by Paty Jager
Her soft lips opened to speak, and his randy body jerked to attention.
“I am not—” She licked her lips, her gaze dropped to below his face.
“You’re not what?” he asked it softly, willing her to look at him.
“I am not what you think.” Her eyes dimmed and her body slipped from his hands.
“What do I think?” He didn’t like the distance in her voice, her attitude, or the space she forced between them. Wade drew her back into his arms. The wholeness she built in him when he held her couldn’t be wrong.
“You believe me to be a Nimiipuu maiden.”
“No, you said you were a Nimiipuu, I believed you were a child captive.”
She pushed against his chest. The strength in her small arms surprised him. She shoved away and stood, her arms wrapped around her small frame.
He stood.
“You do not know me. I am not a captive. I am Nimiipuu. I will always be Nimiipuu.” Her fist pounded on her chest. “My heart belongs to my people. If I give it to anyone or thing other than The People I will no longer exist. I am here to serve only the Nimiipuu. Not my own desires.”
Wade stretched his hands toward her, but she remained out of reach. He rubbed a hand over his mustache, watching her. Why would someone so young carry such a strong conviction for her people? And ignore her own happiness?
“One of the great things about people is we have the capacity to love more than one thing at a time.”
Her head slowly lifted, her chin pointed his direction, and the flames in her eyes shifted his feet backward.
“The Creator put me upon this earth to watch the Lake Nimiipuu. I have spent many seasons watching the people and helping them prosper. Now your people wish to kill the reason I exist. I cannot allow this. And I cannot allow my emotions for you to get in the way. I will not put my greed before my people. I will not be like my father.” Smoke engulfed her body and she vanished.
Wade stared at the empty spot. What the hell? He rubbed his eyes and walked to the spot, waving his arms. The growing darkness had to have played tricks with his vision. What had she done to make the smoke? He searched behind him. The only way out. How did she get past him without him seeing her? His logical mind worked to sort out what he’d witnessed. Somewhere in his heart, an ache began and whispered Sa-qan had disappeared from his life. And damn if that didn’t hurt like hell.
****
Sa-qan perched on a rock above the enclosure where she had shared wonderful moments with Wade. Pain grew in her chest, knowing she must keep her distance.
Wade stalked around and around inside the enclosure before slowly trudging back across the dark expanse between the ridge and the soldier camp.
His reaction when she shifted to smoke surprised her. He had stood there watching as if he expected her to walk through the smoke and into his arms. Did he believe in his love for her so thoroughly nothing would shake him? The thought warmed her. Then her good sense slapped her. There could never be anything between them. He was mortal and she a spirit.
Her mind wandered to the kisses they shared and his hands caressing her body into a raging storm. Her body craved his with such intensity she now understood her brothers’ motivations for taking mortals as wives. But did she crave the closeness of mating with Wade because they belonged together? Could her maiden body only wish for this because it had been denied for so long?
She had not been around other mortal males in her woman form. Would she react the same to any man?
The speeding rhythm of her heart when her gaze landed on Wade nearing the soldier camp gave her doubts any other man would cause her body to yearn for them. Her heart beat for one, yet it could never be.
Sadness drove her to the air and through the night sky toward the Nimiipuu camp. She wished to be with her brother and sister this night. Loneliness had never bothered her before, but tonight, she did not wish to be alone. Her biggest problem…though she flew toward her family, centered on Wade, the man in the soldiers’ camp she wished to keep company.
Sa-qan found Wewukiye and Dove standing guard on the ridge above the Nimiipuu camp. All remained quiet as the moon started slipping toward the earth.
“Are you not feeling well, sister?” Wewukiye peered into her eyes.
Did her sadness and loss of Wade show? “I am only worried for our people. The soldiers continue to push and the people are growing tired.”
“It is true.” Dove nodded, her large eyes filled with sadness. “I listened to the women as they made camp. Many fear they will lose children to the cold and lack of food. The pace the leaders set each day is hard for the old and the young.”
“It is necessary to keep them from the soldiers’ bullets.” Wewukiye stomped his hoof.
“But they will die from other things if the pace continues.” Dove’s dark brown eyes stared at Sa-qan. “You must talk to your soldier. He must be urged to stop the killing.”
Sa-qan’s heart squeezed. She did not want to talk with Wade again. She feared his questions about her changing to smoke, and she feared her ability to not seek the security of his arms and heat of his kisses. “He is not my soldier. I will not see him anymore.”
Wewukiye stretched his neck and studied her. “Did he harm you?”
“No. It is my decision.” She tried to continue the gaze with her brother but could not hold the exchange.
“What has he done that you no longer wish to see him?” Dove stepped next to her.
“Nothing that requires your concern. I still believe helping him was best for the Nimiipuu, but I should not have allowed our time together to have lingered.” Her chest still ached, standing firm on her decision, yet grieving her loss.
“You are in love with him.” Dove’s eyes twinkled. She nudged Sa-qan’s body with her muzzle.
“No!”
Wewukiye raised an eyebrow and stared closer. “I think my sister is fooling only herself and not doing a very good job.”
“I am not in love. I cannot be. My heart is for my people and no one else” Sa-qan’s heart raced. Panic squeezed her throat. To love Wade would put her people in peril.
“Love for your soldier will not steal what you hold in your heart for our people.” Dove nudged Sa-qan with her muzzle. “You have been alone too long. It is not good for even a spirit to be so alone.”
Sa-qan peered into her sister’s sympathetic eyes. She was lonely. And Wade had filled the hollow spaces in her heart created from her loneliness. But love? She shook her head. The only love she remembered other than the joy the Nimiipuu brought to her was at the hands of her family. The heat and yearnings Wade ignited in her body were nothing like the emotions she held for her family.
“It must be the same for him. Being alone too long. He…he asked me to marry him when this is over.” She stared into the eyes of her family. “He does not know I am a spirit. He still believes I am a captive and not Nimiipuu because of my hair and eyes. I-I shifted to smoke in front of him tonight to…I don’t know why except he said he wanted to marry me. Be with me. It could never be. I wanted to shock him, have him see me with disfavor. Only he watched without surprise or fear.”
“Did you tell him you were a spirit?” Dove watched Wewukiye with adoring eyes. “I was not scared when Wewukiye told me he was a spirit. It only answered my many questions.”
“No. I changed to smoke and left him standing alone.”
“That is good. He will ask questions you can answer when you meet again.” Wewukiye nodded, his massive antlers bobbed.
Sa-qan stared open-beaked at her brother. “Why are you suddenly wanting me to tell him the truth? You told me showing myself to the soldier was a bad idea.”
“The Nimiipuu need someone in the soldiers to speak for them. You have opened this so·yá·po’s heart to you. He will help your people to make you happy.” Wewukiye held her gaze. “Love is strong between two hearts. Differences do not matter if the emotion is pure.”
Flames of desire licked through her body
, remembering Wade’s kisses and caresses. Was that love? “How do I know this is love and not my maiden body reacting?”
Dove leveled her eyes with Sa-qan’s. “From your first encounter your eyes have sparkled each time you speak of him. Now your body wants to be his. Forever.”
“But I cannot. How can I give my heart and body to this man and still hold the Nimiipuu strong in my heart? They have held my heart for season upon season. I cannot allow my obsession for this man to come between my duty.”
“Your love for him will only strengthen your duty to the Nimiipuu.” Dove winked. “You will see.”
Sa-qan flew up into a tree. If her brother and sister spoke the truth, she must find Wade and tell him the truth also. If he still wished to be with her after the Nimiipuu found freedom—her chest filled with hope—they would find a way.
****
Wade woke the next morning wishing he could climb on a horse and ride away from this campaign and straight into Sa-qan’s arms. He dreamed of farming and raising a family. All the children gathered around him had blonde hair and golden eyes. He woke in the middle of the night aching with need, having dreamt he and Sa-qan were making love.
He no longer wished to participate in the slaughter of the Nez Perce. That’s what it had become to the U.S. government. They’d decided to use the Nez Perce as an example to the other tribes who had yet to go to a reservation.
The trumpeter blew first call. Wade wandered to the fire where several officers’ attendants boiled coffee. He held his tin cup out to an attendant. The dark liquid accosted his nostrils and shriveled his tongue, but he drank it. The bitterness only added to the queasiness in his gut. What if he didn’t see Sa-qan again?
“Watts!” Sturgis strode with purpose toward Wade.
“Yes, sir.” Wade saluted and stood at attention.
“Take ten men and strike out after the Indians. Send reports every evening. I want to know their whereabouts at all times.” Sturgis studied him.
Inside, he cheered. He could continue at a rapid pace to keep up with Sa-qan. Perhaps run into her again and clear up any misunderstandings they had.
“Yes, sir.” Wade pivoted and searched among the troops for men he trusted. “You there.” He motioned to three men who served under him since the beginning. “Pull your gear together and saddle up.” Sergeant Murphy stepped out from behind a supply wagon. “Sergeant. Round up six more of my men and meet me at the entrance to the canyon in twenty minutes.”
Wade didn’t wait for the man to acknowledge. He set out toward the ramada to saddle a horse and toss his saddlebag on the animal. With men who knew of his eccentric walks and disappearances he could wander from camp at night and hope to encounter Sa-qan. He walked back through the encampment and frowned. Sturgis was regaling Murphy. No doubt telling him to keep an eye on the wandering lieutenant.
Wade mounted his horse and waited near the entrance. The men arrived, and they headed off at a trot following the well-trodden path of the Nez Perce. The last shots fired from the ridgeline died out the following evening, but Wade still rode with one eye tracking the shadows and swells of the ridge for movement. Had Sturgis sent him ahead in hopes to draw the Indians’ hiding spots out? If so, wouldn’t the major have handpicked the worst of the troopers to go with him? That would have been his strategy.
They rode all through the day, stopping briefly twice to allow the horses rest and water, before continuing on with the distance-covering trot/walk pace. He pushed the group till dark, traveling past the point the Nez Perce camped the night before. This pace would catch them up in three days if the Indians continued at their current speed.
Two privates built a fire and started coffee brewing. Wade unsaddled and cared for his horse before sampling the coffee. “You should take over for the officers’ attendants—this is better than the kerosene prepared this morning.” His comment received two grateful smiles from the men.
“Sir, do you wish sentries assigned?” Murphy had said little all day.
“Yes. Three men in shifts of three hours.” He sank down next to his saddle and watched Murphy select the trio for first, second, and third watch. The hardtack dried his mouth more than usual. He tossed the bread back in his saddlebag and chewed on a slab of dried meat. His mind wandered to a time as a child when hardtack and dried meat were a treat, not a staple to his existence. Brief snippets of that carefree boy came out in Sa-qan’s presence.
Wade conjured up her vision in his mind. Moonlight hair, golden eyes, full, soft lips, and fascinating body. Where are you? When would he get a chance to speak to her again? He craved her presence. He wished to soak in her tranquility and wisdom. She made him believe life beyond the military would fulfill him.
I wish you were beside me right now. He closed his eyes and leaned against the boulder behind him.
Come to me.
Pú-timt wax `uyné-pt
(17)
Wade jerked his eyes open and stared around the camp. He heard Sa-qan’s voice. Her beckoning warmed his body, but how had he heard her? Where was she?
Murphy watched him with curiosity.
Wade slowed his breathing and ran a hand over his mustache. Relaxing back against the boulder, he pulled his hat over his face to shield his expressions from the man. How is it I heard her voice?
There is much I need to explain. Meet me when the moon is high at the base of the cliff where the sun rises.
Her voice floated through his head, again. This time he remained reclined. Only the heavy pounding of his heart and rapid breathing gave away his uncertainty and fear. Fear he’d finally lost his mind. Did he wish so strongly to be with Sa-qan he imagined her voice? He willed his body to relax, regulating his breathing and heartbeats to normal. Eventually, he dropped off to sleep and awoke with a start and the strong urge he needed to be somewhere.
He stretched and remembered Sa-qan’s words. The moon had climbed to its zenith. He glanced to the east. A shadow of a cliff stood out in the moonlight. Stretching one more time, he stood and sauntered toward the east, hoping he staged the scene of a man out to relieve himself.
Once he walked through the perimeter of the sentries, he strode with conviction toward the cliff. If he didn’t find Sa-qan waiting for him at the base of the cliff he’d know for certain he’d gone crazy.
****
Sa-qan watched Wade’s approach. She had taken a chance he would ignore her voice in his head or believe himself crazy. But he responded to her request. Did he fully realize she spoke to him? She doubted he believed the voice in his head belonged to her. But his curiosity brought him here, to her.
She shifted to smoke, swirled into her woman form, and walked down the cliff toward him. Wade’s hurried footsteps sped her heart. He wished to see her. The last ten steps her breathing quickened and heat curled low in her belly. Memories of their last meeting excited and worried her mind. How did she tell him why she opposed his marriage request? How could she make him understand everything about her?
“Sa-qan?” Wade stopped a short distance from her. His eyes flickered from excited to surprised to puzzled. “How? I couldn’t…”
“I asked you to meet me.” She held his gaze and stretched a hand out to him. He shook his head before his gaze traveled to her outstretched hand.
“I don’t understand.” His uncertainty pricked her skin. Had fear vibrated from him, she would have worried about continuing the conversation. Uncertainty could be challenged with fact. Determination gripped her with deeper talons.
She took a step closer and grasped his large hand in hers. “We have much to talk about. Come with me.”
He fell into step beside her, his gaze traveling over her face as he walked. “Where are we going?”
“Up where we can keep an eye on the camp, in case the other soldiers come searching for you.” She stopped on a small outcropping a third of the way up the cliff. The small glow of the campfire below and the few who slept could be seen from this vantage point.
Wade sta
red down at the camp. She touched his arm and sat. “Sit with me.”
He nodded and sat on the ground beside her. “Explain how I heard your voice in my head telling me to meet you here.”
She clasped his hand. His fingers curled around hers and warmth spread up her arm and into her body. His aloofness had sprung doubts. But his accepting her touch dissolved them.
“I tried to tell you the last time we met. I am not what you think.” She cleared her throat pushing the trepidation bobbing there back down.
“You’ve convinced me you’re not a captive, you’re Nez Perce.” He placed a palm against her cheek. “If I felt half the conviction toward the military that you do for the Nez Perce, I’d be a general by now.”
Sunshine, warm and friendly, glowed in her chest at his acceptance of her origins. Now, if he could grasped her other knowledge as well. She kissed his palm and stared into his eyes. Taking a deep breath she let her words flow. “I am not just a Nimiipuu maiden. I am a Nimiipuu spirit who can change forms.”
His eyes widened, and he leaned back even as his hand remained cupped to her cheek. “What does that mean?”
The tingle of his nerves vibrated on her cheek. She clasped his hand and held it to her pounding heart. He had to understand. “Many seasons ago my father’s greed led him to listen to the coyote. Because of his selfish actions, many warriors were killed by our enemies. Our band became inconsolable with grief and turned on his children—my brothers and I. The Creator saved us. He made us spirits to watch over the Lake Nimiipuu. They are the band of my mother’s family—the band of Chief Joseph. This happened many seasons before the time of his father, old Chief Joseph. My brothers and I watch the people grow and prosper and help them survive. Himiin, Wolf, roamed the mountain as a white wolf. Wewukiye, the brother I have told you about, is a bull elk who lives in the lake and his wife, Dove, is a cow elk. I, Sa-qan, am a bald eagle. From the sky, I guide and protect my people.”
His eyes narrowed then opened wide. “You’re the bald eagle I saw on the ledge when you tended my bullet holes and then the one…” His eyes narrowed, and he stared through the moonlight at her. “Are you the one that flopped around on the ground? How…Why?” His voice grew shriller, and his hand gripped tighter as he thought about all she said.
