by Yu Hua
She knelt there for a very long time. A large crowd gathered around, watching and discussing her. Some knew her and others did not; some of them spoke of Song Fanping, about how he had been beaten to death. The details they mentioned were ones Baldy Li and Song Gang had not known about: how the men smashed wooden bats over Song Fanpings head and kicked him in the chest, and how they stabbed his abdomen with the splintered bats. With every sentence Baldy Li and Song Gang shrieked and wept. Li Lan heard too, and her body shuddered with each new revelation. She raised her head a few times, but each time she glimpsed those who were speaking, she would lower her head again and continue gathering up Song Fanpings traces. Finally Mama Su walked over from her snack shop to scold the bystanders, saying, "Stop talking! How can you talk about these things in front of his wife and kids? And you call yourself human!"
Then she turned to Li Lan. "Why don't you take the kids home?"
Li Lan nodded. She knotted the shirt filled with dark crimson earth and placed it in her bag. It was already afternoon. Li Lan walked ahead with her heavy travel bag, and Baldy Li and Song Gang walked hand in hand behind her. The boys saw that her shoulder sloped from the weight.
All the way home Li Lan did not weep or wail but only stumbled forward. She paused to rest a few times, due to the weight of her bag, whereupon she would look back on the two boys without saying a word. They no longer wept or spoke. When an acquaintance called out her name, she would only nod her head slightly.
Li Lan walked silently back to her home. As she entered, the sight of Song Fanpings badly mutilated body on their bed caused her to keel over, but she immediately got back up. She still didn't cry but only stood shaking her head. She reached out to gently touch Song Fan-ping's face but then pulled her hand away in a panic, as if worried that she was hurting him. Her hand hung in the air for a moment before she started to comb a few dead flies out of his matted hair. With her right hand she slowly removed all the dead flies from Song Fanpings corpse and placed them in the palm of her left. All afternoon Li Lan stood by the bed, picking flies from the body. Several neighbors looked in from the window, and a couple of them came in to speak with her. Li Lan remained silent, only nodding or shaking her head in response to their questions. After they left, she closed the windows and door, and it wasn't until nightfall, when she was satisfied that there were no more flies on Song Fanpings body, that she finally sat down on the bed and looked out at the reflection of the sunset on their window.
Baldy Li and Song Gang had not eaten anything all day. They stood by Li Lan sobbing, but it was a very long time before Li Lan realized they were there. She turned to them and said in a low voice, "Don't cry. Don't let others hear us cry."
The boys immediately covered their mouths. Baldy Li added timidly, "We are hungry."
As if suddenly waking from a dream, Li Lan gave them money and grain coupons and told them to go buy themselves something to eat. When the boys left, they saw that she was once again sitting dully by the bed. They bought three buns, and Baldy Li and Song Gang ate theirs as they walked home. They found Li Lan still sitting on the edge of the bed, and when they handed her the third bun, she merely stared at it and asked distractedly, "What is this?"
Baldy Li and Song Gang replied, "A bun."
Li Lan nodded, appearing to understand, and then took a bite out of the bun and slowly chewed. Baldy Li and Song Gang watched her until she finished the bun. Then she said, "Let's go to sleep."
That night, as the boys lay dreaming, they sensed that someone kept walking in and out of the house, and they could also make out the sounds of pouring water. It was Li Lan, going again and again to draw water from the well. She carefully cleaned Song Fanpings corpse and changed him into clean clothes. The children did not know how the small, frail Li Lan managed to change the clothes on Song Fanpings massive body, or whether she got any sleep. The next day, after Li Lan left, Baldy Li and Song Gang discovered that Song Fanping was as neat and tidy as a groom. Even the sheets beneath him had been changed, though his scrubbed face was a mass of green and purple blotches.
Song Fanpings corpse lay on the near side of the bed. The pillow on the far side had a few strands of Li Lan's hair, and a few more were dangling from Song Fanpings neck. Li Lan must have spent the night cradled on Song Fanpings chest. This was to be the last night she spent with Song Fanping. The bloodied clothes and sheets were soaking in the wooden tub under the bed, and floating on top of the water were a few flies that had wedged themselves in the crevices of his clothing.
All night Li Lan had wept. As she wiped down Song Fanpings body, she shuddered over his bruises and wounds. Several times she almost burst out into terrible wails, but each time she managed to swallow her sobs and would bravely rouse herself, though the effort almost made her faint. Her lips bled from biting down on them. No one could imagine how she survived that night, how she reined herself in and managed not to go insane. Afterward, she lay down on the bed and placed her head on Song Fanpings chest, falling into a state that was not so much sleep as a long, pitch-black unconsciousness. Only when the sun s rays pierced the room did she rouse herself once again from the terrible pit of her pain.
Li Lan, her eyes bloodshot and puffy, left the house to go to the coffin shop, bringing with her all the money that she had in the house. She wanted to buy her husband the best coffin, but she didn't have enough money. She was only able to afford an unvarnished one made of thin wood planks, and even then only the shortest of the four. She returned shortly before noon, followed by four men carrying the thin-plank coffin on their backs. They set the coffin down next to Baldy Li and Song Gangs bed. The boys looked with fear and horror at the coffin as the four sweat-drenched men wiped themselves with their towels and fanned themselves with their straw hats. Looking about, they asked loudly, "Where is the corpse? Where is it?"
Silently, Li Lan opened the door to the inside room. The men's leader walked into the room and spotted Song Fanping on the bed. He waved for his men to follow him in. They stood by the bed quietly discussing matters for a while, then abruptly grabbed Song Fanping by the arms and legs. The leader bellowed, "Lift him up!" and the four men lifted Song Fanping, their faces as red as pig's liver. They carried Song Fanping through the door and then attempted to place him in the coffin. When Song's torso was positioned in the coffin, his feet still dangled out. The men panted noisily, trying to catch their breath. They asked Li Lan, "How much did Song Fanping weigh when he was alive?"
Li Lan was leaning against the door frame as she replied in a low voice that her husband probably weighed 180 pounds or so. All the men had looks of "Aha!" The man in charge explained, "No wonder he was so heavy. When people die, they weigh twice as much. That was probably three hundred and sixty pounds right there. No wonder I almost sprained my back!"
The men from the coffin shop then began an animated discussion about how to wedge Song Fanpings feet into the coffin. The corpse was too long, and the coffin too short. The four of them struggled for more than an hour. Song Fanpings head was already squashed and crooked, but still they could not manage to squeeze his two feet in. They discussed placing him on his side, in a fetal position, saying that then they could manage to fit all of him in.
But Li Lan balked at this. She felt that the dead should be buried faceup, since they would want to look up at the living. "You can't lay him on his side. If he's on his side, he won't be able to see us."
The man in charge retorted, "With the coffin lid and all the dirt, he wouldn't be able to see even if he were lying faceup. Hugging his knees, he'd be in the same position as he was when he was born, and furthermore it would make coming back for the next go-round easier."
Li Lan shook her head. She still wanted to say something, but the four men had already bent over and, with much grunting and huffing, rolled Song Fanping onto his side. Then they discovered that the coffin was too narrow, and Song Fanpings body was too wide and too thick. Plus his legs were too long, so even in a fetal position they couldn't fit all of h
im in. The men shook their heads. Lifting their shirts to wipe the sweat that had flowed from their faces down onto their chests, they complained, "What kind of fucking coffin is this? A foot-washing basin is more like it."
Li Lan lowered her head in shame. The men rested for a while, then continued discussing their options. The man in charge said to Li Lan, "There's only one way: We have to smash his knees to fold his calves over. Then he'll fit."
Li Lan turned deathly pale and shook her head over and over again. Trembling, she said, "No, no…"
"Well, there's nothing else we can do."
The men got up and started collecting their levers and ropes, shrugging their shoulders and waving their hands. As they walked outside Li Lan followed them, pleading pitifully, "Is there nothing else you can do?"
They turned back, saying, "No—well, you can see for yourself."
The four men from the coffin shop carried their tools and walked into the alleyway. Li Lan trailed behind them, pleading pitifully, "Is there really no other way?"
They replied firmly, "No."
As the men walked out of the alley the man in charge paused and turned to Li Lan. "Just think. Who leaves a dead mans feet outside of the coffin? No matter what, it's still better than having his feet dangling out."
Li Lan lowered her head and said brokenheartedly "Whatever you say."
The four men returned to the house, and Li Lan pitifully trailed in after them. Silently, she shook her head, walked up to the coffin, and gazed for a while at Song Fanping inside. She then bent down, reaching both hands into the coffin, and carefully rolled up Song Fanpings pants legs. As she did so she once again saw all the bruises on his calves. Trembling all over, she rolled Song Fanpings pants above his knees. When she looked up, her eyes met those of Baldy Li and Song Gang, and she quickly looked away. She led the boys by the hand and walked into the inner room. She shut the door behind her, sat down on the bed, and closed her eyes. Baldy Li and Song Gang sat on either side of her, her arms hugging their shoulders tight.
From the outside room the man in charge yelled, "Lets start smashing!"
Li Lan s body jerked as if she were being electrocuted, and Baldy Li and Song Gangs bodies jolted in response. By this time a crowd had gathered outside the house, including neighbors and passersby as well as others attracted by the commotion. A mass of them crowded the door, and a few even tumbled into the house. They excitedly discussed how the men from the coffin shop were shattering Song Fanpings knees. Li Lan and the children hadn't realized how they were going to smash his knees, but now they heard them talking about bricks, which then shattered, and how they used the back of a cleaver. There was so much of a din outside that they couldn't make out clearly what everyone was saying. They could only hear people whooping and hollering, as well as the sounds of smashing, dull thuds, and occasional sharp snaps—that was the sound of bone crunching.
Baldy Li and Song Gang couldn't stop trembling. Their bodies shook until they sounded like branches being whipped in a thunderstorm. They were shocked by their own bodies—what would make them shake so hard? It was only later that they realized that it was Li Lan's arms that were shaking and her body that was vibrating like an engine.
The four men outside finally managed to shatter Song Fanpings kneecaps. The man in charge said, "Pick out those bits of brick from inside the coffin." After a while he added, "Roll down the pants legs, and stuff the calves in." Finally he knocked at their door and said to Li Lan, "Come take a last look. We're about to close the coffin."
Trembling, Li Lan stood up; trembling, she opened the door; trembling, she walked out. With unimaginable difficulty she approached the coffin, where she saw her husbands broken calves placed atop his thighs, as if they were someone else's. She teetered a few times but didn't collapse. She didn't see Song Fanping's shattered knees, since they had already placed his calves in his pants legs, but she saw the broken shards of bone and the bits of flesh that had stuck to the sides of the coffin. Li Lan grasped the coffin with both hands and looked with infinite longing at Song Fanping. Despite his contorted visage, she could still make out his former liveliness, his smile, and recall the way in which he would turn around and wave. Now he walked alone along an empty road, in a landscape devoid of mortals—the love of Li Lan's life was rushing down to the netherworld.
From where they were sitting on the bed, Baldy Li and Song Gang could hear Li Lan's voice tremble as she said, "You can close it now."
CHAPTER 20
BALDY LI and Song Gang never understood how Li Lan managed to be so strong, from the time she emerged from the longdistance bus depot and saw Baldy Li and Song Gang wailing, to when she knelt on the ground gathering up the blood-soaked earth, to witnessing Song Fanpings battered corpse, to buying a thin-planked coffin, to letting the four men from the coffin shop smash up Song Fanpings knees. Through all that she never once cried out loud. As they listened to Song Fanpings legs being smashed, several times Baldy Li and Song Gang opened their mouths and were about to cry out, but then they remembered Li Lan had told them that they shouldn't cry and promptly shut them again.
That night Li Lan prepared a tofu dinner, as was the custom of Liu Town. She cooked a giant pot of tofu and placed it in the center of the table, along with a bowl of greens. As night fell they lit their lamp and the three of them sat at the table, with Song Fanpings coffin just to the side. On top of his coffin was a small kerosene lamp, meant to illuminate Song Fanpings way to the netherworld.
Li Lan did not say a single word the entire afternoon. Baldy Li and Song Gang also didn't dare speak, so the house remained ghostly and silent. Only when Li Lan started to cook did the children hear some clattering and see the steam rising from the pot. This was the first time Li Lan had cooked at home since returning from Shanghai. Her tears streamed down as she stood in front of the kerosene stove, but not once did she raise her hand to wipe them away. As she placed the giant bowls of tofu and greens on the table Baldy Li and Song Gang saw that her tears were still gushing forth, and she continued weeping as she filled their bowls with rice. Then she turned to get the chopsticks with a dreamlike expression on her face. Weeping, she sat on the bench and stared down in confusion at the sticks in her hands. Song Gang whispered, "Those are the chopsticks of the ancients."
Through her tears she looked at the boys, and they told her the story of the chopsticks. At last she raised her hand, wiped the tears from her face, and then handed Baldy Li and Song Gang the chopsticks of the ancients. Softly she said, "These chopsticks of the ancients are wonderful."
When she said this, she turned and smiled slightly at the coffin. Her smile was as warm and familiar as if Song Fanping had been sitting right there watching her. Then she took up her rice bowl and her tears flowed anew. Sobbing, she ate soundlessly. Baldy Li saw that Song Gangs tears were also flowing into his rice bowl, and so he couldn't help crying, too. The three of them wept and ate in silence.
The morning after their tofu dinner, Li Lan solemnly washed her face and combed her hair. After she had tidied herself up, she took Baldy Li and Song Gangs hands and walked proudly outside. She led the two children through the streets awash in Cultural Revolution flags and slogans, walking as though they were alone on the street. She ignored all the people pointing at her. First she went to the fabric store, and while everyone else was buying red cloth to make flags and armbands, Li Lan instead purchased some black sash and white cloth. The clerks regarded her with curiosity. Someone recognized her as Song Fanping's wife and walked up to her, fists raised, shouting, "Down with counterrevolutionaries!" With equanimity she paid with her last bit of cash, rolled up the sash and cloth, and walked out of the store hugging the fabric close to her chest.
Grasping on to Li Lan s shirt, Baldy Li and Song Gang followed her into the photography studio. As she received the photograph her hands would not stop trembling; she hugged the photograph close to her chest, along with the black sash and white cloth, and continued her proud journey down the main street. At tha
t moment she had forgotten that Baldy Li and Song Gang were following. Her head was filled with images of Song Fanping, instructing the photographer on how to position the lights and when to press the shutter, and all four of them happily walking out of the studio toward the bus depot. It was at the depot that she last waved goodbye to Song Fanping, and this was the final image she had of him. By the time she had returned from Shanghai, Song Fanping was no longer.
Li Lan pressed on, resisting the urge to take the family portrait out of the envelope she held in her trembling hands. She forced herself to walk proudly until she reached the bridge, where the parading masses blocked her way. She, of course, didn't know that Song Fanping had once stood here, gloriously waving a giant red flag, but once she stopped, she could not control herself any longer and removed the photograph. The first thing she noticed was Song Fanpings open smile, and before she could make out the other three smiling faces, she had collapsed. For three days she had borne this horrible tragedy with dignity and reserve, but now Song Fanpings smile in the photograph completely undid her.
Baldy Li and Song Gang were still holding on to her shirttails when suddenly she disappeared. Standing before them was a man with an astonished expression. The boys then noticed that Li Lan had fallen to the ground, and they cried as they squatted, nudging her. She, however, merely lay there with her eyes closed, unresponsive. Baldy Li and Song Gang burst out in terrified wails as more and more people gathered around. The two boys knelt beside Li Lan, believing that they were now all alone in this world. Weeping, they begged the bystanders to save their mother, not realizing that she had merely fainted. They sobbed as they asked, "Why has Mama fallen down?"
