She relied on her father during those difficult days. He didn’t know all that Saskia had been through, but he knew she needed him. He called and texted a dozen times a day.
Just checking in. How’s it going? Let’s plan to eat dinner together at 6 at the diner.
Saskia realized she’d spent so much time griping about her mother, she hadn’t given her father his due. He was a tremendous parent.
As she got deeper into her senior year, he got serious about studying for the MCAT. No more Gilmore Girls or cigarettes. Now whenever Saskia saw her father, he was taking practice exams or reviewing biology, physics, and biochemistry. Sometimes they studied together in the kitchen, sitting on either end of the table in silence.
On the morning of the test, Saskia made her father breakfast: eggs, toast, sliced tomatoes, and a big glass of lemonade.
“The taste and scent of lemons are supposed to improve mental acuity,” she told him. “I read that in the news somewhere.”
“Not sure that’s science, but I’ll take it,” he replied, chugging down the glass.
To his immense surprise, her father scored well—in the ninetieth percentile. Now he had ammunition to get into medical school. A top medical school, even. Preferably Yale, so they wouldn’t have to move again. He had never expected such a positive outcome.
But there was a hitch.
“I don’t know how we’ll pay for it,” he said, scratching his head.
“We’ll find a way,” Saskia replied, meaning it.
As for Lila, Saskia still saw her every day. She still counted her as her best friend. Lila had been accepted for the Yale position, and now Saskia was starting to job-search, too. Only this time, she was serious about it. After all, she’d promised to help out her father, and she had to start saving for her own college tuition.
She would have preferred never to think about Paige and Sara Beth again. But she did. Every day. They hadn’t gotten hurt in the fire—she’d read that in the news. The flames had spread to the Sampras house, but it had suffered only cosmetic damage. The firefighters had done their job quickly. Saskia admitted to being disappointed. If the house had burned down, then maybe the Sampras family would have moved out of Coventon. Maybe Saskia would never run into the sisters again.
Knowing they were still in town, Saskia and Lila at first went to great lengths to avoid them. They didn’t go within a mile of the sisters’ neighborhood and steered clear of their hangouts. Even so, Saskia imagined what she’d say and do when she met the sisters again—which was bound to happen eventually.
It was a huge relief when she didn’t see Paige on the first day of school. Turned out she’d decided at the last minute to transfer to Sara Beth’s school in Hartford.
“She told Josh there was nothing left to do at Coventon High,” Benjamin said. “Whatever the hell that means.”
Saskia knew exactly what it meant. The sisters were bored. They wanted adventure. Fresh meat. New blood.
“They’re still together, you know. Josh and Paige,” Benjamin said. “I would’ve thought they’d have broken up, with Paige at a different school, but I guess they’re trying to make it work.”
“What about you and Adrienne? Do you think you’ll try to make it work?”
“I don’t know. Honestly? All I want is for her to get better.”
Saskia nodded, thinking that she and the other members of the Mercury Boys Club had been wrong to dismiss boys like Benjamin so easily. He was an upstanding person, moral and principled. In fact, he could have taught some of the Mercury Boys a thing or two.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Saskia’s first semester as a senior lacked summer’s excitement. In fact, it was downright boring at times, but that was just fine with her. She pushed herself and took multiple AP courses. She joined the yearbook committee. She even started Coventon High’s very first film society. So far there were only a few members, Lila included, but Saskia was pretty sure more would join when she screened the first movie, her favorite Bette Davis flick: Deception. It was only appropriate.
She should have felt like her life was getting back on track. But after such a tumultuous summer, she was still on edge. There was always a feeling at the back of her mind that another bombshell was about to drop.
Then one morning, only a few seconds after she awoke, her father handed her his cell phone. “It’s your mother. And this time she’s got you.”
Saskia sighed, too tired to put up her defenses. “Fine,” she grumbled.
“Be nice.”
“I’m always nice.”
“Sure you are.”
She put the phone to her ear and shooed him away. “Hi, Mom,” she said.
“Thank god! I thought we’d never speak again!” Her mother’s joke was laced with accusation.
“I’m here,” Saskia replied dryly.
“It’s been a long time—a very long time. My mother used to have a rule: she and I had to speak at least once a week, and that’s when I was here, and she was in Ghana. You and I live in the same country. Don’t you think we could do better?”
Saskia braced herself. Whenever her mother invoked Saskia’s dead grandmother, the conversation usually went south.
“So how have you been?” her mother asked. “The whole summer’s passed, and I barely know anything that happened. Did you meet any nice kids? Did you have a job? What’s that town of yours like?”
Here they were again—the machine-gun questions. Bang, bang, bang! By now Saskia should have been used to them, but they always seemed to pelt her in the gut.
“Your father told me you have a friend named Lila,” her mother continued. “Tell me about her. I’d love to learn about your new life.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Well, anything, frankly.”
“Everything’s fine,” Saskia said. “Everything’s normal.” The lies rolled out with surprising ease. Maybe she’d learned it from the sisters. She realized it was simpler to deceive her mother when she didn’t have to look at her face. Her mother’s searching brown eyes could root out just about anything. Thank god they were two time zones away.
“Saskia, a few details, please. I haven’t spoken to you in an eternity. I don’t even know what you mean when you say things are ‘normal.’”
“I mean that they’re good, Mom. I have this friend, Lila, like you said, and we hang out. School started, so I’m super busy. In fact, I should probably go, or I’ll miss the bus.”
“I think you can spare a couple more minutes for your mother.”
“Well, if you want me to be late . . .”
“What books have you read? Have you tried that SAT prep app I texted you about? And how is your father? Is he handling things?”
Saskia took a breath and decided to adopt her mother’s tactics. It was the only way she’d survive this conversation. “Mom, what about you? How’s work? Any interesting new clients? How did that big DUI case go—the one with the politician? Did you win it?”
“Oh, we lost that one. He’s going to jail. It was disappointing; we put in hundreds of hours.”
“But he was a jerk, wasn’t he?”
“Most of them are, dear.”
There came a silence. Saskia searched her mind for a question, any question, but couldn’t find one fast enough.
“Saskia, there is some news I want to share with you. I wish I could tell you in person, but I don’t want to wait any longer.”
“What is it?” A sense of dread spread through Saskia’s body. She’d barely come to terms with her mother’s last news: Ralph.
“After a lot of consideration, I’ve decided to have another baby.”
Saskia just about keeled over. She felt like her mother had walloped her. “Is that even, like, possible?”
“Of course it’s possible.”
“Aren’t you
a little old?”
Her mother laughed uncomfortably. “I feel young. Besides, with technology nowadays, it doesn’t matter how old you are.”
“Um, it kind of does, Mom.”
“Saskia, it’s not like I’m a hundred!” Her mother was clearly surprised by Saskia’s lack of enthusiasm. “I’m not going into this lightly, believe me. I know there are risks. But it’s something I’m ready for.” The finality of her tone made Saskia blanch.
“If that’s what you want . . .”
“It is. And honestly, Saskia, I thought you’d be more supportive. You used to want a little brother or sister, remember?”
“That was a long time ago.”
“It wasn’t that long ago.”
“Well, things are different now. Really different.”
“You sound so—so jaded. No sixteen-year-old should sound like that. Are you trying to move forward like we talked about?”
“I am trying. I’ve been trying. It’s been hard, Mom.”
“I know.”
Do you?
“There’s another reason for my call. It’s not just the baby I wanted to discuss.”
Seriously . . . there’s more?
“What I want you to know is, I want you back,” her mother said. “Saskia, I want you to come and live with me.”
Saskia tried to swallow, but there was no saliva left in her mouth. “I like being here with Dad.”
“I understand that, but . . . well . . . the thing is, I need you.”
Saskia wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Could this be it? The moment she’d been waiting for? Was her mother finally making her secret, innermost dream come true?
Saskia waited, praying her mother would give the speech that Saskia herself had scripted.
“I miss you. I’m so sorry. I realize now that you’re my everything. I know I messed up, but it’s not too late. Let’s be together—you and I and your father. Let’s be a family again. I promise I’ll be a better person. And I’ll get rid of Ralph. Can you forgive me?”
“I don’t know, Mom,” Saskia replied uneasily, waiting for the speech to come.
“Will you at least think about it?”
“I . . . I guess I can.”
“Because when Ralph and I have the baby, we’ll need help with childcare. I’ll take a couple of weeks off, like I did with you. But then I have to go back to work full-time. I’d hate to hire a nanny. They’re so expensive, and you can’t trust them. Not a hundred percent, like family. I was thinking you could help out. Then you could spend a lot of time with your new sibling and really bond. Wouldn’t that be nice?”
But after that first sentence, the rest of her mother’s words sounded like static. Saskia’s heart sank. Was that really all she was to her mother? A prospective babysitter?
“We’d use daycare while you’re in school, of course,” her mother continued. “But then you could watch the baby from three o’clock until Ralph and I get home—around six. He’s working a temp job now, Ralph. Sometimes he gets home later than I do! But it’s good for him—he’s taking on more responsibility. Showing more initiative. I wouldn’t be surprised if they hire him full-time.”
Her mother paused. She was waiting for an answer. But the only thing Saskia could do was fight against a deluge of anguish and anger.
“Saskia?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Her mother sighed. Lawyers weren’t fond of noncompliance. They liked clear, crisp answers: yes or no. “Ralph and I need to start planning.”
“That has nothing to do with me.”
“Saskia, have you heard anything I’ve said? I’m asking you to help me. I’m asking you to come back to Arizona and be a part of this family.”
“I already have a family. Dad.”
“No, what you have with your father is an experiment. And I don’t think it’s going to end well.”
Saskia shook her head, too riled up to respond.
Her mother read her silence. Correctly, for once. “Maybe you need to think this over,” she soft-pedaled her suggestion. “Why don’t we check in with each other in a couple days? I think by then you’ll see the benefits.”
Saskia let these words go in one ear and out the other. After hearing “experiment,” she knew her mother had nothing worthwhile to say.
“Saskia, are you listening to me?”
“I don’t want to talk in a couple days,” she replied.
“Fine. A week.”
“Not in a week, either.”
“I hate to say it, but you’re being selfish. You need to think about other people besides yourself.”
Now that’s the pot calling the kettle black.
Saskia clenched her father’s phone so hard she wondered if it would crack. “I’ll call you when I’m ready.”
“Do you have any idea when that will be?”
“No clue. And if I were you,” Saskia said, “I wouldn’t hold my breath.”
At that, she hung up the phone and tossed it aside. She felt as jittery as if she’d drunk a gallon of Coke. Moments later, she got up and went into the kitchen. Her fingers shook as she drank a glass of water.
Her father walked in but, seeing the look on her face, put up his hands. “Bad?” he asked.
“Awful.”
“Want to talk about it?”
She shook her head, set the glass down, and went to the closet where the washer and dryer were stacked. She found one of her father’s many clean white T-shirts inside the dryer, then returned to her room. She hadn’t “made” any clothes for a long time, but she suddenly felt the desire. No, the need. Her emotions were causing such havoc inside her body she had to find some way to release them.
With a box of markers, she wrote word after word across the white cotton.
Defector.
Vigilante.
Subversion.
Mutiny.
Renegade.
Revolutionary.
Today, the day that she’d finally stood up to her mother, she couldn’t wear her usual drab clothes. She needed a change. A new uniform for a new life.
Soon her white T-shirt was a helter-skelter hodgepodge of words. Different sizes, different colors, running in different directions. But they all delivered the same message.
When she ran out of space, she put on the shirt and stared at herself in the mirror. The last time she’d worn something brightly colored was the night she’d met Josh at the party. She’d been self-conscious, timid, and insecure then. Easy prey.
Not anymore.
“Benny, can I go to band rehearsal with you sometime?” Saskia asked him one day on the phone.
“You mean, at Josh’s?”
“Yeah.”
“Sure, I guess. Didn’t know you were into our band.”
“I just want to stop by,” she said.
“Yeah, fine. That works.”
When she asked Benny for directions, she didn’t have any butterflies in her stomach. She was different now: a girl on mission. Lila volunteered to drive her, but warned her to be careful. “Don’t regress and get a crush on Josh again.”
“Are you kidding me? Give me some credit. Besides, this isn’t even about Josh.”
“I think I know what you’re gonna do,” Lila said. “And I probably should tell you not to. But hell . . . good luck.”
When Saskia arrived, Josh’s garage was open, and the boys were warming up. At least, she thought they were warming up. She hoped that whatever grating noise coming out of their instruments wasn’t supposed to be music.
Benjamin put down his drumsticks and gave her a wave.
Josh flicked his hair out of his face, adjusted his guitar strap, and eyed her in surprise. “Hey! Saskia Brown, good to see you.”
“I came to audition.”
“Really?”
“Nah.” She smiled shyly.
“Yeah, well, welcome anyway. The other guy, Frankie, should be here soon. You’re welcome to stay and listen to us rehearse.”
“Actually, I kinda wanted to talk to you about something.”
His hair had fallen over his face again, so Saskia couldn’t be sure if he was nervous or not. Interestingly, she felt perfectly at ease.
“Here?” he asked.
“It’s private.”
Josh nodded and said he was taking a five-minute break. Then he and Saskia walked around back to a fenced garden. Fall blooms, asters and black-eyed Susans, drooped in the cool air. Muck and wet orange leaves clung to the soles of Saskia’s shoes.
“So what’s up?” he asked.
“You probably know that Paige and I were pretty good friends this summer,” she said, letting the statement dangle.
“Yeah, she mentioned that. But she also said you guys had a falling-out.”
“Did she say why?”
He shrugged. “Not really.”
“It was ’cause of a boy.”
She watched Josh kick a clod of dirt with his sneaker. “It wasn’t me, was it?”
“Um, don’t take this the wrong way, but definitely not.”
Even with hair in his face, Saskia could see his cheeks flush. “Yeah, that’s cool. I get it.”
“This guy, he’s not someone you know. He’s older—in college. And he lives in England.”
“How’d you guys meet him?”
“Well, his poetry is very . . . memorable. It’s been compared to Thoreau’s. I think he and Paige connected over that.”
“Over poetry? Huh. So, what, they found each other on social media or something?”
“They met in person.”
Mercury Boys Page 34
