by CM Foss
I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. I didn’t even get to drive the car I used to be so excited about. It was parked in a space underground and never saw the light of day. And I spent a fucking fortune for it to sit there. I was probably gonna sell it to the attendant who eyed it constantly. Shit, he probably made more money than I did anyway.
I’d wanted to be a doctor for as long as I could remember. So long that I couldn’t remember the reasons. I’m not sure what I thought it would be like, but I hadn’t enjoyed it in a long time. Maybe ever.
I envied Ivy. Not her whole life, obviously. I didn’t want to lose my entire family. But she’d just moved on from everything she knew and started over. That was brave. I didn’t know if I had that kind of courage and self-assurance. I was trapped in a life that I’d set into motion from the time I was eighteen. There was no one to blame but myself.
What would I have done differently? I don’t know. Something though.
I felt like I was in limbo, waiting for a new opportunity to arise, when Ivy had gone out and created her own.
Maybe this dinner, this new girl—Stacy—maybe she was what I was looking for. Or maybe she knew someone who was. I wanted to stop wallowing and think of every day as an opportunity. That’s what Ivy would do. Probably I should stop comparing everything to her as well. That’d likely help.
A little bit renewed and a little bit hopeful that this evening wouldn’t turn out to suck as much as I’d been gearing myself up for, I made my way to the front door.
My phone pinged with a text from Sean back home:
What’s up loser?
I laughed despite his asshole-ness. It was good to hear from a friend, and I knew he ragged on me for a reason. I texted back:
I’m going out tonight, asshole.
He responded:
Work or pleasure?
I ignored him, because he knew the answer, but he sent one more message before I slipped the phone into my pocket.
Loser
I rolled my eyes and walked out the door.
Ivy
“What is wrong with you?” Connie hollered through my front door as I shot up in bed. I blinked heavily and rubbed my eyes, disoriented.
She stomped into my bedroom before I could scramble out from beneath the covers and pretend I was doing something other than what I’d been doing. I clutched my blanket under my chin, covering my naked chest, keeping my eyes downcast.
“I can’t believe it!” Her voice rose in pitch, and I swear her hair was curling tighter. “How many times do I have to catch you like this?”
“I don’t know!” I huffed and slapped a hand onto the mattress next to me. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve never had to set an alarm before, and now I sleep until you walk in and yell at me.”
I raised my eyes to see Connie rifling through my closet and caught the jeans and shirt she flung my way before they hit me in the face.
I tossed the shirt back at her. “I can’t wear that. It’s too itchy. Give me something soft.”
She pursed her lips and stomped out, calling over her shoulder. “Find it yourself. I’m making you some breakfast, and then Luke is coming and we have to get ready for the group this weekend. Get your skinny ass out of bed.”
I rolled my eyes and glanced at my clock. Seven a.m. I mean, it was later than I usually got up, but it wasn’t like I’d slept through the whole morning.
I forced myself out of bed, tugged on my jeans, then found a shirt that was comfortable and pulled it over my head. My stomach growled at me; I was starving, so I knotted my hair on top of my head as I padded out to the kitchen, where the scent of eggs and bacon assailed me. As soon as it hit my nose, I turned on my heel and ran back into the bathroom, dry heaving into the toilet until my eyes watered and my forehead pounded.
I rested my cheek on my forearm and closed my eyes, breathing heavily. I stayed there until I heard Connie’s footsteps.
“Mmhmm.”
I just rocked my head back and forth.
“You’re pregnant,” she said definitively.
“I am not.” My head shot up, and the swiftness of the action made me dizzy.
“You’re somethin’. How long has this been going on?”
“I’m just tired. It’s been a crazy couple of months.”
“It’s been no different than all the months in every year. Except your city doc.”
My eyes widened. “No.”
“Yes.”
“No!” I jumped to my feet, swaying slightly, and pointed at her. “You bought me condoms. So many condoms. There’s no way. There’s just no way.”
“Oh, there’s a way, lady.”
“No.”
She stared at me, hard and long, then reached forward to take my hand, tugging me out of the bathroom. I followed without a word, barely having time to slide my feet into my boots on the way out. She dragged me down the path to the barn, where Luke was at his truck, thankfully alone and rifling through his equipment.
“Get your ultrasound out. We need a peek in this girl.”
He cocked his head and looked at her curiously, but shrugged and turned back to his truck. “Okay.”
I started to laugh, albeit a touch hysterically, but shut up when Connie shot me a glare.
Luke pulled out his portable ultrasound machine and set it on the ground. I folded my legs under me and sat next to it.
“What are we looking at?” he asked.
I sighed, and my eyes darted between him and Connie, who looked at me pointedly. I took a deep breath and lifted my shirt to expose my abdomen, lying back on the grass to stare up at the sun. I flipped my elbow over my eyes to shield them and waited.
With no further speaking, I felt Luke squirt the gel on my belly, and I tensed when the cold wand touched my skin. He moved it in circles, tapping at keys on the keyboard to pull up the images on the screen.
“Yep,” he said, suddenly breaking the silence. “That’s a baby.”
My arm dropped from my face, and I propped myself on my elbows to look. He was grinning, pointing at the gray shape on the screen. It was… a baby. Not just a blob, but a baby. My eyes welled up with tears, a mixture of fear and wonder. A lot of fear and a lot of wonder.
“I don’t know too much about human ultrasounds, but I can take some measurements and google it if you want,” he offered. “We could probably figure out how far along you are.”
I nodded mutely, counting back in my head. “That’s okay. I can figure it out pretty easily.”
He passed me a towel and turned to put his equipment away. I cleaned myself off while Connie looked at me with a concerned expression. I didn’t say anything, just stood and gestured for Luke to follow me into the barn to start our day. There were too many things to do, and I didn’t have time to think about all this yet. Let alone process. So I just… went on about my day.
I’d helped birth babies of all species. I could handle my own.
Later. Later, I’d process.
Chapter 11
Patrick
I scanned the room, looking for a friendly face. Or just one I knew. I hated this. Inwardly, anyway. On the outside, I was confident and cool. But on the inside, I was outside, smoking, by myself. I grabbed a cocktail from the bar in the corner and took a sip, the burn of the amber liquid soothing me as it rolled down my throat. Bob caught my eye in the midst of a small crowd, no doubt regaling them with tales more fiction than fact.
He gestured for me to come over, and I clinked glasses with him as I once again wished him a happy birthday. He introduced me to his group of friends, and I shook hands with everyone. I was the young guy, the newbie at the practice, and while some of them, all in their mid to late sixties, gave me a hard time, it was all good-natured.
�
�So, Patrick, how are you liking New York so far?” one older gentleman asked.
I nodded and took another sip from my drink. “It’s been great,” I lied, smiling over my glass.
“Any good stories?”
I made eye contact with Bob, and he winked at me. There were always stories.
But I shrugged. “Nothing too different from back home. The pace isn’t as hectic in private practice, that’s for sure. I like getting to spend a little more time with the patients, talk to them more and figure out what they need aside from a pill or a signature.”
The group fell into a brief moment of awkward silence until Bob cleared his throat and clapped me on the back.
“Yeah, it’s fun having a young, fresh one in the group. They’re always so full of hope.”
Everyone erupted in laughter, myself included, albeit not as loudly as those surrounding me.
Just then, a stunning blonde, stunning but not real, stepped into the fold, her hair swept to the side, held by a glittering clip and exposing a graceful neck. The straps of her black dress were positioned off her shoulders, and the rest of the fabric clung to her like a second skin, reaching to just above her knee. She was dripping in glittering diamonds, from her hair to her ears down to her wrists. Even her shoes were blinding. The only parts of her not adorned in jewels were her long legs and prominently displayed chest. Her lips were painted a deep crimson, and her blue eyes were fringed with false lashes, expertly applied.
The image of Ivy flashed through my mind once again, back to the evening she had her loose waves pulled casually to the side, completely sexy in nothing but shorts and a soft white T-shirt. She didn’t need all the excess. What was it she’d she said?
You only need to dress it up when it sucks.
The moment her words hit me, I snorted in laughter and had to pretend I’d choked on my drink, coughing into my glass to hide my smile.
The woman waited until I’d composed myself, and Bob introduced her as the one and only Stacy.
She ran her arm up my sleeve, leaning into me in a practiced move.
“Will you sit with me for dinner?” she asked.
I looked down at her, though not too far ’cause she was nearly eye level in her lethal heels.
I raised one corner of my mouth in a barely there smile. “Sure. Lead the way.”
I followed behind her, my eyes aimlessly wandering the room.
We sat, and almost immediately salad plates were placed in front of us. I actually hesitated to touch the artistic display of somewhat unidentifiable vegetables, but I was starving, so I poked at it with my fork until the creation fell into a pile. You know, so it looked kind of like a normal salad. I took a bite, and it tasted like a normal salad too. Nothing special. I’d expected a different experience by looking at it.
Stacy took a bite from the edge of her plate, daintily placing the tip of her fork into her lips without smudging her lipstick at all. “So, Patrick, how’s our great city treating you so far?”
I pasted my well-practiced doctor smile on my face. “It’s great. I’ve been pretty busy, so there hasn’t been much time for sightseeing.”
“That’s too bad.” She smirked a little and kept picking at her food.
Before long, another dish was swapped out, and another. Everything was more elaborately plated than the last. Everything tasted the same.
We’d made painful small talk for the past half hour, mainly Stacy peppering me with questions while I revealed as little information about myself as possible. Finally my ingrained politeness took over. “So Stacy, what is it that you do?”
She waved a hand around us. “This.”
I cocked my head to the side in question.
“I’m an event planner and own a catering business. We’re one of the best in the city.”
She was proud, and she should be. The event was beautiful and seamless. It just wasn’t my scene. Anymore. It fell flat. The glitter held no magic. It was boring, predictable. Glitter was always shiny. No one ever thought of who made it that way.
I nodded wordlessly, reaching for my drink.
“So, Patrick.” She placed a hand on my knee, making me tense as a bad kind of shiver shot up my spine. “Can I offer to show you around? You shouldn’t work all the time without some sort of outlet, you know. We all need a little fun.”
Her hand started to drift upward, and I sat straighter, clearing my throat. I gently removed her hand from my leg and smiled kindly. Well, I tried. She was just a bit much. It was off-putting.
“As I said, I’m pretty busy. But I appreciate the offer. If my schedule frees up, I’ll be sure to let you know.”
She pouted for an instant before a smile graced her features once again, and she let her fingers drift down my back. “I’ll be sure to tell Bob you need a break.”
I took a deep breath and let out a mirthless laugh. “That’s really unnecessary.”
Just then, the man himself sat down beside me heavily.
“Did Stacy tell you the news?” he boomed.
“Uh, no. What news?”
“She’s organized a little getaway for the practice. Well, most of us, anyway. Someone has to stay behind of course. But Stacy suggested we need a little team building, so we’re going on some sort of corporate retreat.”
I took a sip of water and nodded. Fuck, I was ready for a cigarette. “Sounds great,” I lied. “Just tell me when and where.”
Stacy chimed in, gushing. “It’s this farm down in southern Virginia. The food is supposed to be to die for. It’s very Zen.” Her voice was breathless and odd. “You work with your hands, and you cultivate together. And this woman cooks the food you harvest. I’ve heard just the most wonderful things about it.”
With every word she spoke, my senses went on alert. I took another sip of water to compose myself and appear unaffected.
“This place. What’s it called?”
She clapped her hands together. “It’s called The Green House. Isn’t that clever?”
Indeed.
Ivy
“All right. What’s the plan?” Emily tromped in my front door without bothering to knock. We’d become close friends since that first night we met at the bar a few months ago, and she was the first person I texted with my news.
I was sitting on my couch, sipping from my wineglass, and I’d just realized I hadn’t turned any lights on.
“Hey,” she called out, “you can’t be drinking!”
“I’m not,” I said quietly. “It’s apple juice. It just makes me feel better out of a wineglass.”
She humphed and plopped down next to me.
“You okay?”
I shrugged.
“I’m gonna need you to say somethin’ here pretty soon.”
I looked over at her. “Like what?”
“Just show an emotion of some sort. I’m not sure this is very normal.”
“Well, Emily.” I paused and set my glass down. “I’m pregnant. I’ve been pregnant for a little while now, apparently. I’m an idiot who doesn’t pay attention to her own cycle, even though I could tell you in detail about the reproductive cycle of a goat. I’m single, with no family in sight. The father of said baby is a man I met on the side of the motherfucking road!” My voice rose to a yell. “I responsibly used protection for an irresponsible one-night stand that has suddenly resulted in an epic change of life!”
“Well,” she said after a beat. “I don’t see there’s need to curse.”
I glared at her through narrowed eyes and an arched brow.
“Anything else?” she asked.
“Yeah.” I quieted down. “I don’t even know his last name.”
Her mouth opened and closed a few times.
“Well.”
“
Yep.”
“But you have his phone number, right?”
“Nope.”
“Why the fuck don’t you have his number?”
I made a face at her hypocritical use of a curse word. “Because I was never supposed to see him again! It was… it was easier. To let him off clean.”
“How’s that working out now?”
“Really fucking great. Can’t you tell?”
“You are terrible at the one-night stand.”
If looks could kill, the girl would be obliterated. She just grinned.
“Oh come on!” She slapped my leg. “This is great news! You’re having a baby; I’ll be an aunt! A baby is great news. Congratulations!”
I sighed and sniffled. “Now you’re making me feel bad. I’m kind of… embarrassed. I can’t believe I got knocked up. My mom must be so mad at me.”
“Your mom is up in heaven, so she knew this was happening before you did.”
“Oh God.” I buried my face in my hands.
“Him too.”
“My mom watched me have a one-night stand.”
“Okay, stop.” She waved her hands in the air. “This isn’t healthy. I’m sure your mom didn’t look.”
I snort laughed. “That’s not helpful.”
“It’s all I got. The fact is, you’re having a baby. Have you called your OB?”
I immediately broke out in a cold sweat, and my breath came out in short pants. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.
“I don’t… I don’t have one.”
Emily’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “What do you mean? You haven’t had a checkup since you moved here?”
I leapt to my feet and started pacing, shaking my arms out at my sides. “I can’t… I don’t… I just can’t.”
“I’m lost.”
I spun to face her. “I used to be good with medical things, you know? I mean, I went to medical school, for Pete’s sake. But something happened after my mom died. The smell… the people… the sounds. The death. The negativity. The last time I walked into a hospital, all that hit me, like a tornado swirling around me.” I sat back down. “That was it. I’ve never been able to make myself go back.”
