CHAPTER V.
TRY AGAIN.
Amy did try very hard the next day, and she prayed earnestly forstrength from on high. She rose early, she got everything ready intime for her father, and he praised her and called her "a thriftylittle maid;" she never reproached Kitty with leaving the work to her;she went cheerfully through her lessons, and in the afternoon she hadthe delight of being highly commended by the mistress and set to teachone of the younger classes. After school, some of the children wentblackberry-picking, and the Harrisons were of the number. They had amerry time of it; the sun was shining, the birds were singing, andthe thick leaves of the wood where the blackberries grew just letenough of the sunbeams through; and Amy Harrison's heart was full ofpeace and sunshine, and the woods were full of beautiful ripeblackberries, so that in a few hours the little party tripped homewardfull of glee, and with baskets filled to the brim with large ripeblackberries. They were walking on fast, laughing and chattering, whenAmy saw that a little lame girl named Lucy Maitland could not keep upwith the rest, and so she stayed to talk to her. Lucy looked ratherdismal, and her basket was not half full; she could not climb in andout among the rocks and brambles like the others. Amy felt sorry forher; she thought she would give her some from her own basket, but shedid so wish to take it home full, and she did not like Kitty to havemore than herself. But then the words breathed into her heart, "Bylove serve one another," and she resolved to seize the opportunity;and without another word, she poured out a third of her own littlestore, and nearly filled Lucy's basket. Lucy's eyes glistened, but shehad not time to say much, for the children were comparing what theyhad each gathered, and Amy's basket had to be held up amongst therest.
"Why, I thought your basket was quite full," said Kitty.
"So it was," exclaimed little Lucy, "but she has half emptied it tofill mine."
The children all loved Amy for doing this, and wondered how it wasthey had not thought of little Lucy before; so now, many of theminsisted on pouring some blackberries into Lucy's basket, and givingpart of Amy's back to her. In this way Lucy and Amy's stores were soonthe largest of the whole, and the children separated in good humourwith each other and everything.
As Amy and Kitty entered the garden, the first thing that caughtAmy's eye was her little baby sister sitting on her little chair underthe window. On each side of the door grew a little rose tree, one ofwhich belonged to Amy and one to Kitty. Amy's was a red rose. Theflowers were nearly all gone, but one had lingered behind the rest.Amy had watched it with especial care: she had plucked off all thedead flowers around it, and this morning she had been thinking itwould just be in beautiful bloom by Sunday, that she might take it toschool as a present for Mrs. Mordaunt. And now there sat the baby withthat very bud in her lap quietly picking it to pieces, and holding upthe scattered leaves in Amy's face, she lisped, "Pretty, pretty!" Amywas too angry and too vexed to think, and it was of no use to scoldthe baby, so she snatched the rose from the baby's hands, and said,"You good-for-nothing, naughty little thing;" and then she burst intotears. The baby began to cry too, and their mother came out to knowwhat was the matter. "O mother, how could you?" sobbed Amypassionately. "Why did you let baby sit close to my rose-bush--mybeautiful rose? I had been saving it all the week for Mrs.Mordaunt--and it was my last."
Mrs. Harrison tried to comfort Amy; and Kitty offered her the bestflower in her garden. They both felt very sorry for her. But Amy wasnot to be comforted, and so they gave up trying. Poor Amy's eveningwas quite spoilt,--not so much, I think, by the loss of her rose as bythe loss of her temper.
CHAPTER VI.
THE TRUTH SETTING FREE.
The next day she awoke, out of spirits and out of temper. She did notsee why she should always work, while Kitty was enjoying herself inbed. She forgot the joy of serving others, and thought it very hardothers should not try to serve her. We are apt to be very strict aboutother people's duties when we forget our own. So Amy lay in bed untilthe last moment, and then hurried on her clothes, and hurried over herwork, and what was worse, hurried over her prayers, and thus went outto meet the day's temptations unarmed.
It never improves the temper to be hurried; and Amy was still furthertried this morning by her father, who was in haste to be off to hiswork, and wondered why she was so slow.
"It's of no use," grumbled Amy to herself, "to try to do right andplease everybody. The more one does, the more people expect. Nobodythinks of scolding Kitty for being slow."
A day so begun seldom grows bright of itself. There is a sunshinewhich can scatter even such clouds, but Amy did not look up to that;it did not seem to shine for her; it never does, _if you will not lookup_. She felt very discontented and ill-used; it seemed as if no onecared for her, and everything worked together to torment her; and sothings got darker and darker, and Amy's temper more bitter and herheart sorer every moment.
At last her mother went out, and Kitty was sent to the bakehouse, andAmy was left alone to rock the cradle and watch that the kettle didnot boil over.
Amy had much rather not have been left alone just then; her ownthoughts were not at all pleasant; but as she was alone she could nothelp thinking. At first she thought how unkind every one was, and ofall the wrongs she had had to bear,--of Kitty's laziness, of hermother's rebukes, and then of her beautiful rose, and the naughtybaby. "Kitty and the baby might do just what they liked, but if shedid the least thing wrong she was scolded and punished." But thisthought of the rose led her back to Mrs. Mordaunt's lesson on Sunday.Had the good seed borne good fruit this week,--this week that was tohave been the beginning of a new life? Had it led her to overcome onefault, to be a step nearer to God and goodness than before? Yet shehad prayed and tried. What was then wanting? She was afraid she nevershould be God's happy child, she was so full of faults, and no onehelped her to overcome them; and yet it was wretched to be as she was.What should she do?
So she sat rocking the cradle, and thinking of her resolutions and herfailures until the tears rolled fast over her cheeks, and all theproud heart within her was melted into sorrow. As she sat thus, herelbows on her knees and her hands hiding her face, she heard a gentlevoice at the door. She looked up. It was Mrs. Mordaunt asking for hermother. Amy was ashamed to be seen crying, and rose quickly, andanswered as briskly as she could. But Mrs. Mordaunt saw she wasunhappy, and she came forward, and laying her hand kindly on hershoulder she asked what was the matter.
Amy's tears flowed faster than ever now, and as soon as she couldspeak she sobbed out in a faint voice, "O ma'am, I cannot do right,--Icannot be good." Mrs. Mordaunt sat down beside her and said, "Don'tdespair, my child; you know the little song you sing in school. Tryagain and again until you succeed. Every one succeeds who goes ontrying."
"But I have tried again and again," said poor Amy, "and I only getworse and worse. In the very moment when I want it, the strength goesaway."
"Our own strength always will," said the lady. "Have you remembered toask God for his strength? Do you remember what I told you about thelittle seed? its enemies are stronger than itself, but God is strongerthan its enemies."
"I have prayed, ma'am," said Amy mournfully, "but I am ashamed to askGod any more. I have done what he tells us not so very often, I amafraid he never can love me;" and Amy cried bitterly.
"My child," said Mrs. Mordaunt, taking her hand, "if you had disobeyedyour mother, and she were angry with you, would you run away from thehouse in the night, and choose rather to starve or die of cold thanask her forgiveness?"
Amy was silent.
"And if your mother could not bear to see you in want, and were tocome out to you in the cold night with food and kind words, would youturn away from her and say, 'I know she can never love me, I have beenso naughty;' and would you refuse to receive her kindness, and ask herforgiveness?"
Amy bent down her head.
"Or would you say," continued Mrs. Mordaunt, "as you saw her coming,'I will not go to meet her now; I will go and try to earn a few pence,and then I will come back t
o her and say, "Mother, I am very sorry,but here are some pence I have earned. Will you take them and forgiveme, and let me be your child again?"' Would that be _humility_ and_gratitude_, or _pride_ and _ingratitude_, Amy?"
"Pride and ingratitude," said Amy in a low voice.
"And when the Lord Jesus says to you, 'You have sinned against me andwronged me, and broken my laws; but I have come down from heaven toearth to seek you; come back to me, and I will receive and forgiveyou,' would it be humility or pride to say, 'Thou canst not forgiveme, I am too sinful; but wait a little while, and I will do somethinggood, and make myself better, and then I will come back to thee'?"
"_Pride_," said Amy. "But I thought God only loved good children,ma'am; and I am not good."
"God does only love good children, Amy," said Mrs. Mordaunt veryseriously, "and God knows you cannot be good." Amy looked up inwonder.
"Who was Jesus Christ, Amy?"
"The Son of God," said Amy.
"And what did he become man and come into this world for?"
Amy answered as she had been taught, "Jesus Christ came into the worldto save sinners."
"To save whom?"
"Sinners."
"Not those who _thought themselves good_, but those who _knew_ theyhad been _sinful_. What did he save them from?"
"From punishment," said Amy thoughtfully.
"Yes," said Mrs. Mordaunt, "from punishment, and from sin. He came tosuffer, that we might be delivered and freely forgiven, and to make usholy. Did it cost him nothing to do this, Amy?"
"He died for it on the cross," said Amy softly.
"He did indeed. And did he suffer all that pain and anguish of mindfor nothing?"
Amy did not answer.
"It would have been for nothing," said Mrs. Mordaunt, "if we had stillto earn forgiveness for ourselves. Jesus bore the punishment for usjust because we could not have borne it; and he has borne it so thatwe shall never have to bear it now. If, then, you go and _giveyourself up_ to the blessed Saviour as _He calls you to do_, God willreceive you for his sake, as if you had been always a good andobedient child, and Jesus will give you his Holy Spirit to abide withyou always, and to make you good and obedient and happy."
"I must not wait until I am better for God to love me, then," said Amydoubtfully.
"Again, do you obey your mother in order to become her child; or doyou obey her because she loves you and is your mother, Amy?"
"Because she is my mother," said Amy.
"And will your obedience make you more her child than you are, Amy?"
"No, ma'am."
"But because you are her child and she loves you, does that make youcareless of obeying her?"
"If I only could be a better child to please her!" said Amy, the tearsgathering in her eyes.
"It is so with God, my child," said Mrs. Mordaunt. "He loves you, notbecause you are good, but because he is good--because he is love, andso loved you that he gave his Son that you might be saved. Before youcan love him, you must believe his word--that he loves you; andbelieving he loves you, he will make you good and happy. God has giventhe Bible to _tell of his love to you_. Read it, my child; believeit."
Mrs. Harrison came in just then, and Mrs. Mordaunt, after saying a fewwords to her, rose to leave.
That evening Amy took out her Bible with a new interest. "Can it bepossible, indeed," thought she, "that God has written in this bookthat he loves me--_me_, a little sinful child! I will look and see."She read some of the passages she had learned before for Mrs.Mordaunt: "Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and hethat hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine andmilk without money and without price" (Isa. lv. 1). "May I, indeed,come without anything to offer, and will God give me all I want?"Then: "As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so mustthe Son of man be lifted up: that _whosoever_ believeth in him shouldnot perish, but have eternal life" (John iii. 14, 15). "He thatheareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlastinglife, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from deathunto life" (John v. 24).
"Can I not _now_ hear his words," she thought, "and _do I not_believe?" She had read the words often before, but now a new lightseemed to stream forth from them. She wanted forgiveness, and here wasforgiveness offered; she wanted God to love her, and here in everypage was some message of love from him. The Spirit of God opened thelittle child's heart to the Word of God, and she read on as if shenever could hear enough of this blessed news. "We have known andbelieved the love that God hath to us; we love him because he firstloved us."
"I do believe!" she thought; and that evening, as she fell on herknees, she felt for the first time what it was to call God Our Father.Her whole heart glowed with gratitude and love to him who had so lovedher. She laid her down to sleep with the eye of her heavenly Fatherupon her. She awoke in the morning and felt that he was near.Everything made her happy, because God sent everything, and God lovedher. The streams, the woods, the flowers--they had never looked halfso bright, for she felt that God had made them, and God had so lovedher. At school, at her tasks,--everywhere she was happy as a bird, forGod was everywhere. She could not feel cross, for God was near, _andhe loved her_. She could fight with her faults now, for the Almightywas by to help her.
Little children! thousands of little children have had their heartschanged and made happy, just as Amy's was; and _so may yours_. Onlybelieve the love that God has to you, and you must love him; and behis dear and happy child.
Transcriber's Note
Minor punctuation errors have been repaired.
Hyphenation has been made consistent.
The author uses both "a hundred fold" and "an hundred fold". Theseinstances have been preserved as printed.
Amy Harrison; or, Heavenly Seed and Heavenly Dew Page 5
