by Yu Hua
It was a drizzly autumn evening. As Lin Hong stood under a wutong tree drops of water fell from the leaves onto her umbrella, making a pattering sound as they landed. She looked out on to the misty street and saw several umbrellas go back and forth, as well as several youngsters without umbrellas. She then saw Song Gang rushing straight toward her from across the street. He wasn't wearing his coat but, rather, was holding it over his head to deflect the rain, and as he rushed forward the coat looked like a flag flapping in the wind. Lin Hong hurried down to the street and used her umbrella to gesture for him to stop. He hydroplaned past her like a car, almost slamming into her umbrella. When she moved the umbrella out of the way, she saw his startled expression, whereupon she stuffed her handkerchief into his hand and immediately turned and walked away. After she had walked ten yards, she turned to look back at Song Gang and saw him staring at her dumbfounded, holding the handkerchief in both hands. His coat fell to the ground, and several pairs of feet trampled over it. Lin Hong turned back around and, grasping her umbrella, walked away smiling, having no idea what would happen next.
Song Gang spent that drizzly evening in a daze. Eventually he managed to get home, and then, with a pounding heart, he opened up the handkerchief and found the note folded into the shape of a butterfly. With trembling hands he began to unfold the note, but Lin Hong had folded it in a very complicated way, and he was afraid he would open it incorrectly. Therefore, it took him forever to unfold it. When he finally succeeded, he read, with bated breath, Lin Hongs eighty-three-character message over and over again. Several times the sound of his neighbors’ footsteps startled him so badly that he hurriedly stuffed the note into his pocket, thinking that it was Baldy Li returning home. Only when he heard the neighbors unlocking their front doors did he breathe a sigh of relief and take the note back out and begin reading it again. Afterward, he lifted his head and distractedly watched the raindrops roll down the windowpane as the fire of love, which had virtually been extinguished from his heart, was ignited once again.
Song Gang was desperate to go see Lin Hong and several times even walked to the door, but each time the thought of Baldy Li stopped him in his tracks. He stared, bewildered, at the drizzle outside, then closed the door again. In the end, it was the final line of Lin Hongs note, where she asked that he return the handkerchief, that gave Song Gang the courage to go meet her.
Baldy Li would normally have returned home from work by that point, but on that particular day he happened to have been delayed at the factory, thus giving Song Gang his opportunity. After leaving the house he rushed to the bridge, knowing that if he were to run into Baldy Li, all it would take would be for Baldy Li to call out to him, and Song Gang would lose his courage. He walked down the stairs at the rivers edge, and when he arrived under the bridge, it was six in the evening, two hours before his scheduled meeting with Lin Hong.
Song Gang stood there, his entire body trembling. He could hear countless footsteps on the bridge over his head, as if crowds of people were walking on the roof of his house. He watched the river gradually grow dark as rain pelted the waves, making the river look as though it too was trembling. He felt very anxious waiting there, alternating between excitement and depression, determination and despair. After more than an hour, the sky turned completely dark, and Song Gang finally began to calm down. In his minds eye he saw the sorrowful gaze Li Lan had given him before she passed away, and therefore he again rejected happiness and swore to himself that he wouldn't betray Baldy Li. He told himself that he had not come here for a date with Lin Hong but only to return her handkerchief. In the dark he lifted the handkerchief to look at it, as if he were bidding it farewell, and then resolutely placed it in his pocket. He exhaled and felt much more relaxed.
Lin Hong appeared at eight thirty, walking down the steps with an umbrella. She gazed for a while in the direction of the area under the bridge and eventually made out a tall shadow silently standing there. Having determined that this was indeed Song Gang and not the short and stocky Baldy Li, Lin Hong smiled with relief and approached.
When she reached Song Gangs side, she closed her umbrella and shook it a few times. Then she looked up at Song Gang, but in the dark she couldn't make out his expression. She heard his nervous breathing and sensed him lift his right hand. She then looked down, and her heart missed a beat when she noticed that he was holding her handkerchief. She didn't accept it, because she knew that as soon as she did, this date would be over. Therefore, she turned her head away and saw lights from the streetlamps overhead flickering on the river's surface. She heard Song Gang's increasingly hurried breathing and couldn't help laughing as she said, "Say something. I didn't come here to listen to you breathe."
Song Gang shook his right hand and with a shaky voice said, "This is your handkerchief."
Lin Hong replied angrily, "You came here just to give me this?"
Song Gang nodded. "Yes."
Lin Hong shook her head and laughed bitterly, then looked up at Song Gang in despair and asked, "Song Gang, do you not like me?"
Even in the dark, Song Gang still did not dare look directly at her, so he turned his face away and with a heartbroken voice said, "Baldy Li is my brother."
"Don't bring Baldy Li into this," Lin Hong interrupted him and promptly added, "Even if you and I don't get together, I would never end up with him."
After hearing this, Song Gang again lowered his head and didn't know what to say. When Lin Hong saw his pained expression, she bit her lip and said tenderly, "Song Gang, this is the last time, so please think about it carefully, because there won't be another opportunity."
Lin Hong became increasingly grief-stricken as she added, "Soon I will be someone else's girlfriend." After saying this, she stood there in the dark watching Song Gang expectantly, but all he did was softly repeat the same line, "Baldy Li is my brother."
Distraught, Lin Hong turned away and once again looked at the lights on the river. Song Gang lifted his right hand holding the handkerchief, but she remained silent, as did he. After a while, she asked sorrowfully, "Song Gang, can you swim?"
Song Gang, not knowing what else to say, nodded. "I can."
"I can't," Lin Hong said. She turned her face to look at Song Gang and added, "If I jump into the river, will I drown?"
Song Gang couldn't understand why she was asking this and stared at her, speechless. Lin Hong extended her hand in the darkness and stroked Song Gang's face, and he jumped as if he had received an electric shock. She pointed to the river water and, sounding as if she were taking an oath, asked Song Gang, "I'm asking you for the last time: Do you like me?"
Song Gang opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Lin Hong's finger was still pointing at the river water as she said, "If you say you don't like me, I'll jump in."
Song Gang was stunned, and Lin Hong added urgently, "Answer me!"
Song Gang said in a beseeching tone, "Baldy Li is my brother."
Lin Hong was devastated. She could not believe that Song Gang would stick to repeating that same phrase. She spat out, "I hate you!"
She then proceeded to jump into the river, shattering the lights reflected on the surface. Song Gang watched as her body fell, and the droplets of water struck his face like hailstones. He watched as her body disappeared and then struggled to break back through the water's surface. He immediately jumped into the bone-piercingly cold river after her. He felt that the weight of his body was forcing hers back down even while she was struggling to make her way up. Lin Hong grabbed on to his shirt; Song Gang kicked with his feet and, holding her tightly with both hands, pulled her to the surface. When she emerged, water spurted from her mouth, all over Song Gang's face. He hugged her body to him and, paddling with his feet, swam over to the bank with Lin Hong hugging his neck with both arms.
He lifted her onto the steps and then knelt down and softly called out her name. He saw her open her eyes, and it was only then that he realized he was holding her. In alarm, he released her and stood up. Her body l
ay sprawled on the steps, and she continued to cough and spit up water. Then she struggled to sit up, lowered her head, and hugged her knees. Completely soaked and shivering in the cold wind, she sat there waiting for Song Gang to come over and embrace her, as he had when they were in the water. However, the similarly soaked Song Gang merely stood there, aware only of his own shivering. Heartbroken, Lin Hong stood and slowly walked up the steps, her body swaying precariously. Song Gang didn't think to follow her and offer his support. Hugging herself and still shivering, Lin Hong continued up the stairs. She sensed that Song Gang was following her, but she didn't turn around and instead kept going until she reached the street. At that point, she could no longer hear his footsteps, yet she still didn't turn around. Her tears mixing with the rain on her face, she walked on.
After Song Gang climbed up to the street he just stood there, feeling as though his heart had been pierced by a knife. He watched Lin Hong walk down the wet street, head bowed and hugging her shoulders. The rain glittered under the streetlamps like snowflakes, and the street itself seemed asleep. Song Gang watched Lin Hong's figure as she gradually disappeared in the distance; then, after lifting his hand to wipe the tears and rain from his face, he set off in the opposite direction.
Baldy Li was in bed when he heard Song Gang walk in the door. He turned on the light and stuck his head out from under the covers, calling out, "Where did you run off to? I waited forever for you."
Baldy Li sat up with his covers wrapped around him and saw the soaking-wet Song Gang sitting on the bench. Not noticing Song Gang's grief-stricken expression, he continued, "You didn't make us dinner. I, Director Li, worked hard all day, only to come home and find nothing to eat, not even leftovers. I waited forever for you, but eventually had no choice but go out and buy some stuffed buns."
After his exclamation, Baldy Li asked Song Gang, "Have you eaten?"
Song Gang stared at Baldy Li in confusion, almost as if he didn't recognize him. Baldy Li roared, "Have you fucking eaten or not?"
Song Gang trembled from head to toe. Finally understanding what Baldy Li was asking him, he shook his head. "No, I haven't."
"I figured you hadn't." Baldy Li proudly pulled a bowl out from under the covers, with two steamed buns inside. Handing the bowl to Song Gang, he said, "Eat them quickly while they're still warm."
With a sigh, Song Gang reached out to accept the bowl and place it on the table, then continued gazing at Baldy Li. Baldy Li pointed at the bun and shouted, "Eat!"
Song Gang sighed again, shook his head, and said, "I don't want to."
"These are meat buns!" Baldy Li said.
Baldy Li then noticed that a large pool of water had accumulated on the floor underneath Song Gangs bench and was flowing in all directions, with several rivulets almost reaching the bed. The water kept dripping from Song Gangs soaked clothes, and only then did Baldy Li notice that Song Gang was not simply soaked from the rain but, rather, looked as if he had been pulled out of the river. He asked in surprise, "How is it that you are as wet as a dog?"
Then Baldy Li noticed that Song Gang was still grasping a handkerchief in his right hand, and the handkerchief was also dripping water. Baldy Li pointed to the handkerchief and asked, "What is that?"
Song Gang looked down at the handkerchief in his right hand and jumped in surprise. He remembered that he was holding the handkerchief when he jumped into the river to rescue Lin Hong, but he hadn't realized that he still had it in his hand. Baldy Li climbed out of bed and stared at Song Gang suspiciously, asking, "Whose handkerchief is this?"
Song Gang placed the handkerchief on the table, wiped the water from his face, and said gloomily, "I went to see Lin Hong."
"Fuck."
Baldy Li saw Song Gang sneeze three times in a row; therefore, he cut his curses short and instead told him to quickly go change his clothes and get under the covers. As he was saying this he himself started to sneeze and immediately returned to bed. Song Gang nodded, stood up from the bench, and took off his soaking-wet pants. When Song Gang climbed under the covers, he suddenly remembered something. He climbed back out of bed and retrieved Lin Hong s note from his pants pocket, though by now it was merely a crumpled wad of paper. Song Gang handed the soaked mass to Baldy Li, who accepted it with a suspicious look, asking, "What is this?"
Song Gang answered with a sneeze, "Lin Hongs letter."
When Baldy Li heard this, he half got out of bed and very carefully unrolled the ball of paper. The ink had bled, creating an indistinct landscape painting. Baldy Li immediately jumped out of bed, stood on the table, and placed the unfolded note under the bright lightbulb. Even after the bulb had dried it, Baldy Li still couldn't make out what it said and so he had no choice but to ask Song Gang, "What did Lin Hong write?"
Already in bed, with his eyes closed, Song Gang said, "Turn off the light."
Baldy Li quickly did, then lay down in his own bed. With the two brothers each in their respective beds, Song Gong, amid spasms of coughing and sneezing, narrated in fits and starts the events of that evening. Baldy Li listened silently, and after Song Gang was finished he whispered, "Song Gang."
Song Gang replied with a "Huh?" and Baldy Li carefully asked, "You didn't escort Lin Hong home?"
Song Gang wheezed, "No."
Baldy Li smiled silently in the darkness and again said softly, "Song Gang." Song Gang once again replied with a "Huh?" Then Baldy Li said earnestly, "You really are a good brother."
Song Gang didn't respond, and Baldy Li called out his name several times until Song Gang finally replied, "I want to go to sleep."
Song Gang spent the entire rainy night coughing and sleeping fitfully. While sleeping, he felt befuddled, as if he were still under water. While awake, he felt that he couldn't breathe, as if there were a heavy stone resting on his chest. When the morning light finally streamed in his window, he opened his eyes and realized that he had actually fallen asleep. Song Gang saw that it was a clear morning after a night full of rain. The eaves were still dripping, and rivulets were running down the outside of the window, but the room was bathed in bright sunlight. Outside, sparrows were singing and the neighbors chatted loudly with each other. Song Gang sighed, having made it through the difficult night. This beautiful morning made him happy and at ease. He sat up in bed and saw that Baldy Li was still sleeping soundly, so he called out, as was their custom, "Baldy Li, Baldy Li! Time to get up!"
Baldy Li's head poked out from under the covers, and Song Gang laughed. Baldy Li rubbed his eyes, not sure what Song Gang found so funny. Song Gang explained that Baldy Li looked like a turtle sticking its head out. He then acted out the motions, covering himself with blankets and then, with a muffled voice, asking Baldy Li if he looked like a turtle. Then he suddenly poked his head out and held it there. Baldy Li rubbed his eyes and laughed, saying, "You do! You really do look like a turtle."
Later Baldy Li remembered the events of the previous night and looked at Song Gang with surprise. Song Gang, acting as if nothing had happened, jumped out of bed and got a clean set of clothes from the closet. He then put some toothpaste on his toothbrush, picked up his cup and basin, threw his hand towel over his shoulder, and walked to the well to wash his face and brush his teeth. Baldy Li heard Song Gang chatting with several neighbors over by the well, occasionally emitting bursts of laughter. Baldy Li scratched his head suspiciously and cursed, "Fuck."
Song Gang had a peaceful day, occasionally remembering the previous nights incidents under the bridge and in the river, as well as the image of the soaked Lin Hong walking up the road. These memories left him momentarily shaken, but he immediately recovered his equilibrium and did not dwell on them. After his difficult night, Song Gang had finally achieved some peace. The life-or-death experience with Lin Hong the previous night was like the conclusion of a story, and this story, which had taken his breath away, was now over, and a new story could begin. As the sun follows rain, Song Gangs mood brightened.
After work that afternoon, Baldy Li b
rought home some big red apples. Song Gang had already prepared dinner, and Baldy Li, with a grin, placed the apples on the bench, then laughed mischievously throughout dinner. Baldy Li's laugh disquieted Song Gang, because he didn't know what Baldy Li was plotting. After dinner, Baldy Li suddenly announced that he had gone to the knitting factory to investigate and discovered that Lin Hong had not shown up at work because she was sick with a fever, having spent the entire day in bed. Baldy Li tapped the table with his finger and said, "You should go to her house immediately."
Astonished, Song Gang looked suspiciously at Baldy Li and then at the apples, thinking that Baldy Li wanted him to take the apples to Lin Hong. Song Gang shook his head and said, "I can't go, and even less can I take these apples."
"Who said anything about you taking the apples? The apples are for me to take." Baldy Li pounded the table and stood up. He handed Song Gang the handkerchief, which was now dry, and said, "This is what you should take with you, to return it to her."
Song Gang continued to watch Baldy Li suspiciously, still not knowing what he had up his sleeve. Baldy Li enthusiastically explained his plan. First Song Gang would take the handkerchief into Lin Hong's room while Baldy Li waited outside with his apples. When Song Gang walked up to Lin Hong's bed, he would stand there without saying a word, and when she awoke and saw him, he would say coldly, "This time you should give up all hope." He would throw the handkerchief onto Lin Hongs bed and immediately turn and leave. After Song Gang emerged, it would be Baldy Li's turn to go in with the apples to console her. After Baldy Li finished explaining his plan, he wiped his spittle and said proudly, "This way Lin Hong s feelings for you will finally be extinguished and she will begin feeling true affection for me instead."
