by CM Foss
Emily stood and swept the polish bottles into her bag. She gave me a sympathetic look and abandoned me without another word. Patrick walked around and took her seat, resting his elbows on his knees, his fingers held in a steeple in front of his lips. “I don’t know the point, Ivy. I really don’t. But what if it isn’t the end? It doesn’t have to be. You’re still here, Ivy. We could have lost you too. You know that? So now you get to make the reason. You make the point.”
Chapter 28
Patrick
“You know,” Luke said as we walked out to the field to herd the bulls through the working pens. “I was born in New York City. Ivy ever tell you that?”
My eyes went wide as I zipped my jacket up farther against the blustery winds we were having today. “No. No, she did not.”
“Well, it wasn’t really for me. I don’t enjoy city things so much.”
I stared at his bare legs. “What are city things? You mean like wearing pants?”
He nodded. “Things like that.”
I tightened my lips to keep from smiling. He was real serious. We reached the first bull, and I opened the gate to allow it into the corral. He slowly ambled in, not even slightly rushed. My eyes kept drifting to the chute. No longer muddy and slick, you’d never know the events that unfolded just a few short weeks ago.
Luke’s gaze followed mine.
“It was an accident. Just a freak accident. You know that, right?”
I bobbed my head, mainly to myself. “What happened? Can you show me where?”
It was killing me not to know. I didn’t understand. Tell me about a car wreck or a bicycling accident or falling off a cliff, and I could imagine the circumstances. How precisely Ivy was trampled by a docile bull that had been standing surrounded by steel pipes was beyond what my mind could conjure.
Luke nodded and walked over to the nearest chute. He ran his toe over the corner of the rubber mat. “Emily probably told you how muddy it was, right?”
“Yeah. But she wasn’t here when it happened. You were.”
“It was more rain than we usually get at once. Usually the pens drain pretty quickly. And usually it’s nothing more than an inconvenience when it’s wet. Messy.” He stopped right in front of the opening, hanging one arm over the rail. “Bulls aren’t the dumbest creatures in the world, but they sure aren’t the smartest either. And if they get scared, you best get out of their way. If you can.”
“I don’t understand, really, why she couldn’t. He was in the chute.” I ran a hand through my hair and across my face.
“She should have asked for help, but she couldn’t have imagined what would happen. I was over there”—he pointed behind him—“talking to Matt, and she was talking to her clients. I usually keep my mouth shut at meetings like that. The suits always think I’m a little odd.” He winked at me, and I twisted my lips into a wry smile. “Moto’s foot was stuck under the edge of this mat. Try lifting it.”
I furrowed my eyebrows but leaned over and lifted the corner just using my fingertips. The weight of it slipped out immediately and fell back to the dirt with a loud thwack. I winced as the rough underside scraped my fingers on its way down. Crouching down on my knees, I pushed my hands farther under it and lifted it securely this time.
“Jeez that’s heavy.” I grunted as I let it fall again.
Luke nodded grimly as he watched me. I stretched to my full height and stood aside as he took my place.
“In the mud, Moto’s foot slipped under here. Ivy was trying to get him to lift his foot up and out. That bull is as broke as they come, and he’d follow her anywhere. Would have been fine if one of the suits hadn’t tried to help out. But he panicked, and Ivy’s hand was stuck between that mat and the pole. It must have hurt something fierce. That was the point where I realized we had a problem. My first thought was to calm him down, but when she lost her footing and he lost his mind, I just wanted to get him away from her as fast as I could.” He stood and looked off into the mountains in the distance. “I’m real sorry. I’m not sure if that was the right decision or not. If I could have quieted him, would she have escaped with some bumps and bruises, but still have the baby?” He shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“Or would she have been trampled worse, and would we have lost both of them?”
He turned and looked at me with a sad smile. “Don’t know.”
I blinked away the tight feeling behind my eyes. I was devastated about the baby, but my heart dropped to my stomach at the thought of losing Ivy too.
“How’s she doing?” he asked.
I let out a huff out laughter with no humor whatsoever. “Ah. That’s hard to say. She’s healing, physically anyway. She doesn’t talk much. At least not to me. I’m giving her space, I’m letting her heal. I’m here for her even though she doesn’t want me to be. But I’m not healing. Because I don’t have her. And I’m pissed off that she thinks she can do it without me.” That was it. I was mad. Hearing her brush me off last night had pissed me off to no end.
He ran a hand over his head, smoothing the ponytail tied at the nape of his neck.
“I’ve been married thirty years. Did I ever tell you that?”
I blinked rapidly at the change in subject, but ingrained politeness made me say, “No. I didn’t know that.”
“What I’ve learned in that time is that women are smarter than men.”
“For fuck’s sake, Luke, don’t say that too loud around here.”
He laughed loudly. “Son, you think they don’t already know?”
“Still, saying it out loud is like confessing without your attorney present.”
He smirked. “They may be smarter, but we’re around for a reason. Don’t let her push you away.”
“I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“So you are. The question is, are you gonna stay here?”
I stared down at my boots and scuffed a circle in the dirt. “I was already working on a way out of my contract before the accident. I was going to surprise Ivy. I applied to different hospitals as close to here as I could. I have some offers.”
“But?” he prodded.
I threw up my hands. “What if she doesn’t want me anymore?”
“That’s a good question. What if she doesn’t? Would you be happy in the area?”
My heart thundered at his mention of “doesn’t.” What if she doesn’t? I looked around the countryside. It was beautiful and peaceful, nature at its finest. Where once I felt the need to have people around, buzzing past me and keeping me busy, I found myself content in my own skin for once, just standing in a field.
“I like it here. Never thought I’d say that, but I do.” I kicked the dirt again.
“She does though.”
I lifted my head in question.
“Want you. If she really didn’t want you around, there’s no way that girl wouldn’t boot your ass out fast enough to make your head spin.”
I chuckled, oddly comforted by that fact.
“Can I ask you something?” He folded his arms across his chest as he regarded me through narrowed eyes.
“Shoot.”
“Do you really want to work at a hospital again?”
I blew out a breath. “It’s not my dream job. But it’s a start.”
“What is your dream job, then?”
“I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to make a difference. I guess that’s why I wanted to become a doctor in the first place. Now… now I want to help people live a better life. I want to save someone and have them tell me thank you instead of giving me the middle finger. Just once. I want a family and a life where I can breathe without smoking. And I want Ivy.” The words flooded out of me without thinking. “But at the end of the day… if I made no difference, if I helped no one, and not one soul said thank you
; if I breathed smog and couldn’t have kids and spent hours looking at a starless sky… I’d be happy with nothing but Ivy.”
Luke nodded slowly. “That’s real poetic. You smoke weed?”
“No, sir.”
“That’s a shame. For me anyway. Ivy hates it, so then it’s probably good. Regardless, I have a few ideas for you. Will you listen to an old hippie?”
One corner of my mouth raised in a smirk as I regarded him. “Not a regular one. But a high-tech one… I just might.”
Ivy
A soft tapping on my door grew louder as I struggled to find my way out of that obnoxious place between sleep and awake. It was obnoxious because I’d been in it for hours, unable to actually rest, and now I couldn’t seem to actually come around. Finally, I pried my eyes open and squinted against the light. It was so weird to sleep during the day. You feel like the whole world is going on around you and you’re just lying in the middle of it.
It was frustrating, not being able to help. To see Connie bustling around or Emily popping in as they picked up clothes and gathered dishes or brought me food that I begrudgingly ate on occasion made me want to leap from the bed and do it all myself. But that first try ended at the attempt of the leap and probably set my healing time back a couple of weeks.
They say sleep helps you heal, and it also helps you block out the world, so anytime someone was around, I worked really hard at it. At least I dozed. When they were gone, I eased my way out of bed and pretended to be busy but mainly ended up shuffling around the house since everything was taken care of. My ego actually took a little blow, seeing how easily and smoothly things ran without me. But mostly I was proud of the farm and deeply touched by my friends. Even Patrick, who had jumped in, boots and all.
That being said, if one of them was around to get the door, it would have been super. I would have just called out for whoever it was to come in, but yelling still hurt and I wasn’t really dressed for company. I rolled onto my side and let my legs hang over the edge. Taking a deep, slow breath, I pushed myself upright. Once my body adjusted to the sitting position, I scooted forward until my feet touched the ground and then slowly straightened. It didn’t feel great, but it was getting much easier.
The knocking had stopped, and I figured whoever it was had left or was resigned to waiting. There should have been plenty of people outside for them to talk to anyway. So I took the time to go to the bathroom and change into some cleanish jeans and a loose sweater. It actually took a lot of time. I gathered my hair into a pile on the top of my head, an impressive feat with my right hand still casted, and slowly made my way out of my bedroom.
Whoever was there knocked again, louder this time. I rolled my eyes and grumbled under my breath as I shuffled to the door.
I narrowed my eyes as I swung it open to reveal Patrick hiding behind a large bouquet of daisies. All I could see of him was the bottom of his blue button-down and his long, jeans-clad legs. And his now-worn pair of cowboy boots. I bit down hard on my lip to keep from smiling. I wasn’t ready to smile.
“What are you doing?” I propped my good hand on my hip.
He peeked around the side of the flowers. His jaw was scruffy, and he clearly hadn’t had a haircut in too long. I clenched my fist to tamp down the desire to run my fingers through it. His dark green eyes had a playful glint to them, and he raised an eyebrow as he looked me up and down. I tugged the sweater away from myself, away from what it was hiding.
He pushed his way inside and swept past me, thrusting the flowers into my hand. I stared at them a moment. Cheerful fucking daisies. He turned to face me, his lower lip drawn between his teeth as it often was when he was thinking.
“Do you remember, back in Texas, when you said we couldn’t date because we’d never been on a date?”
I pursed my lips and moved to ease myself onto the couch. I picked at one of the white petals and blew out a shaky breath.
“Seems like a long time ago.”
He sat beside me, not touching, just close. That’s what he’d been doing since the accident. Just close, never pushing, never prodding. He was just there. I’d been taking advantage of the simple comfort of his nearness but never giving him anything in return.
“It does. Time is… it’s moving fast. It always does. And if we let it, it’ll pass us by. You and I already know it can be taken away in a heartbeat. I don’t want to waste it anymore.”
“What are you saying?”
He blew out a breath. “I’m saying… I’m asking you out on a date. Will you go? Will you go on a date with me?”
Tears pricked behind my eyes, and I blinked them away. But that tiny crack in the floodgates proved to be all that was needed. A sob escaped my lips, and Patrick’s arms encircled me. He didn’t say anything else, just pressed his lips to my hair and held me as I cried. It hurt. It hurt so badly. From deep within my chest it ached, and in my stomach it was a searing, tearing pain, fierce and burning. I pinned my forearm against my abdomen, trying to stabilize it as I gulped in air only to have it sucked from me over and over again.
I’m not sure how long we stayed like that, but eventually my breathing eased and the tears subsided. I pulled away and began the process of wiping my eyes, blinking to clear them. A breath of laughter escaped my lips as I sniffled and smoothed my damp hair behind my ears.
His thumbs came up to wipe the errant tears from my cheeks. My breath was still coming in little hiccups as his eyes searched mine.
“Was that a yes or a no?”
I fell forward, head to his chest, laughing shakily. “Stop making me laugh.”
“I love your laugh.”
“Laughing hurts.” I sniffed.
He kissed the top of my head. “I know.”
“Everything hurts,” I whispered.
“Are you ready to…?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “Not yet. Just… not yet.”
Chapter 29
Patrick
“What do people do on a date?” she asked as we slowly walked down the path away from her house.
She’d agreed to the date but had made me wait while she got ready. It took forever, but I’d have waited longer. Her hair fell in soft waves down her back and framing her face. She’d applied light makeup, an attempt, I’m sure, to hide the faint circles beneath her eyes and add some color to her pale cheeks. But to me, she was just as beautiful when her lashes were wet and her eyes turned bright green from her tears.
I gently took her hand and linked our fingers. “Well, normal people usually go to a restaurant or a movie. Things like that. They eat and talk. Most of the time it’s pretty awkward.”
“That’s because eating in front of someone you don’t know is weird.”
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment before blinking them open. I was glad to see some of her quirk coming out but… “What?”
“Eating is very intimate, you know?” Her eyebrows were drawn together in concentration. I tried not to laugh at her.
“I guess.”
“It is.” Her voice rose along with her excitement. “Would you eat meatloaf on a first date?”
“Probably not.”
“Because it’s weird. That’s like a… a ‘sitting on the couch with your hand down your pants’ kind of meal. But it’s your favorite. You should be able to have it whenever you like.”
I shrugged. “Maybe that’s what makes it special.”
“Precisely.”
“What?” I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I started to laugh and had to stop walking so I could deal with the onslaught of oddity flying at me.
She turned and faced me, lips pursed. “You ate meatloaf in front of me, right?”
“I did. It didn’t strike me as bizarre at the time.”
“Well, we weren’t dating at the time. B
ut if we were, you probably would have been uncomfortable.”
I held up my hand to stop her from saying anything else. “We were kind of dating.”
“No, we weren’t.”
“Well, we are now, and I would still dig into some meatloaf right here, right now.”
She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Okay, we are a bad example of a dating couple.”
I stared at her with a smirk for a long while. “You said couple.”
She tilted her head to look up at the heavens and sighed. “Okay, you know what? Forget about normal couples. We are clearly not that. What I should have asked was, what are we doing on this particular date?”
I stepped up to her and placed a finger under her chin, tipping her mouth to mine. Her breath hitched as I brushed our lips together in the barest touch before pulling away. “We’re milking goats.”
Her eyes lit up, and she bit on her lower lip. “I haven’t milked since…”
“I know. Is this a good thing?”
She nodded quickly, so I tucked her hand into mine and led her to the barn. We walked slowly, carefully. I knew that any stumbling on the gravel would cause her to hurt, and I wanted this evening to be anything but that. It was a step toward moving forward, not lingering on the pain of the past.
Elsie was already in and waiting when we reached the barn. I made Ivy sit in a real chair, as opposed to a stool, and gathered supplies. Connie and Emily were not only in on my plan for the day, they were staunch supporters, so they had everything set and ready. I’m not sure what any of us would do without them.
I scooted Ivy up at her goat’s side and slid a stool underneath myself. “You do the left, I’ll do the right.”
We reached down and began working in rhythm. She looked over at me with watery eyes and a small smile as she rested her head on Elsie’s side. “Why does this make me so happy?”
