“When I opened my eyes, I saw my leg in traction and suddenly I was living my life two years ago, still in love with and married to Susan. Yet somehow I knew Alexa was in my life and I felt disloyal. I still half expect Susan to come walking through the hospital room door. What does it say about me for my memories to be all mixed up?” Casey said sadly.
Seth said nothing for a few moments. It had not occurred to him Casey might have deeper emotional scars from his multiple traumas than anyone knew. Considering what his cousin had suffered in his life, what Casey was experiencing was understandable.
“I can see how that would be hard to deal with,” Seth said quietly. “You seemed to catch up pretty quickly though when we talked. I think you would have done fine with seeing Alexa. You were never unfaithful to Susan.”
Casey nodded and looked out the window.
“Every day it gets a little better. The past fades a little more,” Casey said, closing his eyes. “When I’m absolutely sure I won’t be calling Alexa by Susan’s name in bed, I’ll send flowers and apologize.”
Seth grinned and shook his head from side-to-side.
“The very rich and successful Alexa Ranger spent every night you were unconscious sleeping on a floor cot next to your bed, waiting for you to wake up. Then when you did, you refused to see her. She cried like her heart was broken. I don’t think flowers are going to get the job done this time.”
It was sick, but Seth actually enjoyed throwing Casey’s words back at him—mostly because they were true.
“I’ll figure it out,” Casey said, frowning, the thought of Alexa crying over him making him as ill as the other things going on.
“Yeah, well,” Seth informed him. “Jenna has decided she and I are going to be just friends. You better hope like hell Alexa doesn’t decide the same thing about the two of you. It’s not fun sleeping alone all the time.”
Casey laughed and grabbed his head. “Hurts to laugh,” he said. “Alexa would never do that to me.” Memories of being with her were easier to recall now and very intense.
“You didn’t see how hard she cried when I told her you didn’t want to see her,” Seth told him. “I wanted to kill you myself.”
“Thanks,” Casey said with a disparaging laugh.
“Get well fast and fix this,” Seth demanded. “She’s obviously good for you. Just an FYI to motivate you, if that titanium hip replacement works, you might even walk without the cane.”
“Titanium? Sounds expensive,” Casey said with a sigh. “Looks like you might have a roommate for a while longer until I pay for it.”
Seth pulled his lip between his teeth. “Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about the bill. I think it’s mostly paid for already.”
“You’ve obviously never paid medical bills,” Casey said. “They can be endless. Military insurance is not so great.”
“I think the bill for the replacement was settled by the time they installed it in you,” Seth said easily. “Just focus on using the damn thing and walking. That was the point of it.”
“Look,” Casey said, “you don’t have to pay my bills, Seth. It’s enough you’re letting me live with you. I’ll take care of my own bills.”
“As far as I know, there’s no bill, Casey. Now just drop it, okay?” Seth got up, pulled his phone out, and walked to the door. “I need to go make a call, and you need to rest. I heard they were planning to get you on your feet today.”
“Seth,” Casey called out but got nothing but the door closing in reply.
Casey sighed, wishing Seth didn’t feel the urge to take care of him. It was supposed to be the other way around.
*** *** ***
Casey’s first attempt at walking went better than he hoped. He had to use the parallel bars for support, but the more steps he took, the better his hip moved. At times, it was like the normal leg and hip could barely keep up with the repaired one.
The therapist praised his walking. “I heard the titanium models were exceptional, but I never worked with a patient who actually got one. You’re very lucky, Mr. Carter.”
“Yes,” Casey agreed, taking a few more slow steps. “This one feels very different.”
“Well, look at you,” the doctor said, stepping into the therapy room. “Not exactly bionic, but pretty damn good if I say so myself. That’s quite a bit of movement.”
“Bionic?” Casey asked with a laugh. “I wish.”
“Ms. Ranger asked for bionic, but this was the best we could do,” the doctor said easily with a laugh. “I think she’ll be pleased with your progress. And over time, I think you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll get around.”
“Alexa,” Casey said, his throat suddenly dry. “Alexa asked you to make me bionic?”
“Oh, she didn’t tell you?” the doctor asked, laughing himself. “Yes. Ms. Ranger told us money was no object and you were to have the best. So that’s what you got. Then just yesterday, I heard she made a healthy donation to the hospital. You’re a very lucky man, Mr. Carter. Not only is she beautiful, she’s also a good woman with a very generous heart.”
Casey walked slowly to the wheelchair waiting for him, easing himself down into it. The magnitude of his mistake was just starting to dawn on him.
His body hurt around the incision, but the hip replacement didn’t hurt nearly as much compared to the first replacement. Even his other injuries were all steadily improving.
His heart on the other hand might never fully mend. Casey had no idea how to make things right with Alexa. In trying not to hurt her with his memories of Susan, he’d actually hurt Alexa more by rejecting her love when she was finally offering it to him.
“Can I ask you a personal question, Agnes?” Casey looked at his physical therapist, a married woman close to Alexa’s age.
When she gave him an arch look, he just smiled. “It’s not that personal. I just wanted to ask, when your husband screws up, does he send you flowers?”
The woman threw back her head laughing. She handed Casey’s chart to him to hold. Releasing the handbrake on the wheelchair, she started out of the room with him.
“Frank knows better than to send me flowers with some lame apology note,” Agnes said to Casey. “He knows he better tell me to my face he’s sorry. And I want to hear he’s thought through what we fought about and come to his senses. I pretty much stay mad until that happens.”
Casey sighed. “That’s what I was afraid of,” he said, frowning.
The woman huffed. “Weren’t you in the military? And didn’t you run out in front of a car to save a kid, Mr. Hero? Sharing the truth of your feelings ought to be the least of things scares someone like you,” she told him, grinning behind his head as she pushed.
“Marine training didn’t cover groveling,” Casey said, making her laugh.
“I saw your woman talking to a whole room full of press about you,” Agnes told Casey, noting with pleasure the shock on his face. “Yeah, she even put guards near the ICU to keep the reporters away while you healed. I don’t blame you for being worried. She looks like she’s pretty used to dealing with things by herself and not concerned about having a man around.”
“Alexa talked to the press about me?” Casey asked, swallowing the lump in his throat.
“Yeah. Your picture and the story ran two days in the paper. She stood in the conference looking like a queen, answering what she wanted to answer, deflecting what she didn’t. That sweet baby you saved was in her arms part of the time with her mama looking on the whole thing. That woman of yours has more poise than the hospital lawyers,” the therapist told him, helping Casey from the chair and back to the bed.
“Alexa was a model,” Casey said proudly. “She also has her own business. She’s incredible.”
“Well, I don’t doubt that,” the therapist answered easily. “Let me tell you, she flicked off the doctors chasing after her like she was shooing away flies.”
She poked Casey in the chest with her finger. “That woman is totally in love with you,
in case you didn’t know. Whatever you did, you better apologize fast.”
Casey laughed. “Yes, ma’am. If she ever talks to me again, I will certainly apologize.”
That night Casey dreamed of Susan. They were at a picnic and she was flicking flies off herself, getting more and more irritated with them. It made him laugh. She looked at him laughing at her discomfort and told him he would never change. Then she blew him a kiss and disappeared.
The second dream was him dragging Alexa to the floor in her office, ripping the clothes from her body, but undressing her was as far as he got in the dream. He woke up panting with a throbbing erection, no relief in sight. Casey figured such a punishment was well deserved. Not dragging Alexa to the floor was the only regret he had with her, until three days ago when he had refused to see her.
There was no sleeping after the dreams. Casey lay awake in the dark, wondering how to explain to Alexa about his memories of Susan. In the end, he had been as disloyal as he had feared, but it had been to the wrong woman.
“I’m sorry, honey,” he whispered. “Please don’t give up on me.”
Chapter 24
“Mama, this is an intervention,” Jenna yelled as she came through the front door and walked in the direction of the bedroom. “No more sulking. Regina and Lauren will be here shortly.”
She’d visited her mother and found her in tears three days in a row. Today Jenna had decided to change the situation.
“Jenna, what are you yelling about,” Alexa said, walking out of the bedroom in a new blue dress the color of her eyes, long silver and blue sapphire earrings hanging from both ears. “I have a date, and I want to make sure I get there on time.”
“You have a date? But I thought—“ Jenna looked at her mother, blinking at how incredible she looked. “Wow. Nice blue dress. I bet you can sit in that one.”
“Yes, I can. And you may borrow it sometime. I keep telling you dresses don’t have to fit like a second skin to be sexy,” Alexa said, smoothing a hand down the front of the dress. She liked the feel of the woven textures banding the waist.
“Sydney made this for me. It feels amazing,” she said.
“Looks amazing too,” Jenna said. “Uh, who’s your date?”
Alexa looked at her daughter. “Seth,” she said.
Jenna looked like she’d been slapped.
Alexa put her hands on her hips, wondering how long it would be before Jenna stopped passing such harsh judgment on her.
“Really, Jenna? I know Seth brings out your inner drama queen, but can’t you at least give me a little credit?” Alexa frowned at her daughter in open disgust. “For pity’s sake, I’m not dating your old boyfriend. I’ve been meeting Seth every day to get updates on Casey. The dress is because I intend to see Casey Carter today whether he wants to see me or not. And when I do, I damn well intend him to suffer.”
Jenna shook her head to clear away the awful thoughts and make room for some clear thinking. Maturity flittered and fluttered around like a butterfly, never landing on her for long.
“So Seth gives you updates?” Jenna asked, her voice a squeak.
Alexa shook her head up and down. “Yes. I think if it wasn’t for Seth, I wouldn’t be functional. He makes me meet him in person and starts every meeting with an apology for both him and Casey.”
“Sounds like Seth,” Jenna said as she sat. “What about—do you still cry every day?”
Alexa took a seat across from Jenna. “Yes, I do. I cry for Casey and what he’s going through. Then I cry for myself because—well, just because I miss him. Seth told me why Casey refused to see me. I cried about that too, and then I got over it.”
Alexa rose and went to get her purse. “Casey may still long for the wife he lost, but I’m the woman he’s got now. I’ve decided to let the present be enough for me since it’s a waste of energy to be jealous of a dead woman or his memories of her.”
“But aren’t you still hurting?” Jenna asked, seeing the pain move through her mother’s expression in answer.
“Of course I am,” Alexa answered honestly. “My relationship to Casey is turning out to be as tough as the one I had with your father. Since Casey is the first man I’ve loved since Paul, I guess it sort of makes a weird kind of sense.”
“But what if Casey hurts you again?” Jenna asked.
Alexa sighed. “I suppose it could happen, but Casey’s more likely to make me angry a dozen times a day than he is to seriously break my heart. Loving someone isn’t all wonderful, honey. The bottom line is I want what I can have of love with Casey. I’m willing to take the risk of being hurt.”
Jenna just continued to look at her mother in amazement.
“I don’t know how you dig down inside yourself after all you’ve been through this week and somehow find the will to put on a blue dress and go confront him. I think I only had one of those brave moments in me. After failing, I just can’t imagine doing it again,” she told her mother.
“When you find a man who’s worth the effort, you’ll risk anything as many times as necessary, even when you know it might not work out. I’m sure Regina would tell you it’s extremely unhealthy. Sometimes though, it’s just what you have to do, especially with stubborn men,” Alexa said, hugging her daughter and kissing her cheek. “Thank you for the intervention. I am blessed you love me enough to care.”
“Mama,” Jenna said, running a hand through her hair. “I’m sorry about the Seth thing. I’m just—just messed up where he’s concerned. Take the Ferrari today. It goes with the dress. The BMW is too conservative.”
Alexa jingled the Ferrari keys already in her hand. “You are so right, sweetie,” she said, making Jenna laugh.
As her mother drove down the driveway, Jenna made calls to back off the crowd she had arranged to descend.
*** *** ***
Seth felt Alexa enter the cafeteria before he ever saw her. Of course, the whispers, banging trays, and other chaos that ensued would have dragged his attention to her anyway. Today, Alexa was wearing a dress the color of her eyes and looking like she was done being patient. It made him smile. Seth wished he could be a bug on the wall when she confronted Casey.
Though he was still adjusting to seeing Alexa dressed up, it was a pleasure to look at the woman in “full model mode” as Casey called it. Seth couldn’t help being a little jealous of his cousin. Not because Seth wanted Alexa, but because he wondered how much of her mother’s femininity Jenna had inherited, and if he would ever get a chance to find out. He wondered if he was the reason Jenna didn’t dress up more often.
Alexa bent to kiss his cheek, then rubbed the lipstick stain with her thumb.
“Sorry,” she said. “I have a tendency to forget I’m wearing makeup. I went a long time without doing so.”
“You look really good today,” Seth said, enjoying the envious glances of tables and tables of doctors.
“Thank you,” Alexa said, taking the seat across from him. “How is our patient doing?”
“Casey had a bad night,” Seth said. “He woke up dreaming and couldn’t go back to sleep.”
Alexa nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Lately, she was torn between wanting Casey to be miserable and wanting him to get well. “I intend to see him today,” Alexa told Seth.
Seth nodded with a laugh. “Yeah, I kind of figured that out from the dress.”
“This old thing,” Alexa said, attempting to joke, but not able to laugh it off as easily she’d hoped. She had needed to be at her best, more shaken about competing with Casey’s memories of his wife than she’d wanted anyone to know.
Seth reached across the table. “Remember the day you showed up at my condo wearing your ex-husband’s sweats.”
Alexa snorted. “Quite well. Thanks for reminding me of my humiliation.”
“Let me just apologize for all the thoughts I had about your lack of attractiveness and say I stand completely corrected,” Seth said. “The only woman who comes close to being as beautiful as you is your daugh
ter.”
“Well, aren’t you being sweet today,” Alexa said with a genuine smile.
“No,” Seth replied. “I’m being honest. Casey told me back then, but I didn’t get it. Now I do and I’m happy as hell for him. I also want you to know I’m still in love with Jenna. I plan to get her back.”
“One more exciting thing in life to look forward to,” Alexa said laughing, squeezing his hand back.
Seth looked at his watch. “I think you need to head on up to the physical therapy treatment room. Casey should be about half through by now. You really need to see what you paid for in action. He’s slow as Christmas still but walking without a cane, crutches, or any support at times.”
Alexa closed her eyes and said a quick prayer of thanks. “That’s wonderful, Seth.”
“Yes. It is. Now go. Make him work for it. Don’t give in too easy. He’s too used to getting his way around upset women,” Seth joked. “I don’t know why he should have it any easier than the rest of us poor saps.”
The phone rang and Seth gladly took the call.
*** *** ***
“Agnes, I hear this is the last day you get to torture me,” Casey said to his therapist, strapping the ankles weights on by himself. He pulled himself to his feet and braced himself on the parallel bars to begin his walking treks.
“Good. I’m ready for a break,” Agnes said. “I think I’m going to turn over my job to the woman in the blue dress. She looks like she can handle you just fine.”
Casey looked up to see Alexa walk into the treatment room. He was as speechless and overwhelmed as he had been the first time he saw Alexa dressed up. His eyes dropped to her legs for a long time before he could drag them back up to her face. By that time he managed it, Alexa’s arms were crossed, but she was at least smiling.
“If I start by saying how damn sorry I am for not explaining, will you walk down here and hug me?” Casey asked. “I’ve missed you like hell, lady.”
“You wish it could be that easy,” Alexa said, narrowing her eyes and tossing her hair over one shoulder. She had to steal herself not to run to him.
Dating A Cougar Page 24
