by Unknown
But Jonah knew that some people’s caring wound up hurting the exact people they were supposed to love. He’d seen it enough with his dad and stepmom to understand that sometimes two people were just too different to make it work.
So he did the best thing he could do—for the both of them. He took one last look at the darkened windows across the street and, fighting the urge to go over there and tell her that he hadn’t changed his mind, that he still wanted her, he pocketed the key and headed toward his front door.
He stumbled into the house and considered turning on the lights, but his eyes were too sensitive to focus, so he walked blindly to his bedroom. He hadn’t slept since the arrest. Hadn’t really breathed either. So he locked his gun in the safe and shrugged out of his uniform, hoping that would help, because what used to be a part of him now felt constricting.
Suffocating.
He pulled on jeans and a T-shirt and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for the calm to come, but it didn’t. Shay was his calm and she was gone.
Feeling more restless than ever, he stood and made his way to the kitchen, desperate for a beer.
He entered the kitchen, letting out a resigned huff when he saw Adam sitting at the table, kicked back, legs propped up on the chair opposite him, eating Jonah’s dinner.
“Remind me to change the locks,” Jonah said, not pausing on his way to the fridge. He grabbed a beer, then, looking at the way Adam’s nosy ass was rooted to Jonah’s chair, grabbed another.
“Then who would feed Kitty Fantastic when you work three twelve-hour shifts in a row?”
Although Mr. Gillis was demanding his cats back, the sheriff was still looking into Shay’s claim, which meant the kittens stayed where they were—for now. He’d asked Jonah if he wanted to take on the case, but Jonah had recused himself—then submersed himself in paperwork.
Adam cracked open the beer and took a long pull. He smacked his lips, then grimaced. “I liked the other kind better.”
So did Jonah. Only he was out of it and Shay wasn’t likely to buy him any more.
Mew, the cat said, jumping up on the table. Adam tore off a piece of Jonah’s pesto chicken dinner and let the furball eat it, right out of his hand.
“Not on the table.” Jonah lifted the cat and placed it in his lap. “And the sauce isn’t good for his digestion.” And Adam feeding Kitty by hand wasn’t good for Jonah’s state of mind. If anyone was going to feed the damn cat, it was him.
Adam stopped, beer midway to his mouth, and laughed. “My bad, bro. No more pesto for the cat.”
Jonah ignored him and grabbed Kitty Fantastic a piece of cheese from the fridge and slipped his antibiotics inside. The cat inhaled it without chewing, then curled up on Jonah’s lap.
Jonah had never wanted the damn cat, but now that he’d become used to the pest, he couldn’t imagine losing him too. Only he might.
“Why are you here?” Jonah asked, suddenly ready to find some paperwork.
“You never call, you never text, I’m starting to get a complex.” Adam placed his dirty knife on the table, in the same spot the cat’s paws had been. “You haven’t even commented on a single cat picture I’ve posted on your wall. That hurts, man.”
He hadn’t been on Facebook since everything went down. He hadn’t wanted to see Shay’s picture and couldn’t stomach seeing what the fallout was for her. “Maybe you should just un-like me.”
Adam put a hand to his forehead. “Unfriend. It’s called unfriending. And I just might. I’m not big on martyrs having access to my page. They always end up posting those snarky e-cards with the 1950s couples that are worse than cat pictures.”
Martyr? “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“That ever since San Francisco you’ve been walking around as if you don’t think you deserve to move on. You chase away every great thing that comes your way, afraid you might actually find peace,” Adam said. “I get that what happened was rough, but it’s what we sign up for. It’s a part of the job.”
“A kid dying is part of the job?”
“Yeah,” Adam said. “A shitty part, but a part that we can’t escape. It doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to be happy.”
“I’m happy.”
Adam wasn’t buying it. Neither was Jonah anymore. He had been happy. Shay made him happy, but she also drove him crazy. And she’d lied to him.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you and the cute neighbor, but you’d be an idiot to chase her away.”
“I didn’t chase. She walked on her own.” Right over his trust, his faith in people, and his heart. Adam looked at Jonah as though he thought he was an idiot—and an asshole. He probably was. “And why would I take advice from a guy whose longest relationship was staying the night?”
“Because you’re not me,” Adam said, slamming his beer down. “You are the real deal, Jonah. The kind of guy who puts everyone else first, the kind of guy who does what’s right, all the time, no matter how hard it is. The kind of guy who never gives up on people no matter how bad they fuck up.”
Adam lowered his voice and closed his eyes. “Jesus, you watched me tell Dad that I would never want to be anything like him and then he dropped dead, right in front of us.”
Jonah closed his eyes and slowly exhaled. He’d tried to avoid thinking about that day his whole life. There were always too many what-ifs that followed. They’d all dealt with a huge blow when they lost their father. Jonah had become the man of the family, Dax had withdrawn more into himself, Frankie had been more lost than ever, and Adam . . . Adam had taken it the hardest.
“You were a kid,” Jonah said. “And Dad could be a self-righteous ass when he wanted to be. Loving him wasn’t easy, for any of us, but in the end he knew you loved him.”
“I don’t know that and I’ll never get the chance to know the truth.” Adam pounded his chest with his fist. “I carry that with me every fucking day. And that kind of weight is paralyzing.” Adam shook his head. “Don’t be a self-righteous ass, Jonah. Don’t make Shay live like that.”
It was like a bullet straight through his chest, because that was exactly what he was doing. He’d watched his dad, filled with grief and anger at losing his soul mate and realizing she wasn’t replaceable, strip away everything that made his stepmom special. Little by little, until she left him, and then he’d died—lonely and still angry.
“She drives me crazy,” he admitted.
“Love can do that.”
“I don’t love her.” He loved a lot of things about her. Okay, he loved pretty much everything, but he wasn’t in love with her. Not like for keeps. He couldn’t be. Love was supposed to be easy and uncomplicated and absolute. But nothing about Shay was easy and she was so complicated she made him smile, and his feelings were so absolute they scared him.
Holy shit. Jonah felt his heart fire and miss, only to reload and fire again.
Adam pulled out his phone, snapped a picture, and laughed. “The look on your face is priceless.” He flipped the phone around and Jonah wanted to punch him. “Look, right there, it’s that constipated look you get when you’re trying to make everything fit into some neat and tight list that makes sense.”
Adam dropped the phone and smiled, leaning in close enough for Jonah to deliver that fist to the throat. “Stop thinking and look around. The only proof you need, bro, is right there.” He took a picture of the cat pawing Jonah’s leg. “You own a kitty dream house and share your bed with a cat named Kitty Fucking Fantastic.”
Jonah looked down and holy shit indeed . . . “I’m sharing my bed with Kitty Fucking Fantastic.”
Mew, Kitty Fantastic said, looking up at him with those big blue eyes. Jonah laughed until it hurt. Everywhere. The hurt was so raw and deep he couldn’t escape it, because that was all there was to say. That one meow confirmed everything.
He loved Shay. Every bit of her. And rather than celebrate who she was, he’d been like every other person in her life, turning her away merely for being true
to herself and standing up for what she believed in.
“Did you know that the sheriff did some digging?” Adam asked and Jonah shook his head. “Turns out that Warren took the initial call from Mr. Gillis and didn’t log it.”
“Not surprised.” At this point, nothing about Warren surprised him.
“I also talked to a hot number with a great rack who works at animal control. Our Mr. Gillis is flagged in their system as a persona non grata. I guess adopting multiple kittens a month from multiple shelters is frowned upon in the rescue world,” Adam said. “Especially since he’s been cited in the past for possession of illegal snakes.”
Jonah looked at the cat curled up in his lap and felt his stomach turn. Kitty wasn’t a pet, just like Shay had claimed. He was bought to be something’s dinner.
“The sheriff knows that all Warren had to do was follow procedure and this whole clusterfuck could have been avoided. That’s what he told the mayor, anyway.”
“He called the mayor?”
“Yeah, Bryant told the mayor that he was done being quiet, that giving you his backing was the right thing to do, and that the mayor would be a moron to back someone who doesn’t have the chops to handle the job, even if it was his own son. I guess Warren’s daddy is making him withdraw from the race.”
Jesus. Even after everything that had happened, the sheriff had faith in him. Which led Jonah to a verbal, “Jesus,” followed by, “That means I’m sheriff.”
A thought that was as humbling as it was terrifying. That kind of endorsement was a lot to live up to and Jonah didn’t want to let anyone down.
You already have.
He’d let down Shay and himself. Instead of following up on her complaint and seeing just what kind of home Kitty Fantastic would have gone back to, he’d spent the past few days sulking while his brother stepped up to make things right.
“Thanks, for looking into it, and for . . .” Jonah ran a shaky hand over his face. “Just thanks.”
“Are you kidding? If I am ever lucky enough to have a woman look at me the way Shay looks at you, there isn’t much I wouldn’t do to make her happy.” Adam grinned. “And did I mention the rack on the animal control girl?”
Jonah slipped a hand under Kitty Fantastic’s now-full belly and held him nose to nose. His little arms and legs hung limp, so much trust it floored Jonah. “I’m an idiot.”
Mew. A rough tongue peeked out and licked his nose and suddenly he got it.
He got why Shay did what she did. She’d followed her gut, even when in the eyes of the law taking the kittens had been illegal, and she’d never backed down. She was making friends and saving lives.
And she’d saved his. No doubt. Now it was time to prove that he was worth saving.
Shay had thought nothing could hurt as much as losing her mother.
She’d been wrong.
It wasn’t just losing Jonah that hurt. It was how she’d lost him that would haunt her. She’d trusted him in all the ways except the one that mattered. And he’d walked away because of it.
She’d spent the first half of the week trying to convince herself that he was mad, that he didn’t mean it, because even the best people say things they regret in the heat of the moment. That moment had been so intense it burned. But then he didn’t respond to her letter, didn’t let her know that he hadn’t changed his mind, which was as good as saying that he had, and so rather than give in to another round of tears, she’d spent the rest of the week focusing on getting St. Paws ready for its grand opening.
But as the week went on, as well as the tears, she finally got tired of crying over something that she couldn’t fix and decided that Jonah was wrong.
Shay might be difficult and haphazard and a little flighty, but she knew what love was. Her mother’s life and death had taught her everything she needed to know about love. It was warm and safe and risky and freeing and fierce and with complete abandon.
That was how her mother loved. That was how Shay loved. And that was how she wanted to be loved in return.
She just needed to find someone who felt the same way. Even though her gut kept telling her that she already had. It was also telling her that she got too close and he got scared. The kittens were just an excuse to gain some of that distance he was so fond of.
Well, he got his distance and in the process broke her heart. And she wasn’t willing to take all the blame. She’d made a mistake, a big one, but so had he.
“You ready to get this grand opening party rolling?” Clovis asked, stepping out onto the patio.
She was with Harper and Emerson, and they were all holding giant party-bowl glasses filled to the brim with a bright pink-and-orange concoction. Emerson held two.
“I don’t know,” Shay admitted, but reached for the glass, waiting for her friends to hand it over. Her friends, who had hugged her when she cried, called Jonah an asshat even though they didn’t believe it, and stood by her side throughout the whole scandal. “But a drink sounds nice.”
“Sorry,” Emerson said, taking a sip from the swizzle straw. “My Hound Dogs are too good to be served at the pity party you’ve got going on.”
Shay eyed the glass but dropped her hand. News of her arrest was on Facebook before she’d even been processed. Although Nora swore she didn’t post it—Warren claimed that deed—there were still over five hundred likes and comments. Shay hadn’t had the heart to read any of them. She hadn’t wanted to know what the town really thought about her.
“Sitting here, I can still hope that there will be a big turnout,” she admitted. “That the town will see why I stole the kittens and forgive me. But once I open that door I will know, without a doubt, if St. Helena could ever be my home.”
“This town has always been here for me,” Emerson said, sucking down another long slurp. “And I’ve done some pretty stupid things.”
“She’s done a lot of stupid things,” Harper said, and Emerson toasted to that.
“But you guys are one of them,” Shay said, knowing they couldn’t understand. They’d been raised here, had a history with the town, and that meant something. Shay had blown in and blown up the life of the town’s favorite hero. That was a lot to get past.
Harper’s face softened and she sat next to her. “Maybe you are too.”
Shay felt some of the panic biting at her stomach drain away, and she nodded. But she didn’t really feel any better. Because under the panic was an unbearable sense of loss and sadness. Even if the town could get past her action, and that was a big if, she wasn’t so sure the one person who mattered the most could.
“Or maybe not,” Shay mumbled.
“Well, sitting back here wondering is a total pussy move,” Emerson said.
“Young people,” Clovis grumbled and sank to the patio chair. “Tell me, what is the worst that can happen?”
“Um, no one shows, I end up the big loser no one wants to be friends with, and Jonah hates me forever.” Wow, that last part hurt even to say.
“First off, who cares? I brought booze.” Emerson ticked off on her fingers, a difficult maneuver since she was double fisting Hound Dogs, but she managed. “I’m not friends with losers,”—another finger went up—“and his loss.”
This time Emerson held up one finger and Shay laughed past the lump in her throat.
“He’ll come around,” Harper said gently, then gave a pointed glare Emerson’s way. With a dramatic sigh, Emerson handed over the party bowl and Shay bypassed the straw and took a big gulp.
God, it was good. Maybe she’d just sit there all day on her patio, in the summer sun, sucking a few of these down. Three tops and she would be well on her way to forgetting why she was upset. But then tomorrow she’d still be sad and hungover.
“I don’t know,” Shay said, setting the party bowl down. “He was wrong about some things, but mostly he was spot-on in his assessment. We are just so different. He is determined to walk the line, and I walk it until I find where it fades.”
“As long as y
ou end up in the same place, that’s all that really matters,” Harper said and Shay nodded, unable to speak.
Clovis looked at them as if they were dimwitted. “We are talking about a man, right? Because as far as I know, it’s about tabs and slots, dear, not lines.” At the other women’s confused expressions, Clovis continued, “As in putting tab A in slot B?”
“Grandma,” Harper said, covering her ears.
Clovis made a serious face and leaned in. “Unless the tab and slot don’t line up. Is that the problem? If so, they’ve got pills these days. In fact, I think I have a few left from my trip to Mexico.”
Clovis started digging through her purse and Shay stopped her.
“Tab and slot are just fine.” As far as Shay was concerned they lined up perfectly in that department. In fact, they lined up in every way that was important, except for one. “He doesn’t love me.”
Clovis waited, as if expecting Shay to go on. When she didn’t, the older woman shook her head. “Honey, he’s a man who felt cornered and was showing his teeth, nothing more. He wouldn’t know love if Cupid himself was standing in front of him flashing his arrow. You’ve got to get creative.”
Harper lifted a brow. “Like placing false claims to have him arrested?”
Clovis smiled. “You laugh but I didn’t sleep alone last night.”
“You and Giles?” Shay asked, happy for Clovis.
“Every night this week,” she admitted, trussing up her sagging top. Harper was back to covering her ears. “And it took me years to get him to come around. But I didn’t put my life on hold, waiting for him to get a clue. I went about my life, did what made me happy, and finally he came to his senses.” She looked at Shay’s St. Paws polo shirt and frowned. “Maybe show a little more if you want him to come around sooner.”
“You’re right,” Shay said, ignoring the last part and standing. “Today is about St. Paws and my animals.” Although she would rather have Jonah there to celebrate a day he had helped make possible, she needed to go out there and find some families.
