by Nicole Thorn
“How can we help you, sir?”
Wilson grinned at me until he looked up and saw the man. He must know him by the way he tensed.
“Here for Sonny, kiddo,” the man said, getting to the other side of the counter. “I have some work for you tonight.”
Wilson set his rag down and looked hard ahead. “You didn’t call, Sherman. We’ve talked about this.”
He shrugged it off and leaned on the counter. “This was on my way home. Are you going to be able to swing by tonight? I’m overstocked, and you’ll make a pretty penny.”
Wilson looked at me sideways before answering. “Busy tonight. How about tomorrow?”
Sherman smiled and directed his attention at me. “I’m Manny.” He extended his hand and flashed his teeth in a smile. “Are you the little lady?”
I shook his hand despite not wanting to. “Riley, and I’m not a little lady to anyone.”
He chuckled as we dropped hands. “Ah, how refreshing. Can you give me and Sonny a few minutes to talk? Business stuff.” He turned from me, effectively letting me know that I wasn’t worth his time.
I didn’t want to leave Wilson with him, but he patted my side. “Just a couple minutes, baby.”
I nodded and went into the little kitchen in the back. Instead of being a good girl and ignoring them, I shut the door most of the way and hid against the wall. I could hear them loud and clear, and everything in my body screamed at me to listen. It said something was wrong.
“Tomorrow is doable,” Sherman said. “But the cops are circling me. Products would be enough to send me away for a while. Are you sure tonight won’t work?”
“I’m spending the night with my girlfriend.”
Sherman sighed. “You’re the quickest guy I have right now, but I can’t hold the cars for you. If you wait, you only get what’s left.”
“Fine then. I have more important things to do. But I took care of the parts from last time. A couple out of towners.”
“Great.”
The men kept talking while I put pieces together that I didn’t want to see. Red flags and obvious things. Like Wilson having so much cash, and why the parts he used didn’t always look new.
“Oh no,” I whispered to myself, my head hitting the wall. What have you gotten yourself into, Wilson?
When the coast was clear, I walked out of the room with my arms crossed and my jaw set.
Wilson smiled since he had no clue how much trouble he was in. “You okay?”
I blinked, speaking through a scowl. “Just what exactly are you up to here?”
“What do you mean?”
My eyebrow arched. “I am anything but stupid, Wilson. Tell me everything right now, or we’re going to have a problem.”
stared out the windshield of Wilson’s car with permanently crossed arms and tension in my shoulders. “You are my very favorite person in the world, but you are very dumb.”
Wilson sighed. “I needed the money.”
“You wanted the money. You make enough to keep your family afloat. I’m not at all opposed to wanting things or working for more, but you’re playing a dangerous game here. What happens if the police find out? Or one of the people you’re screwing over with used parts? They could come back and kill you.”
Wilson’s whole body was turned to mine, but I wasn’t giving him the same attention. I watched him plead with his hands. “I’ve thought about that. I don’t use any parts that are older than a couple years, and I don’t do it with everyone. And I charge them a lot less when I do.”
I ran my tongue over my teeth, thinking. “Do you think that makes it better? You’re chopping cars and selling parts. What about that sounds like a good idea to you?”
He sighed as he hung his head. “Riley… it’s so much money. I can send Jude to school with it. I can get him a car. I’ve even saved up enough for a down payment on a house when I move out.”
I took his hand and lifted his head to look him in the eyes. “Yes, this is supposed to be tempting. Clearly that’s why you were picked out. But there are other options.”
“Being?”
“Well, you’re good at your job. What about using that money you’ve saved up to buy a shop of your own? You can run it the right way and make money like that. Or did you want to just work for that creep for the rest of your life?”
I watched Wilson’s wheels turning. After a while, he took my hand from his face and pressed his lips to my palm. “I don’t know if I’m cut out for something like that.”
“Why not?”
“Because who would come to me to fix their car? Who would give me a load to buy a place?”
“Do you think anybody else on this planet ever starts out anything with sureness? Not a chance. If you work hard and try, then you can do whatever you want to. I am the wrong girl to try and tell that something is impossible. I couldn’t tell you how many days I woke up thinking I would die in that Dollhouse.”
Wilson swallowed and shifted his body forward to look out at the darkening streets. “Say I do try and do this… I don’t have any employees to come work for me. I don’t know how to run a business.”
I cut him off. “How many times do you open, close, or do the books here?”
He blinked. “Most days.”
I smiled. “So, you at least have an idea of what to do. You can always hire people. I can help you, and your dad can help you. Maybe he’d want to work here with you. I don’t know how to do much, but I can answer phones and talk to people. Don’t think that there aren’t options just because you don’t have it all figured out this moment.”
Wilson didn’t say anything to me, so I didn’t know what he was thinking. He started up his car, and we headed for home. His, not mine. The boys were having another sleepover, so we’d just need to stay quiet while Wilson’s father slept.
He brought me upstairs and to his room, where I sat on the bed and he settled on the couch away from me. I wasn’t sure if he was angry, but he had no right to be. I wasn’t the criminal here. I loved him anyway, of course. You could love a dummy with good intentions.
I watched him watch the floor, and I quickly got tired of sitting alone. “Are you upset with me now?”
His eyes were the only things on him that moved. “I assumed you’re angry with me.”
“Is that why you’re so far away?”
He adjusted in his seat. “Do you really want to sit with me right now?”
Dumb question. “If I didn’t, I’d be in my house right now.”
He came back to me, sitting close. I turned onto my side and hooked my leg over him.
“I want you to think about this some more. You’re better than you think you are, and you deserve more than you get out of life.”
Wilson whispered when it got too quiet. “You’re the only one who thinks that.”
“I’m not. Just be the kind of man you want Jude to grow up to be, and be someone he can be proud of.”
We were left in silence again as Wilson locked himself away in his head.
He was still quiet in the morning, and I wasn’t sure what to do with it. If I hadn’t convinced him against his actions, then I doubted I’d be able to change his mind. He’d told me before that my opinion mattered more than anyone’s. What I thought of him. So I’d tried as hard as I could.
We were finishing breakfast at the table, and I realized that I spent most of it watching him push food around on his plate. He looked like a little boy who was punished by his parent. Once in a while, he would glance at me with that childlike look. It would break my heart each and every time.
Finally, I took his hand. “Wilson. I am not at all angry with you. I’m just petrified you’re going to get in trouble. Don’t ruin your life for some easy money. Not when you don’t have to take the risks.”
He turned my hand over and squeezed my fingers. “I hear you. I promise that I do. But it’s not that easy. Sherman isn’t the kind of guy I can just say no to. He likes to make it seem like I can, but I know
what happens to people who do. Things go missing. People get hurt. Businesses fold. I’ll lose everything if he decides to punish me.”
I put my chin in my hand. “What about your boss? Can’t he take care of it?”
“He hardly knows about it. He just collects his share and ignores the rest.”
My nose wrinkled. “I really don’t like that guy.”
“Neither do I.”
I helped him clean the dishes before I had to go back home. I knew my parents would be in a tizzy over the sleepover they were definitely aware of. And the pills. I was a little surprised they hadn’t sent the cops to take me away from Wilson. It wouldn’t matter that we didn’t have sex, or that I wanted to be with Wilson. They would only see that I wasn’t fitting into the box they thought I needed to be in. One where Wilson and my sisters didn’t fit either.
I put my hands on Wilson’s chest when I looked up at him. “Will I see you tonight?”
He held my waist. “I’ll probably be back long after you go to bed, Riley.”
My nose wrinkled. “Because you’re going to see Sherman.”
He nodded, and I let go of him.
“What?” he asked.
“Are you kidding? All that stuff I said, and you’re still going to risk your neck for some jerk who’d probably kill you if it came down to it. Don’t go,” I begged. “Stay with me tonight. We can lie in bed and talk about other things you can do.”
Wilson walked back to me, reclaiming my sides. “You’re absolutely everything to me, Riley. But I have to do this. You don’t understand.”
“Explain it then.”
“He might do something in retaliation if I just up and quit. I don’t want to put you in danger. Or Jude, or Dad. I have to figure something else out.”
I took a cleansing breath. “But for now you’re going to go?”
“I am.”
And there it was.
I nodded, taking a step back. “Fine, then. Do what you will. I’m going to go home and deal with my parents all alone. So try not to get yourself killed.”
I turned to walk away, hands tight at my sides and heart pumping with terror for him. God only knew what would happen to him if this went on.
“Riley, wait.” He caught up with me, blocking my way to the door. “I don’t want to leave it like this.”
“Neither do I, but you’re making your choices. I have to deal with the repercussions of mine. I hope that when you have to do the same, you make it out okay.”
I got past him and out the door. He didn’t follow me this time, and I was grateful for that. I couldn’t keep a brave face when I knew the evils of the world. Everybody only wants something from you, and some people are willing to do bad things to get it.
The moment I was through my front door, Mom and Dad were in view. I could hear the kids upstairs, and my parents were on the couch like they’d been waiting for me. Sitting there with faces on that you’d find on the parents of a drug addict who’d betrayed them one too many times. The look made me angry. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I wasn’t hurting myself anymore, and I was trying to be happier. They just wanted an instant cure.
“Where were you?” Dad asked.
I stood in place, staring at the cat on the floor instead of them. “You know where I was. I was with Wilson at work yesterday.”
Dad looked up at me, softer now. Ah, so he was the good cop. “Did you sleep over at his house?”
“I did.”
“Did Wilson talk you into having sex with him? You won’t be in trouble.” He added calmly, “And neither will he.”
Ah, clever of him. Because if I was stupid enough to get talked into sex, then I was also so caught up in Wilson to be scared for him. But I was smarter than that. He couldn’t get in trouble because there would be nothing wrong with sleeping with him.
I shook my head, clearly agitated. “He didn’t talk me into anything.”
Dad sighed. “You might not think he did, but boys can be really good at talking.”
“Sure, but he’s not a boy very good with words. We didn’t have sex, so calm down.”
Mom scrutinized me. “Ever?”
“Not even once.”
She had an odd look on her face, her eyebrows pushing together as her mouth bunched up on one side. “Well, then what is he doing with you?”
It felt like a kick to the teeth. What would he want with me if I wasn’t screwing him? She didn’t understand, but I did. I had no doubts that Wilson wanted me for a lot more than physical things. Proven by the fact that it took me so long to get him to touch me. But I couldn’t tell my parents that without them finding out that he did, in fact, touch me. As much as I would like to hurt them right now, I wouldn’t do that to Wilson.
“We’re good friends,” I said.
Dad jumped in. “Then why did you tell your mother that he was your boyfriend?”
“Because he is. The word friend is still in there. We like spending time together. With our clothes on.” Mostly.
Dad winced. “That boy is bad news, kid. He’ll chew you up and spit you out.”
I rolled my eyes. “No, he won’t.”
“Why do you think that?”
Because he loves me. “Because he’s a good man. He just wants to take care of his brother and dad. And unlike you, he doesn’t treat me like a freak.”
Mom looked wounded, and I was angry with her for it. “We don’t do that.”
I bit my lip and huffed. “You tricked me into seeing a shrink, and then you tried pouring pills down my throat. And got angry when I didn’t want to take them. Do you have any idea what I’ve been through? Do you think forcing me into stuff is going to help?”
Dad wouldn’t let Mom speak. “How about you, Riley? You lied to us and ran off to be on TV.”
“Because it was something you weren’t controlling. I’ve been a prisoner since I was twelve. That was supposed to stop when I came home. I wasn’t supposed to get forced into being someone else anymore. I don’t get beaten here, but you want the same thing that man did. You want me to be a perfect little doll, and I just won’t do it.”
I was halfway to the stairs when my dad caught my arm. “We’re not done yet. You can’t just take off when you get mad. And you can’t sleep over with Wilson anymore. I’m not even sure I want you seeing him.”
I turned and laughed sharply. “Really? Did you hear a thing I said? You took my sisters from me, and now you want to take Wilson. What is it that you want me to be for you? Because you won’t get anything but bitterness from me if you keep going like this.”
He let go of me. “Well, I’m sorry I don’t know how to handle you quite right. I’ve never been in this situation before.”
And I have? I was used to being weak and frail, so maybe he thought I should conform easier. He knew plenty about my time at The Dollhouse. He should know better than to be like this. I didn’t need to be treated with kid gloves. I needed to be let go of entirely.
“This isn’t the way,” I said to my parents. “No book or class is going to teach you how to handle this. I’m telling you what I need. I need my sisters in my life. They got me through all of those years.”
Dad gently took my hand, turning it over to show the scar I had. “Looks like they tried to help you not get through it.”
I ripped my hand away like he burned me. “You have no idea. You would have wanted to die too. I was a kid being assaulted every single day in a dozen ways. Yes, I wanted to die. Part of me still wants to. But it’s such a small part, and that is entirely because of my sisters, Wilson, and Welly.”
“We’re not trying to take your brother away.”
“No,” I said, calmer. “But you’re taking everything else away. If you keep forcing meds on me, then I’m not going to be anything anymore. And I won’t see many reasons to keep going. I don’t want to do that to my friends or Wilson.”
Mom blinked. “Are you saying you’ll kill yourself if we don’t give you your way?”
Of course they saw it like that.
“No. I’m saying that this is a really hard fight, but I am fighting. I can’t do it alone, and you keep trying to take my soldiers from me.”
Dad and Mom exchanged a look, and Dad took over. “Part of me thinks that maybe you need some professional help.”
I took a step backward. “Like sending me somewhere?”
“No,” Mom said, harsher than before. “You are not going anywhere.”
She rose from the couch and walked over to me. She took Dad’s hand and sighed.
“I don’t want you hurting. Your friends… I think I can budge on. I won’t make a fuss when you want to go see them. You’re right. Nothing will make you forget, so them reminding you is just something I have to deal with.”
“And Wilson?”
Mom tensed. “I love Wilson. He’s a sweet boy. But I’m not sure you should be doing what you’re doing with him.”
My arms crossed. “Like?”
She shifted on her feet, glancing at Dad. “You might think you love him, but it’s only because this is so new for you. Everything is intense. I don’t want you making any mistakes that you regret later.”
“Does no one trust me and my own opinion?”
“You’re in a fragile place.”
“And I will be forever if you don’t let me live. I need to make mistakes.” Not that I thought Wilson was one of them.
“Not as long as we can help it.”
So we were at an impasse. They wouldn’t budge, and I had every right to stick to what I believed in. I left them at the bottom of the stairs, declaring that I was going to bed. Not a total lie.
I had too much time, so I would sit on my bed until I could leave the house.
Wilson knew better now. He didn’t want to tell me how to live my life anymore because he was smart enough to see that it would only stifle me. He was willing to take my lead. As he should, since this was my hurt and no one else’s.
I calmed down as I sat in the darkness. Odd that I would find comfort in a situation like this. I’d spent so many nights sitting up alone in the dark. I would think about whichever sister was being cradled by Master. Sylvester… His name rang in my ears. I don’t think I’d ever be able to hear it now and not get frightened. I could smell his blood, and I could feel his hands on me. Grabbing me and trying to drag me back down. I saw the look in his eyes as I stabbed the life out of him.
