by Anne Mercier
"Whatever. It's just until the season's over," I mutter, then look to Sebastian. "Right?"
"Probably not," he answers. I asked because I knew he'd tell me the truth and now I have it.
I let out a sigh and lean into Sebastian who wraps an arm around my shoulders.
"You've still got us," Lex says, trying to make light of a shitty situation.
"And I'm really grateful for that," I admit. They're my best friends and without them I'd be lonely—way too lonely.
two
Our team won the game, which means the frat party will be out of control tonight. As me, Lex, and Sebastian walk up the sidewalk, I can't help but hope I'll be able to spend some time with Cam.
We barely get through the door when Cam bellows out my name. I feel all happy and giddy about it—but the warm fuzzies fade fast when I see him swaying from side to side.
"Come shelebrate," he slurs.
"Lovely," I say under my breath and head over to Cam. How did he drink so much so fast? I thought for sure he'd have interviews to do. Next time I'll get here earlier.
Cam pulls me into his giant frame, hugging me so tight I can't breathe.
"Have you met everyone?" he asks, then takes a huge gulp of beer before letting out a disgustingly loud—and smelly—burp. Gah.
"I've met everyone that matters," I answer.
He leans down and with his lips right next to my ear he asks, "Wanna go up to my room? I've missed you."
I nod. I've missed him too. So much.
We get to his room and it's messy—so very un-Cam-like, but I don't care. I just want to spend some time with him.
The minute he closes the door, he pounces on me. His mouth smashes down onto mine, his tongue dipping into my mouth. I wasn't expecting him to do that, but I recover quickly, returning the kiss as he backs me toward his bed.
"Mmm," he says against my neck. "You smell so fucking good."
Next thing I know we're laying on the bed, he's on top of me, sucking on my breast through my shirt. Need grows and I get wet and aroused. I lift my hips and rub against him.
We're moving at warp speed and later on I'll let myself think about why we're so desperate, but now? Now I'm going to just go with it.
He groans, thrusting back against me. He keeps dry humping me and if he doesn't stop, I'm going to come. I want to come while we fuck.
"Cam," I breathe. "I want you inside me."
"Baby, I don't want to stop. Feels too good," he growls, so I give in to the sensations and let him rock us both to orgasm. Mine is sharp and short, not at all satisfying, but from the groan and grunts he lets out, it sounds like Cam's is.
He collapses on top of me, breathing heavily.
I'm panting, trying to catch my breath and figure out just what the hell happened, when he lets out a snore.
"Are you kidding me?" I bite out, giving him a shove, but he doesn't move. He snores some more and anger rises to new proportions. I roll to the side and Cam flops off of me. He lets out a snuffle-snore, then goes back to sleep.
The tears come hard and fast and there's no stopping them. When I get this angry, I cry. I can't help it. I'm not just angry—I'm disappointed, hurt, and feel cheap and used…by my boyfriend.
I leave his room, going to the bathroom to pee and splash some water on my face. I stare at myself in the mirror and wonder what is happening with my life. It's messy, chaotic, disorganized—and I'm unhappy.
If this is how football is going to go, I'm going to be unhappy for a long time. I guess it's time to figure out my life without Cam in it.
I get home from what they think is a class and they're both waiting for me.
"Cafeteria or order in?" Alexa asks.
"We just ordered in. Let's rough it," Sebastian responds.
"Cafeteria it is," I agree.
When we get there, it's not very busy—this is good. I'm getting tired of people waving at me just because I'm dating Cam. I'm also exhausted by the questions about his game, his stats, his workout routine. I don't know any of those answers and more than one person has given me a look like I was crazy for not knowing everything about my superstar boyfriend.
Cam and Lex skip the salad bar so they find a table for us while I'm drenching my greens in ranch dressing and croutons. It'll go well with my chicken sandwich.
"Well, if it isn't the Muppet," Alison says behind me and the hairs on my neck stand on end.
Fuck.
I try to pretend I don't hear her, I do, but it only makes it worse.
She grabs my shoulder and spins me around. "Do not ignore me."
I've been caught off guard so I haven't had time to put my walls up. I'm a sitting duck.
"What's up?" I ask, stupidly.
Alison rolls her eyes and Brittany follows suit.
"You haven't broken up with Cameron yet," Alison states.
"Uh, no."
"Do you want me to ruin your life?" she asks but it's not really a question.
"I think breaking up with Cam would ruin my life," I tell her honestly.
She snickers. "Not nearly as bad as I could. I could make your life a living hell."
I sigh and Brittany gasps.
What'd I do?
"Don't ever sigh at me, Muppet," Alison sneers, and then she proceeds to dump her hot tea down the front of my shirt.
"What the fuck!" I screech, pulling the shirt away from my skin but it's too late. My skin is pink and stinging with a burn.
"Oops!" Alison exclaims. "How clumsy of me."
She and Brittany walk away giggling while I stand there dripping and hurting. I grab a bunch of napkins and blot as much wetness from my sweatshirt as I can, then grab my tray and head over to the table where Sebastian and Lex are sitting.
"What happened?" Lex asks, standing up to blot my shirt with her napkins.
"Alison," I reply, resigned and defeated. "Alison's what happened."
"Oh, sweetie, she burned you?" Lex yells.
"Tea."
"Jesus. What the fuck?" Sebastian asks. "That girl needs a talking to and since your boyfriend hasn't handled it, I will."
I sigh again. "It won't do any good."
"It's worth a shot," Lex answers.
"I suppose." My phone rings and I lift it—not Cameron. My disappointment is now flowing at maximum capacity.
"We should've ordered in. I could've gone for some pizza," Alexa announces.
"We can have pizza tomorrow," I placate.
"I could go for some Chinese," Sebastian says looking over at an Asian girl who's eyeing him up like he's a steak and she's a lion.
"Seriously," I say.
"You good?" he asks us.
Lex and I nod.
"Later," he says and walks off to the sure thing over by the Coke machine.
"He gets laid was more than is fair," Alexa professes.
"Right? At least this one wasn't blonde, big boobed, and stupid," I state.
Alexa snorts. "Truth. That's his go-to. I think it's easier for him when he runs into them again and pretends he doesn't know them. Somehow, he convinces them he's not the guy who fucked them twenty different ways and bailed in the middle of the night."
I snort in return.
That sets the theme for the three of us. We mostly order in but every now and again we go to the cafeteria. More often than not, if Alison is there, she dumps her drink on me. One time she got creative and spilled her spaghetti in my lap.
Tonight's pizza night. We've cleared up the mess from dinner and are settling in to watch a movie. I look to Sebastian who looks back at me.
"What?" he asks.
"No chick to bang tonight?" Alexa asks, beating me to it.
"Nah. A movie and my two favorite chicks—there's nothing better than that," he replies smoothly.
"Nice try," I begin. "I'm positive that's not what you said to the blonde last night."
"She scratched an itch. She doesn't even
register on the scale, Livvy," he tells me.
Lex moans. "I am so, so itchy."
I sigh. Cam's been absent—phone calls, texts, and in person. "I could use a really hard scratching."
Sebastian looks at me with lust in his eyes. "I've got some great scratching techniques. Too bad you're boyfriended up."
"Lately I've begun to wonder what I'm doing and why I'm with a guy who calls me his girlfriend but doesn't treat me like one," I say sadly.
Sebastian throws an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. "Don't worry, Livvy. I'll treat you special enough you'll stop noticing he's not here."
I look at him. "You're almost there already."
He smiles sadly. I swear I hear him say I deserve better, but Alexa has Guardians of the Galaxy—again—and I don't want to ask him to repeat what he just said. I'm afraid of the answer and the conversation that it's likely to start.
I smile at him softly. "You're the bestest ever."
He kisses the top of my head and settle in for more Chris Pratt—oh, the hardship.
three
The professor dismisses the class and I breathe out a sigh of relief. It's been a really long day. Thursdays are a full schedule day—which means I'm exhausted and also means my brain is mush from trying to absorb all the information being thrown at me.
I stuff my books into my backpack and head out the door. The weather has gone from pleasantly warm to chilly. My hoodie does very little to block out the wind. I'll need to get a heavier jacket, but for now, I'll just wear my jean jacket over the hoodie. That should stave off the cold for now.
I don't understand how the football team can be out there on the field as long as they are without freezing their asses off—extremely tight asses, I might add. Cam goes out with short sleeves while some of the others put long sleeves beneath their gear. I'm amazed he doesn't have frostbite. You'd think that'd hurt when he gets hit.
"You're daydreaming again, Three," Sebastian teases as he comes up beside me.
"Just thinking about how darn cold it is."
"This is nothing. Wait until it snows and we have below-zero temps and wind chills."
I shiver at the thought. "I'll wait."
He chuckles. "I bet. I'm not sure your southern blood can handle that much cold."
"Oh, I don't know. Some people say I already have ice running through my veins," I snark, giving him a glare.
He sighs. "I never said anything like that, Livvy."
Livvy. He's really the only one who calls me that now. Danny used to call me that. Simon used to call me that. I miss them so much right now. I know we'd likely have gone our separate ways here at college, but at least they'd get to experience life with me.
"You're gone again," he quips again.
"Sorry."
He reaches out and gently circles my arm with his hand and pulls me to a stop.
"What's going on?"
I shrug. "I guess I'm still angry—and sad—that they didn't get to experience this—with or without me."
Sebastian pulls me into an embrace.
"It's a shitty hand they were dealt, that's no lie, Livvy, but my mom always says that everything happens for a reason."
I nod against his leather jacket. Sebastian always smells like soap and some musky, sweet cologne. It's soothing. He's soothing as he runs his hands up and down my back.
I pull back and look at him with those gorgeous brown eyes. He's too hot for his own good. He knows it and sometimes he uses it to his advantage. He never tried that with me and I'm glad for that. I don't want to be just another one of "those" girls. I like the friendship we've got going on—well, now that he apologized for being a dick about me and Cam getting together.
"Thanks. I needed that hug," I tell him with a half smile.
"Anytime, baby. Anytime."
We start walking toward the dorms, his arm still wrapped around me and I'm thankful for the warmth.
"I need to toughen up before winter hits," I mutter.
Sebastian gives my shoulder a squeeze. "You'll be fine."
"I can't rely on you to keep me warm every time I go outside."
He lifts a brow. "I wouldn't mind, but I don't think my grades would be too good if I did."
I nod. "And if you want to play ball, you've got to keep those grades up."
"Yep," he answers.
"When does the season start?"
"We've already started practices and shit, but the season doesn't start until after Christmas break," he tells me while he holds the dorm door open for me.
"At least you'll be able to start with a clean slate. New semester and all."
He nods. "What's on the agenda tonight?"
"Pizza?" I ask.
"Again?" he retorts.
I shrug. "Mexican?"
"We can eat pizza. I was just giving you shit."
"I'm good with anything, really."
We get on the elevator and as it starts to climb, he turns to me.
"How about a compromise?" Sebastian asks.
My eyebrows rise and I tilt my head to the side.
"Taco pizza," he says with a gorgeous smile.
"Oh, that sounds so good. Let's do that."
He leans down, his mouth close to my ear, when the doors begin to open. "I love it when you moan like that."
I can only imagine how red my face is right now.
He chuckles.
"Jerk," I grit out, then shove him to the side. He laughs harder.
"It's so fun teasing you."
"I'm glad you find me amusing," I say drolly as I open the door.
"I find you a whole lot more than amusing."
I bit back my gasp. He shouldn't say things like that to me. I'm with Cam. I pretend to ignore it, but inside it confuses me.
It's just because he's here and Cam's not—he hasn't been around much at all the last three weeks. I ignored what Sebastian told me and deluded myself. I thought the time he spent on the field would be the same as it was preseason, but it's gotten so I barely see him.
I sigh inwardly and try to make the best of it.
"Lex?" I shout, checking to see if she's home.
"Yeah?" she yells back.
"Taco pizza!" Sebastian bellows.
"Yes! Please!" she screeches.
"Breadsticks or garlic cheese bread?" he asks.
"Garlic cheese bread," I moan.
Sebastian's eyes flare with desire and I hold my breath.
"It wasn't on purpose."
He narrows his eyes in response, then pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and orders the pizza.
Thin line. Thin line. Very thin line.
The pizza arriveS and we all start devouring it.
"Wow," Lex says to me. "I don't think I've ever seen you eat like that before."
I shrug a shoulder. "One, it's taco pizza; and two, I'm starving. Today's one of my full load days and I went to the library instead of the cafeteria during my free hour."
"You didn't eat all day?" Sebastian asks with a frown.
"I ate. I had a sandwich, fruit, and juice."
He's still frowning. "Why are you eating in the library?"
I slide my eyes sideways to Lex who's looking at me wide-eyed. She and Cam are the only ones I've told about this so far. Sebastian knows about the one time when he was there but nothing else and I just know he is going to be pissed.
"Why?" he prods.
I sigh, put my pizza down, and take a drink of my soda. "Each time I go to the cafeteria, Alison ends up spilling something on me or trying to trip me—"
"Or making fun of her. Or," Lex says with a snarl, "tormenting her about the accident."
Sebastian's eyes blaze with anger. "What the fuck? Why didn't you tell me?"
I sigh again. "I didn't want to burden you with my issues. It's just a little bullying."
"That doesn't sound like a little bullying."
Lex shakes her hea
d. "It's not. I walked in to the cafeteria one day and saw what happens when Alison gets Liv alone. Let's just say I was super clumsy that day and ended up spilling my tray into her lap."
Sebastian doesn't crack even a hint of a smile. He's still pissed.
"Livvy, I know you don't like asking for help from people—and you really aren't because I'm offering—but you can't go through shit like that alone," he tells me. "I won't let you."
"She ignored you last time you tried, remember?"
"I didn't know that. How could I when you didn’t tell me? You need to tell me, Livvy."
It's not light bullying… it's heavy and humiliating and it hurts so much when she brings up the accident, trying to blame me. I've barely come to peace with the fact that they're all gone now and won't be coming back. I'm not ready to handle something like that.
Tears glisten in my eyes and I meet Sebastian's. I nod and his expression softens. He reaches for my hand and pulls me out of the chair and onto his lap on the sofa. I burrow into his embrace because it really is that bad.
"What does Stone have to say about this?" he asks.
I tense up and he does the same beneath me. I don't say anything, just fist his t-shirt tighter.
"Alexa?" he prods.
"He doesn't say much."
"What do you mean?" he asks.
She shrugs. "My brother is a dumbass. He's too wrapped up in football to listen to how intense this has been for Liv. I mean, I get it. I do. He's always wanted to play pro and the scouts are here, but…"
Sebastian nods. "There are priorities and he needs to pick one. He can't leave Livvy out in the cold alone to deal with his psycho ex girlfriend. That's bullshit. She's targeting Liv because of him."
"Oh, I agree, and I told my fuckwad brother that very same thing," Lex answers.
I just sit in Sebastian's embrace, listening to them talk about mine and Cam's relationship and I'm beginning to realize it's not much of a relationship at all at this point.
"It'll be alright, Livvy," he reassures me.
I look up at him—this pierced and tattooed bad boy who is so kind to me but disposes of women he screws around with so easily. I can't imagine being on the receiving end of that. It'd feel about as bad as this shit with Cam feels right now.
