by Yu Hua
The governor said that he wasn't certain, but that the State determined the salaries of cadres. Baldy Li then asked how much the governor himself made each month, and he replied vaguely that he earned several hundred yuan. Baldy Li laughed, pointed to his ten sweaty part-time workers, and said, "Even they make more than you do." He then added good-naturedly, "Governor, why don't you come work for me? I'll pay you one thousand yuan a month, and if you perform well, I will even give you a bonus."
The governor left absolutely livid, and when he returned to his office, he threw an even bigger tantrum. He called the office manager again and said that he was handing Baldy Li over to him. Regardless of what it might cost, it was essential that he have the mountains of scrap cleared away before the deputy provincial governor arrived. The office manager dejectedly returned to the gate, and when he saw Baldy Li, he cut straight to the chase. "Tell me, what would it take to get you to move?"
When Baldy Li heard this, he knew that his plan had come to fruition. He declared that he would never return to the Good Works Factory. Standing there in his tattered clothes, he said that the salary at the factory wasn't high enough for him, then spiritedly added, "And furthermore, a good horse never grazes in the same spot twice."
Then, just as the office manager was at his wits’ end, Baldy Li changed his tune. He said that his salvage and recycling company was not merely a business; it was a way of promoting socialism and of serving the people, and therefore it needed the support of the State. He said that he had been planning for some time to move these piles of scraps away from the entrance because he didn't want to cause the county leaders and residents to lose face. The only problem was that he didn't have anywhere to move to, and therefore he continued eking out a living here.
Baldy Li said this quite earnestly, and the office manager nodded emphatically. Taking advantage of the situation, Baldy Li suggested that the county's Real Estate Bureau owned several unused shops along the main street, as well as that empty warehouse that he had previously rented for his garment factory. The warehouse was quite out of the way and had a large empty lot in front that would be perfect for laying out his scrap. Those street-front shops, meanwhile, he could use as scrap retail stores and recycling centers. This way, they could make use of shops and a warehouse that were sitting empty while getting rid of the mountains of trash in front of the government building. "This is a solution that would please everyone."
The county office manager nodded and said he would look into it. A little more than an hour later, he and the Real Estate Bureau director returned together and told Baldy Li that the county had agreed to rent him three empty street-front stores at a low price and would permit him to use that empty warehouse for three years. The only condition was that he had to have the five mountains of scrap cleaned up within forty-eight hours.
"Two days?" Baldy Li shook his head. "Two days is too long. As Chairman Mao said, We must seize every minute between dawn and dusk. I will have this cleaned up within a day."
Baldy Li was true to his word. He hired 140 peasants and, combined with his 10 part-time workers and himself, the 151 of them worked twenty-four hours straight, and the five mountains of scrap vanished as if by magic. Not only did they sweep everything clean; they even placed two neat rows of potted lilies where the scrap heaps had been. When the county governor and the party secretary came to work the next morning, they stared in astonishment, thinking that they had come to the wrong place. Even the governor couldn't help but exclaim, "In all fairness, it must be admitted that Baldy Li has his good qualities."
The people of Liu had gotten used to Baldy Li's mountains of scrap. When they suddenly vanished, everyone ran around excitedly with the news, as if a new continent had been discovered. One after another they came to the entranceway of the government building to marvel at the sight and remarked that only now did they notice that the scenery around the entranceway was as beautiful as a painting.
One week later, Li's Salvage and Recycling Company held its grand opening. Two days earlier Blacksmith Tong had called a meeting with Tailor Zhang, Little Scissors Guan, Yanker Yu, and Popsicle Wang, whereupon they had reached two decisions. First, everyone would pool their money and buy a pile of firecrackers; and second, they would invite all their friends and relatives to attend. The day of the opening, about a hundred people came to offer their congratulations, as well as two hundred more spectators who crowded around to ogle at the hour-long fireworks display. The scene was as lively as a temple fair at New Years. A beaming Baldy Li was still dressed in his usual ragged clothes, though for the occasion he sported a giant red corsage pinned to the front of his shirt. He stood on a table and spoke to the well-wishers, stammering and overcome with emotion. "Thank you … thank you … thank you … thank you…"
After he had stammered out a whole string of thank-yous, he finally said relatively fluently, "Even if someone in the family had gotten married, we still wouldn't have had this many guests. Even if we had had a death in the family, we still wouldn't have seen this many people at the funeral…"
The guests erupted in thunderous applause, and Baldy Li, who had just regained his composure, once again was overcome. Wiping his eyes and sniffling, he opened his mouth to speak but found himself completely choked up. He let out a few sniffles before finally being able to speak again. Sobbing, he said, "There's an old song you have all probably heard:
Neither the earth nor heaven is as vast as the kindness of the Party.
Neither mother nor father is as close as Chairman Mao.
A thousand or ten thousand goodnesses cant compare to the goodness of socialism.
And neither the river nor the sea is as deep as class love.
Baldy Li wiped his eyes and said, "I want to change the words to this song, and sing the new version for you." He then began to sing through his tears:
Neither the earth nor heaven is as big as the kindness of the Party and your kindness.
Neither mother nor father is as close as Chairman Mao and all of you
A thousand or ten thousand goodnesses can't compare to the goodness of socialism and all of your goodness.
And neither the river nor the sea is a deep as your class love.
CHAPTER 49
BALDY LI'S scrap business boomed. A year later he obtained a passport with a Japanese visa so that he could travel to Japan to drum up some business. Before leaving, he paid a visit to his five former partners, asking them if they were interested in investing again. Baldy Li was now not lacking in money, but seeing that he was about to become as rich as an oil tanker, he immediately thought of his five former partners and felt that he should give them another opportunity, allowing them to follow him on the road to wealth.
Still in his tattered clothing, Baldy Li went to see Blacksmith Tong. The last time he arrived with his world map; this time he came with his passport in hand. He shouted at a sweat-covered Blacksmith Tong, "I'll bet that you've never seen a passport, have you?"
Blacksmith Tong had certainly heard about passports, but he had never seen one. Wiping both hands on his apron, he took the passport and examined it. He leafed through it enviously and cried out, "What is this foreign paper pasted inside?"
"This is a Japanese visa."
Baldy Li proudly put his passport away, carefully placing it in the pocket of his tattered shirt. He then sat down on the long bench with which he had had sexual relations as a boy, hiked up one leg, and grandiosely discussed his plans for his scrap business. He said that China could no longer satisfy his business needs, but perhaps the world could. He would first go to Japan to make some purchases. Blacksmith Tong asked, "Purchase what?"
"Purchase scrap," Baldy Li said. "I will start an international trade in scrap."
Then Baldy Li asked Blacksmith Tong whether he was interested in investing again. He said that he was now in a much better position than he had been four years earlier. If Blacksmith Tong was interested in investing now, he wouldn't charge him one hundred yuan for a share bu
t one thousand. Even at one thousand yuan a share, Blacksmith Tong would still be getting a good deal. After Baldy Li finished, he threw Blacksmith Tong a nonchalant, take-it-or-leave-it glance.
Blacksmith Tong remembered the painful lesson he had learned the last time he invested, and a feeling of uneasiness welled up as he looked over at Baldy Li, standing there in his tattered clothing. He reasoned: When this little bastard stayed put in Liu Town, he actually managed to get quite a few things done. But once he crosses the town line, who knows what kind of trouble he'll get into? Blacksmith Tong shook his head and said that he wouldn't invest, explaining, "I'm content with what little I have and don't aspire to make a fortune."
Baldy Li laughed as he stood up, and with a magnanimous expression he walked to the door and once again pulled out his passport. Waving it at Blacksmith Tong he said, "I am now an international warrior."
Baldy Li left the blacksmith shop and then proceeded to visit Tailor Zhang and Little Scissors Guan. After hearing his plans to develop an international scrap business, they both hesitated, asking him if Blacksmith Tong had agreed to invest. Baldy Li shook his head, saying that Tong was content with what he had and lacked greater ambitions. Zhang and Guan said that they too were content with what they had and didn't have greater ambitions. Baldy Li looked at them pityingly and nodded as he said to himself, In order to be an international warrior, one must have courage.
As soon as Baldy Li left, Tailor Zhang and Little Scissors Guan rushed into Blacksmith Tongs shop and asked about investing in Baldy Li's new venture. Blacksmith Tong frowned. "All Baldy Li has to do is leave Liu Town and I go into a frenzy. Furthermore, scrap is not exactly an up-and-up kind of business."
"That's right," agreed Tailor Zhang and Scissors Guan, nodding.
Blacksmith Tong spat on the ground and continued: "Four years ago he was asking for one hundred yuan a share, but now it has risen to one thousand yuan a share, and he even has the gall to say that we're getting it cheap. This bastard's prices are rising much too fast."
"That's right." Tailor Zhang and Little Scissors Guan both nodded again.
"Even during the Sino-Japanese War, prices didn't rise this quickly," Blacksmith Tong said angrily. "It's peacetime now, and this bastard is still into war profiteering."
"Yes, that's right," Tailor Zhang and Scissors Guan agreed. "That bastard."
Baldy Li ran into Popsicle Wang in the street, and because of his former partners’ earlier lack of enthusiasm, by the time he offered Wang the possibility of investing in his business, he was really just going through the motions. When Baldy Li concluded his pitch, Popsicle Wang fell into deep thought. He also remembered the painful lesson from last time around. Unlike Blacksmith Tong, Wang didn't stop there but went on to recall how Baldy Li had repaid his loans and how he had managed to make an opportunity where none seemed possible. Then Wang considered his own miserable situation: He had saved up one thousand yuan, but that was certainly not enough for him to retire on. Therefore, he figured he might as well gamble again, and if he lost, at least he had already lived the better part of his life. Baldy Li stood there waiting as Popsicle Wang—silent, his head bowed—seemed lost in thought. Finally Baldy Li lost his patience: "Are you in or out?"
Popsicle Wang looked up and asked, "So for five hundred yuan I would only get half a share?"
"That's a bargain, even at half a share," Baldy Li said.
"I'm in," Popsicle Wang said, gritting his teeth. "I'll put in one thousand yuan."
Baldy Li looked at him with surprise. "I never would have expected that you would be the one with grand aspirations. So it's true when they say that you can't judge a book by its cover."
Finally, Baldy Li went over to Yanker Yu's. Yu was in the midst of a career crisis. The county's Hygiene Bureau had announced that "freelance" doctors like himself now had to take an exam: Those who passed would be given a formal medical license, while those who didn't would be stripped of their right to practice. As Baldy Li walked over, Yanker Yu had a thick Human Anatomy textbook in his lap and was reciting with his eyes closed. However, every time he got through the first half of a sentence, he would find that he had forgotten the second half; and after he opened his eyes to check on the second half of the sentence, he would find that he had already forgotten the first half. Yanker Yu kept opening and closing his eyes, as if he were exercising his eyelids.
Baldy Li plopped himself down on Yanker Yu's rattan recliner. Yu initially thought he had a customer, but when he opened his eyes, he found that it was only Baldy Li. Yanker Yu slammed his Human Anatomy textbook shut and asked angrily, "What is the most immoral thing in the world?"
"What is the most immoral thing in the world?" Baldy Li had no idea.
"The human body is the most immoral thing." Yanker Yu slapped the cover of the Human Anatomy volume. "A healthy human body not only contains many organs but has even more muscles, blood vessels, and nerves. I am no longer young—how can I ever learn them all? Don't you agree that this is immoral?"
Baldy Li nodded his agreement. "It is indeed fucking immoral."
As if a dam had burst open, Yanker Yu let loose a torrent of grievances. He said that in the thirty-odd years he had worked as a freelance dentist, he had extracted countless teeth and everyone loved him, calling him the best tooth-yanker within one hundred li. Now the fucking county Hygiene Bureau wanted everyone to take an exam, and this is where his career would fucking come to its bitter end. Yanker Yu's eyes grew red. He had enjoyed a spotless reputation his entire career, and now it was all going down the drain because this damn Human Anatomy textbook was proving to be his stumbling block. Yanker Yu watched the crowds strolling up and down the street and said heartbro-kenly, "The crowds are just going to stand by as the leading tooth-yanker within one hundred li disappears."
Baldy Li couldn't help laughing. He reached out and patted the back of Yanker Yu's hand, asking if he was willing to invest again. Yanker Yu squinted his eyes, and like the other partners immediately embarked on a series of mental calculations. When he thought of Baldy Li's previous failure, he became panicky, but when he looked at the Human Anatomy textbook in his hands, he became even more panicky. After considering the issue from every conceivable angle, he asked whether his former partners had decided to reinvest or not. Baldy Li responded that Tong, Zhang, and Guan had chosen not to, but that Popsicle Wang would. Yanker Yu was astonished to hear that Popsicle Wang, having lost his investment once, would be willing to try a second time. He mumbled to himself, "Where did Popsicle Wang find the guts to do this?"
"He has soaring ambitions," Baldy Li said approvingly and added, "Just think, he doesn't have anyone he can count on, so naturally he counts on me."
Yanker Yu looked at the Human Anatomy volume he was holding in his hand, and it occurred to him that he didn't have anyone to count on either. He immediately grew bold and held up two fingers, saying, "I also have soaring ambitions. I'll put in two thousand yuan, for two shares."
When he finished, Yanker Yu threw his textbook to the ground and stomped on it. Grasping Baldy Li's hand, he exclaimed passionately, "I will follow you to the ends of the earth, Baldy Li. You have had such success with junk—who knows what you would have been capable of with nonjunk. Perhaps you could even have founded a nation—"
"I'm not at all interested in politics," said Baldy Li, cutting him off.
Yanker Yu, however, was not through. "What about your world map? Are all those dots still there? After you and I strike it rich, we should definitely visit all those sites."
The second time Baldy Li soared away from Liu Town, he again stopped at Mama Sus snack shop before leaving. As he ate his steamed bun he pulled his passport out of his ragged clothes and showed it to her, to expand her horizons. She took the passport with surprise, inspected it, then compared the photo with Baldy Li himself, saying, "The person in the photo looks a lot like you."
"What on earth do you mean, he looks like me?" Baldy Li protested. "That is me."
Mama Su continued to study the passport intently and asked in surprise, "With this you can go abroad to Japan?"
"Of course," Baldy Li said, retrieving his passport from Mama Su. "Your hands are covered with grease."
Embarrassed, Mama Su wiped her hands on her apron while Baldy Li used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe the grease off his passport. Noticing his tattered clothing, she asked, "You're going to wear this to go to Japan?"
"Don't worry, I won't make our nation lose face," Baldy Li said as he patted the dust on his clothing. "When I reach Shanghai, I'll buy a decent outfit."
When Baldy Li had filled his belly and was ready to walk out of Mama Sus shop, he remembered how four years earlier she had almost invested in his earlier venture, and he felt that he should give her a chance as well. Baldy Li briefly told her about the possibility of investing again. Mama Sus heart lurched, and she remembered the loss they had suffered the previous time, and how the reason she didn't lose her investment then was because she happened to have gone to the temple to burn incense. Recently business at her snack shop had been good, and she had been so busy that she hadn't been to the temple for three weeks. She warned herself that without having burned some incense, she shouldn't risk anything. Therefore, she shook her head and said that this time she wouldn't invest. Baldy Li nodded in disappointment for her and turned to leave, setting off valiantly toward the Liu Town bus depot. Thus for a second time he spread his wings and soared away.
CHAPTER 50
BALDY LI spread his wings and soared to Tokyo, Osaka, and Kobe, not skipping over Hokkaido and Okinawa either. He loitered in Japan for more than two months, during which time he amassed 3,567 tons of discarded "junk suits." These so-called junk suits looked brand-new, had impeccable tailoring, and fit just as well as the Italian-made Armani suits Baldy Li would later wear. The Japanese sold these old suits to Baldy Li for next to nothing, and Baldy Li in turn hired a Chinese freighter to ship them back to Shanghai. He wasn't willing to hire a Japanese freighter because, he explained, the Japanese charged far too much. In fact, merely hiring workers on the Japanese docks to load the suits onto the ferry would end up costing more than the 3,567 tons of suits themselves.
