“Goodnight, dear, see you next week.”
“Bye, Amanda. Call me later if you want.”
She waves at the woman who replies, “I will most likely do that,” with a return wave.
Without question, I grab Jewel’s basket and soap and follow her out the door. This is becoming routine for us. I like it. We walk the entire way in silence. My mind races with the right way to ask her on a date. How to say those words without scaring her off.
“You okay?” she asks when we reach the corner.
“Go on a date with me.” The words tumble out of my mouth, not at all the way I intended. Dammit. I’m never a fumbling idiot like this. I’m fucking Cash Green and I get the fucking women. Why does this one woman make me act like a fool?
“You know we’re just friends, Cash. I already explained why dating me is a bad idea.” She backs away slightly but doesn’t reach for her things, which are still securely in my arms. She didn’t say no, that’s a good sign. I knew she wouldn’t say yes right away so this is progress.
“No, that first night you assumed that someone like me couldn’t possibly be attracted to someone like you, but there isn’t someone like me or you. We just are. You’re Jewel, I’m Cash and I want us to be Cash and Jewel.” I almost can’t believe the words that just came out of my mouth. How can I confess to her the way I feel when I have a hard time confessing it to myself?
“Cash, stop.” I can see a wall coming up. I need to get her to see that I deserve a goddamn chance.
“Why? I know you have a past, we all have a past but I don’t care. I want you to give me a chance to prove to you that we would be good together.”
“I’m sorry, I just can’t do that. I’m damaged goods.” She shrugs but doesn’t look away. The fact that she’s so easily able to say that she’s not worthy pisses me off.
“Wanna know what I see when I look at you?” I run a hand through my hair, frustration getting the best of me. Not because she won’t go out with me but because she continues to put herself down. It’s maddening.
“No.” Her arms fold protectively across her chest.
“Too bad. The first time I saw you I could see you were broken. You looked so fragile yet you took my breath away. That was the first time I went with Gran to the laundromat. I was waiting in the car and I saw you. I watched you. Couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I continued to bring Gran whenever I could just to catch a glimpse of you.” I move towards her, slowly. Deliberately.
“Cash, stop.”
“No, you need to hear this. Then when I saw Gran go over and talk to you, I knew this was my chance. I waited though until I saw you relax with her. I was never more thankful for timing than I was that night. It was getting harder and harder not to just talk to you but I didn’t want to scare you away.” I pause, shoving my hands in my front pockets. Restraining myself from reaching out to touch her.
“When I look at you I see hope. I see strength. I see a future that’s not full of meetings and uptight assholes and snooty bitches. I see life. I see beauty. I see someone I so badly want to get to know even better. Please, give me a chance.”
“I don’t know. I just have so much baggage. Things I can’t burden you with.”
“Dammit, stop making my decisions for me. I run a million dollar company and deal with people telling me what to do every fucking day. I don’t need that from you. I know what I’m getting myself into and there is nothing more I want than to take you on a date. Please. Don’t make me beg.” I look at her, nerves radiating through my body. She watches me for a few hard seconds before pulling her eyes away.
“I’m sorry. I really am. Goodbye, Cash.” Without a word or second for me to respond she turns around and runs. Not figuratively, but literally fucking runs away from me. Shit. I expected resistance, but I didn’t expect her to run. I fucked up. I blew it. With my adrenaline flowing, I run back to the laundromat to find Gran waiting as usual by the car.
“That’s the look of a man who just had his heart crushed. What happened?” The words are out of her mouth before I’ve even stopped running. I make it to the car, heart pounding out of my chest, more from Jewel running than me. I have a strange mix of emotions running through me. Anger. Hurt. Confusion. Longing. Things I’ve never felt for a woman before.
“I screwed up, Gran. She’s gone.” The words are spoken between choked breaths as the anxiety and exercise come together, tearing me apart.
“Well what did you do?” Her concerned voice works as it always has, calming me down slightly. “Talk to me, Cash. Tell me what happened.” I feel her small hand on my back, which gives me strength to stand upright.
“I asked her on a date.” The words seem so simple, even now. A date. Dinner. Not a big fucking deal right? It’s not like I asked her to marry me for fuck’s sake.
“And she didn’t like that, huh?”
“She ran, Gran. Like totally turned and ran away from me. She thinks I can’t handle her “baggage,” as she calls it. Thinks she’s not good enough for me.” I’m not even sure how I can break through that wall of hers. It’s built fucking thick.
“Prove her wrong.” She makes it sound so easy. If she’d let me prove her wrong I’d have no problems, but she won’t.
“I would, Gran, but she won’t even give me a chance. I guess it’s over with her before it ever really began.”
“Now you hush up. Nothing worthwhile in life comes easy, but it’s always worth fighting for. That girl has feelings for you. However, I get where she’s scared. Intimidated. It will take some time and perseverance, but she’ll come around.”
“I wish I was as sure as you are.”
“You should be but for now, go talk to her. At least apologize for spooking her.”
“You mean apologize for being a gentleman and asking her on a proper date?” The thought is crazy. Tell her I’m sorry for wanting to take her out? What is the world coming to?
“No, that you’re sorry for pushing.” Her firm tone says it all. She’s right. I’m fucking impatient, always have been. To be fair I’ve never had to fight for anything, much less be patient. This is new to me.
“Go, I’m not going to wait here all night.” She shoos me away, forcing me to swallow my pride and go back to Jewel.
“I’ll be right back. Here’s the car key so you can wait inside.” I hand her the set of keys then turn and jog back the direction I just came. When I approach the corner, I slow to a walk, going over what I need to say in my head. She told me before she’s not allowed to have men over but I hope this one time the lady makes an exception. I don’t want to get her in trouble but I know I can’t leave things the way they are with us.
Crossing the street, I notice my surroundings for the first time. The houses are all run down, some more than others and many yards are in disarray but the neighborhood is quiet, for the most part. The walkway up to her house is lined with little flowers and the grass is well kept. Whoever she lives with may not have money, but she takes pride in her things, which I respect. I just hope she doesn’t kick me out before I even get in.
On a deep breath, I let my knuckles connect with the wooden door. Several moments pass by, and I’m contemplating knocking again when the door flies open.
“Can I help you?” The woman looks uneasy. Her eyes bore into me and I was sure she’d have no qualms cutting my dick off if I cross her.
“My name is Cash Green. I’m a friend of Jewels. Would it be okay if I talk to her for a minute? I promise it won’t be long.”
“So you’re the man who has that girl in a tizzy?” She crosses her arms but doesn’t move to let me in. Jewel is in a tizzy? Is that good or bad? What the fuck does tizzy even mean? My brain is trying to play catch up and I’m willing it to hurry so I don’t say anything to piss this woman off.
“I’m going to take a guess and say yeah, I’m the reason she might be upset but if you could just let me talk to her I think I can fix it.”
“Did she tell you she’s not allowed to
have boyfriends over? Men in general? It’s a rule I have.”
“Well, I’m not her boyfriend, yet... but yes she told me about your rules and I know I’m asking you to break one but I really need to talk to her tonight. Please, ten minutes. Give me ten minutes and I’ll get the hell out of here.” I watch her, hoping like hell she agrees. I almost can’t believe I’m standing in a seedy neighborhood begging a gypsy looking woman to talk to a girl I barely know. I must be going out of my mind. I’m at the point of begging. I don’t fucking beg for anyone or anything. At least I never thought I’d want something enough to go there. Never thought I’d want a woman so badly that grovelling is suddenly something I hope I’m good at.
“You can talk to her but so help me if you mess with that girl’s head, I will chop your nuts off myself. That girl is special and deserves someone who treats her as such. Are we clear?”
“We agree on a lot actually. She is special, and I’d never do anything to hurt her. Also, I’m rather fond of my nuts and prefer to keep them right where they are.”
“Good, come in but I gotta warn you, she’s kind of a mess and she’s gonna be pissed to see you.”
“Thank you, Miss…”
“Sheila, now come on.”
Sheila nods, standing to the side, allowing me in. I follow her down a hallway towards an archway. She turns and holds up her first finger, signaling to stay put. I stop walking and wait.
“Jewel, you have a visitor,” Sheila announces, signaling for me to come in. Jewel is leaning back on the couch, lost in thought. I can tell she’s been crying. Knowing it’s because of me causes an unfamiliar pain in my chest.
“What the hell are you doing here? I can’t have men here! You’re gonna get me kicked out!” Her voice is borderline screaming, and I can see rage flash in her eyes. Even when she’s pissed she’s fucking gorgeous.
“Jewel, calm down. I’ll let it pass this one time. You’re not going anywhere, hun,” Sheila says, hopefully calming Jewel down.
“Still, he has no right here.” Her arms fold across her chest, defensive again. I hate that she feels like she needs to protect herself against me.
“Sweetheart, listen to me. Give the man a chance. What do you have to lose?” I’m thankful Sheila seems to have my back. I don’t say anything yet, instead I stand quietly waiting for Jewel to calm down.
“My pride. My integrity. My heart,” she says softly, looking only at Sheila. Her admission cautions me to be even more careful with her than I originally intended.
Sheila’s hands plant themselves on her shoulders. “Life is about living Jewel and sometimes in life you get hurt, but you can’t shield yourself forever. That’s not living. Now, talk to him. Tell him what you told me and see what happens.” Her voice is barely above a whisper. If there was any background noise I wouldn’t have heard what she said.
“I can’t,” she whispers.
“Yes, you can,” she said before kissing Jewel on the cheek and leaving the two of us alone. A few seconds pass and I almost expect her to run again, but she doesn’t. She just stands there, still not looking at me.
“Jewel, I’m sorry. I didn’t know coming here could get you kicked out. You just won’t give me a chance. I had to try one more time.” Not sure if that was the best opener, but at least the silence is broken.
“You don’t know a lot, Cash.” That’s one thing she’s right about. I don’t know a lot but how am I supposed to if she won’t let me in? Just a little.
“Because you won’t tell me! Talk to me. Please.” I can hear the pleading in my own voice. I hope she hears it. I hope she feels my desperation for her. God knows I’ve never been desperate for a woman in my entire life. Jewel is special in ways she can’t even imagine.
“I like having you as a friend. I like what we have going on. If I tell you everything you’ll realize I’m not the girl you think I am.”
“Try me.”
“You’ll run out of here freaked the fuck out. My life is not a fairy tale. It’s fucking dark and dirty.”
“Freak me out then, do your best, Jewel.” I raise my hands in surrender.
“Fine, I’ll tell you everything then find a new laundromat. Come on, sit.” She points to the couch for me to sit. She sits across from me. Her hands fidget in her lap. I want to reach over and touch her hand but something tells me to keep my distance, at least for now.
“I don’t know where to start.”
“How about the beginning?”
“The beginning? Yeah, okay… I’ll start there.” I watch her chest rise as she sucks in a calming breath of air and rubs the palms of her hands on her jeans.
“When I was ten years old my dad was hauled away to prison. That was the beginning of my hell. My mother started dating all her dealers and bringing strange people home all the time. I always hid in my room with the door locked and felt safe, until I was fourteen. That was when my virginity was taken. After that three more of her boyfriends would have their way with me until she died from an overdose right after my high school graduation. After everything that she allowed to happen to me, I shouldn’t have been sad when I buried her but I was. I said my goodbyes, packed my car, and was ready to leave town and never look back.
“I stopped at a gas station and that’s where I ran into Destin. He’d been the high school jock and the guy all the girls wanted. He never paid attention to me until that day. He talked me into going to hang out with him, one night, he promised then I could leave town like I planned. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret my decision. I wanted so badly to be wanted that I bought into his bullshit. He started me on ecstasy then cocaine then meth and finally heroin. Within a year, I was a full on drug addict.
“After a year, he got tired of me and kicked me out of his house. I spent the next two years living on the streets with my drug addicted friends. I did horrible things to survive and to get my next fix. I was a prostitute until the pimp beat the shit out of me. I was a stripper for awhile. I also paid for all my drugs with sex. I can’t begin to tell you how many people I’ve slept with, men and women.” She pauses to breathe, the weight of her admission lifting from her shoulders, the deep sadness I feel for the life she’s been forced to live settling on my own.
“Anyway, I was getting tired of the life. Tired of gross men touching me. Tired of pretending I liked sleeping with women. Tired of not having a real home. Tired of being high. The fucked up thing is no matter how tired I got of being high, the craving over powered it. I couldn’t not do drugs. They were my life.
“One night I was at a party with my friend Star, and I just didn’t want to be there but the pull to the drugs was too strong. Destin was there and wanted a threesome with Star and me. I tried to refuse, but he pinned me down and injected a cocktail of something into me. Before long I was fucking both of them. When we were finally done he gave me a pill and the next thing I know I was waking up in the hospital.
“I’d overdosed and my so called friends pushed me out of the car in front of the ER. They didn’t even know who I was. I was in a coma for a while and went through most of the DT phase while I was out. Anyway, they kept me until I was strong enough to move to a rehab center. I stayed there for ninety days before I was transitioned here to live with Sheila and learn how to live in society again.”
“How long have you been here?” I ask carefully, not wanting to say the wrong thing.
“Six months.”
“Is that all?” I can’t believe it’s only been six months and she’s doing as well as she is. She’s more amazing than I thought.
“In a nutshell yes. Do you see now? Do you see why you and I could never work?”
“What’s your real name?” I ask, ignoring her question on purpose. I can also see the tears forming in her eyes that she’s fighting too hard not to let me see.
“Cara,” she finally admits. I watch her, letting her story sink in. Allowing it to bury itself inside of me. Holding it for her so she can let go. I can almost feel her pain. The
sorrow she’s lived with. The crippling addiction. I hate the fact that she sold her body to deal with the addiction, but it doesn’t turn me off from her. No, I want to hold her. Protect her. Love her. Finally, I take a chance and lay my hand on her shoulder.
“You don’t have to say anything, Cash, just go please.” Her words are muffled by her hands that are covering her face.
“Stand up and look at me please.” I gently pull her hands away from her face. I need her to look at me. I need her to believe me. “You didn’t freak me out if that’s what you think. I’m so sorry you went through all of that, and I swear to God if I ever meet that Destin guy, I will knock his teeth out but your past doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”
“I’m broken, Cash. My body is broken.” The tears she tried to keep at bay were now flowing freely down her face.
“Let me help you fix it. Let me in. Let me show you what it’s like to be cared about. To be treated with respect and dignity. To be loved and protected.”
“After hearing all of that, you still want to be with me?”
“Cara,” I began, saying her name slowly. “There is nothing you could ever tell me that would change my mind about you. Your past is exactly that, your past. Leave it there and let me be a part of your present and hopefully your future.”
“Okay,” she whispers though tears.
“Okay? Really?”
“Yeah, we can try but we have to take it slow.”
“Of course, we have all the time in the world.” My own tears begin to fall as a smile spreads across my face. The range of emotions I feel is almost overwhelming, but I wouldn’t trade this feeling for the numb way I’d been living my life. Being with Cara is a second chance not only for her but for me too.
***
We agreed on a dinner date after the laundromat next Saturday. Monday began the longest week of my life. By Thursday, I’m irritated and short fused with everyone. Anxiousness to get Cara away from the laundromat, and hopefully comfortable with me is all I can think about. I’m lost in thoughts of her when my partner calls my name.
Millionaire (The Laundromat Chronicles Book 1) Page 5
