“Oh, I will, Jay, but I can’t go home. I can’t. Please. My grandmother’s house isn’t too far the other side of Rosey Corner. Please.” She was sounding like a little girl again.
What difference did a few more miles make? As long as he got her out of his car. It wasn’t like he’d never done anything dumb when he was her age. “Okay, tell me where.”
He looked over at Kate’s house as he drove by. The lights were on. It wasn’t too late yet. He even thought he spotted a face peering out the window, maybe watching for him. He’d have to drop Alice off and go back to Graham’s and clean up. He didn’t want to show up smelling like Harry’s beer. Or Alice’s perfume.
He turned his lights off and coasted to a stop at the driveway Alice pointed out.
“Ohh, I’m sick.” Alice dropped her head over and fumbled for the door handle.
“Don’t you dare throw up!”
Jay jumped out and ran around the car to yank the door open. She was retching as she tumbled out against him. He tried to step out of the way, but he couldn’t completely turn loose of her. Not without letting her fall on the ground. So he held onto her as her vomit hit his legs. Could the night get any worse?
After she heaved until there was nothing left to come up, he gave her his handkerchief. She was shaking all over as she leaned against the fender of his car and wiped off her mouth. She held the handkerchief back out toward him.
“Keep it,” he told her. “You might need it again.”
“I’m not going to throw up more, am I?” she almost wailed.
“Maybe.” He turned her around and pointed her toward the house. He couldn’t keep from feeling sorry for her. “You’ll feel better after you get inside and warm up.”
She went a few steps before she turned around. “Thank you, Jay.”
“Just go.” He watched her until she disappeared through the front door. He’d never been so relieved to see a door open and close in his life.
He picked up a handful of leaves and tried to wipe off his pants leg. He smelled like a bar at closing time. Nothing he could do about that. He threw the leaves down and got back in his car, trying to keep the offensive pants from touching the seat.
He wasn’t going to make it to Kate’s house. He’d go by the store in the morning and explain what happened. If her mother was there, he’d get Kate to take a walk with him. If it wasn’t too cold. If a hundred things. But before the day was over tomorrow, he would tell her he loved her. He would.
He slowed as he got close to her house. The lights were still on. But he couldn’t stop. He imagined Kate sitting on the couch reading or maybe listening to her father read. And if not for Alice, he could have been sitting there beside her.
The dog ran out in front of him. Trouble. Jay slammed on his brakes and jerked the car to the left. Too late he saw Birdie running after the dog.
“No,” he yelled as he slammed the brake pedal all the way to the floor. The car stopped, but not soon enough. A sickening thump turned his blood to ice.
He was out of the car in a second. Birdie was lying in the pool of his lights, not moving. The dog was licking her face and whining, but Birdie wasn’t moving.
“Oh dear God.” The prayer rose from his deepest soul as he knelt down beside her and picked up her hand to feel for a pulse. She wasn’t dead. Praise the Lord. Blood was beating through her veins, steady and strong. But she still wasn’t moving.
Then Kate was running across the yard toward the road, screaming, “Lorena!”
“She’s alive,” Jay said as Kate dropped down beside Birdie. He wanted to put his arms around her and comfort her, but it wasn’t the time to be thinking about Kate. He had to take care of Birdie. He carefully ran his hands down the little girl’s arms and legs. Nothing seemed to be broken.
“Lorena, baby,” Kate was saying softly as she brushed the hair back from the kid’s face. “Talk to me.”
“She must have hit her head,” Jay said matter-of-factly. It would do no good for him to go to pieces and start ranting against whoever was in charge of the universe. “But I don’t think she broke any bones.”
Kate looked at him then. “What happened?” Her words were cold.
“I swerved to miss Trouble. Birdie must have been chasing him, but I didn’t see her beside the road until it was too late.”
Kate didn’t say anything, just kept staring at him for a long moment. He couldn’t read her expression in the glare of the headlights, but when he reached across Birdie to touch her hand, she jerked away from him.
The others were coming across the yard now. And still Birdie didn’t move. Again he had to tell what happened. Not that his words mattered much. All that mattered was the kid opening her eyes and looking at them. But that didn’t happen.
Mr. Merritt picked her up and cradled her against him as gently as possible. Before he started toward the house, he told Jay, “Go get Aunt Hattie.”
He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to be there when Birdie came around to tell her how sorry he was, but he did what Kate’s father said. Got in his car, started it up, and shifted it in gear. He left the motor running at Aunt Hattie’s house and was banging on the door when Fern spoke behind him.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
Jay drew in a shaky breath to try to get his heart to slow down. Hadn’t enough already happened without this woman scaring him out of his skin? “Birdie’s hurt. Her father asked me to get Aunt Hattie.”
“Did you hurt her?”
Inside the house a light came on and spilled out the front window onto Fern. Her face was fierce and her hands were in fists. Jay looked straight at her. “I was swerving to miss her dog and didn’t see her running after him until it was too late. I didn’t want to hurt her.”
She raised her fists, and for a second, he thought she was going to hit him. He braced for the blow, but then her face changed. She looked as sad as he felt. “Is she going to die?”
“No,” he said. He couldn’t bear to think any other answer. “No.”
Aunt Hattie jerked open the door. “Who’s not going to die?”
“Lorena Birdsong,” Fern said.
Aunt Hattie peered up at Fern. “I ain’t never heard you say her full name before, Fern.”
“I’m saying it for her since she can’t. She’s hurt. He hurt her with his car.”
“Get my cane and my shoes.” Aunt Hattie tied her housecoat around her. Then she stared up at Jay. “Have you been following after the devil and wallowing in his drink? Is that what brung all this on?”
“No, ma’am.”
“You’s smellin’ like as how you did.”
Fern dropped Aunt Hattie’s shoes down in front of her and held her steady while she stuck her feet in them.
“It’s a long story, Aunt Hattie, but there’s no time for telling it. Not now.”
“You’s right ’bout that.” She took her cane in one hand and grabbed his arm with the other. “Time’s wasting.”
Fern wouldn’t get in the car. Instead she stepped up on the running board. Aunt Hattie rolled down her window so she had a way of hanging on. Jay had to drive slow, but it wasn’t far. He pulled right up to the porch. Aunt Hattie was out of the car before the motor died. Jay followed her and Fern up the steps.
Kate opened the door. She let Aunt Hattie and Fern move past her into the room where Birdie was on the couch, but she stepped in front of Jay. “We don’t need you here now,” she said.
Her words stabbed through him, but even worse was the look on her face. Cold anger. “I tried to stop, Kate. I didn’t see her in time.”
She shut her eyes and rubbed her forehead as though wanting to block out his words before she said, “You might have been able to stop if you weren’t drunk.” Kate stepped back and started to shut the door, but Jay put his hand out to hold it open.
“I’m not drunk,” he said.
27
If only she could believe him, but Kate had never been one to hide from the truth. It did no good to
pretend something wasn’t true that was as plain as the nose on her face. Lorena was on the couch behind them, perhaps fighting for her life. Because of him. Because he was drunk. Then for him to deny that truth made it even worse. She knew drunk. Hadn’t she helped her father stagger into the house and land on the couch countless times years ago before he’d given up drinking? She knew.
“You can’t lie to me.” She looked straight at him, then glanced over her shoulder at Aunt Hattie bending over Lorena. Kate’s mother and father were right beside her. Fern was standing stock still at the end of the couch. Tori was carrying a pan of water in from the kitchen. Nobody was paying the first bit of attention to Kate, but she still stepped out on the porch and pulled the door shut behind her. She didn’t want either of her parents to hear her next words.
The harsh light of the bare bulb over the door spilled down on them. Jay didn’t back up, so she was very close to him. She took shallow breaths to keep from smelling the alcohol and vomit on him. It made her sick. “I know drunk when I smell it.”
Anger flashed across his face then, as his jaw tightened. “I’m not drunk,” he repeated, his voice almost as cold as hers.
“Just go away.” She started to turn away from him to go back inside.
He grabbed her arm and stopped her. “You don’t even want to give me a chance to explain.”
She tried to pull free, but he wouldn’t let go. “I don’t need to hear any more lies. I should have listened to Mike. He warned me.”
He recoiled from her words as though she’d struck him, and for a moment she was almost sorry. Almost ready to hear him out, but then the drunk vomit smell rose up to her nose again. And something else. Perfume.
“Let me go,” she said through clenched teeth.
He turned her loose, but took hold of the doorknob so she couldn’t escape. “You may not want to hear the truth, but you’re going to.”
She backed up against the door and stood stiff. She wasn’t going to listen to any of his excuses. She’d heard plenty of those from her father, but at least he’d had reason to give in to the call of the whiskey sirens. He’d been trying to drown his terrible memories of the war. Jay hadn’t even gone to war yet. But he would. Soon.
Again she felt another poke to give in and listen to him. Maybe just the thought of war had pushed him to drink. Maybe she should try to understand. But then Mike’s words were echoing in her head. Saying Jay didn’t know how to love. Words she should have listened to, and then her heart wouldn’t be breaking the way it was now. She kept her eyes on the top button of his shirt.
He let go of the doorknob and stepped back a little. “Look at me.” It wasn’t a demand, but a request. “Please.”
She could open the door and leave him standing there. She didn’t have to listen. She didn’t have to look at him, but she raised her eyes up to meet his anyway. Even if he had been drunk, he looked totally sober now. Not a thing like her father used to look when he came in from drinking. He’d always bounced between so happy he was ready to sing or so sad he was crying.
When Jay hesitated, she felt the pull of the door. She needed to be inside with Lorena, not out here listening to lies. Her nose had already told her the truth. “Say what you want to say. Whatever it is.” Her voice sounded harsh even to her own ears.
He reached toward her face as though he wanted more than anything to touch her, but he didn’t. His hand hovered there in the air for a few seconds before he dropped it back to his side. “I love you, Kate Merritt.”
Yesterday her heart would have leaped up inside her with joy to hear those words. She would have been ready to whisper the same back to him. But now everything was different. She couldn’t think.
He must have seen the doubt in her eyes. “You don’t believe me.”
“I don’t know what to believe,” she whispered.
“Not what. Who.” His eyes burned into hers. “Believe me.”
She reached for the doorknob. “Lorena needs me.”
“So do I,” he said softly. “But without trust, the music stops.”
“Yes. Yes, it does.” She couldn’t argue with that. She turned the doorknob and pushed open the door. “Goodbye, Jay.”
He looked grim in the rush of light coming out the door. And very sad. “When Birdie comes around, tell her I’m sorry. That I’m very, very sorry.”
“You can tell her yourself,” Kate said.
“No, you’ll have to tell her for me.” His voice was flat, without feeling.
He turned and went down the steps to his car. She didn’t watch to see if he looked back before she shut the door.
Across the room, Aunt Hattie was perched on the edge of a straight chair pulled up close to the couch, probing through Lorena’s thick curls. Lorena moaned and her eyes flickered open.
“Just lay easy, child,” Aunt Hattie said. “Whilst I see how big this goose egg is on the back of your head.”
But Lorena was trying to sit up and look around. “Kate?”
Aunt Hattie pushed her back down on the couch. “We’s all here. Your mama and daddy. Your sisters too. Even that troublesome dog is crouched here on the floor waiting for a chance to lick your face.”
Kate knelt beside the couch and stroked Lorena’s cheek as she blinked back tears and blocked from her mind the sound of Jay’s car driving away. She wanted him gone. She’d told him to leave. There was no reason for her to feel like weeping. Lorena was awake.
“What happened? Why do you all look like you’re about to cry?” Lorena stared up at her family around her. Her eyes stopped on Fern. “You’re not gonna cry, are you, Fern?”
Fern leaned toward Lorena. “Tears don’t change nothing.”
“What happened?” Lorena asked again as she tried to sit up, then sank back on the couch with a groan. “My head hurts.”
“That Jay bird man’s car hit you,” Fern said when nobody else spoke up. “He says you were chasing the dog.”
“I was run over?” Lorena’s eyes got big. “Am I going to die?”
“You’re not going to die, baby. You’re going to be just fine.” Kate gave her a shaky smile. “Bruised up a little, but fine.”
“That’s right, little one. You’ll be good as new in a few days,” Daddy said as Mama reached over the back of the couch to lay her hand softly on Lorena’s head. “You can trust us on that.”
Trust. The word echoed in Kate’s ears, but she couldn’t think about that now. She had to think about Lorena, not the fact that she’d turned her back on Jay. It was the right thing to do. The only thing. She could never trust a drunk. Love him maybe. Not maybe. She did love him, but a lasting love was more than a flash of feelings in the moonlight. She wanted the kind of love her mother and father had that had carried them through the rough spots and let them lean on one another now. With hard-earned trust.
“Where is he?” Lorena was trying to raise her head up to look around again. “Didn’t Tanner know he ran over me?”
“’Course he did, child.” Aunt Hattie eased Lorena back down on the pillow. “He came and fetched me down here to look you over. To see if you needed more doctoring.”
“But where did he go?” Now Lorena looked ready to cry.
Kate could feel the rest of them waiting for her to answer. To explain what couldn’t be explained. She hesitated and Fern spoke up again.
“Ask her,” she told Lorena with a nod of her head toward Kate. “She’s the one who shut the door.”
Kate wanted to tell Fern to be quiet. That she didn’t know anything. But that wasn’t true. Fern knew more than most people. Sometimes she knew too much. Like this time.
“He had to leave, baby,” Kate said. “But he told me to tell you that he was sorry. That he was very, very sorry. He wouldn’t have hurt you for anything in the world.” She added those last words for him, but she knew they were true.
“Well, of course not,” Lorena said as though Kate’s words were unnecessary. “He loves me.”
I love you, Kat
e Merritt. Kate shook away the echo of his words as Lorena went on. “It had to be an accident. I shouldn’t have been running after Trouble. That’s what you said happened, wasn’t it, Fern?”
“He missed the dog. Hit you,” Fern said in her short, clipped way. “Better to hit the dog.”
“Amen to that,” Kate’s father said.
“I’m glad he didn’t hit Trouble.” Lorena reached toward the dog, and he laid his muzzle up on the couch beside her and whimpered.
“Whatever happened, happened,” Mama said in her no-nonsense voice. “We can’t go back and undo that. We just need to make sure you’re all right and don’t need to go to the hospital.”
“That’s right. We’s needing to find out if all your toes and fingers is moving and no necessary parts has fallen off. So let me feel your bones.” Aunt Hattie’s smile set off an explosion of wrinkles, but then the smile vanished to be replaced by her doctoring face as she ran her hands down Lorena’s sides. “Ribs all accounted for, but paining you some from the way you’s grimacing. It ain’t lookin’ like any of them is broke or nothing. Bruised maybe.”
Kate watched as she kept gently probing Lorena. Aunt Hattie knew how every inch of a person should feel, after so many years of helping babies be born and using her healing skills when no doctors were nearby. “And could be there’s a little knot on the collarbone.”
“Should I go get Uncle Wyatt’s car to take her to the hospital?” Kate moved to stand up.
“I don’t want to go to the hospital,” Lorena wailed. “They give you shots there.”
“A big girl like you ain’t fearin’ no shots, but I’m thinking there ain’t no need in a hospital trip. You came out pretty lucky for being hit by an automobile.” When Aunt Hattie shifted to feel Lorena’s legs, Trouble put his nose right in her face. She glanced over at Tori. “Victoria, get that dog back out of my way.”
“Come on, Trouble.” Tori grabbed the dog by the scruff of his neck and pulled him back, his toenails dragging against the rug. He let out a mournful howl as she shoved him in the kitchen and shut the door.
“You need to change that dog’s name,” Aunt Hattie muttered. “Trouble. That ain’t no kind of a name for nothing. Even a dog. And appears to me, he’s workin’ too hard to live up to it. I seen it happen many a time. Bad names can ruin a body.”
Small Town Girl Page 26
