by Mari Carr
Travis fell to her side, pulling her close. Slowly, she wrapped her arm around his waist. He stiffened for a millisecond before sighing contentedly.
Baby steps. She knew he still had a thousand miles to travel, but tonight he’d taken the first steps. Tomorrow, she’d help him take a few more.
* * * *
As Shea dashed along the path between her parents’ estate and Travis’, she questioned her sanity in coming out on such a night. The music of the ocean had always played in the background of her life, given the close proximity of the cliffs to her home. However, tonight it was beating out a violent tune, crashing loudly against the rocks. A nasty storm was brewing.
She hadn’t considered coming out tonight at all, but as she lay in her bed, trying to sleep, something told her Travis needed her. She didn’t fight the intuition. She’d simply dressed and snuck out.
The thunder boomed again, louder this time. Sneaking into his room through the unlocked window, she was surprised to find the bed empty. Where could he be? Proceeding quietly, she walked down the hallway toward the parlor, where a gleam of light shown from beneath the closed door.
Another crash of thunder caused her to jerk and she tried to shake off her sudden fear. This was madness. It was only Travis behind that door. She had no reason to be afraid. She walked to the parlor, opening the door and entering the room.
Travis sat by the fire. His shoes were off, his shirt loose from his pants and he was holding a glass of brandy. She’d never seen such slovenly disarray on him before, but she recognized the look. He was drunk.
“Travis?”
He turned to look at her. His eyes were haunted, angry, sad. Her heart broke.
He stood slowly, placing the glass on the side table. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“Are you drunk?”
He shook his head, walking toward her. “Not nearly as much as I’d planned to be. You have a way of throwing a wrench into all my schemes.”
Seeking him out had been a mistake. “I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry.”
She turned to leave when the door slammed shut before her. Travis moved more quickly than she would have thought possible.
He leaned closer, whispering in her ear from behind. “I made a vow to you, Shea. I promised not to take your maidenhead.”
His cursed promise. “I know.”
“If you don’t leave this moment, I’m going to break it.”
His words were the answer to a prayer. She’d hoped for this for weeks. Now she was torn. An hour earlier and she would have sworn on a stack of Bibles this was the man she wanted to pledge her life, body and love to. Something told her that wasn’t what this moment was about for him.
Did she stay to help him through whatever darkness had him in its grip, or did she retreat, allow him time to battle his demons under control once more? She honestly didn’t know what was best.
She hesitated too long, her silence interpreted as acquiescence. With rough hands and a sharp spin, Travis pressed her against the door, his body caging her, trapping her. The sweet smell of brandy on his breath wafted through the air.
“Tell me this is what you want.”
She couldn’t lie. She wanted him desperately. Always had. “It is.”
He gripped her hair in his hands, tightening his fingers in the tresses until she winced at the pressure. “Goddamn it, Shea. Please.”
She didn’t understand his plea. Couldn’t tell if he wanted her to leave or stay. Her heart ached at the agony written on his face. She wasn’t sure what had prompted his depression, driving the horrors of war back to him tonight, but she wanted to soothe him, heal him.
She raised her hands to his chest, lightly caressing. He recognized her desire and moved closer, trapping her hands between their connected bodies.
“This changes everything.”
“I know.”
He’d reached the limits of his patience. It seemed honor was a finite thing.
Another flash of lightning, another roar of thunder cut through the silence in the room and Shea saw his armor crack. Travis winced slightly and his hands shook in response.
It was the storm. He was frightened. Whatever demons tormented his soul, she would never let him fight them alone. He was hers and she would protect him.
She cupped his cheek gently. “I’m not leaving you alone to face this. Not now. Not ever.”
If she expected her words to penetrate his sadness, to break through the shields, she’d been wrong. If anything, he grew angrier at her vow.
“You little fool,” he said through gritted teeth. He took a step back, though the action appeared to cause him physical pain. “Get out of here.”
She shook her head. Her decision was made. “No.”
“Get out!” he shouted.
Shea remained.
Whatever restraint had held Travis back shattered. He reached for her, dragging her none-too-gently toward the couch. He ripped off her clothing, tore her dress from neck to hemline and pushed it to the floor.
He was panting as if he’d run a race but Shea didn’t fight him, didn’t resist as he continued to peel her undergarments off. Soon she stood before him naked, his for the taking.
He paused, staring at her, taking in every bare inch of skin. His face was ruthless, closed to her. She didn’t care. All she had to offer was herself, and by all that was holy, that’s what he was going to get. She raised her face to his.
“God,” he said at last. “There’s that beautiful, haughty chin of yours.” His voice sounded less harsh, tinged with disbelief and even humor.
She gave him back the word he’d given her. “Please.”
He pulled his shirt over his head and she let her eyes drink up the beauty of his chiseled, muscular chest. “You’re mine, Shea. Leaving isn’t an option for you anymore. May God have mercy on your soul.”
He shed his breeches then took her hand, kneeling and pulling her to the floor. He pushed her to her back against the soft, plush rug before leaning over her. The storm still raged outside, the wind battering against the side of the house. Shea saw a more violent gale waging inside Travis. He was battling his demons, trying to hold them at bay to shelter her.
She didn’t want that protection. She wanted his untamed, wild soul as much as his gentleness.
“Take me. Make me yours.”
Resistance was evident in his stiff, unmoving body.
She glanced at his erect cock before looking into his eyes and trying once more. “Come inside,” she whispered.
The dam broke. Travis opened her legs, placed the head of his cock at her entrance and pushed. The journey was slow but steady, and not without a measure of pressure and pain. He held her gaze, his eyes never leaving hers as he claimed her once and for all. It was the most beautiful moment of her life.
Once he was seated to the hilt, he held still for only a moment before retreating and beginning the wondrous journey again. Over and over he came into her, until soon his motions became harder, pounding deeper and faster. She wrapped her legs around his waist, reveling in the power, the magic of the act.
Through the lessons, she’d learned his body, knew when he was approaching his release. Like a poker player, her lover had tells. He touched her clit, rubbing the nub firmly, driving her over the brink and into the abyss only seconds before he emptied himself into her.
Shea shivered with delight, certain she’d never experienced anything quite so beautiful. He’d told her he would claim her. She suspected he’d only meant her body, but he’d taken so much more—her heart, her soul. She’d never truly felt this sense of belonging before. Words simply couldn’t describe her happiness.
Travis remained above her, buried deep and still, his gaze burning into hers. While she felt complete, utter bliss, she noticed the same emotion didn’t reside in him.
“Travis?”
He jerked at the sound of his name on her lips. Rising, he stepped away from her and his anger returned. “Fuck.”
>
She winced at the despair in his tone. Sitting up, she reached for the remains of her dress, anxious to cover herself.
His eyes narrowed as he watched her struggle with the tattered material. “Here.” He helped her up then picked up his own shirt and pulled it over her head. “There’s no point to this pretense. You’re ruined. It matters little what we wrap you in now. We’ll have to wed.”
His harsh, angry words ran through her like a knife. Did he consider her ruined? Spoiled goods?
She’d made a grave error in staying. Rather than sensing her love for him, he’d seen their lovemaking as a mistake, perhaps even a scheme on her part to trap him. “No. No one knows about tonight. There’s no reason we have to marry.”
Her words triggered a temper in him she’d never seen. “You will become my wife, Shea. I tried to warn you away, tried to protect you from a lifetime of this, but as always, you failed to listen, to see reason! Now we have no other option but to wed.”
As far as marriage proposals went, Travis had just delivered the world’s worst. She’d never meant to hurt him, to force him into something he didn’t want. She’d genuinely believed he cared for her. She’d obviously been wrong. Dreadfully wrong.
She bent down to retrieve the coat she’d worn, putting it on over her makeshift outfit. Her heart was breaking, shattering into a million pieces. Best she left now before he saw her tears. “I’m sorry, Travis. Truly sorry. I honestly believed my love could help heal your hurts. I see now I was wrong. No one knows I’m here. My reputation and your honor are not at stake. Let’s don’t pretend they are.”
“Shea.” He lifted a hand to stop her, but she shook her head.
“Goodbye, Travis.”
As she left the house, she was suddenly grateful for the storm. The rain meshed with her tears, mingling with her grief while washing it away.
She’d lost him. She lost.
Chapter 9
Travis walked in the front door of Scoundrels after nearly five months away. Jack strode by his side and he was grateful for his friend’s company.
He’d arisen very early the morning after he and Shea had made love, packed a bag and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for her to wake up. Once she did, he explained why he was leaving—attempting that fresh start she’d suggested—and that he didn’t know how long he’d be gone. Then he’d made love to her once more before leaving her the key to his apartment and walking away.
Leaving her had been the hardest thing he’d ever done, but she deserved more than a broken shell of a man. For two decades he’d walked through life with no purpose. Shea had given him a reason to live, to move forward. He couldn’t ask her to wait for him because he didn’t know when or if he’d reach his goal, and he wasn’t about to make any promises about the future when his was so uncertain. Still, those facts hadn’t kept him from hoping she’d be here when he returned. His feelings for her were stronger now than they’d been on the day he left.
Upon returning to L.A., Travis had stopped by Jack’s office with a business proposal. While the ink was still drying on the deal, he’d explained the reason for his absence to his lifelong friend. He wasn’t sure how he’d expected Jack to respond when he heard about the abuse, wasn’t sure if he feared his friend’s pity or revulsion more. Jack offered neither. Instead, he’d remarked that suddenly everything made sense. They’d had a drink, talked for ages, and Travis felt about a hundred pounds lighter than he had when he’d walked into Jack’s office.
Emma spotted him the instant he entered the club and Travis braced himself for her attack. He’d left town without a word to her and Jack warned him she’d cursed Travis’ name nightly since his disappearing act.
She rushed over, punched him on the arm very hard before squeezing him tightly. He returned the embrace, soaking up the warmth of her hug. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again.”
“I’m sorry, Em. I was fucked up when I left here. You didn’t deserve to have so much dumped on you without warning.”
Emma pulled away and looked at him strangely. “You’re different.”
He gave her an annoyed look. “You know, I may have been an asshole in the past but when I was wrong, I always apologized.”
She shook her head. “I don’t mean the apology. You hugged me back.”
He nodded. “Yeah. I guess I did.” He hadn’t even thought of it. Emma was a physical person. It was something he’d adapted to throughout the years. He’d constantly braced himself for her impromptu hugs—generally enduring, but never returning them. “Were things crazy here?”
She shook her head. “Shea gave me the note you left.”
He had penned a short missive explaining practically nothing to his best friend other than the fact he needed a break, and he’d asked Shea to deliver it.
Emma continued, “She took over your duties. Said she’d be staying at your apartment to look after things there, and that she was at my beck and call. She wasn’t lying. I beckoned and I called and she never dropped the ball. Not once.”
Jack had assured him things had run smoothly at the club. Emma’s words gave him hope that the gift he had in his pocket would be appreciated. “So you like Shea?”
“I love Shea. And I love you. And I don’t want you to ever leave again.”
He reached out and pulled Emma toward him for another hug. He felt her stiffen with shock before she returned it. “I’m not going anywhere, but there are going to be some changes around here.”
Emma stepped back. “What do you mean?”
“I’ll let Jack explain. Is Shea here?”
Emma pointed toward the theater. “She’s organizing tonight’s show.” Emma glanced at her watch. “Shit. It’s going to start in a few minutes.”
“Can you spare her?” Travis wasn’t certain he could wait another moment longer to see Shea, to talk to her, to touch her.
Emma smiled and grasped Jack’s hand, pulling her fiancé close enough they could wrap their arms around each other. “I’ll make Black Jack help me. Go get her, tiger.”
Travis walked into the theater and tried to tamp down the nervousness that had been hovering all day. He’d wanted to see Jack, to sort out his future plans before coming to see her. He’d written down goals for his future—his list mimicking Shea’s—and he was well on his way to achieving them. He’d sorted out his job situation. Next on the list was Shea.
Making his way to the stage, Travis spotted her long dark hair. She had her back to him and she was giving instructions to the actors. Typically that task fell to Emma. It was clear things had changed at Scoundrels. With any luck, those changes would continue. The actors laughed at something Shea said.
The actress, Jen, spotted him and waved. “Hey Trav.”
Shea turned quickly, her impassive face giving him no hint of her feelings. Was she glad to see him? Had she moved on with her life as he’d asked her to do the morning he left? Had she started dating someone else?
“Hi Jen. You mind if I steal Shea away for a while?”
The actors shook their heads and went backstage to finish putting on their costumes.
“You’re back.”
He nodded and gestured to his office. “Can I speak to you? In private?”
“I told Emma I would—”
“Emma said she’d cover for you. Jack’s here. He’d going to help.”
Shea didn’t respond. She simply turned and headed for the stairs that led to his office. He followed, trying to ignore the ache in his gut that said he’d put a period on things when he’d taken off for his clean break.
They entered his office in silence. Travis had only just shut the door behind him when Shea came at him. The force of her movements shoved him back against the door. Her arms latched around his neck and her lips devoured his in an instant.
He put his hands on her waist, intent on pushing her away so they could talk. Her mouth opened, her tongue stroking his lips, and he decided, fuck it. There would be plenty of time to talk later.
>
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer, opening his mouth to hers. She tasted like soda and French fries and he was starving for more. He moved across the room with her, neither of them willing to break the union of this amazing, soul-shattering kiss.
He pressed her down on the couch, coming over her. He needed to feel all of her, taste her, touch her—God help him, claim her. He’d missed her so badly. Spent every waking moment wondering if she was okay, if she was happy, if she was safe.
Shea wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer, though he would have thought the feat impossible. They were connected everywhere and still he wanted more.
He released her lips. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Shea gripped his face, dragged his lips back to hers. Their tongues tangled, teased. He moved away, running his lips along the soft skin of her face until he reached her ear. He nipped at the lobe, enjoying Shea’s quiet moan.
“I missed you too,” she whispered. They were the first words she’d uttered since they’d left the stage.
“I hated being away from you.”
She cupped his cheek. “Did you make your fresh start?”
He nodded. “I think I did. At least, I’ve made a crack in the shell. I drove to Vegas the day after I left you.”
Shea laughed. “Jesus. You couldn’t think of somewhere better to go to find yourself?”
“It reminded me of you. I tried to imagine you growing up there. A beautiful flower blooming in the midst of all that concrete, neon and shiny glass.”
“So what did you do in Vegas?”
He winked. “I can’t tell you.”
She punched him lightly on the arm. “Smartass.”
“I found a therapist who specializes in childhood abuse. Took a lot of day trips, did some hiking, drove around seeing the sights. I’ve spent too many years holed up in this damn office. Decided it was time to start looking at the world outside instead of always hiding inside myself.”
“Did you like what you saw?”
