by Diane Gaston
Then what? Return to his parents? Accept his fate? Accept their disappointment? His own guilt?
No. He did not want to be Lucas Johns-Ives, the man who would some day gain all that should have been his brother’s, the man who had run away and tried to kill himself with drink. The man who had let his brother die.
But could he remain John Lucas?
The money in his purse would eventually run out. What would he do then? Become some Scottish lord’s valet or footman? Live a life of changing chamber pots and cleaning someone else’s clothes? Serving food or answering doors? Or working in a garden or farm field?
It was good, honest work, all of it, and he had a new respect for those who performed it. Such good, honest work had saved him from himself—that and Mairi’s voice pulling him back from the doorway of death—but maybe he only relished the work because he knew he could leave it any time and return to a life of ease. Could Erwin or Robert or even Hargreave’s valet do that? They could only look forward to a lifetime of serving people who happened to have been born into the gentry.
As John Lucas he could not kiss Mairi. Or court her. Or ask her to marry him. As Lucas Johns-Ives he’d be a good match for her, but would she want him after she found out he had deceived her and her family about who he was?
He yanked open the stairway door and walked back to Dunburn’s room to await the gentleman, undress him and help ready him for bed.
Chapter Sixteen
That night, Mairi lay awake for what seemed like hours, replaying in her mind the almost-kiss from Lucas. Had she tempted him unwittingly? Or did he feel, too, that strange affinity she felt towards him?
She finally slept, but fitfully, and woke the next morning to find herself alone in the bedchamber. She sat up and looked out of the window. It was barely past dawn.
Davina never rose so early, nor was it like her to be so quiet that she wouldn’t wake Mairi. Mairi climbed out of bed and hurried to wash herself. She pulled on a dressing gown and went out into the hallway to her mother’s room. Without knocking, she opened the door. The curtains were drawn and the room was dark. She could just make out her mother asleep in her bed.
Nellie rose from a chair and tiptoed over to the door. ‘Miss Mairi! What may I do for you?’ she whispered.
Mairi motioned for the maid to come into the hallway. ‘Have you seen Davina?’
‘Yes, miss, she woke me a little while ago to help her dress.’ Nellie frowned in disapproval. ‘She was half-dressed already, needing only for me to do her laces. I told her she should not have walked in the hallway that way. Someone might have seen her, or worse, it might have woken your mother.’
Mairi’s insides twisted. ‘How was she dressed?’
‘In her travelling dress,’ Nellie responded. ‘But she carried her half-boots and her cloak like she was going outside.’
Davina’s travelling dress was the plainest and oldest of the clothes she’d packed for this visit, the sort of dress she’d put on if she planned to go fishing.
Mairi turned to the maid. ‘Will you help me dress? Maybe I can catch her.’
They returned to Mairi’s room and Mairi slipped out of her dressing gown and nightdress as quickly as she could. She, too, chose one of her plainest and oldest dresses. As Nellie was tying her laces, Mairi glanced out of the window and spied Davina crossing the yard below.
‘Where is she going all alone?’ Mairi’s heart pounded.
‘She is alone?’ Nellie sounded as alarmed as Mairi. ‘She cannot know the land here.’
Mairi quickly put her hair into a plait. ‘I need help going after her. Do you know where Mr Lucas would be?’
Nellie answered, ‘He sleeps in your father’s room.’
‘My father should be at breakfast by now. He is to go on the stag hunt today.’ She hoped Lucas would not be required to accompany him.
‘Would you like me to ask for Mr Lucas below stairs?’
‘Would you, Nellie?’ She gave her a grateful look. ‘And see if Niven and Lord Crawfurd’s son have gone out yet, if you can. I will wait in the hall.’
‘Right away, miss.’ Nellie rushed out.
Mairi pulled on her stockings and her half-boots. She wrapped a woollen scarf around her neck, gathered her cloak and her gloves, and made her way to the hall.
The footman attending the hall enquired if she needed assistance.
‘Do you know if Lord Crawfurd’s son and the Baron of Dunburn’s son went out this morning?’ she asked him.
‘I believe so,’ he responded. ‘Two youths, miss?’
‘Yes.’ It must have been Niven and William. ‘With fishing poles?’
‘Aye, miss. The very ones.’
At least she knew that much. ‘And did Miss Davina Wallace enquire of them as well?’
‘The young miss?’ He obviously noticed her worry. ‘Aye, miss. She asked questions about fishing. I did think it odd.’
‘Did she learn where the boys might have gone?’
He frowned. ‘Aye. I fear I told her as much.’
She felt sorry for the servant. ‘It is difficult not to tell her something she wishes to know. You did nothing wrong.’
She was about to ask him about Lucas, when Lucas appeared in the hall, Nellie following.
‘Miss Wallace?’ he said formally. ‘You wished to speak to me?’
She felt her face flush at the sight of him, but she answered in a similar tone, ‘Yes, Lucas. This way, please.’ She searched for a room where they might not be overheard and found a small drawing room that looked as if it was meant for waiting callers with no particular status.
‘Davina went off alone?’ he said as soon as they were private.
‘She intends to find Niven and William, I am sure, but she cannot know the land. She should not be out there alone!’
He nodded. ‘I will go after her. Let me speak to someone who would know where they went fishing.’
Nellie stood a short distance away, looking worn to a frazzle.
Mairi went over to her and placed her hands on the maid’s arms as if to steady her. ‘Nellie, thank you so much for finding Lucas. Please get your rest while you are able and do not worry. Lucas will find her.’
‘Very well, miss,’ the elderly maid said uncertainly. ‘If you are certain there is nothing else to be done.’
‘You have helped so very much. Just—just do not tell Mama. Say Davina and I took a walk to explore the gardens and we will see her later. She will believe that.’
Nellie nodded, curtsied and walked away with a slight limp, from her arthritic hip, no doubt.
Mairi turned to Lucas. ‘I am going with you.’
She expected him to protest. Surely he would not wish to spend time with her after what had happened between them the night before, but he merely nodded. ‘Wait here. I must change. I will be quick.’
After he left she sat in one of the chairs and tried to calm herself. But Davina was off by herself on a strange estate and she was too trusting to have any notion of danger. Mairi rose again and paced. If nothing else, she could become lost in the wood or injure herself in a fall. She could wander towards where the gentlemen were hunting stag.
She could come across a man who would see her as prey.
Mairi’s anxiety grew. She could barely breathe.
* * *
Lucas was not gone more than ten minutes, but it seemed ages until he returned. He’d changed into the clothes he’d worn when they first found him.
‘Let’s be off,’ he said.
She put on her cloak and followed him through a labyrinth of rooms until reaching a door that led to the outside.
‘I have directions to the head ghillie’s office. We should ask there.’
The head ghillie was with the hunters, but they found a man who could direct them to the best places to fish. They chose one in the directio
n Davina had been seen walking.
‘She left so long ago,’ Mairi said. Would they be able to find her?
‘There is every chance that she’s followed the same directions we are following and will find Niven easily.’
She darted a glance to him. ‘Are you trying to patronise me, Lucas? If you are, I do not appreciate it.’
He turned to her and spoke kindly. ‘Do not spin in your mind all sorts of calamitous ends to our search. It is most likely she will be safe and unharmed.’
But she could not help her anxiety. ‘If you believe that, I wonder why you agreed to come.’
He stopped and faced her directly. ‘Because you asked me.’ Before she could draw a surprised breath, he started walking again. ‘And because she is alone and might need protection.’
So he was not free of worry either. That reassured her more than his consolation.
* * *
They must have walked for an hour—and talked little—over fields and through woods before they heard the sounds of water.
‘This may be near where Niven is fishing,’ he said.
If they’d followed the directions correctly, this was the River Tilt of which the ghillie had spoken. The river was like a blue ribbon threading through the landscape. On one side the mountain, brushed with shades of brown and gold, rose almost straight up, like a wall. Dotted here and there on the mountainside were the red deer, the stags majestic with their crowns of antlers. These were the animals the gentlemen were hunting today and their dignified beauty made Mairi hope they all escaped the hunter’s shot.
They walked towards a bend in the river where trees had turned yellow. The views almost made Mairi forget why they were here. To search for her sister. To keep her safe.
Finally, in the distance, they heard voices above the music of the water and the figure of a fisherman could be seen at the river’s bank.
‘Look!’ She pointed and quickened her step.
As they came closer, Lucas said, ‘It is Niven.’
Her heart pounded in fear. If Davina was not with them—?
Niven spied them and reacted with surprise. ‘Mairi! Lucas! Is everyone to come fishing?’
Sitting together on the bank were William and Davina. William rose.
Mairi ran to her sister. ‘Davina! I have been so worried about you!’
Davina met her with a defensive expression. ‘Whatever for? Did I not tell you that I wanted to go fishing with Niven and William?’
‘But you went off alone!’ She wanted to hug her sister. And throttle her.
‘I take walks alone at home,’ she protested, a fact that also worried Mairi.
Mairi sank down next to her. ‘At least you are safe.’
‘Of course I am safe!’ Davina said.
Niven left the bank of the river and came over to his sisters. ‘Mairi! Look at the fish we have caught already!’ He showed her the basket with four large fish. ‘These are only the keepers—there were lots of small ones we threw back. The fishing here is grand!’ He carried the basket over to Lucas. ‘Look at these fish, Lucas.’
* * *
Lucas might not have shown it, but he, too, breathed a sigh of relief to see Davina safe with her brother. Somehow his vow to care for no one and nothing had dissolved into a need to protect all of the Wallaces. He’d certainly felt it in Edinburgh, acutely aware then that the safety of the brother and sister lay solely in his hands.
As it had been with Bradleigh.
But he must not think of him. He turned his attention to the basket of fish Niven proudly showed him. ‘Those are fine! The Oxmonts’ cook will be quite pleased.’
Davina called over to him, ‘Hello, Lucas! Mairi should not have made you come with her. I was perfectly safe.’ She laughed. ‘Even if I became lost for a little while.’
He did not like to hear that. ‘You should not have gone off alone. You might still be lost.’
She smiled enigmatically. ‘No harm done.’
‘Lucas! Come here. You can practically see the fish swimming!’ Niven had returned to the riverbank and picked up his fishing pole.
William had wandered to the riverbank as well.
Lucas joined them and gazed out at the water. Right beneath the surface could be seen dark shapes swimming with the current.
As he watched the water, William came up to him. ‘Mr Lucas? May I tell you something?’ The youth’s expression was serious.
‘Of course,’ Lucas replied.
William hesitated before speaking. ‘Miss Davina did not find us. We found her. We were walking the bank, looking for another spot to fish, and we came upon her.’
‘Yes?’ Lucas frowned.
‘She was not alone,’ the boy said. ‘She was with Mr Hargreave.’
Lucas really did not like hearing that. ‘And?’
William’s words came sputtering out. ‘And he was standing a wee bit too close to her. Her back was to a tree and he had one arm leaning against it. It—it did not look at all right.’
Lucas felt his insides burn.
William went on. ‘As soon as he saw us he moved away from her and she did not seem upset or anything. He acted as if he’d been helping her find us, but I thought it looked strange.’ He glanced at his friend. ‘I was going to ask Niven if he noticed, but I’m not certain he even saw what I saw.’ He made a gruff laugh. ‘I am not certain I saw what I saw.’
Lucas suddenly liked this young lad. ‘You were right to tell me.’ Hargreave knew Davina was only fourteen.
‘It did not seem right,’ William repeated.
‘I agree,’ Lucas said. ‘I will take care of it. Do not fear.’
He and Mairi stayed a while with her brother and sister, but Lucas knew he could not be gone all day. He’d have to return before Dunburn came back from the hunt. Davina could not be persuaded to come back and she clearly did not want her sister to stay.
‘Do you promise not to go off on your own?’ Mairi asked her.
‘Of course I promise,’ Davina responded. ‘I want to be with William and Niven. That is why I came.’
‘I will make certain no harm comes to her,’ William assured Mairi.
Davina regarded him with doe eyes. ‘You can depend on William.’
Lucas believed that was true. Niven might not think of his sister as another man’s prey, but William sensed it, even if he could not articulate it.
‘Stay together, all of you,’ Lucas ordered in his sternest officer’s voice.
Davina rolled her eyes. ‘We will.’
He and Mairi left them, but Mairi turned back for another look, as if they’d disobey as soon as she was gone.
‘I think we can trust William to keep Davina in line,’ he told her.
She turned back. ‘Yes. William. Niven is just as likely to wander off himself and not give his sister a thought.’
They walked along the riverbank, retracing their steps.
‘I suppose you are going to say you told me so,’ Mairi said after a time.
‘Told you so?’ he asked.
‘You said she’d be safe.’
Her foot slipped and he caught her arm to steady her. ‘I hoped she’d be safe,’ he clarified, releasing her.
‘She doesn’t know what could happen when she does these things. First sneaking on the wagon to Edinburgh. Now this.’
‘I made certain she was safe in Edinburgh.’
She gave him a sceptical look. ‘You left them on their own.’
‘They had their orders,’ he reminded her. Besides, a little trust sometimes went a long way. ‘One slip and they knew they’d be in trouble.’
‘One slip might be a fatal one.’ Her voice cracked.
He stole a glance at her. Was she talking about Davina or herself?
She stopped and gazed across the river. ‘The mou
ntains look so beautiful. It is hard to say what time of year is the most beautiful in Scotland, but right now I’d say October.’
He agreed. It had its own unique beauty. Like her.
The faint sounds of gunfire wafted in the wind.
‘The hunt is still on,’ she said sadly.
Lucas had heard the gunfire on and off throughout their walk. He pushed away memories the gunfire provoked. ‘Maybe that is why we see so many deer on this side of the mountain. They are hiding.’
‘Hide well, deer,’ she murmured.
They continued walking, crossing a patch of grass. The ground was uneven and again Lucas held her arm to steady her. When he released her, she threaded her arm through his and held on to him as they continued walking.
After a while she asked, ‘Will you talk to me about last night, Lucas?’
He knew instantly what she meant. He searched for the right words to say.
‘To beg your forgiveness? I should not have touched you.’ Or almost kissed you, he added silently.
‘Why?’ she said softly. ‘It is not as though you are really a servant, are you, Lucas? You were a soldier.’
This was his chance to tell her who he really was, but the gunfire sounded again.
‘I was a soldier, but I grew up in a great house.’ Let her believe he was John Lucas. ‘In any event, I should not have behaved as I did towards you. It was wrong of me.’
She let go of him and walked a little faster, putting herself a step or two ahead of him. He caught up to her.
‘I know you are right,’ she said, but her tone was sharp.
Had she wanted the kiss? He’d thought so. He’d been too familiar with her. In his father’s house he would not dream of becoming so involved with—say—one of the maids. But she was not a maid and he was not really a butler. How had this become so complicated? In any case, he should have kept his distance from her.
She regarded him with a sad expression, but she did not question him any more. Instead she asked him, ‘Tell me about selling our things in Edinburgh. Was it difficult?’
He responded, ‘Not too difficult.’
