by Kimber White
Chapter Forty-Four
When I came to this time, I had a brief moment where I thought I’d dreamt it all. I was home. My original home in Evanston. I thought I heard my father clinking pans together as he made me breakfast in our little ranch house with the checkered curtains in the kitchen.
But then, fourteen wolfish eyes stared back at me as they surrounded my bed. I laughed at the absurdity of it all.
“What big eyes you have,” I said, my voice sounding cracked and distant. I barely had the strength to lift my head. Then, Luke’s words came flooding back. We’ve always known how to cure you. I’m the one that’s kept it from happening.
Asher stood at the end of the bed, staring at me with those deep set golden eyes rimmed with lashes so black it almost looked like makeup. Also, I could sense his Alpha heart beating in faint echo along with my own. God, I didn’t want it there. Just his presence trespassed on my soul.
“You’re alive,” he said, his voice a rich baritone that sent shivers along my spine. “For now.”
“Leave me alone,” I said, my voice was thin and dry. Stars swam in front of my eyes and my stomach roiled.
“You’re sick,” he said. “You’re going to get a hell of a lot sicker.”
“No shit,” I said. The strain of saying even that much made my head spin again. I laid back against the pillow. Asher stepped around to the side of the bed. He pulled up a stool and sat next to me. He leaned in close so I could feel the heat coming off him. My heart hammered behind my rib cage.
Then he touched me. His skin seared mine. I sucked in my next breath as he turned my head and brushed the hair away from my neck. When he traced the outline of my mark with his fingers, a shiver of pleasure ran through me. I didn’t understand it. Hated it. Hated him. And yet, my body knew what he was and I couldn’t deny it. I was marked. My Alpha was dead. Another Alpha’s touch . . . even an enemy’s . . . soothed me.
“How many times did Tucker mark you?” he asked, his tone clinical as he examined my mark. As his fingers played along my neck I bit my lip to contain the moan of pleasure. Asher was a drug, like heroin. I might crave his touch, but I knew he was poison.
I didn’t answer him. He turned my head back and it scared me that I was losing strength to turn it myself. I found the strength to turn my head and stare at the opposite wall and that godawful brown paneling.
“The Rise is killing you because Tucker didn’t finish marking you.”
I turned back toward Asher and tried to look at him with detached interest. He wore a blue button-down shirt, the sleeves rolled up revealing a thin dusting of blond hair on his muscled forearms. He crossed his booted foot over the opposite knee, his right hand gripping his ankle. He had a ring on his fourth finger. Not a traditional wedding band but a silver rope band that he twirled absently with his thumb. I’d learned it was from Magda. He caught me looking at it and pain crossed his face like it did whenever anyone mentioned her. His eyes darted to the window then finally settled back to me.
“For the thousandth time. Just let me go. Holding me hostage is pointless. Tucker’s dead. What do you want?”
I turned away again as far as I could. My body was racked with a great spasm of coughing. It made my head pound and bile rise up and choke me. Asher reached over and held the back of my head as he brought a cup of water to my lips. I didn’t want to accept help from him but had no other choice. Once the coughing fit subsided, he rested my head gently back against the pillows. He reached over and pulled a hand mirror off the tall, cherry wood bureau against the wall.
“Look,” he said, holding the mirror in front of my face.
I didn’t recognize the person staring back at me. My normally thick, brown hair hung in strings. My cheekbones protruded giving my face a skeletal appearance with bluish hollows under my eyes. My lips were dry and cracked, my color white as chalk.
“Tucker never finished marking you,” Asher said. “You weren’t in full heat when he died.”
I didn’t want to give him anything. What happened between Tucker and me was sacred, special, ours. I’d thought Asher was bluffing, trying to scare me into revealing something. But, I knew what death looked like. I’d seen it eat my father from the inside out.
I wasn’t just sick. I was dying.
“No,” I said, my voice barely more than a choked whisper.
Asher rose. He paced the length of the bed, rubbing his hand across his strong jaw in deep contemplation. He turned back to face me. “What’s special about you?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“You weren’t in full heat but you were damn close, weren’t you? You’re human. You’re not were. You’re completely human. It takes years . . . years for a human woman to complete the marking process and reach full heat. And most of them don’t even reach it after all that. It had been what, two months in your case? What are you? Who are you?”
“I’m just Neve Dalton,” I said. Hot tears sprang behind my eyes.
“Well, that’s what’s killing you, just Neve. You’re not supposed to change that fast and you’re not supposed to get sick this fast if you’ve lost your mate. If I let you, you’re going to die.”
I turned my head to the wall. I knew what he was going to say. No, Tucker had never explained this to me. We never thought he would die and leave me exposed. I wanted to thrash and rail and call Asher a liar. But, my body echoed his truth. A few more days and I’d be dead. The sickness seemed to get worse hour by hour.
Slowly, I turned back to face him. It was hard to focus on him, my vision blurred. My head dropped back to the pillow. I braced for what he would say though my heart already knew the truth.
“You need another Alpha to live. If you don’t let me mark you as my mate, you’ll be dead in a few days.”
Chapter Forty-Five
When I ordered him out the next time, Asher mercifully complied. Luke came in and that seemed somehow worse.
“Neve,” he said, reaching out to stroke my stringy hair. “I’m sorry.”
“Just don’t,” I said.
“Do you want to die? Is that really better?”
“I didn’t ask for this. Not any of it. Just leave me alone.”
Luke came beside me. He knelt on the floor next to me and put his hands on my shoulders, turning me to face him. I hated him a little for it. I didn’t have the physical strength to push away anymore. My strength sapped out of me minute by minute. I didn’t even have the stamina to panic about it. I closed my eyes tight like some child trying to hide from the boogie man.
“I hoped it would get better. Like Asher said, it’s not normal for a human woman to get this sick this fast from the Rise. I kept thinking maybe it was something else. Some flu or something. But you haven’t gotten better. You’ve gotten worse. You’re dying right in front of us.”
I wanted to scream, “Then let me just die in peace!” But, I wanted to live. Though my body had started to give out, my spirit had plenty of fight left.
I opened my eyes and looked into Luke’s. He searched my face, the pain of watching me suffer evident.
“Send me back to Wild Lake.” If I had to choose an Alpha to mark me, let it be one of my own. Not Asher. The thought of letting him touch me like that sent a new wave of shivers through me. Luke put a gentle hand on my shoulder to steady me.
“I can’t,” he whispered. “For a thousand reasons. Like it or not, we’re under the jurisdiction of the Kentucky Chief Pack. They know about you. They know everything that’s been happening. I know how much you hate Asher, but at least he’s kept them from coming here and taking a more direct interest in your case.”
The emphasis he put on the word “direct” couldn’t be clearer. The speed at which I’d responded to Tucker’s mark had everyone interested. Asher was Asher, but he’d kept his distance from me. At least until now.
“And yes, you’re right. Asher does view you as some kind of war prize. I don’t. None of the rest of us do. We’re sorry for everything tha
t’s happened. But, I’m not sorry you’re in my life now.”
My eyes snapped to attention again when he said it. Luke smoothed my hair away from my face. His skin flared hot.
“Don’t do it,” I said. “Don’t fall in love with me, Luke. Seems like it doesn’t end well for men or weres who do. I still think I’d be better off in Wild Lake.”
Luke shifted his weight. He’d wedged himself between the bed and the wall and now he thumped the back of his head against the paneling.
“All that other stuff I said is true, but the biggest reason Wild Lake is out of the question is that you wouldn’t survive the trip anymore. If you weren’t with this pack right now, you’d already be dead. Asher may not have marked you yet, but it’s his strength keeping you alive. I know that’s hard to hear.”
I flopped my head back on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. It had brown stains where the rain had seeped in over the years. Every day since Asher had brought me here, I’d tried to shut out the inevitable. Luke was right. He’d barely laid a hand on me, but he permeated my very being with his heart, his soul, his scent. As the nearest Alpha, my body cried out for his at the same time as I recoiled from it. But, Asher kept me anchored. All this time, I’d convinced myself that it was my hatred for him that fueled me and gave me strength. Now Luke wanted me to look inside myself and admit to something different. Marked as I was, I needed an Alpha. At this point, any Alpha. Or I was going to die.
“I need to think,” I finally said. “Can you just leave me alone long enough to do that? It’s not like I can go anywhere.”
Luke’s smile devastated me. It was filled with hope, despair and a little bit of love. God, he looked so much like Pat in that moment it wrung at my heart. What I wouldn’t give to have her here right now, bringing me her special chicken soup while she gave her brother, Harold, hell from the hallway.
Luke nodded and got up to leave. He turned back when he reached the doorway. “So you know, no matter what ends up happening. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll help you through whatever you decide. And it will be your choice. I’ll make sure of it. Okay?”
I flapped a hand at Luke, waving him away. Settling back against the pillows, I looked out the window. Late December and we’d seen not a hint of snowfall. Even for this part of Kentucky, this was strange. Instead, a breeze kicked up followed by drizzling rain. The sky was gray. My heart was gray.
I thought of Tucker as I always did. The last moments of his life had receded from my memory over the last few weeks and now I thought more of our brief time together. I loved him. Would have spent the rest of my life with him. Sometimes, I could still feel the remembered echo of his heartbeat and wondered if he could still see me, still hear me wherever he’d gone.
If I died, would I join him? Would God give me that much mercy? Everyone I’d truly loved was gone now. Tucker, my mother and father. Maybe it would be easier to just give in to this and join them. Then, Asher couldn’t have me and my fight would be finally over.
Except it wasn’t who I was.
I’d never shied from a fight when given the chance. And that was the choice I faced now. Fight or die. Asher was toxic. He’d driven a fatal wedge between Tucker’s pack. Now Mal’s pack and Asher’s were splintered and vulnerable when they would have been stronger together.
The seed of an idea took root in my soul. If I let Asher mark me, then I’d be closer to him than anyone. I could see what he saw, feel what he felt, maybe even hear his thoughts like I had Tucker’s in the end. Though Tucker was part of me, he never controlled me. Our love was also a choice.
Hate was a passion too. Maybe even more than love. If I let Asher mark me and make me part of him, that could be my weapon. Maybe the only way to truly defeat Asher was to let him in. I could get stronger. Bide my time. Draw him close. Then bring him down.
Could I do it? Could I open myself to someone who’d taken so much from me and those I loved as a means to an end? The moment I thought it, I knew that I could. Marking wasn’t brainwashing. I’d have to guard my thoughts every moment of the day, but I knew I could do that too. I would find Asher’s weaknesses and exploit them. I could never openly ask Luke for his opinion, but I felt sure in my heart that if the chance ever came for Luke to take Asher out, he’d jump on it. And if he needed a push to take that last step, I’d be more than happy to provide it. In that, Luke could be my weapon too.
For the first time since I’d come to Asher’s compound, I let myself hope. I had purpose, direction, and a plan. Before I could change my mind, I sat up.
“Luke,” I called out. My voice came out in a weak croak and I took a painful breath to try again.
There was no need. Luke stood just outside and heard me. He opened the door, his expression filled with expectation and worry.
“I’ve made my decision,” I said, mustering strength that raised my voice as well as my body. “Tell Asher I’m ready to let him in.”
Chapter Forty-Six
Asher cleared the trailer. Luke started to protest but one look from his Alpha and he knew this wasn’t the right battle to pick. All the better, I thought. I couldn’t go through with this with Luke or the others watching.
Flashes of memory from that night when Tucker marked me for the first time played in my mind. I’d been wanton, hungry, and shameless. Tucker had awakened every erotic fantasy I’d ever held and made new ones. I’d given him my body and soul and begged for more. A flutter of doubt made my heart trip. It couldn’t be like that with Asher. With Tucker it had been wild and passionate. This felt brutal, dark. A rape of sorts even though I’d given my consent.
Asher gave terse instructions to the others to hold sentry throughout the woods. For at least the next hour, he’d be vulnerable. His attention focused solely on me. The air went out of my lungs just thinking about it. God help me, desire coursed through my veins as well. I was who I was. And I was who Tucker made me. I couldn’t help that some dark part of me wanted him, just like a drug.
Finally, we were alone in the trailer. Asher came to me. He stood at the foot of the bed. Now that I’d made up my mind, it fueled me. I found a reserve of strength. It flooded my veins, quickening my pulse. It was my own resolve, I knew, but it was also Asher. The anticipation of how it would feel when he touched me gave me strength in spite of my fears.
“This could go either way,” he said. “You need to know that before we continue.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I’ve never seen someone as sick as you are with the Rise. When I mark you, it seems just as likely that it’ll kill you as cure you.”
“Well, that’s a comforting thought.”
“You need to understand what you’re agreeing to. I know what you think of me. You seethe with it. I don’t have to be were to sense that. You don’t have to love me. I don’t love you. You can think of this more as a transaction if it helps you.”
It didn’t.
He took a step toward me and I flinched. I didn’t mean to, it just happened. Asher stopped. “I have to touch you, Neve. You know how this works.”
“Just, give me a second,” I said. “And a little space.”
He gave me neither. Asher sat beside me. He planted his hands on either side of my thighs. His breath came hot sending a thrill of pleasure and terror through me. He was so close. Time seemed to slow down as his presence filled my senses. His musk. The rhythm of his heart. The strong line of his jaw as he clenched his teeth. A tiny pulse beat near his temple.
God help me indeed. I wanted him. I couldn’t help it. I was starving and he was the drink my body craved. I shut my eyes. He was a means to an end. That’s all. When he spoke again, his voice was soft but it still made me jump.
“We don’t have to fuck, you know.”
My eyes snapped open. “We don’t?” Well, we sure as hell did every time Tucker marked me.
“At this point, no,” he said. “You just have to let me bite you. It’s going to hurt like hell for you. I won’t lie ab
out that. But, we don’t have to couple right away if that’s what’s upsetting you. In fact, by the looks of you, you probably wouldn’t survive me until you get a little of your strength back.”
Relief flooded through me. I actually think that was Asher’s attempt at some self-deprecating humor about his prowess. Except I also knew he was right. I’d seen Asher naked a few times. He was huge in every way, just like every other Alpha I knew. Managing Tucker took strength and stamina even on my best days. Now? The idea sent a new wave of terror shooting through me. Still, some small part of me thawed toward Asher in that moment. He knew what I thought. He knew I was willing to bend over for him and let him ravish me if it was the only way to save me. He could have lied but he didn’t. I could find a small measure of gratitude for that.
“But pretty soon after, you’re going to want to,” he said. “You won’t be able to help it. And I won’t be able to hold myself back either. You’ll need to stay close. Every Were within about a hundred miles is going to know you’re in heat. It’ll be dangerous for the pack.”
I knew that feeling too. Right after Tucker bit me the first time I went nearly out of my skin with wanting him. When he had to leave me for a few hours, he let me take my pleasure with the rest of the pack rather than see me suffer. It had been one of the wildest, most thrilling nights of my life.
“How about we cross that bridge when we get to it?” I said. Anything to buy me a little time.
“Fine,” he said. “Then let’s get on with this. Do you have the strength to get down on your hands and knees? It’ll be safer that way. I might not be able to help shifting right after I bite you.”
I nodded. I was wobbly and took his hand when he offered it. I went to the center of the room and lowered myself slowly. I heard rustling behind me as Asher loosened his belt. Startled, I looked back at him just as he shed his pants and tore his shirt over his head.
