Elizabeth couldn't help but ask, laughing. He nodded very seriously, causing her to laugh even harder, but she replied as seriously.
'It does bother me, yes, of course I knew that children somehow were the result of doing this, I just didn't know how, exactly. Do you have books on that in your library? I need to know.'
Then a terrible realisation.
'Charlotte.....my cousin.'
He nodded again, slowly, this time unable to keep from laughing himself.
'She told me that men are totally different in bed, but I didn't catch on until just now... what did she mean? Didn't he excuse himself afterwards?'
That was it, now she'd done it, her deadly serious face as she said that had him doubled up with laughter, not just a fond smile or a short chuckle, no, a full-blown, stomach-hurting, tear-jerking fit of howling laughter. Darcy couldn't remember ever having lost himself in pure merriment, but it felt fabulous, and dearest, sweetest Elizabeth, the smartest girl in all of England, had given that to him. The very image of Mr Collins jumping poor Charlotte was enough to set him off again, and Elizabeth joined him, she must have seen that exact image before her mind's eye.
'You're priceless,' he managed to bring out, 'I love you so much.'
They hugged and kissed, and as her face turned serious again Darcy feared she really objected to getting with child any time soon, or maybe at all. But she then she told him the real reason.
'My sister, Fitzwilliam, Lydia. I'm pretty sure they make love all the time, and she will find herself with child. How will she ever take care of a child when she cannot even take care of herself?'
His mirth was gone instantly, though the memory remained, and frankly, he was happy that Elizabeth's look didn't concern themselves. Remembering how he found Wickham and Lydia in London, still unmarried, he knew Elizabeth was right, there would be children. He suggested, 'We'll do what your father must have done: hire a really good nurse.'
That instantly calmed her down, of course her mother had been just as flighty in her youth, Mr Bennet must have hired someone to keep the young mother and her child out of trouble. Some things could be solved with money and this was one of them. But Darcy really wanted to know what Elizabeth thought of getting a child of their own. Fortunately she addressed
his question, too.
'Have you thought of us having a baby already? What do you want, Fitzwilliam? Are you looking forward to having children? Will your relatives be pressuring you for an heir?'
That was fair, to have him answer the question first.
'I certainly want children but I can wait at least a year, maybe two. I want to enjoy our time together first, just the two of us. But if it happens earlier I will only mind if you do. And I will be there for you, really. I will not let anyone try to lock you inside the house with stupid superstitions as they did my mother, and I will wait on you hand and foot when you are tired or emotional. Remember, I was nearly twelve when my mother was growing and growing with Georgie, and I only saw her in the holidays. My father was the best man alive, but he may have left my mother alone a little too often during that time. The servants bossed her almost to death and she was very unhappy for being left by herself.'
Those happenings had clearly made an impression on Fitzwilliam, but he nonetheless continued, 'The relatives I have left will only benefit if I never produce an heir. So no rush, but if it happens I will support you.'
Elizabeth nodded and confirmed, 'That is about how I feel, I'd rather wait a year or two, but if it happens and you support me I'll be fine with it. I'm still a bit afraid of your relatives, after what happened with your aunt. They cannot be happy with me and I've always been my father's darling, so I'm not used to being unwanted.'
Darcy replied decidedly, 'No-one wants you as much as I, not even your father. And cousin Fitzwilliam was very clear on the matter of family: he said if he had the fortune he'd have married you, and not given a damn about what his family thought. I now support that statement wholeheartedly. If they don't approve of my choice that is their problem, I fall a little more in love with you every day.'
What he said softened Elizabeth up considerably.
'Did Colonel Fitzwilliam say that? I really did like him, better than I liked you at that time. But I'm glad I didn't marry him, I think the two of us are better suited to each other, and you are so incredibly handsome.'
She kissed him, then snuggled against him.
'I'm so glad you love me so much and express your love so eloquently and so often. It kind of makes up for leaving home, and Jane. We used to talk all night, sometimes.
Suppose I would have had to marry a Mr Collins eventually to secure an establishment, like Charlotte did, and leave Jane for someone I didn't love or even esteem. I couldn't have, I would have become a governess first.'
'You're smart enough to be a governess, but I would hate to see you humbled that way.'
Darcy said that in a light tone, but the very idea of Elizabeth in a subservient position made him quail inside. That must never happen, she was not meant to bow down to anyone. Not even if he died without heir. As soon as they reached Pemberley he would make sure of that, the hundred pounds settled on her by her father would not keep her if something should happen to Darcy before they had a child.
This time it was Elizabeth who almost fell asleep in his arms, and he stroked her hair and kissed her softly to help her find sleep. Tomorrow would be another tiring day on the road, but they would be together, without other people. Darcy knew with certainty that there wasn't a happier man in the whole country than himself, to have won this marvellous woman and have her love him.
And with that thought he watched her sleep by the light of a cold autumn moon. But all too soon he found his eyelids grow heavy too, and he drifted off to sleep in the arms of the woman he loved to distraction.
Chapter 14
The next days of travel were both tiring and exhilarating. So much time to spend together, so much to see and talk about. Of course they got very accomplished at loving on the narrow seats of a carriage, and whenever they stopped for lunch they smoothed over their clothes and played the newly-married couple to perfection, holding hands and nothing more in public.
Travelling with Fitzwilliam was as much fun as with her aunt and uncle Gardiner, he knew so many interesting facts about the counties they drove through, and he was so well-read, there was always something to talk about.
Whenever Elizabeth suffered from the realisation she would never go home again, or when she feared not to be accepted by the staff for being an upstart, Fitzwilliam always noticed, and he held her or talked to her until she either believed him or didn't care anymore since his love would make everything right.
Time flew, and before she knew it Elizabeth was driving through Pemberley Woods once again, in a carriage she chose herself for its simple perfection, the owner of every bit of land and most farms and houses for miles around no longer a rich, vain man she had rejected and wronged, but her beloved husband. It was a weird sensation, this very place was where her feelings for Fitzwilliam changed radically, where she finally realised he had good qualities, was a human being and treated others as such. This was where she would have to find a place among the long-time inhabitants, the staff who hadn't known who was good enough to marry their adored master. Would they give her a chance to fit in?
As they drove up the last hill before they would see the house, Elizabeth was as nervous as the first time but for a totally different reason. Then, she was afraid to meet its owner and be embarrassed. Now, she was its mistress and afraid to find herself unable to live up to that lofty status. Darcy could feel her tension and he took her in a firm hold.
'I will not tell you they're just servants and will think of you as pleases me,
for I know that is not true. Suppose I had brought Miss Bingley here, who treated your aunt and Mrs Annesley as if they were air, let alone the servants, then they would have let her know what they thought of her. But you are very likeable
, and you show an interest in people, you care about them. And I love you, so very much, they will see that immediately, and even if they do not yet know you well enough to love you for you, they will love you for me. My dearest, you didn't even blink at meeting my family and lofty connections, why be nervous now?'
'I was nervous,' Elizabeth answered, 'it just wasn't obvious because of all the flowers and the diamonds and everything. And you weren't sitting against me so you couldn't feel my trepidation. And somehow, rich people who live days away don't matter as much to me as real people I will see every day, who will know everything about me, every tiny detail, when I laugh, when I cry, when we make love, when we argue. They will always be there, and talk about it.'
'I absolutely refuse to argue with you, so no danger there. And when your maid gossips about us, she will swoon in the hope of finding someone who loves her as much as I love her mistress.'
'You will not force me to have a maid, will you?'
Elizabeth was seriously put out by his joking.
'What is it with you girls? Georgie doesn't want one either, says they gossip too much and watch everything she does. I suppose you want me to let go of my valet as well?'
As Elizabeth stared at him, was he serious or was he pulling her leg again?, he laughed merrily.
'Most valets watch and gossip about their charges too, you know. If I want to lie at your feet and lick your toes I don't want the whole house to know about it straight away. And I had really hoped to get you to ride, can't have personal staff see that. Cooks and gardeners and housekeepers don't babble.
Though I actually really like my valet, I'd be very sorry to dismiss him, he'd be hired by another gentleman within the day so no chance to beg him to come back if I were to regret my decision. Besides, Simon has proved time and time again he can keep his silence.'
'Don't dismiss him then, Fitzwilliam,' Elizabeth pleaded, 'I wouldn't want you to lose out on a servant you like for me. I'm certain not all personal servants gossip.'
By now they had reached the house, and Peter the stable boy was waiting to
assist the tired driver with the horses and the carriage. As Darcy handed his beloved out of the carriage, he wondered if he should tell her that the entire staff would be gathered outside the front door of the house to greet her. She might bolt. As soon as they were well and truly out, the carriage was led away, the luggage would be taken into the house later.
Walking around the stables to the front door they were both assailed by memories of the last time they were here together. Darcy felt Elizabeth reaching for his hand, this affected her nearly as much as it did him, of course it was her first time here since that moment of recognition, as she turned around to look back at the house and saw him. Since then, Darcy had walked this path dozens of times, and each time the memory of his first view of Elizabeth since that horrible scene at the parsonage had moved him strongly. Taking a firm hold of her hand, for both their comfort, he could see everyone gathered already, there had to be a good score people, men and women of all ages. The cook and his helpers, Mrs Reynolds and the household maids and cleaning help, the gardeners and even the stable staff, excepting Peter and Bob, the driver, of course. As the master and his wife came closer, they all formed a formal line, ready for the introductions. His steward, Nathan, was there, too, so good of him to take the time.
Though Elizabeth did squeeze Darcy's hand when she saw the people gathered to meet them, she did not show any sign of anxiety, and greeted his staff as politely and pleasantly as she had his family and friends at the wedding. She wanted to know everyone's first name, and what their duties were, which took a long time, but did mean she would be done with the introductions after this. Darcy could see her make a favourable first impression, how could it be different? His Elizabeth was just perfect.
After nearly an hour everyone returned to their duties, only Mrs Reynolds and the steward were left, and since a light drizzle had started to fall they walked into the house, where Mrs Reynolds said, 'Welcome to Pemberley, Mrs Darcy, I'm certain you will love seeing the parts of the house that are admissible only to the family. We'll have plenty of time to talk later, you must be tired with the journey, and spending so much time on the staff will be very much appreciated. Would you prefer to have coffee or tea and a snack first, or would you rather freshen up a little and wait for dinner?'
Darcy left it up to Elizabeth, she was the mistress of the house now and she had talked of duties, so he'd better let her take charge straight away.
'Thank you so much Mrs Reynolds, I think I would prefer to freshen up first, we had a good lunch on the road, unless you're very hungry Fitzwilliam?'
Good, she made firm decisions, Mrs Reynolds would like that.
'I'm good, as long as I may feast my eyes on you. Let me introduce you to Mr Nathan Brewer quickly, and then I'll show you our private quarters.'
Elizabeth seemed to take to Nathan straight away, he was a very likeable man, a bit over thirty and very well-mannered. Handsome too, fortunately he was married and had two lovely children. Nathan soon said, 'I will not detain you any longer. It will be my pleasure, Mrs Darcy, to tell you all about the estate so you have an idea of what is going on here. But not these two weeks, for this will be your honeymoon and your husband requested there would be no talk of business. I bid you a good day, you too, Darcy.'
'One moment, please, Nathan,' Darcy suddenly remembered, 'I need to see you for half an hour, will tomorrow just after lunch suit you? It's not business, it's personal,' he told Elizabeth.
She didn't seem to mind and Nathan agreed, and with that, Darcy took his wife's arm and led her up the grand stairs to his private quarters, very comfortable and hopefully decorated to her taste. They might be a bit masculine in their décor, but that could always be adapted.
'Do you want to use the washstand, or do you want a bath? We have one that will fit us both, but it takes a while to fill.'
'I'll settle for a quick wash, love,' she replied, 'if we bathe I'm sure we'll get all distracted again and I want to explore while it is still light outside. Let's keep the bath for tonight, and be distracted as much as we like.'
Elizabeth looked around the room with approval, the bed was large, made of oak stained in a dark colour, but not massive, it had a certain elegance despite being of solid wood. There was a large wardrobe of the same wood, a simple design but again, quite elegant. The bedding was a pristine white and looked very luxurious, very comfortable. Better move on quickly, or they'd be in that bed in seconds, distracted again. The curtains were heavy velvet in a beautiful dark blue, matching the colour of one wall. There were no ornaments, just a few books and a candle, and of course a pitcher and basin on their own stand. A very large mirror adorned an otherwise empty wall, was Fitzwilliam vain after all? Why else would he have such a large mirror?
'Don't look at me like that, my love.'
He had read her thoughts, he must have.
'I like to look nice, you know that by now, employing a valet, suffering heatstroke and chills to wear the latest fashion in coats. But I'm not that vain, I had that brought here for you, Mrs Reynolds said ladies like to have a really large mirror, and she knew where to find one in the chambers that belonged to my grandmother. I think it fits the room admirably, don't you?'
It was a beautiful mirror, it must have cost a fortune once, and strangely enough it was not at all outdated in style.
'It is beautiful, and it fits the room so well, I indeed thought it was yours, and wondered if you were vain. Thank you for being so thoughtful, Fitzwilliam, I really appreciate it.'
And she kissed him on the mouth, but softly, anything could set one of them off right now and then they'd never get to the park today. But was it really that important to start exploring today? Couldn't they just spend time on each other whenever it suited them and explore tomorrow? There would be plenty of opportunity. Fitzwilliam, however, was showing admirable control, he accepted the kiss as it was offered, and just held her for a few
minutes, though rather tightly. When she looked up at him, he caught her eye with the intensity of his gaze.
'I'm nearly overcome with feeling, Elizabeth,' he breathed, his voice rough,
'here you are, in my bedroom, married to me, I had totally given up on that ever happening. I spent a whole month at Pemberley, alone, I couldn't face anyone with my grief, this room has seen me in the depths of despair. Mrs Reynolds started to worry that I was sick, I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't hunt. Everyone was so nice to me, but still I felt miserable. And now you're here with me, in this very room, I'm so happy I may burst.'
Such love in one human being, and all of it for her. It was almost too much for Elizabeth, he had told her he had been lovesick, but not how bad it had been. A whole month by himself, agonizing over her? She had never been nice to him, had always tried to get the better of him, how could she ever have deserved such absolute devotion? Did she deserve it now? She was just a twenty-year-old woman with little experience of the world and plenty of shortcomings. It was gratifying to be sure, to be able to make someone so incredibly happy just by loving him and being with him. But wasn't it tempting fate, wasn't it hubris, to have one's mind set so much on a fallible fellow human? Would he not be certain to be disappointed as he found more
and more signs of imperfection in the woman he worshipped? No, he knew whom he fell in love with, he knew her defects and he seemed to love her for them as much as for her talents. Something like pride bubbled up in Elizabeth's mind, to have the love of such a man, so universally admired and respected, all to herself. It couldn't but please her, and make her eager to return it, it was so easy to love Fitzwilliam, he was such an admirable man, and so handsome and yes, very sweet and loving as well.
'A penny for your thoughts, love?'
The way he looked at her now was enough to make her heart skip a beat, such intense love, such devotion. But she did promise him to always say what was on her mind, and she would.
'Will I be able to live up to your image of me? I'm afraid you love me too much and will be disappointed. I'm not some kind of goddess, I'm just a big girl with a few very irritating character flaws.'
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