by Kimber White
We assembled in Asher’s trailer. The place was clean at least. I was grateful for the long couch along the wall. I blinked hard, struggling to stay awake and alert. My body cried out for sleep after the physical exertion of the hike and the trauma of the last day.
One by one, Asher’s pack filed into the small trailer. They filled the space with their broad bodies, taking every chair and empty space. Some stood shoulder to shoulder. I counted seven men including Asher and Luke. Seven. Ice ran through my veins at the stark reality of that. Mal could never hope to defeat them head to head. Four against seven and no telling how many neighboring packs might join Asher’s fight. Mal would know that. I couldn’t expect him to come charging into this forest to save me. My pack would never make it back out alive. So it would be up to me to find my own way out.
Asher sat at the breakfast nook with Luke on one side and a hefty, bald man on the other. He looked more bear than wolf and I wondered how many other types of shifters might call the Mammoth Forest home. But these were Asher’s top lieutenants.
I caught a look between Luke and Asher. Luke gave Asher a “stand down” gesture with his palm. Asher’s eyes flashed and he worked the muscles of his jaw. Asher had a broad, wide face with full lips and a nose with a natural flare at the nostrils, the bridge of it thickened from an old break. He wore his blond hair cropped short, unlike the rest of the pack. He gave a jerk of his chin to Luke. Luke turned to me.
“Tell them what you know about Magda. I give you my word no one’s here to hurt you.”
My eyes widened. “What makes you think I have any reason to believe your word? You or anyone else standing here?”
Asher growled. It set the rest of the men in the trailer on edge. Postures straightened all around me. I could sense their urge to shift. The pull to give in to their wild parts of their souls. I feared it at the same time some deep, wild part of me longed to share in it.
I weighed my options. If I told Asher what he wanted to hear, would that be the end of me? Or did I have hostage value to them as part of Tucker’s pack? What would be the wisest course?
“Neve,” Luke said, his voice filled with compassion. “Nobody’s here to hurt you or force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I swear it. Asher, tell her.”
God, I’d heard those words before. Jake had said them to me and later Tucker. I looked into Luke’s warm, brown eyes and he reminded me of Jake. Calming me had been his role too. But my wolves had told me the truth. Would these?
“If I wanted you dead, you wouldn’t be sitting here breathing. Luke thinks you’re a smart girl, haven’t you worked that out for yourself?” Asher said, impatient. “Now you can make your stay with us hard or you can make it easier. Your choice.”
I took a leap of faith and told him the truth as I knew it. “Magda didn’t say anything before she died. She didn’t shift so she couldn’t. I didn’t understand what was happening at the time. I didn’t even know shifting was possible. I understand it now though, and she was at peace. What happened on the road that night happened because she wanted it to. I don’t know why she did what she did, but Magda stood in the path of my car on purpose.”
Asher slammed his hand on the table so hard it shook the whole trailer.
“She said that before, Ash,” Luke explained. “She thinks Magda wanted to die. She had a chance to leap out of the way but she didn’t. Jesus, Ash. It’s what I’ve been telling you all along since you got back.”
Asher took a step toward Luke, his eyes flashing. He held his shoulders back and his chest out. I didn’t know this pack’s dynamics like I did my own, but anyone could see Luke had gotten dangerously close to stepping out of bounds with his Alpha. It also occurred to me that sticking close to Luke might be my best chance of survival here. That is if he didn’t manage to get his head ripped off.
Luke’s eyes were so kind when he looked at me. Asher’s were so hard. He was hearing hard truths and I didn’t give a damn.
“Pat told me later how troubled she was,” I continued. “She said Magda had been struggling for a long time before that. You know I’m telling you the truth. You just don’t want to hear it. You loved her, I get that. No one in this room knows more than I do how hard it is to live without the person you love.” I took a breath, struggling hard to keep my voice from breaking. I couldn’t let them see the pain I was in without Tucker. I couldn’t give Asher that satisfaction. I bit my lip to keep from saying any more.
Asher didn’t move, but the threat in his voice, his posture was unmistakable. “Be very careful you don’t piss me off so bad I forget my manners. You don’t have the first clue about Magda. You don’t have the first clue about me.”
“I know you like to threaten innocent women. You terrorized me to the point of death. You ripped me away from the people I loved and stuffed me down into a cave to die. I know your history. I know why you hated Tucker. He killed your father. But, those are pack rules and everyone in this room knows it. You started this pack war. Tucker and Mal didn’t. But you’re winning it anyway. You like to say I’d be dead if you wanted me to be. So great, I’m alive. Prove you’re not a bunch of thugs and monsters and let me go! Mal’s no threat to you and whatever bad blood you had with Tucker is over. He’s dead. You have the power to end this war right now. Mal won’t come after you if you let me go unharmed.” I had no idea if that last bit was true, but I was willing to bet my life on it for the moment. Mal was hotheaded, but he wasn’t foolish. He’d know he didn’t have the numbers.
Asher raised a brow and sat back. Then he rose to his full height. His head scraped the top of the trailer. He took four strides to the door and swung it open. He hopped down the steps and held the door.
“Then go,” his voice thundered through the woods. “Get the hell out. You’re not a prisoner.”
It was a trick. A trap. Why the hell would Asher have gone to the trouble of dragging me back here if he just planned to let me go? But, I rose to my feet and walked to the door. The taste of freedom beckoned. I longed to be somewhere, anywhere but in this trailer with seven pairs of threatening eyes staring me down.
“Asher,” Luke said. Asher didn’t budge. He stood there holding that door open. He made a grand, sweeping gesture with his arm, encouraging me to go through it.
I might have been a fool, but I walked out of the trailer.
“You know how to navigate from the sun?”
I nodded and pointed. “That’s west.” I tried to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
“Smart girl.” He took the canteen off his shoulder and threw it to me. I caught it but not before it landed with a hard smack against my chest. “Stay west. There’s a town about eight miles out. You’ll hit the main road. Go north. You can’t miss it.”
I turned back to the trailer. Every man beside Asher bristled. I saw clenched fists and heard snarls. Asher’s decision to let me just walk out of here wasn’t popular. They wanted something from me and I didn’t want to hang around to find out what it was. Asher turned back to them, sending a telepathic signal to all of them to stand down. This was his pack, his decision. He looked back to me and flicked his fingers toward the woods. I nodded and pulled the canteen over my head.
My heart pounding, I took the first few halting steps out of the clearing. By the time I reached the tree line, I broke into a full run and never looked back.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Sticks and brambles clawed at me as I put distance between myself and the trailers. It made no sense to run but I did it anyway. This forest belonged to Asher and his pack. If he wanted to stop me, Asher and his wolves could surround me in seconds. Still, I kept running.
The trauma of the last days rose up within me, threatening to choke me. The forest itself seemed to give life to my grief and fear as tree roots and branches ensnared me. I tripped and landed hard on my knees. Again and again, I scrambled to my feet and kept on running, keeping the setting sun in front of me.
I don’t know how far I got. A mile, may
be two. But finally, my legs gave out and I found a thick log crossing over a small brook and sat down on it. I pulled out Asher’s canteen and took a drink of cool water. It washed over my sandpaper throat, making me dizzy. My head throbbed and my body ached. My skin felt flushed. It had gotten worse over the last few hours since I woke in the cave, like the onset of the worst flu I’d ever had. I was pretty sure I’d spiked a fever. If I could just rest for a little while. The main road Asher told me about couldn’t be more than a few miles ahead. If I just found a bed of dried leaves and let my stomach settle, I knew I’d be able to make it out before it got dark.
I refilled the canteen with fresh water from the stream and headed a few yards west to a hollowed out tree covered in moss. Once I’d assured myself no other creatures were using it as their own sanctuary, I wedged myself into the tree and laid my head back. The minute I closed my eyes, I saw Tucker’s face before me.
Tucker.
I hadn’t given myself more than a moment to grieve or think about what his loss would mean to me. It was as if my heart had been ripped from my body and now I had to walk around without it. It happened so quickly between us. It was hard to imagine that less than six months ago, I didn’t know he or shifters existed. Now, I could scarcely imagine living without them. For the first time since I watched his broken body pitch over the cliff face and felt his heartbeat still within me, I let myself cry.
I buried my face in my hands and gave into the guilt at having left him, even if it was by force. I should have been at his side. I should have held him in my arms and been the last thing he saw as he faded into the darkness. I loved him. I would always love him. My grief choked me and my head pounded.
What would have happened if I hadn’t followed him to the ridge? He told me to stay hidden in the woods by the lake. But, when I heard his growl of pain, no power on the earth would have kept me from his side. There was no reason to it, no conscious thought. I just went to him. Would he have heard Asher coming if I hadn’t been close by? Had he sensed the danger around me? Everything had happened in just that fraction of a second so I would never know. But, I would always wonder and blame myself. I could let myself drown in the “if onlys.”
As I sat against that tree trunk, it felt like all the strength left my body. A void filled me where the heartbeat of my Alpha and the sense of my pack used to be. It got hard to breathe. Each time I tried to fill my lungs with the fresh, forest air, I ended up racked with coughs. The pounding in my head grew worse and my skin seemed to boil from the inside out. I did the thing that had become so natural to me now. I reached out for my pack.
I closed my eyes and pictured each of them. Reed and Barrett, who had soothed me with their bodies the first time Tucker left me. They’d awakened some carnal part of me I’d never known existed. They taught me what submission to the pack truly meant and how it brought me closer to all of them.
I thought of Jake with his boyish blond hair and dimples in his cheeks. He’d put his body in front of mine the instant he sensed danger and had almost paid with his life. Then there was Mal. My dark, brooding Mal. He struggled to find his place in the pack all the while knowing why he didn’t quite fit. Mal was an Alpha trying to live as a beta. The turmoil within him made him turn to me. I can’t help that he drew me to him, even though my heart belonged to Tucker. Would always belong to Tucker. Still, Mal was strong and feral and with Tucker gone, it was Mal’s heart I reached out to now. It was impossible. Illogical. Mal had challenged Tucker in the end. How could I even think of turning to him? Again and again, Tucker’s words to me the night he first marked me rose in my mind.
You belong to me. You belong to the pack. You’re part of all of us.
God help me, I still belonged to them. I was bereft and full of despair without them. Even Mal. Tucker had made me part of the pack and now it was too late to shut that off. Tucker was gone but the pack lived on. I still belonged to it and like it or not, Mal was the new Alpha. Reason played no part in this.
I took a halting breath and tried to still my mind. Mal. Where are you? Can you still feel me?
I waited. The wind kicked up and only the rustling trees answered me. I tried again. I thought of Mal’s golden eyes, the dark stubble dusting his jaw as he pressed his lips against mine that one time. Mal.
My heartbeat slowed as I waited for an answering echo. I felt myself float above my body, searching, longing. There was nothing out there but emptiness. I felt the faint pounding of Asher’s heartbeat and pushed away hard with my mind. I didn’t want to want him. On a primal level, my heart and body would seek out the closest Alpha and for now that was Asher. I rejected it with every ounce of strength in me. I slammed back into myself. I doubled over in agony, clutching my stomach with one hand the ground with the other. I retched, heaving up all the water I drank and little else. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I went to my hands and knees, my body racked with convulsions.
This was torture. Horror and hell. I felt the last of my strength leech out of me from the effort of reaching out to an Alpha who wasn’t there. Tucker was gone and Mal was too far away to hear me. I was on my own, maybe forever.
An owl hooted in the trees above me and I flipped to my back. He sat perched on a high branch, his head seeming to spin all the way around as he stared at me with wide, gray eyes. I took a breath and closed my own eyes, concentrating on staying within myself. I’d learned my lesson. Reaching out for Mal or my pack again would kill me. I had to let them go.
A strange peace settled over me as I thought it. I rolled to my side and would have fallen asleep. But, the leaves crunched behind me and my skin prickled.
Once again, I knew I wasn’t alone.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I don’t remember falling asleep, but I woke with my head cradled in Luke’s lap. He sat with his back leaning against the hollowed out tree I’d used as my respite. He lifted my head and brought the canteen back to my lips.
“There she is,” he said, his voice filled with good humor. He looked at me with those warm, green eyes. I felt like I knew those eyes, but maybe it was just the wolf in him that seemed familiar. His hair fell down, framing his face as he looked at me. It was hard not to smile back as relief flooded his expression. God, he was so like Jake. Jake had this same ability to calm me, make me feel safe. It was an illusion though. Luke wasn’t Jake.
“Did Asher tell you to follow me?”
He shrugged. “I came on my own. I was worried you’d have trouble. You’re sick, Neve. Anyone can see that.”
“I’m fine. I just need to get home.” If I even still had one. With Tucker gone, I wasn’t sure where home was anymore. The closest thing I had to home was with Pat and Harold Bonner in the farmhouse at Wild Lake. It was there I wanted to return, and the thought of Pat’s comforting arms sent an ache of longing through me. She’d become like a mother to me. A human woman among a pack of wolves. She understood me better than my own mother ever had.
Luke nodded, but a shadow darkened his face, sending an echo of fear through me.
“Asher’s never going to let me go back to Mal’s pack or Wild Lake, is he? He let me walk out of the trailer because he knew I wouldn’t be able to get very far.” The minute I said it, I knew it was true. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me, but I couldn’t walk another eight feet unaided, let alone eight miles. The fever and chills grew worse. I felt starved and nauseous all at once. A thin sheen of sweat covered me. I shivered but knew my skin flared hot to the touch. Again, I cursed Asher. He hadn’t hurt me physically, but I feared he was behind what was happening to me. He said he wouldn’t kill me, but maybe he was willing to let me come out here alone, knowing I’d never survive the night.
Luke bit his lip before he looked back at me. “We’d have come after you,” he said. “Not to hunt you down, but to make sure you got back to shelter before nightfall. One of the others would have volunteered if I hadn’t come out here myself.”
I pressed my thumb and forefinger to the
corners of my eyes. When I looked back at Luke, his face was filled with concern and part of me hated him for that. I found the strength to sit up. Luke put a gentle hand on my back to help me. I turned and sat facing him, pulling my long hair behind me.
“What does Asher really want from me?”
Luke looked down. He grabbed a smooth, black stick and began poking it into the moss covering the bottom of the tree. “You were right about what you said back there. About Asher being the only one of us who knows what it’s like to live without the person they love. He was crazy about Magda. In some ways . . . maybe literally crazy. She consumed him. Lit a fire in him like I’ve never seen. He was calmer before her. More reasonable. But when she came into his life for good, she spun him around and turned everything upside down.”
I let out a bitter laugh that dissolved into another fit of coughing. I could relate to what Magda did to Asher. God. It had been no different between Tucker and me. I gave up everything to stay with him and the pack. It was the first time in my life I ever truly felt like I belonged to someone and something. I took a breath and squeezed my eyes to shut out the stinging tears that threatened to spill.
“Mates are hard to come by,” Luke said. “Full-blooded she-weres are damn near extinct. No one knows why. But I don’t think a female were has been born in more than a decade. Magda was special. She was glorious. Wild. Beautiful. Strong.”
“She was in love with Tucker once too,” I said.
Luke nodded. “Tucker took out Asher’s father and that was the first rift between them. But, you were right about that too. Those were pack rules. Tucker did what he was born to do. Even I didn’t fault him for that and I lost just as much as Asher did that day. Asher could have forgiven him that, I think. Then, Magda came between them years later and ever since, there’s been no hope of avoiding this war.”
