by Yu Hua
Baldy Li's sweater was also in tatters. Furthermore, it had been knitted from various different colored spools of yarn, patched together long ago by Li Lan from the remains of several other sweaters. Song Gang bought a pound and a half of beige yarn, and after work he started knitting Baldy Li a new sweater, periodically holding it up to Baldy Li's body to size it. A month later the sweater was finished, and it fit perfectly. On Baldy Li's chest there was the embroidered outline of a wave, on top of which was a boat, its sails unfurled. Song Gang explained that the sailboat symbolized Baldy Li's bright future. Baldy Li happily exclaimed, "Song Gang, you are truly extraordinary. You can even do women's work."
Since he had begun wearing the black leather shoes, Baldy Li had only left the house wearing his dark blue Mao suit, buttoned all the way up. But once he started wearing the beige sweater Song Gang knitted for him, Baldy Li let his Mao tunic hang open as he walked around in order to give people a clear view of the waves and the sailboat on his chest. With his hands in his pockets, the flaps of his tunic tucked behind his elbows, he stuck out his chest as he walked, grinning to everyone he encountered.
The women in Liu Town had never seen a sweater with a sailboat embroidered on the front, and therefore when they saw Baldy Li's they immediately crowded around him to examine how it had been made. They crowed their approval, exclaiming, "There is even a sail on top!"
Baldy Li lifted his head and allowed them to appreciate his sweater, listening as they complimented the sailboat. They asked him whose extraordinary skill had produced it. Baldy Li responded proudly, "Song Gang. Aside from bearing children, Song Gang can do anything."
After the women of Liu finished admiring the handiwork on the boat and the sail, they turned their attention to what kind of boat it was. They asked Baldy Li, "Is this a fishing boat?"
"A fishing boat?" Baldy Li replied. "This is called a Great Prospects Ship."
Their rude and ignorant questions infuriated Baldy Li. He pushed away their hands, feeling that allowing them to admire his tall mast sailing into the future was like serenading cows with violins. As he stalked off he turned and angrily spat out his parting words: "What are you women good for besides having children?"
CHAPTER 30
AFTER BALDY LI was appointed factory director, he would often attend meetings with the county's other factory directors, all of whom similarly wore Mao suits and black leather shoes. Baldy Li would smile and shake their hands, and within a few months he was accepted as one of their "brothers." From that point on, Baldy Li became a bona fide member of Liu Town s high society, whereupon he assumed a haughty demeanor, always holding his head high when speaking.
One day he unexpectedly ran into Lin Hong on the bridge and was immediately struck dumb. While the Lin Hong that Baldy Li had peeped at was a very pretty seventeen-year-old, she was now twenty-three and the embodiment of womanly charm. Lin Hong walked across the bridge staring straight ahead, but when she passed Baldy Li someone happened to call out her name. She spun around, and her long braid barely missed hitting him in the face. Baldy Li watched her in a state of infatuation, repeating dreamily, "Beautiful, so beautiful …"
Baldy Li hadn't seen Lin Hong in a long time, not since being appointed factory director, and he had almost forgotten all about Liu Town's resident beauty. Upon encountering her on the bridge that day, however, he became so excited he developed a nosebleed, with two streams of blood gushing from his nose into his mouth. As a result, Baldy Li enjoyed another brief moment of fame, almost as great as that time several years earlier when he was caught being a Peeping Tom. Everyone in Liu Town laughed heartily over this incident, remarking that nothing since Baldy Li was caught spying on women's bottoms had provided them with comparable entertainment. Liu Town, they said, was becoming duller by the year, its residents increasingly dispirited, and therefore it was a good thing that Baldy Li had decided to make a public spectacle of himself again, and wouldn't you know it, it was once again all about Lin Hong.
Baldy Li ignored their laughter, saying that the blood was merely an "offering" and asking, "Who else in the world could claim to have offered up his lifeblood for love?" Patting his chest, he declared, "The glory belongs solely to me."
The elders of Liu were more tactful and remarked, "It is true that famous people do famous things."
When this reached Baldy Li's ears, he nodded with satisfaction. "Well, the rich and famous always live larger than ordinary folks."
Baldy Li, who had previously beaten Writer Liu to the point that he developed a case of delusional memory, seemed to have contracted a similar delusional syndrome. He racked his brain trying to explain why Lin Hong had leaned so close to him when she passed, so close that her long braid almost caressed his nose. Combining illusions of love with delusions of grandeur, he concluded that she must be in love with him; and even if she hadn't fallen in love with him yet, there was no question that she was about to. Baldy Li decided that there had been altogether too many people on the bridge and in the street, and if their encounter had taken place in the middle of the night with no one around, Lin Hong would certainly have stopped to gaze longingly at him, committing to memory every wrinkle and blood vessel in his face. Upon reaching that conclusion, he grinned stupidly as he informed Song Gang, "Lin Hong fancies me."
Song Gang knew about Lin Hong and knew that this Liu Town beauty was the object of all the townsmen's fantasies. Song Gang himself felt that she was as unattainable as the moon and the stars, and therefore Baldy Li's assertion that she was interested in him left Song Gang speechless. Was it possible that Lin Hong would fancy the same Baldy Li who had peeped at her in the public toilet more than six years earlier? Song Gang wasn't so sure. He asked Baldy Li, "And why do you think Lin Hong fancies you?"
"Because I'm Factory Director Li, of course!" Baldy Li patted his chest and added, "Just think, among the twenty-odd factory directors in and about Liu Town, aren't I the only bachelor?"
"You're right!" Song Gang replied, nodding vigorously. "In the old days they used to speak of a fine match being that of a talented man and a beautiful woman. That describes you and Lin Hong perfectly!"
"Of course!" Baldy Li excitedly punched Song Gang. His eyes lighting up, he said, "That's precisely what I'm talking about."
Song Gang's comment helped Baldy Li pinpoint the theoretical foundation for his and Lin Hong's romance, after which he began to pursue Lin Hong in earnest. Many of the young men of Liu had pursued or were in the midst of pursuing Lin Hong, but ultimately these men of weak will and weaker courage would throw up their hands. Only the remarkable Baldy Li refused to admit defeat.
Baldy Li pursued Lin Hong with a vengeance and anointed Song Gang as his military advisor. Song Gang had read his share of tattered old books on the art of war and said that in olden times, before engaging in battle, it was customary to send a messenger with a declaration of war. "What I don't know is whether in a combat d'amour it is also necessary to first send a messenger."
"Of course we should," Baldy Li said. "Let Lin Hong prepare herself, because otherwise it may all be too sudden for her. What will we do if she simply faints from the excitement?"
Baldy Li selected five six-year-old boys he ran across on his way to work at the Good Works Factory to serve as his messengers. These boys had been playing in the street when they started pointing at Baldy Li and arguing. One boy said that this baldy was none other than the one who was said to have peeped at Lin Hongs bottom and who was rumored to have developed a nosebleed upon seeing her again. Another boy said that this must be someone else, because that person was called Baldy Li. When Baldy Li heard them, he thought that if even these little ruffians knew of the rumors, he must already have become a legendary figure in Liu Town. He paused and waved them over. The snot-nosed boys came and looked up at the infamous Baldy Li, who pointed at himself and said, "This old man is Baldy Li."
Several of the boys stared at Baldy Li in happy astonishment. Baldy Li gestured for them to wipe their noses and then
asked, "You also know Lin Hong?"
The boys all nodded and replied, "The Lin Hong who works at the knitting factory."
Baldy Li snorted in amusement and said that he wanted to give them a glorious assignment: "Run over to the knitting factory and wait at the door for Lin Hong to get off work, like a midnight cat waiting at a mouse hole for a midnight mouse. When she does comes out, I want you to call out to her …" Baldy Li then shouted out in a boys voice, "'Baldy Li wants to court you!'"
The boys giggled and hollered in unison, "Baldy Li wants to court you!"
"That's right," Baldy Li said approvingly and patted them on their heads. "There is one more sentence: ‘Are you ready?'"
The boys cried out, "Are you ready?"
Baldy Li was very satisfied and complimented the boys on having learned so quickly. He counted them and found that there were five boys. He retrieved a nickel from his pocket, bought ten pieces of hard candy from a street stall, and then gave one to each boy, placing the five remaining pieces back into his own pocket. Baldy Li told the boys that when they finished their task, they could come for the rest of their reward. Then Baldy Li, like a general on a battlefield directing his soldiers to advance, gestured in the direction of the knitting factory and shouted, "Forward, march!"
The boys immediately unwrapped their candies and stuffed them into their mouths, then stood there without moving, happily sucking on their candy. Baldy Li gestured again, but they still didn't budge. Finally, he said, "Damn it, hurry up and go!"
After looking at one another, they asked Baldy Li, "What does to court mean?"
"To court?" Baldy Li pondered hard and then said, "To court means to marry someone, to sleep together at night."
The boys giggled, and Baldy Li once again pointed to the knitting factory with his short, stubby finger. They walked forward while crying out, "Baldy Li wants to court you! Get married! Sleep with you! Are you ready?"
"Fuck. Get back here!" Baldy Li called out urgently. "Don't mention anything about marriage or sleeping together. Just focus on the courtship part."
That afternoon Baldy Li's five emissaries of love walked toward the knitting factory, shouting all the way. The people of Liu stared in amazement upon seeing them go by, never in their wildest dreams having imagined that Baldy Li would resort to such a tactic as having a bunch of snot-nosed and split-pants-wearing boys court Lin Hong on his behalf. Everyone laughed and shook their heads, saying that Baldy Li must have shit and piss for brains to come up with such an idiotic plan. They concluded that he, having spent all his time with two cripples, three idiots, four blind men, and five deaf men, had allowed his own brain to become handicapped.
Poet Zhao was also there and agreed with everyone's assessment. Noting that he had known Baldy Li for a long time, Poet Zhao said that although in the past Baldy Li had not been very clever, neither had he been stupid, but since he had gone to work at the Good Works Factory—and especially since becoming the director of the cripples, idiots, and blind and deaf men—he had become dumber and dumber. Poet Zhao summed up the situation with an old expression: "This is a case of those close to ink become black, and those close to cinnabar become vermilion."
The boys sucked in their snot and hollered as if they were singing a song, first shouting "to court" for the length of one entire street, and then switching to "get married" for the second. By the time they reached the third street, they were calling out "go to bed." It was only then that they remembered Baldy Li's instructions that they not mention going to bed, so they backtracked and again sang about getting married but then remembered that he had instructed them not to speak of getting married either. When they tried to backtrack even further, they couldn't for the life of them remember the phrase to court. They stopped in the middle of the street and looked around, wiping their noses with their hands and then wiping the snot on their bottoms, making their pants look as shiny as if a slug had crawled all over them.
Poet Zhao happened to be wandering down the third street and overheard the boys’ argument. Reminded of how Baldy Li had bragged that he was going to beat him until his true laborer colors showed, Zhao laughed bitterly, then waved the boys over and told them quietly, "The word is intercourse."
The five boys looked at one another and felt that this sort of sounded like the phrase they had forgotten, yet it didn't seem quite right. Poet Zhao quickly added, "It is definitely intercourse."
The boys nodded and happily proceeded to the knitting factory. At the entrance they started calling out, and when they saw the gatekeeper, they shouted in unison in the direction of the closed iron gate, "Baldy Li wants to have intercourse with you!"
The old man initially leaned over curiously, and only after they had shouted it three times did he finally understand. Furiously, he grabbed the broom behind the door and rushed at them, making the boys scurry away in terror. The gatekeeper waved the broom and cursed, "Fuck your mother, and your grandmother, too!"
The boys apprehensively regrouped and embarrassedly told the old man, "Baldy Li told us to say that."
"Fuck Baldy Li's mother." The old man threw the broomstick down and yelled, "Does he dare come have intercourse with me? I'll rip him a new one."
The boys’ heads shook their heads vigorously, explaining to the old man, "Not with you, with Lin Hong."
"It doesn't matter who it's with, it's still not okay," the old man said sternly. "Even if it were with his own mother, it still wouldn't be okay."
The five boys didn't dare approach the factory gate again; instead they hid behind a nearby tree, staring intently at the old man. As soon as he came out they immediately ran away, and when he went back inside, they cautiously walked back to the tree and peeked out. Following Baldy Li's instructions, the boys waited, like a midnight cat waiting at a mouse hole for a midnight mouse, until the closing bell rang, signalling the end of the workday. Then they saw Lin Hong walking over with a crowd of female workmates. Two boys who recognized Lin Hong started waving energetically at her while the other three kept an eye out for the old man in the entranceway. The two boys called out softly, "Lin Hong, Lin Hong."
As Lin Hong was walking, chatting with the other women, she heard the mysterious call and stopped curiously to see the five boys hiding behind the tree. Her companions also stopped and joked that Lin Hong's beauty had spread so far and wide that even little boys wearing split pants came looking for her. At that moment, the boys shouted in unison, "Baldy Li wants to have intercourse with you!"
One boy then specified, "That is the same Baldy Li who peeked at your bottom in the public toilet."
Lin Hong immediately turned deathly pale. Initially stunned, the other women then covered their mouths and stared giggling. The boys continued shouting, "Baldy Li wants to have intercourse with you."
Lin Hong became so furious that her eyes welled up with tears. She bit her lip and rushed forward. Her workmates behind her couldn't stop laughing. The boys then remembered that there was another phrase that they hadn't yet uttered, and so they pursued her like a bunch of rabbits and shouted after her, "Are you ready?"
Now that they had completed the glorious task that Baldy Li had assigned them, they proceeded to traipse, flushed with excitement, around the group of factory workers. The young women caressed the boys’ heads and faces adoringly and asked them to describe everything from beginning to end. They did so, and the women doubled over in peals of laughter, laughing so hard that they couldn't get back up.
The boys ran back to the Good Works Factory, which by this point had also closed. Then they asked for directions and ran, hollering, to Baldy Li's house. As Baldy Li and Song Gang walked out the five children met them at the door with their right hands extended. Baldy Li knew that they had come to collect their reward, so he removed the five pieces of candy from his pocket and placed them one by one in their palms. The children immediately ripped off the wrappers and popped the candies into their mouths. Baldy Li asked them hopefully "Did she smile?" He mimed a shy smile for them and
asked, "Did she smile like this?"
The children shook their heads and replied, "No, she cried."
Baldy Li looked at Song Gang in surprise and said, "She must have been very moved."
He again asked the children hopefully, "She must have blushed?"
The children again shook their heads and replied, "No, she turned pale."
He looked at Song Gang in befuddlement. "That can't be—she should have blushed."
"No, she definitely turned pale," the children replied.
Baldy Li started to look at the children suspiciously and said, "Did you by any chance shout the wrong thing?"
"Of course not," they replied. "We shouted, ‘Baldy Li wants to have intercourse with you.’ We even added, ‘Are you ready?'"
Baldy Li roared like a crazed beast, "Who told you to say intercourse? Who the fuck told you to say intercourse?"
The children started trembling from head to toe and stammered as they tried to explain. However, they didn't know Poet Zhao, and therefore they couldn't clearly identify who it was who had given them the wrong word. They slowly backed away as they spoke, then turned and fled. Baldy Li was so furious that his face turned ashen, even whiter than Lin Hong's had been. He waved his fist and roared, "That son-of-a-bitch class enemy, whoever he is, I swear I'll ferret him out, and will definitely carry out a proletarian revolution against him!"
Baldy Li was so furious that his chest heaved in and out like an accordion. Song Gang patted his shoulder and told him that there was no point in getting angry. Instead, Song Gang suggested, Baldy Li should immediately go find Lin Hong and apologize. So the following afternoon, when it was time for Lin Hong to get off work, Baldy Li and Song Gang were waiting outside the main door of the knitting factory. When the bell rang signaling the end of the workday and the women workers started filing out, Baldy Li began to feel a little nervous. He said it was time to go out to face the firing squad. He asked Song Gang to keep a close eye out, and if things started to look bad, Song Gang should immediately tug at his clothes.
