by Vaclav Havel
Victor In that regard, the Chancellor was truly broad-minded. Often to a fault. You should have seen the kind of riff-raff that turned up sometimes!
Oswald enters from the villa with a bag of rubbish and a tray on which there are three glasses, a small amount of beer in each one. He puts down the bag and respectfully stands in the background.
Irena I think he did a lot for women, too.
Rieger I have always had great regard for women and I’ve always surrounded myself with them.
Dick Great headline!
Victor (to Dick) That’s something we might discuss later.
Rieger I waged a merciless war on bribery and corruption. Everyone remembers the Klein affair, surely. Would you like a little more beer?
Dick Well, but really, just a little.
Oswald approaches with the tray, puts the beer on the table, takes a package of cinnamon out of his breast pocket and sprinkles some into Dick’s beer. He bows, and heads toward the villa with the tray, just as Grandma is entering.
The Voice This business with the cinnamon: there is no psychological or any other explanation for it whatsoever. Or at least as far as I know there isn’t. For now, let’s just call it a product of pure authorial whimsy, or of my somewhat self-centred delight that I can come up with any hare-brained idea at all and the actors will have to play it with a straight face. But what can I do? The simple fact is, I like it and I feel it belongs there.
Oswald exits into the villa. On the steps he passes Grandma, who enters with a copy of The Keyhole in her hands. Irena finishes applying her make-up, then puts on her dark glasses, takes them off again, plays with her wrap and subtly strikes a number of poses while Bob dances around her, taking pictures.
Grandma Let him be now! You can see how tired he is.
Rieger I’m not tired, Mother.
Grandma Yes, you are. I can hear it in your voice. Anyway, you always say the same thing every time.
Irena That’s not true! He spoke beautifully today.
Victor I agree. It turned out exceptionally well today. But, as the saying goes, best to stop while you’re ahead. One more question, please.
Rieger Do you know what Tony Blair once told me? If you don’t answer their questions, they’ll answer them for you. That’s good, isn’t it?
Dick Right, then, one more question. Does the loss of parliamentary immunity bother you?
Rieger Why should it bother me?
Dick And aren’t you worried that –
Victor I’m sorry, but really –
Dick And aren’t you worried, Mr Former Chancellor, that –
Victor I’m sorry, but we really must wrap it up now.
Dick Aren’t you worried, Mr Former Chancellor, that you’ll be forced to move out of here? This villa, after all, is government property.
Rieger, Irena, Monika, Grandma and Victor all look at each other in surprise. A pause.
Rieger They wouldn’t dare.
Dick makes a few more notes, then puts his notebook and his recording devices into his bag, gets up and shakes hands with Irena and Rieger. Bob takes some final pictures.
Dick If we have any follow-up questions, may we come again?
Irena Of course you may, Dick.
Dick and Bob make to exit, accompanied by Victor.
Victor I’m sure you’ll understand if we ask to take a look at your piece before you publish it. Just a quick once-over, and we’ll return it to you straight away. Could you do that for us?
Irena (calls out) We’ll choose the pictures together, won’t we, Dick?
Dick and Bob exit. Victor returns.
Victor Mr Chancellor, my congratulations! You were magnificent!
Rieger The most important thing is to know how to call things by their proper names, to address the big picture, put things in their proper context. A good leader, of course, will surround himself with a good network of think-tanks.
Victor I’m sorry, what did you just say?
Rieger A network of think-tanks. Did you notice that they completely forgot to ask about the economy or social policies? Or about education, for that matter. I deliberately mentioned Klein, who was made deputy yesterday, and I expected them to latch on to that and ask me more about it – but they didn’t. Odd, isn’t it?
Victor It’s sad, Mr Chancellor, the sort of people you have to give the time of day to. I’m going to carry on.
Rieger Can’t you just lay off for now?
Victor We can’t let that bureaucrat Hanuš do all the work!
Victor exits into the coach house. Vlasta enters with her husband, Albín. She is Rieger’s elder daughter. She holds a basket of fruit, Albín is carrying some official folders.
Vlasta Hello, Father; hi, Grandma; hello, Irena; hi, Monika. I’m bringing you some fruit. Help me, Albín –
Vlasta and Albín put a variety of fruit on the table.
Irena (calling out) Oswald!
Grandma Vlasta, did you know what a reporter said here just now? He said we might have to move out. Where would we go, for heaven’s sake?
Irena Monika, would you mind looking to see what’s become of Oswald? When you find him, tell him, please, to bring me three baskets with napkins and several fruit knives, and some watered-down beer for Albín, and then to keep an eye on those potatoes. When they’re ready, he should drain them nicely, then let them dry and cool down, and then peel them. But he shouldn’t use a regular potato-peeler! He just has to remove the skin with a little knife.
Monika Does he know which one?
Irena He can use any knife he wants as long as it’s not the fancy one Mrs Putin gave us.
Monika exits into the villa.
Vlasta People are talking a lot about your moving out. They say you don’t need fancy government digs any more. If the worst comes to the worst, you – I mean you, Grandma and Zuzana – can move in with us. You know how much we love you, don’t you, and how grateful we are to you for everything?
Rieger And what about Irena?
Irena No need to worry about us. Monika and I will find something, a sublet somewhere. The main thing is that we should be nearby.
Rieger That’s so kind of you, Irena.
Hanuš comes out of the villa with a huge bust of Gandhi in his arms. He stands in front of Rieger.
Hanuš I’m sorry to say we can’t keep this. Fifteen years ago, someone included it in the office inventory.
Rieger To hell with them!
Hanuš I almost hesitate to bring this up, Vilem, but a set of rulers is missing as well. Do you know anything about it?
Rieger No, I don’t!
Victor enters running from the coach house.
Victor (sharply) They were all given out as souvenirs. There’s none left, and you shouldn’t be bothering the Chancellor with this at all!
Hanuš exits into the coach house with the bust in his arms. Victor follows him. At the same time Monika enters from the villa, carrying a tray with a basket, some little knives, napkins and a glass of watered-down beer.
Irena Well?
Monika He’s probably gone to sleep somewhere. Monika sets everything down on the table and puts the fruit into the basket. Albín takes the watered-down beer. A pause.
Rieger It was a gift from Indira.
Grandma (to Vlasta) Are you staying for dinner? We’re having new potatoes with cheese and butter.
Knobloch, the gardener, enters, carrying a rake.
Vlasta Shall we stay, Albín?
Albín shrugs his shoulders.
We’ll just have a bite and then be on our way.
The Voice I know that nothing much has happened so far, but I wanted the play to start very slowly. That way, the audience will be all the more grateful when the pace gradually begins to pick up.
Hanuš enters from the coach house, walks across the stage, and exits into the villa.
Rieger How do you do, Mr Knobloch? So, are we going to have a good crop of cherries this year?
Knobloch A bumper crop,
if you ask me.
Rieger And what’s new out there in the big wide world? What do people think about things? Have you seen any demonstrations supporting me? Or any posters, at least?
Knobloch The lads in the pub are talking about the move.
Rieger What move?
Knobloch Deputy Klein says the government simply can’t afford to be handing out villas to every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Victor rushes in from the coach house.
Victor It’s just been on the radio!
Rieger What?
Victor Deputy Klein announced in a media scrum outside parliament that the government simply can’t afford to be handing out villas to every Tom, Dick and Harry.
A wind rises, and it starts to rain.
End of Act One.
Act Two
The orchard outside the Rieger villa, one hour later. Everything is as it was at the end of Act One. The wind and the rain have died down. The stage is empty. After a few moments, Vlasta and Albín, who is carrying files, Rieger and Irena, followed by Monika and Grandma, enter from the villa, one after the other.
Rieger Will you stay with us a while longer?
Vlasta Fine, but just for a while.
Grandma Why were the large potatoes not properly cooked, and the small ones overcooked?
Irena (to Monika) Could you please tidy away all this make-up?
Monika starts putting the items of make-up on a tray.
Vlasta (to Rieger) Father …
Rieger Yes?
Vlasta We – that is, Albín and I – would like to discuss something with you.
Rieger Go ahead.
Irena Grandma, it’s time you were going inside. There’s a cold damp coming off the ground. Monika, could you please –
Monika takes the tray with the make-up, the wrap and the dark glasses, then takes Grandma by the hand and exits into the villa with her.
Vlasta Father, you know how much Albín and I love you. We only want what’s best for you. It’s a bit awkward, but it’s what everyone does, because you never know what might happen. And so we thought – that is, Albín and I thought – that we should – as a family, I mean – be ready for anything.
Rieger Are you referring to the possibility that sooner or later, we might have to move out of here?
Vlasta I’ve already made myself clear about that: you would come and stay with us – at least for the first few days, until you found something else. But there are many other things to consider as well.
Rieger Such as?
Vlasta Oh, I don’t know. The furniture, the pictures, the books, the bank accounts, living expenses. The long and short of it is, Albín and I have already talked to a friend of ours, a lawyer, and tried to come up with a proposal.
Vlasta takes the file from Albín. Monika enters from the villa.
Rieger You mean a will?
Vlasta It sounds awful, doesn’t it? But what I mean by that is a certain set of instructions in case there are any doubts about what belongs to whom.
Irena You mean when Vilem dies?
Vlasta No need to jump straight to the worst conclusion. We all want Father to live as long as possible. For that reason, our proposal takes different alternatives into account. It might seem terribly formal, of course – in this family, everything has always belonged to everyone – more or less – but given the times we live in, anything might happen. For instance, they could easily enact legislation to legalise the seizure of private property in cases where there is justified suspicion of evading an investigation into suspect activity.
Rieger In other words, you want me to transfer my property to my nearest and dearest.
Vlasta To the members of your family –
Rieger What about Irena?
Irena Don’t worry about me – Monika and I have plenty tucked away, don’t we?
Monika nods.
Rieger That’s so kind of you, Irena.
Irena (calls out) Oswald!
Vlasta You should look this over, think about it, and perhaps discuss it with someone. Albín and I don’t want to rush you, we only think it would be pointless and silly to let ourselves get caught out just because we weren’t thinking ahead. All we have to do is come up with an arrangement that won’t tangle us up in a lot of red tape, and won’t land us on the front pages.
Irena Vlasta’s right, Vilem. You know the kind of thing The Keyhole can get up to. (To Monika.) Shall we go?
Monika nods, and Irena and Monika exit. Vlasta hands the file to Rieger, who puts it aside on the table. Vlasta, then Albín, embrace Rieger and exit. Knobloch approaches with a rake in his hands.
Knobloch So, you’re expecting a visitor?
Rieger Me? No –
Knobloch Deputy Klein said on television that he plans to pay you a visit soon.
Rieger He said that?
Knobloch exits. Shortly afterwards Bea appears with a book in her hand. For a moment she simply stands and looks at Rieger, who finally becomes aware of her presence.
Are you looking for anyone in particular?
Bea You.
Rieger And how can I help you?
Bea Would you be willing to sign my copy of this book of your speeches?
Rieger Of course.
Rieger motions Bea to come closer and sit down, and she does so, somewhat hesitantly. Rieger also sits down and takes out a pen. Bea opens the book to the title-page and sets it in front of Rieger.
Now, don’t tell me you’ve read the whole thing.
Bea Actually, I’ve read it rather carefully, first because I found it absolutely fascinating, but also because I wrote my doctoral thesis about you. It was my own idea. My thesis is called: ‘Vilem Rieger’s Conception of Democracy’.
Rieger And how did it turn out?
Bea Excellently. I’ve been interested in your ideas for years. I probably know more about you than you do yourself. And the longer I study you, the greater the impact your work has on me.
Rieger So, you’re a political scientist?
Bea Yes, but I’ve taken a couple of terms of multicultural sociopsychology and intermedia communications.
Rieger May I ask what your name is?
Bea Weissenmütelhofová. Beatrice Weissenmütelhofová. But you can call me Bea, Mr Chancellor.
Rieger Delighted, Bea. But I’m no longer Chancellor.
Bea For me, you will always be Chancellor, Mr Chancellor.
A pause. Rieger takes one of the baskets of fruit from the table and offers it to Bea.
No, thank you. I didn’t come here to eat your food, or even take up much of your time.
Rieger You’re not eating my food, or taking up my time. Go ahead – have one.
Bea Thank you, I will.
Bea chooses an apple and eagerly takes a bite. Grandma quietly enters from the villa. Rieger and Bea don’t see her. There is a longish pause as Bea eats her apple.
Is this from your orchard?
Rieger No, my daughter brought them. This is just a cherry orchard.
Bea Once, in Charkov, you spoke very movingly about your orchard. You said it was the symbol of our cultural tradition, of how we shape the landscape in our own image.
Rieger Ah – that was so long ago. Do you mind my asking which of my speeches, or ideas, most caught your fancy?
Bea As I understand it, Mr Chancellor, the basis and the main source of your politics is the idea that the individual must be at the very core of that politics, and that everything we do in politics should be aimed at helping him, or her, develop themselves in the broadest possible way. But the idea that our country ought to be safe and secure was also important. And how right you are about that! How could anyone develop themselves in the broadest possible way in a place that was unsafe or insecure? I also love the idea that you put forward fifteen years ago, in Taiwan: the notion that human beings are made for freedom.
Rieger Ah, yes, I remember that speech made quite an impression at the time. Chiang Kai-shek even asked me for my original copy.
/>
Grandma I certainly hope you didn’t give it to him.
Rieger and Bea turn to Grandma in astonishment.
Rieger Mother, this is Bea – Bea, this is my mother. Bea wrote her thesis about me –
Grandma How lovely. Should I go looking for Oswald?
Rieger Just make sure he didn’t leave something burning on the stove.
Grandma goes back into the villa. A pause.
Bea I’d love to write your life story sometime. You must have experienced so many fascinating things!
Rieger Yes, I’ve lived through quite a lot and I’ve accomplished a great deal. There’s so much that only a few people know about, or that no one knows about at all.
Irena and Monika enter. They are carrying paper and plastic bags with the shopping. When they see Rieger and Bea, they stop.
Irena I see we have a visitor.
Rieger This is Beatrice Weissenmütelhofová, a political scientist and multicultural sociopsychologist who has also studied intermedia communications. She’s a student of my politics and she’s going to write my biography. This is Irena, my long-time companion, and this is Monika, Irena’s friend.
The women shake hands.
Irena I bought you a cap.
Monika takes a sporty peaked cap with ‘I Love You’ written on it and hands it to Irena, who puts it on Rieger’s head.
Rieger Thank you, darling.
Monika picks up all the bags and exits with them into the villa.
Irena You have a very pretty admirer. But then, you always did. And you always managed to find time for them. It’s interesting, men don’t seem to write about you.
Rieger There’s Dobeš –
Irena The one who writes for The Keyhole? That’s hardly something to brag about. Anyway – please don’t let me interrupt you.
Irena exits into the villa.
Bea I don’t think your long-time companion was too pleased to see me here.
Rieger She’s very much in love with me, which means that she can sometimes be a problem. I’d be delighted to tell you about my life. I have a lot of time on my hands these days, and I’m rapidly forgetting things, so the sooner we begin, the better.
Bea Could I come tomorrow, early evening? I’m really looking forward to working with you. Well – goodbye.
