“Mike warned you.”
“He did.” She hesitated a moment and then added, “But I like him. We all like him. Maybe Mike’s wrong. People can change.” She stared hard at Evie. “And he does like Lorena. Don’t you dare tell her that he doesn’t.”
“But he’ll go away.” Evie must have seen how that thought hurt Kate, because her voice softened. “And it’s not even his fault. Mike says nobody loved him growing up and so he didn’t learn about how to love anybody else.”
“He loves Mike. At least he did.”
“That’s just it. When things get hard, he can stop loving. Do you think Mike would ever do that? Stop loving because things got hard?”
“No.” Kate knew Mike. She knew he was faithful and believed in living right. A good man. She couldn’t say the same about Jay. She wanted him to be a good man, but she didn’t even know if he believed in God. He’d only shown up at church that one Sunday. She couldn’t argue any of that with Evie. Instead she let out a long sigh and stared down at the floor so Evie couldn’t see the tears that wanted to jump up into her eyes. She never cried. Never. And here she was, wanting to weep because Evie might be telling the truth about Jay Tanner.
“Aww, honey, I’m sorry.” Evie wrapped her arms around her.
Evie being nice to her was too much. The tears spilled over. She wanted to run out of the room, out the front door, and across the field. If she was going to make a fool of herself weeping like some girl with no backbone like Alice Wilcher or even Evie who could cry over a broken fingernail, then she wanted to be alone where no one could see her.
“Shh, Kate. It’ll be all right.” Evie rubbed her hands up and down her back. “We’ll make it all right.”
“How?” Kate choked out the word.
“I don’t know, but we’ll think of something.” Evie pulled back from Kate and peeked at her face. “We always do. You always do.”
Evie was right. She did always think of something. Kate grabbed up her skirt tail and almost angrily wiped the tears off her cheeks. Evie didn’t make things all right. Kate was the one who did that. She was the responsible sister who made sure everybody was all right.
But it was Evie who spoke first. “I’ll talk to Mike. Maybe you’re right. Love can change a man and it’s easy enough to see that you’re in love. I guess the question is whether he’s in love. Did he tell you he was?”
“We’ve only been alone together once. Lorena is usually with us.”
“Protection, huh?”
Evie did know her too well. “It seemed sensible, but then we went coon hunting with Graham.”
“Graham? He’s the one who got Jay to stay in the first place, isn’t he?”
“He likes Jay.”
“I know. You told me. Everybody likes Jay.” Evie laughed. “That crazy old Graham. Can you believe that? Him matchmaking for you.”
“I guess he figured I might never have the nerve to leave Rosey Corner to go find a fellow on my own.”
“So he found one for you. Could be he should have talked to Mike first.”
“Could be he thought if Jay was Mike’s friend, he didn’t need to.”
“Maybe so,” Evie agreed easily. “Where is Jay now? How come he’s never here when we are?”
“Mike.” There wasn’t any reason not to be honest with her answer.
“I’ll take care of Mike.” Evie tapped her finger against her lips. “Thanksgiving is next week, isn’t it?”
“Right.” Kate looked at her a little warily, not sure she wanted to know what she might be plotting. “President Roosevelt set it for the third Thursday again this year.”
“Heaven knows why he keeps wanting to change that around.” Evie shook her head. “What was wrong with the last Thursday in the month?”
“I don’t know. Somebody said it was so there’d be more shopping days before Christmas.” Kate shrugged. “But what difference does it make which Thursday as long as our family is together?”
“Family and friends.” Evie’s face lit up. “That’s it. That’s our answer. Mama always asks half Rosey Corner to come eat with us on Thanksgiving. It’ll seem natural as anything for Jay to show up too, and he and Mike can make up.”
She said it like the two men could fight and make up the way she and Kate had always done. But then Evie had a way of wanting to believe there was an easy answer to every problem. Either that or she sank into despair of there being no answer at all. Maybe this answer could be an easy one.
Evie turned and peered into the mirror to fluff up her hair before she looked back at Kate with a smile clear across her face. “I can’t believe it. My little sister is finally in love!”
“Tori’s been in love with Sammy forever,” Kate said.
“That’s not the little sister I’m talking about and you know it.” Evie poked Kate with her finger. “It’s you I’m talking about. You who always pretended not to want to be in love. And now look at you. Head over heels in love.”
“In something anyway,” Kate admitted. She didn’t know when she had ever felt so unsettled and unsure of what to do next.
“If not in love, in what?” Evie raised her eyebrows at Kate. “Trouble? You haven’t been that carried away, surely.”
“Honestly, Evie, I’m not stupid.”
When Kate frowned at what she was suggesting, Evie laughed. “You wouldn’t be the first girl to be in trouble because she thought she was in love.”
“I’m not in trouble,” Kate said distinctly. But the surer she tried to sound, the more she doubted. Not in trouble the way Evie meant. But perhaps in trouble nevertheless. It would have been a lot safer if she could have fallen in love with Carl instead of someone she knew so little about. Someone who might break her heart.
She followed Evie out of the bedroom toward where the family was gathering in the kitchen. When had she become such a coward? Afraid of finding love? Maybe that was why she’d played at loving Mike so long. Safe, unattainable Mike. And dated Carl, a man she knew she’d never marry. Maybe she was afraid of what love might ask of her.
20
We’ve done got up enough wood for the winter and the fences are in good shape. Not much left to do till spring.” Mr. Franklin looked sorry to be saying the words to Jay as he handed him his pay the day before Thanksgiving.
“That’s all right, sir. I didn’t expect the job to last through the winter.”
“The wife, she said to tell you about our spare room if you need a place to sleep till you find another job. You could help with the feeding and such for your keep. She’s taken a liking to you, I guess.” The old farmer looked down at the ground and then slid his eyes back up to Jay’s face. “And you did get rid of that goldarned pup for me.”
“That’s nice of the two of you, but I’ve got a place with a friend right now. Although I have to admit the thought of Mrs. Franklin’s cooking is tempting.” Jay smiled as he pocketed the money.
Jay couldn’t tell if Mr. Franklin looked disappointed or relieved. The man never let much expression slip out on his face, but his lips did turn up a bit as he said, “Always something on our table. The wife wouldn’t mind you showing up for a meal now and again. And come planting season, I could use some more help if you’re in the neighborhood.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Jay shook the man’s hand and waved at Mrs. Franklin, who was watching from the porch.
When he started to turn away, she scurried down the steps to stop him. She thrust a package into his hands. “Here’s some of those cookies you like.” Then she looked a little uncertain as she pulled a slip of paper out of her apron pocket. “And here’s our address. You write us if you leave Rosey Corner so we’ll know how you’re doing.”
“Now, Maddie, don’t be bothering the boy to write you letters,” Mr. Franklin said.
“You stay out of this, Alfred.” She glared at Mr. Franklin with more defiance than Jay had ever seen out of her. “Everybody likes getting letters. The way things is going, it could be he’ll g
et drafted and then he’ll need somebody writing him.” Her eyes came back to Jay. “Everybody needs a friend or two in this world.”
“That’s for sure.” Jay tucked the address in his pocket, held up the cookies, and added, “Especially friends with cookies. The best kind, Mrs. Franklin.”
His words brought a pleased smile to the little woman’s face, and she surprised both of them by tiptoeing up to kiss his cheek. “You come back to see us now, you hear,” she said, slipping her hand up to brush away a stray tear.
He looked in the rearview mirror at them as he drove down their lane. They were still standing watching him when he pulled onto the road, and he leaned out the window to wave one last time. Nice people. He felt kind of sad pressing on the gas and leaving them behind.
He didn’t know what was the matter with him. Getting attached to people right and left when he’d always valued his ability to act friendly without letting anybody close to him. But now here in Rosey Corner he was collecting friends like a boy stuffing his pocket with pretty rocks. He’d done that as a kid. Stuck rocks in his pockets and carried them home. His mother had never minded. She’d exclaimed over his treasures when he’d shared them with her.
But once at his aunt’s, everything changed. When she found his stash of rocks hidden away under his bed, she made him throw them all in the creek back behind the house. Even the round, smooth gray one with a ribbon of sparkle through it that was his mother’s favorite. He’d gone back to the creek and found that one to hide in a hollow tree, but one day when he went by the tree to touch it, the rock was gone. Lost. The same as everything he’d ever cared about. All lost.
It was better to not have things. Better to not want to hold onto things. Things or people. People couldn’t be depended on. They died. Or worse, they stopped caring. They told him to go away. Even Mike. To save Kate. From him.
Kate. How could simply thinking a girl’s name make those bleak memories of things lost in the past vanish? Instead Kate was there in his mind. Dancing in the moonlight. Her lips touching his. Her fingers in his hair. A smile curled up inside him at the thought. He’d seen her since then. On Monday and Tuesday, but they hadn’t been alone. She’d made sure the kid sister was in the middle of them again, but it wasn’t the same as before. She wasn’t really holding him away. It was more like she needed time to get used to the feeling of wanting him to kiss her. And she did.
He had an intuition for that, for knowing when a girl wanted his kisses. Sometimes he’d obliged the girl. More times he hadn’t. No sense inviting unnecessary difficulties into his life. That was what girls generally turned out to be. But with Kate, he didn’t care about the difficulties. He just wanted her in his arms again.
He couldn’t deny it worried him if he let himself think about it. The way he felt. He didn’t let people get to him. They could hate him. They could love him. They could ridicule or praise him. It had always been the same to Jay. He plain didn’t care, because caring made him weak. He couldn’t be weak. He’d figured that out while he was living with his aunt and uncle. Wanting somebody to love him was a giant step toward weakness.
He held everybody at arm’s length. Even Mike, who was the nearest thing to a friend Jay had. There were times he’d wanted to do more than peek over the wall at Mike, times when he wanted to let down his guard, but he hadn’t. And a good thing, since Mike had looked him straight in the eye and told him to go away. What kind of friend was that? Perhaps one who knew him too well.
Jay thought that’s what he should do. Go away before he did something stupid like tell Kate he loved her or ask her to elope again. Moonlight and kisses could make a man lose his head. Especially when kissing a girl like Kate in that moonlight.
A girl could maybe lose her head too. Kate surely had when she’d the same as asked him to kiss her. Most every other time they’d been together, she’d seemed as uneasy with the whole idea of love as he was. And she’d known nothing but love in Rosey Corner. She didn’t have the vaguest idea about how it would feel to be thrown away as a child the way Birdie had been. The way he had been. She thought she did, but nobody could know that unless it happened to them.
Birdie was young. She still had some fairy-tale notion that her parents would someday come back for her. At least he’d never had to flirt with that idea and be disappointed year after year. He knew he was on his own from the day his father had sent him away. But could be if an angel had shown up to love him and take care of him, everything might have been different. Maybe then he wouldn’t be afraid to trust this feeling that kept expanding inside him instead of waiting warily for it to burst.
They had asked him to their Thanksgiving dinner. Not only Birdie and Kate, but Mrs. Merritt had made a special point of asking him. Graham was going. And that old black woman who doctored his eye after the hayseed socked him. Maybe even Graham’s odd sister. The one who kept appearing out of the shadows. The one who’d been the reason for his dance with Kate in the moonlight. He owed her for that.
The problem was, Mike and his bride would be there too. Jay’s hands tightened on the steering wheel as he drove past the first houses in Rosey Corner. He hadn’t told Kate and Birdie he was coming, but he had let them think he was. Now though, he was thinking he should have headed for Edgeville instead of Rosey Corner when he pulled out of the Franklins’ lane. Still, it was only right to let them know he couldn’t come.
When he passed the blacksmith shop, a light was on in the upstairs room. Graham would be reading while he ate beans out of a can or maybe he’d have his ear glued to the radio to hear the war news or what was happening with the coal strike. He’d have an unopened can of beans set out for Jay too and maybe a can of peaches. Jay thought about stopping to run the cookies Mrs. Franklin had given him up to Graham, but he didn’t take his foot off the gas.
He drove on past the Merritts’ store, all buttoned up for the night. But he didn’t drive past the Merritts’ yard. He’d been heading toward here ever since he’d gotten up that morning. Every thought, every breath had directed him to this place. Like he couldn’t wait to get there. He thought this must be what it felt like to go home. To belong someplace. He didn’t have the right to the feeling. It wasn’t his home. But it was Kate’s.
The pup started barking inside the house, and he’d barely stopped the car when Trouble and Birdie came flying across the yard.
“You’re late. We thought you weren’t going to stop by.” The kid stepped up on his running board before he could unlatch the door. The pup was jumping up beside her, his toenails scratching against the car.
“I missed the story, didn’t I?” Jay was surprised at the disappointment rising up inside him at that. He mashed it down. He wasn’t a kid like Birdie who needed a bedtime story.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. Daddy waited awhile, but we really did want to find out what happened next.”
“Guess you’ll just have to tell me what crazy things happened to old Phileas Fogg this time. You or Kate.” He looked past Birdie toward the porch. Kate was leaning against the post at the top of the steps, watching them the way she did every time he drove into the yard. “If she comes out here to talk to me.”
“You’re not coming in?”
“Better not. I worked late at the farm, cleaning out the barn. Haven’t had time to wash up, so I’m thinking you’d all be happier if I keep my stinky self in the car.”
Birdie stuck her head partway through the open window and took a big breath. “Phew, you’re right. You smell like the cow stall out in the barn.”
“A good honest odor,” Jay said. “But one I thought I wouldn’t ever be washing off me again. Take it from me, Birdie. Never say never.”
“Isn’t he getting out?” Kate called from the porch.
“He says he’s too stinky,” Birdie called back to her.
Kate laughed and came down the steps to stand in front of the porch. Jay didn’t know whether to wish her closer or not. If she caught a good whiff of him, she might never want to hug him a
gain. He should have stopped at Graham’s and washed up at the pump out behind the blacksmith shop.
“Well, tell him that Mama says we’re eating at one o’clock tomorrow.”
Birdie turned toward Jay again. “One o’clock. I can’t wait. Mama’s been making pies ever since she got home from the store. It smells heavenly in the kitchen.”
“That’s why I stopped by, to say not to look for me tomorrow.”
Birdie’s face fell. “You have to come. Mama made a brown sugar pie just for you.”
“Maybe you can save me a piece and I’ll come by later.” He felt like a heel making the kid unhappy, but he’d feel like a bigger heel sitting across from Mike. He started to pat Birdie’s hand on the window, but she jerked away before he could touch her.
“That’s not the same.” She hopped off the running board and glared at him with her fists on her hips. The pup’s ears drooped as he hunkered down at her feet. “This is Thanksgiving. Everybody has to come eat together. All the family. Or you don’t get any pie.”
“I’m not family, Birdie,” he said softly. He opened the car door and leaned out toward her. He didn’t want to hurt her with his words, but he couldn’t let her fantasize something that wasn’t true. He wasn’t family. He didn’t have any family.
“But don’t you want to be?” Her bottom lip was trembling.
“Wanting something and it being true are two different things,” Jay said.
“If you want it enough, it can happen. You’ve got to believe, Tanner.” Now there was no doubt she was on the verge of tears.
He slipped out of the car and stooped down on the ground in front of her. He didn’t touch her, but instead stroked the pup. When he peeked up at her, he caught sight of Kate heading across the yard toward them. “I’m glad you believe it, Birdie. Now don’t be mad at me. I’ll make it up to you. Maybe we can go to the movies Saturday.”
“I don’t want to go to the movies.” She stomped her foot. “I want you to come tomorrow. I want you to be part of my Thanksgiving family.”
Small Town Girl Page 19
