by Yu Hua
The four blind men were speechless as they suddenly remembered that the Civil Affairs Bureau already had a director. One of the blind men, however, remained unconvinced, and suggested, "Perhaps Bureau Director Tao has been promoted to county governor?"
"That's right," the other blind men happily agreed.
Tao Qing was initially furious, but upon hearing the blind men promote him to county governor, he couldn't help but break into laughter like the three idiots. Only then did it dawn on him that Baldy Li was not in the crowd. Spotting the two cripples hiding behind the five deaf men, he pointed at them and said, "You two, come over here."
The two cripples realized that things were not looking good and that the whole business about Baldy Li having been promoted to bureau director must have been a fanciful fabrication on the part of the blind men. They hesitantly came out from behind the five deaf men, one limping in one direction and the other limping in the other, until they finally found themselves standing in front of Tao Qing.
It was then that Tao Qing finally got to the bottom of things, learning that Baldy Li had abruptly resigned a month earlier and that there had been no news from him since. Baldy Li had not discussed the situation at all with his workers but, rather, had simply announced that everyone accepted his letter of resignation. Upon learning this, Tao Qing turned pale and his lips started trembling with fury. He sputtered, "Baldy Li has no respect for organization, for discipline, for authority, or for the masses." Tao Qing was so worked up that, for the first time in more than a decade, he started cursing, "That son of a bitch turtle spawn!"
Tao Qing ordered the two cripples to take the workers back to the Good Works Factory. Upon returning to the meeting room, Tao no longer had any interest in studying the Central Party document and instead turned the discussion to Baldy Li's serious mistakes. He suggested that Baldy Li be permanently expelled from the People s Government system. The Peoples Ministry unanimously agreed with Bureau Director Taos suggestion, and thereupon printed out an official document to notify the county government of their decision. After affixing his seal, Tao Qing read through it one last time, and said, "In dealing with an obstinately insubordinate person like Baldy Li, we can't allow him to get away with a resignation. He can only be fired."
CHAPTER 39
JUST AS Baldy Li was being fired by Tao Qing, he himself was seated at Mama Sus snack shop next to the bus depot. Holding a ticket to Shanghai in one hand and a meat bun in the other, Baldy Li sat there cheerfully. As he bit into the steaming hot bun, squinting his eyes with pleasure, he proudly boasted to Mama Su that, from this point on, he would make his own fortune. Baldy Li glanced down at the ticket in his hand and saw that in about an hour he would be jumping onto the bus to Shanghai. Keeping time by the clock hanging on the snack shop wall, he solemnly counted down the seconds as if he were a rocket about to launch. He waved at Mama Su and said, "In an hour I will spread my wings like a great roc and soar away!"
Immediately after Baldy Li had sprung his resignation like a guerrilla attack, he had retreated to his home and shut his door. Then he spent half a day and half a night mapping out the trajectory Li the Great Roc would take. On the basis of his success at the Good Works Factory, he felt that his new undertaking must begin from a processing business; after he had accumulated some capital he could begin manufacturing his own products. The question was, what kind of products should he process? At first, Baldy Li wanted to enter the same cardboard box business he had pioneered at the Good Works Factory, since it was something he already knew well. After much consideration, however, he reluctantly decided that he had to give up his old business. There were his fourteen loyal minions at the factory to consider, and Baldy Li felt that he couldn't rob them of their rice bowls. Ultimately, he decided to go into the clothing business, and as long as he could secure some orders from some big Shanghai companies, his business would rise like the morning sun.
And like the morning sun, Baldy Li took a world map and strode into Blacksmith Tongs shop. At that point, Blacksmith Tong was the chairman of Liu Town s Private Entrepreneurs’ Business Association. Baldy Li needed investment capital and knew that he would not be able to secure a single cent from the State, so his thoughts turned to Blacksmith Tong. During Deng Xiaoping's Reform and Opening Up Campaign, private entrepreneurs like Blacksmith Tong had become rich. Baldy Li cheerfully strode into Blacksmith Tongs shop and immediately disarmed him by greeting him as Chairman Tong. Tong set down his hammer, wiped away his sweat, and said, "Director Li, please don't call me Chairman Tong, call me Blacksmith Tong—it sounds much more vigorous."
Baldy Li laughed out loud and replied, "Well, then, don't call me Director Li, call me Baldy Li—it sounds more vigorous, too."
Baldy Li then informed Tong that he was no longer a factory director, since he had quit. He stood next to Blacksmith Tongs furnace and, with spittle flying everywhere, enthusiastically told him about his business plan. He repeatedly reminded Tong that with only fourteen handicapped workers he had been able to earn tens of thousands of yuan a year. Therefore, were he able to have 140 or even 1,400 healthy workers, as well as a handful of college grads, M.A.'s, and Ph.D. s and even some postdoctorate fellows, who could say how much money he'd be able to make? Baldy Li counted on his fingers, calculating out loud, but after half an hour he still hadn't come up with an answer. His head covered in sweat, Blacksmith Tong waited patiently and finally asked, "How much would you be able to make?"
"I really can't figure it out," said Baldy Li, shaking his head. He opened his eyes wide and said dreamily, "What I see before me is not dollar bills but, rather, an open expanse of ocean."
After this romantic rhapsody, Baldy Li immediately became pragmatic again and added, "At any rate, I wouldn't have to worry about food or clothing or having money in my wallet."
Then he reached out to Blacksmith Tong like a highway bandit and said, "Hand over your money, and I'll give you one share for each one hundred yuan. For each share you buy, I'll give you one portion of the eventual profits."
Blacksmith Tong flushed as red as his furnace, his enthusiasm stoked by Baldy Li's promises. After wiping his hand on the front of his shirt, he held up three fingers and said, "I'll take thirty shares."
"Thirty shares will cost three thousand yuan!" Baldy exclaimed in surprise, then added enviously, "You really are rich!"
Blacksmith Tong laughed and said casually, "I can afford three thousand yuan."
Baldy Li then opened up his world map and told Blacksmith Tong that he would begin by adding the final processing for a Shanghai clothing company; then, when the time was right, he would start his clothing line. It would be called Baldy Brand, and he planned to make it the global leader. Baldy Li pointed at the world map and said, "Each of the dots on the map corresponds to a specialty store that will sell Baldy Brand clothing."
Noticing a problem, Blacksmith Tong asked anxiously, "They are all Baldy Brand? There won't be any other brands?"
"No," Baldy Li replied bluntly. "What would I want with other brands?"
Blacksmith Tong said unhappily, "If I am going to invest three thousand yuan, I should at least get my own brand."
"You have a point," Baldy Li conceded. "We'll also give you your own Blacksmith Brand."
Baldy Li then pointed to his khaki Mao tunic and said, "This jacket is one of my Baldy Brands, and I would never let it go. I will embroider the Baldy Brand logo on the lapel. You, however, can select from among the pants, shirt, undershirt, or underwear."
Blacksmith Tong felt that Baldy Li's request was reasonable and therefore agreed to pick from the remaining articles of clothing. He didn't give the undershirt or underwear a second glance but hesitated between the pants and the shirt. He liked the shirt, and particularly the thought of his logo embroidered on the front; but then it occurred to him that the shirt would be worn under a jacket, so the only thing showing would be part of the collar. Worried that with the shirt he would not have enough exposure, he instead chose the pants for
his signature Blacksmith Brand. Blacksmith Tong pointed to the world map and asked, "Everywhere there are dots, there will also be Blacksmith Brand clothes?"
"Of course." Baldy Li patted his chest. "Everywhere my Baldy Brand is sold, there will also be your Blacksmith Brand."
Blacksmith Tong happily lifted his index finger and said, "I will add another ten shares, or one thousand yuan, for my Blacksmith Brand."
Baldy Li had not expected that Blacksmith Tong would plop down four thousand yuan and therefore was laughing heartily as he left Tongs shop. Blacksmith Tong was one of the leaders within Liu's independent business community, and the strength of his example was incalculable. When word spread that Blacksmith Tong had invested four thousand yuan, combined with Baldy Li's impressive achievements at the Good Works Factory, many other business owners were soon lining up in front of Baldy Li's world map to purchase shares.
After leaving Blacksmith Tongs shop, Baldy Li next visited Tailor Zhang, and within ten minutes they too had reached an agreement. Baldy Li agreed to give Zhang, who was completely entranced by all the dots on the world map, the brand rights to the shirts. Zhang immediately took a needle and started pointing out all of the dots in Europe, not omitting even those in the tiniest countries. When he thought of his Tailor Brand shirts becoming world famous, he became so excited that he raised his index finger and said, "I'll take ten shares."
Baldy Li grandly awarded Tailor Zhang an extra ten shares, therefore giving him twenty shares for the price of ten. Baldy Li explained that the extra ten shares were in recognition of Zhang's technical skills. Tailor Zhang would be the technical supervisor of the clothing company and would both train the workers and oversee quality control.
Having now five thousand yuan in start-up capital, Baldy Li then proceeded on to Little Scissors Guan in his blade-sharpening shop and to Yanker Yu under his oilcloth umbrella. Old Scissors Guan had been ill for the past few years and had not worked for quite a while. Little Guan, therefore, had begun to take over the blade-sharpening shop, becoming, as he put it, its commander without troops. Baldy Li gave Little Guan rights to the undershirts, and Little Guan was very satisfied with his Scissors Brand undershirts, saying that its two straps did in fact look like a pair of scissors. Little Guan took ten shares for one thousand yuan.
Baldy Li next went to Yanker Yu's territory. Yanker Yu was the same as before, with an enormous oilcloth umbrella stretched open at the end of the street, under which he had arranged a table with a row of dental tools and an array of dozens of extracted teeth. When he had patients, he would sit on the stool, but when he didn't, he would lie back in his rattan recliner. He had already repaired this recliner more than a dozen times, and the different shades of rattan patches made it look like a map of Liu Town. Yanker Yu had watched as the Revolution faded from a surge to a trickle, and now couldn't even tell where the trickle was headed. He knew that the Revolution, like everything else, was old and retired, and he was convinced that it would never return during his lifetime. He felt that those dozen or so good teeth he had extracted by mistake were no longer revolutionary treasures and instead might even become a dozen stains on his career. Therefore, one dark and stormy night, he snuck out of the house and furtively tossed them into the sewer.
Yanker Yu was now more than fifty years old, and upon hearing Baldy Li's plans, he sat up excitedly from his recliner, took the world map Baldy Li was holding, and studied it intently. Then he pronounced, "I, Yanker Yu, despite having already lived out more than half my life, have never yet crossed the county line. Instead of exotic scenery, all I have seen is the insides of peoples mouths. Therefore, I'm counting on you to succeed, and once I become rich along with you, I'll be damned if I continue pulling teeth, or even so much as look into another open mouth. I want to travel to scenic sights around the world and visit all the locations marked on the map with these dots."
"This is truly a soaring ambition!" said Baldy Li, giving Yanker Yu an enthusiastic thumbs-up.
Yu, however, was not finished. Looking disparagingly at the dentistry implements on the table, he announced, "I'm going to throw these all away."
"Don't do that," Baldy Li said. "You should take them with you when you travel to see the scenery at these points on the map. That way, if you get the urge, you can extract a few white people's and black people's teeth while you are there. Having already pulled so many Chinese teeth, once you become rich, you can switch to pulling foreigners’ teeth."
"You have a point," Yanker Yu conceded, eyes sparkling. "I've been pulling teeth for thirty years now, but all of those have belonged to our compatriots. I haven't even had a chance to pull a single Shanghainese tooth, much less a foreign one. I want to pull teeth from people from every point on this map."
"Yes!" Baldy Li shouted in agreement. "While other people aspire to read ten thousand books and walk ten thousand li, you aspire to walk ten thousand li and pull ten thousand teeth."
Next they had to address the question of Yu's brand. Yu was very dissatisfied with the prospect of having brand-name underwear, which was the only kind of clothing left. He cursed Baldy Li to his face: "Fuck you, you gave the pants, shirt, and undershirt away to others, and now you want to give me the underwear. This just shows that you have no respect for me."
"I swear," Baldy Li said passionately, "I have the greatest respect for you. I simply followed this road to your place, and how can I help it if you happen to live at the end of the street? If your shop had been at the head of the street, you would have had your pick."
Yanker Yu wouldn't let Baldy Li off the hook so easily and said, "I have been squatting here at the end of this street for longer than you have been alive. Even when you were a little ragamuffin, you would come by several times a day. But now your wings have grown, so you don't come by anymore. Why didn't you come find me earlier? Your fucking teeth don't hurt, so …"
"You're right about that," Baldy Li admitted. "This is what is known as remembering the well-diggers when you want to drink water, and remembering Yanker Yu when you have a toothache. If my tooth were to hurt, you'd definitely be the first person I'd come see."
After Yanker Yu expressed his dissatisfaction with the underwear, he also complained about the notion of a Yanker Brand, saying that it "sounded bad."
"In that case, how about if we call it Tooth Brand Underwear?" Baldy Li suggested.
"That also sounds bad," Yanker Yu said.
"How about Ivories Brand?" Baldy Li asked.
Yanker Yu considered for a moment and agreed. "Ivories Brand would do. I'll take ten shares for one thousand yuan. If you also give me the undershirt brand to go with it, I'll buy twenty shares."
Baldy Li raised his victory flag. After having spent the morning wagging his jaw, he had succeeded in raising seven thousand yuan in startup capital. He didn't realize, however, that Popsicle Wang had been following him closely all along. Popsicle Wang, who during the Cultural Revolution had announced his intention of inventing a revolutionary popsicle that would never melt, was also now in his fifties. When Baldy Li unfurled his world map at the blacksmith shop, Popsicle Wang happened to be walking by and overheard Baldy Li's extravagant claims. Popsicle Wang was flabbergasted to see Blacksmith Tong hand over four thousand yuan. Wang then continued to tail Baldy Li and observed as Tailor Zhang, Little Scissors Guan, and Yanker Yu together invested another three thousand yuan. Seeing all this, Popsicle Wang became as restless as an ant on a hot frying pan and decided that this was an opportunity he simply couldn't afford to pass up. As Baldy Li was strolling contentedly down the street, Wang grabbed him from behind, held up five fingers, and said, "I'll take five shares."
Baldy Li had never imagined that Popsicle Wang would be able to pull together five hundred yuan. Even he himself, the famous Factory Director Li, could not have come up with five hundred yuan even if he pooled all of his assets. He looked at Popsicle Wang, grinning there in his tattered clothing, and cursed, "Fuck! You private entrepreneurs have all the money, and we cadre
s are left with nothing."
Popsicle Wang nodded and bowed. "Now you are also a private entrepreneur. You will soon be as rich as an oil geyser."
"Not an oil geyser," Baldy Li corrected him. "I'll be as rich as a ten-thousand-ton oil tanker."
"Yes, yes," Popsicle Wang said in a flattering tone. "Therefore, I will follow closely behind you."
Baldy Li looked at Popsicle Wang holding up his five fingers and shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, I don't have any brands left to give you. I gave Yanker Yu the last brand, for the underwear."
"I don't want my own brand." Popsicle Wang waved his five fingers back and forth. "All I want is shares."
"That won't do." Baldy Li shook his head emphatically. "I have always done things in a fair and just manner, and it wouldn't be acceptable if Blacksmith Tong, Tailor Zhang, Scissors Guan, and Yanker Yu all had their own brands and you didn't."
Baldy Li lifted his head, stuck out his chest, and walked away. Already having seven thousand yuan in venture capital, he wasn't interested in Popsicle Wang's additional five hundred yuan. Wang trailed pathetically behind him, still holding up his five fingers as if his hand were a prosthetic. He continued beseeching Baldy Li, suggesting that in his oil tanker there could be some of Popsicle Wang's oil as well. Wang lamented his own troubles, explaining that, selling popsicles, he could earn money only during the summer, and therefore during the remaining three seasons he had to rely on odd jobs. Now that he was getting older, it had become harder for him to find these jobs. When he started speaking about the future, Wang's eyes welled up with tears. His entire life savings amounted to only five hundred yuan, and he wanted to invest it all in Baldy Li's glorious new enterprise, thereby earning himself a comfortable future.
