filled with orange juice. Julia began eating the pain au chocolat as she read his note:
From the Desk of Professor Gabriel O. Emerson
Darling,
You were sound asleep,
so I didn’t want to wake you.
I’ve gone to run some errands.
Call me when you wake up.
I was very grateful to have you
in my arms all night
and for your words…
If I have a soul, it’s yours,
Gabriel
Julia smiled widely and took her time eating her breakfast. Gabriel sounded happy, and that made her happy too. She freshened herself up in the washroom and was about to exit the bedroom when she tripped over something. Righting herself with a curse, she saw that the offending speed bump was in reality three white shopping bags with the words Holt Renfrew emblazone
d on them. She pushed them aside almost wrathfully, and walked to the kitchen.
She was surprised to find Gabriel sitting at the breakfast bar, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. He was wearing a pale blue button-down shirt that highlighted the blueness of his eyes, and black casual pants. He wore his glasses, and he looked handsome, as always. Julia felt underdressed in her T-shirt and shorts.
“Why, hello there.” Gabriel folded his paper and put his cup down. He opened his arms wide, beckoning her.
She stepped in between his parted knees, and he embraced her warmly.
“How did you sleep?” he whispered in her hair.
“Really well.”
He kissed her softly. “You must have been tired. How do you feel?” He looked at her with concern.
“I’m fine.”
“I can make you lunch, if you wish.”
“Have you eaten?”
“Something small with my first coffee. I was waiting to have lunch with you.”
He kissed her again, more deeply this time. Julia shyly slid her arms up his back and into his hair. Gabriel reacted by nibbling on her lower lip and pulling away with a smirk.
“Part of me was worried you wouldn’t be here when I woke up.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Gabriel. My feet are still aching from walking everywhere in those heels yesterday. I don’t think I could make it home even if I wanted to.”
“I can fix that. With a little help from a hot bath.” He moved his eyebrows suggestively.
Julia flushed and changed the subject. “How long did you want me to stay?”
“Forever.”
“Gabriel, be serious.” She shook her head, smiling.
“Till Monday morning.”
“I only have clothes for today. I’ll have to go home and pick up a few things.”
He smiled at her indulgently. “I’ll take you home, if you insist. Or I’ll lend you the Range Rover. But before you go, there are a couple of things waiting for you in the bedroom. Perhaps a trip home will be unnecessary.”
“What things?”
He waved his hands. “Things someone might need if they were staying at a friend’s house.”
“And where did they come from?”
“The store where Rachel bought your messenger bag.”
Gabriel's Inferno Trilogy Page 40
