by Sarah Noffke
“I don’t know what that means,” Liv began, “but I think you have to give up something no matter what.”
Sophia sighed and removed her cloak. She had just replaced it, but that was fine. There wasn’t anything else on her person she wanted to let go of. Folding up the garment, she placed it next to Liv’s hourglass and stood back.
For a moment, nothing happened, and it irritated Sophia. Then a moment later, the two offerings disappeared with a whirl of sparkles, like fairies were suddenly there. Seconds later, they were replaced with a pouch tied with gold rope.
Excitement filled Sophia’s chest as she grabbed the sack. She opened it with shaking fingers and peered down.
“Well, is it…” Liv asked, her question trailing away.
Sophia had no way of knowing if it was the kanike, but she reasoned it had to be. Sitting in the bag were dried herbs that smelled bitter and sweet at the same time. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Fantastic!” Liv turned to face Frank. “Well, just when you were starting to grow on me, we have to take our leave, Frank. Thanks for all the sage wisdom. Anything else you want to leave us with?”
He bowed slightly, a peaceful expression on his wrinkle lined face. “The most beautiful things in the universe are the starry heavens above us and the feeling of duty within us.”
“Well put,” Liv said, winking at the monk. “We’re off to fulfill said duty. Take care and try to get out every now and again. Oh and sorry about leaving the mess in the other room. Just shut that part of the temple off until the smell of the rotting scorpion carcasses goes away.”
Sophia waved to the monk as they made their way to the exit. When they were almost there, she heard Frank say, “Farewell, Beaufont sisters.”
Chapter One Hundred Four
“I can’t believe that funky monk could talk freely the entire time but instead communicated in riddles,” Liv grumbled once they portaled to Roya Lane.
Sophia laughed. “Well, maybe he couldn’t. Maybe he could only speak freely when saying goodbye.”
“Yeah, because they don’t have a Hindu proverb for that, huh?”
“I don’t know,” Sophia replied.
“They probably do,” Liv remarked. “And it goes something like, real friends never say goodbye.”
Sophia giggled “I’m just glad we got the herb. Thanks again for taking the heat on this from Papa Creola. I hope you’re not in too much trouble. Well, actually, I hope you’re not in trouble at all.”
Liv dismissed her with a wave. “Don’t worry about it. But if you hear thunder, then you’ll know Papa Creola has struck me down with a bolt of lightning.”
“Let’s hope that doesn’t happen,” Sophia said with a laugh. “Okay, I’m going to go see about getting the kanike turned into a baked good for Serena. If you need me to come to your defense, just holler.”
“Yeah, if you don’t hear from me, please come and question that hippie elf known as Papa Creola,” Liv joked. Her face then turned serious. “Seriously, it isn’t a big deal, and more than anything, I’m grateful we got to go on a mission together. I like working with you, not that I’m surprised. However, I usually don’t like others playing in my sandbox. I’m sort of the lone warrior type.”
Sophia knew that about her sister and was glad to hear her say she had enjoyed their mission together too. “I think we work really well together, and if nothing else, you keep me laughing.”
“The key to saving the world, I’ve found, is while risking your life, to do it while telling a joke.”
Sophia giggled as she walked down the alleyway the opposite of her sister, leaving her in the middle of Roya Lane. “That’s true. As a wise man once said, ‘Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh since there’s less cleaning up to do afterward.’”
Liv flashed her a confused expression. “I don’t remember Frank saying that.”
“He didn’t,” Sophia informed her sister. “It was Kurt Vonnegut.”
Chapter One Hundred Five
Sophia probably should not have been surprised to find Lee sharpening a long blade when she entered the Crying Cat Bakery. What did surprise her was Cat sitting in a chair in the corner with one leg elevated and an icepack on her knee. Wrapped around the baker, pinning her arms down was a bunch of bubble wrap.
“Is she okay?” Sophia asked Lee because Cat had her head back and appeared to be talking to an unseen entity on the ceiling.
“She is fine,” Lee said, continuing to sharpen the blade. “Cat took another fall down the stairs in the back, so I fixed her up, gave her something strong for the pain, and wrapped her in bubble wrap so she can’t hurt herself again. She is very accident-prone.”
Sophia gave the wanna-be assassin a skeptical expression. “You get it’s difficult for me to accept that she ‘fell’ on her own when you’re constantly threatening her life? Also, you kill people in your side business.”
Lee straightened, fear on her face. “Where did you get the idea I was an assassin? Who told you that?”
Sophia pointed to the blade in her hand. “You’re sharpening a knife right now.”
“It’s for cutting cakes,” Lee argued.
“Really thick cakes that have bones and need to be chopped into smaller pieces?” Sophia asked with a laugh.
“How did you know?” Lee replied.
Sophia pointed behind the counter. “There’s a sniper gun on the table back there.”
“That isn’t mine,” Lee said in a rush.
Nodding, Sophia pursed her lips. “Oh, and then there’s this.” She held up a poster she found pinned on the wall outside the Crying Cat Bakery.
It read:
“Is there someone who has pissed you off? Do you want them gone? Banished from this Earth, never to annoy you again? Inquire in the Crying Cat Bakery. We’re running a special two for one. Take out both your in-laws. Get your ex and his bimbo girlfriend. Or use one and save the other for when someone new pisses you off. It’s bound to happen. This is an investment in your future.”
“Oh, that…” Lee’s eyes darted to the side. “It says nothing about assassination.”
Sophia stuck it on the counter. “I believe it’s implied.”
“Reason is implied in most situations and yet few use it,” Lee retorted.
“Anyway, I’m here because—”
“Where is that man of yours?” Lee asked, interrupting her. “The one whose heart you broke?”
“He fell in love with me, so now he’s no longer allowed to be around me,” Sophia remarked.
“Oh, is that how it works?” A smile broke across Lee’s face as she looked over at her wife, who was still incoherently muttering at the ceiling where fairies danced. “I’m so very in love with you, dear.”
“See, it’s things like that which make me think you pushed your wife down the stairs.”
Lee gave her an offended expression. “I would never. She seriously has clearance issues. She walks from point A to point B and hits ten different things on the way. Believe me, if I wanted her dead, then she would be.”
“You’re not making me feel much better.”
“Well, it’s really all about you and how you feel, isn’t it?” Lee spat. “Now tell me why you’re here. I have to see a man about a thing in a bit.”
“A man about a hit?” Sophia asked.
“No, he doesn’t want his neighbors making so much noise.”
“So, you’re going to kill them?”
Lee shrugged, holding up both her hands. “I’m going to cut a hole in the floor next to the man’s bed. If he falls through it to the basement below after stepping out of bed, so be it. If he breaks his neck after slipping on the marbles I lay on the basement floor, well am I really to blame?”
“That’s your assassination attempt?” Sophia questioned. “There are like a hundred things that could go wrong. What if he hears you sawing through his floor? Or he gets out of bed on the other side? What if the f
all from one story doesn’t kill him? And slipping on marbles, is this a cartoon? Do have an anvil you’re going to drop on him too?”
Lee seemed to think. “An anvil is a good idea.”
Sophia shook her head. “I’m just saying, I think there are more direct methods if you really want to take someone out, although murder is wrong, and as a member of the Dragon Elite, I encourage you not to kill.”
“But you’re not saying I can’t, right?” Lee asked, her chin tilted to the side and a tentative expression on her face.
Sophia laughed. “Bad neighbors are the worst. I guess I can turn a blind eye this time but try to be a bit more discreet in the future. No more flyers posted on Roya Lane.”
“That’s fine,” Lee agreed, laying down the knife and picking up a cake box. “We have got new shipping materials for our baked goods.” She handed it to Sophia.
On the front of the box it read:
Crying Cat Bakery, where the baked goods are to die for. Literally. Get a hit on your least favorite person with each cake.
Sophia handed it back to Lee. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that.”
“You’re being awfully easy-going about this,” Lee said slyly. “What gives? This guy being in love with you have you down?”
Sophia shook her head. “No, I’m getting a dress made, and then I’ll fix him.”
“Usually a dress makes a guy fall harder,” Lee offered.
“It’s complicated,” Sophia muttered, realizing how much more she had to do when she was done completing all these side quests for King Rudolf Sweetwater and the others.
“Complicated like his ex-girlfriend is stalking you and you need someone to take her out?” There was a spark of hope in Lee’s eyes.
Sophia shook her head. “No, I don’t think he has any exes. If he did have one who was stalking me, well, you wouldn’t have to take her out.” She patted her sword. “I would cut that skunk-smelling-two-bit-loser myself.”
Lee nodded smugly. “I see why he fell for you.”
“It wasn’t anything I did,” Sophia corrected. “It involved a crazed maniac and a bow and arrow.”
Lee’s mouth dropped open. “That’s how Cat and I fell in love too! What are the odds?”
A laugh burst out of Sophia. “Anyway, the reason I’m here is I need your help.” She held up the bag of kanike and offered it to Lee. “That’s—”
“Kanike,” Lee said with astonishment before even opening the pouch. “I thought I smelled the infamous herb. This stuff will extend a mortal’s life.”
“Oh, good, you’re familiar with it.”
Lee nodded. “You had to go through some pretty crazy stuff to get this.”
“Yeah, if I see a scorpion or a monk this century, it will be too soon.”
Lee took a closer whiff of the herbs. “You need me to put this into a baked good, right?”
“Yes. Can you do it?”
Lee seemed to consider, her eyes going to her wife, who was now peacefully asleep in the corner and snoring loudly. “I think I can sneak away from Mrs. Lee-You-Need to-Trim-the-Hedges-Walk-the-Dog-and-Rub-my-Tummy for a little bit.”
“Wow, that’s a long surname,” Sophia said with a chuckle. “I’m guessing you didn’t take her last name when you got married?”
“No, I kept mine.”
Sophia looked around. “I didn’t know you two had a dog.”
“We don’t anymore,” Lee answered darkly. “It fell down the stairs.”
Chapter One Hundred Six
“What do you mean, you’re okay with what I did?” Liv exclaimed when Sophia entered the Fantastical Armory. She had an hour to kill before Lee would have the baked goods ready and decided to stop by to ensure Liv wasn’t getting murdered for helping her get the kanike. It appeared she wasn’t.
The elf known as Father Time was smoking what appeared to be a peace pipe and regarding Liv placidly. He gave Sophia no notice as she came into the shop and halted next to her sister.
The hippie elf was wearing a T-shirt that said, If you’re not barefoot, then you’re overdressed. He blew out a plume of smoke. “I’m Father Time—”
“Yes, we have met,” Liv said, her fists by her side. “You gave me that stupid two-minute timer because I’m always two minutes late and you thought it would be cute, but as an elf, you’re just annoying. You were cute as a gnome.”
“I also liked myself better when I didn’t make friendship bracelets and smoke peyote, but alas, this is the form I’ve reincarnated into,” Papa Creola relayed, laying the pipe down on the countertop. “I, of course, knew from seeing glimpses of future events that Sophia would ask you to help her get the herb to delay Serena Sweetwater’s aging. I knew that since you’ll do anything your family asks you to, you would help her, thereby ignoring my law about messing with aging, death, and time.”
“But you’re okay with it!” Liv roared, strangely upset she wasn’t in trouble.
Papa Creola nodded. “Who do you think let it slip to King Rudolf Sweetwater there was such a herb in India that could extend his wife’s life?”
Liv’s eyes widened. “It was you? I’ve been keeping him from it for weeks! You could have clued me in and saved me a ton of time and trouble.”
“As was your job to keep others from things that mess with the flow of time and aging. You were not supposed to allow him to get to the herb. The timing had to be just right. It had to be in exchange for the twenty million dollars Sophia needed.” Papa Creola picked up the pipe and offered it to Liv.
She pushed it away. “Get that away from me, you dirty hippie.”
Not at all offended, he took a pull on the pipe, shrugging like it was her loss.
“So you coordinated this whole thing, even though it defies your own laws?” Liv asked, still livid. “I don’t get it. Explain.”
“Liv, there’s a time to uphold and defend the laws, and then there’s a time when I must know when to flex them.” He pointed to Sophia. “As your dragonrider sister so thoughtfully explained to you when convincing you to break my laws, this is for a good cause. The king of the fae will be happier, and a happy king makes for prosperous people. His halfling children will have a better future, which is important since they have an important destiny. And the Dragon Elite really needs to get those eggs back and further things with Trin Currante in order to keep the timeline on track.”
“I don’t suppose you’re going to elaborate on that last bit, by chance?” Sophia asked, deciding to cut in.
He lowered his chin and regarded her from under hooded eyes. “What do you think?”
“It was worth a shot.” Sophia took a step backward.
“It’s just not fair.” Liv stomped. “Even when I defy you, it’s part of your plan. You knew I was going to do this, and it was all part of some scheme.”
“Would you rather be in trouble?” he asked her.
She thought for a moment. “Maybe. I did kill the scorpion goddess. Doesn’t that make you angry?”
He shrugged. “That was really the only way. It was a necessary part of the equation, and she will not really be missed. Who likes scorpions, anyway?”
“No one,” Sophia said, shivering from just the thought of the gross things.
“I’m not in trouble and I did everything as you had intended, even though I broke your laws?” Liv asked.
Papa Creola nodded. “Yes, but if you break another of my laws in the future, there will be repercussions.”
“Will I get fired or lowered into the pit of doom or die?” Liv asked.
“There’s no pit of doom,” Papa Creola told her. “I got rid of it ages ago when lemmings kept falling into it.”
“Just so I know, if by chance I somehow slip up and break one of your laws, what is the repercussion?” Liv asked.
He pulled at his T-shirt. “I’m going to require you to wear this every single day.”
Liv shuddered. “Fine. Okay. I won’t break your laws. Just don’t be so harsh.”
Chapter One Hundred Seven
Relieved Liv wasn’t in trouble with Papa Creola, she decided to stop by to see Mortimer at the Official Brownie Headquarters before going back by the Crying Cat Bakery to get the cupcakes.
Mortimer had agreed to look into a few things for Sophia. She was grateful to have the brownie’s help, and he seemed happy to do anything she needed.
For Sophia, there was something not adding up about Trin Currante and her band of steampunk cyborg pirates. She asked if he’d had his Brownies research Saverus Corporation to find out what the company was up to. All she knew at this point was this company had been where Trin Currante escaped from, according to the hostages she had questioned after they raided the Gullington.
Apparently, Trin had gone back to Saverus Corporation and rescued the men, turning them into her allies and ensuring they did whatever she asked, like when they sacrificed themselves to invade the Gullington. After that, all the leads on the Saverus Corporation had dried up. Mahkah had not been able to dig up anything more. In order to discover what Trin Currante wanted with the dragon eggs, Sophia felt finding out what the organization had done was crucial.
Mortimer agreed to get right to work, finding information for her. With that in motion, Sophia returned to the bakery to find Lee had made two oversized cupcakes. They were individually wrapped up in paper boxes with the Crying Cat Bakery’s new, very long slogan plastered across the box, advertising its assassination side business.
“I figured if one of the cupcakes didn’t work or you knew another mortal you wanted to live longer, then you could give it to them,” Lee explained when she handed them over.
Sophia pointed at the boxes and magically covered up the assassination advertising by covering them in white. “Thanks. I had not really thought about it. I don’t really know many mortals.”
John Carraway, Liv’s old boss at the electronic repair shop, and Alicia’s partner, was mortal, but because he was one of the Mortal Seven at the House of Fourteen, he was already slated to live longer. His chimera, Pickles, protected his lifespan and kept him young. Still, it made Sophia feel more confident knowing she had two cupcakes, instead of one.
