by Jody Hedlund
“I say we should be abed.”
“But I can’t sleep.” Not only had the nightmares returned after my visit to the dungeon the previous night, but I couldn’t stop thinking of Derrick down in his dark, cold cell all alone. My heart ached every time I thought about him there.
Trudy’s graying hair poked out from the plain veil she’d hastily draped over her head. Her cheeks were splotched and red stained her throat, the sign of her frustration with me. “This is much too dangerous. What if he tries to harm you?”
“He would never hurt me.” Warmth wrapped around me at the remembrance of the words he’d whispered when I’d visited him — that he would never let any harm come to me, that he would lay down his life for me.
“Besides, we won’t be alone,” I continued, nodding to the chair placed a discreet distance from the hearth. “You’ll be here watching us. And so will Bartholomew.”
The side door leading to the kitchen opened a crack, and my heart flew forward at double speed. “Here he comes,” I whispered, twirling a long curl around my finger one last time before straightening in my chair and doing my best to look stately and beautiful.
“For the love of earth, rivers, and sky,” Trudy muttered under her breath. But thankfully, my faithful nursemaid took several steps back from where I sat at the table positioned in front of the hearth.
Bartholomew’s craggy face peeked through the door. He checked both ways before stepping into the Great Hall. He then tugged on the chains he held, and Derrick stumbled into the Hall after him, his wrists bound with the heavy links.
I gave a soft gasp. “You needn’t have chained him.”
“The jailer wouldn’t let me do it any other way.”
At the sound of my voice and sight of me, Derrick stood taller. Across the distance and darkness of the room, his gaze sought and found me, landing on me with an intensity that as usual took my breath away.
With his shuffling steps, my old guard brought him nearer.
“I should say that I’m sorry to appear before you without first cleaning up, my lady,” Derrick said, stopping several feet away. “But that would be a lie, because the truth is I’m just happy to see you.”
I took in his wrinkled apparel, his smudged face, and the scruff on his chin and cheeks from several days without grooming. He was every bit as handsome as he’d always been.
“I thought I would go crazy if I had to spend another day without seeing you,” he said in a low voice that did funny things to my stomach.
Before I could think of how to respond, Pup rose from his spot next to my chair and bounded over to Derrick. The dog’s tail flapped back and forth in delight, and he licked at Derrick’s hands, which were bound in front of him.
“I guess both of us are happy to see you as well,” I said with a smile.
Derrick managed to awkwardly scratch Pup’s head through his chains.
“Can you not remove the restraints?” I pleaded with Bartholomew, who stood next to Derrick.
Bartholomew hesitated, and from her chair in the corner Trudy clucked a loud warning.
“Please?” I gave my guard what I hoped was my most winsome smile. “How can he play chess with me if his hands are bound?”
For the first time Derrick seemed to notice the table next to me with the chessboard atop it. His eyes lit up and a grin played at the corners of his lips.
“I don’t want you to get in trouble, my lady,” my guard said, his kind eyes pleading with me to listen to reason.
“As much as I want to spend time with you, my lady,” Derrick said, “I agree with your guard. I don’t want you to bring any trouble to yourself.”
“Why would I get in trouble?” I asked, dismissing the abbot’s warning about my people trusting me to be a strong leader. “No one need know.”
Bartholomew studied his prisoner for a long moment.
“Please, Bartholomew.” I meant the words with all my heart. “If anyone else awakes, I give you my permission to take Sir Derrick back immediately.”
“But Abbot Francis Michael told us he would flay us alive if the prisoner escaped.”
The harshness of the abbot’s stipulation took me by surprise. Why would the abbot say such a thing? He wasn’t in charge of my servants. “Surely he was jesting,” I started, although I’d never known the abbot to say anything he hadn’t meant.
“If I’d wanted to escape, I would have done so by now,” Derrick added. “But if it makes you feel better, then why don’t you chain my legs instead of my hands?”
With both of our reassurances, Bartholomew relented. And in a matter of minutes Derrick was sitting across the table from me, his legs chained beneath him but his hands free. Bartholomew stood only a few feet away, and Trudy had settled in her chair nearby. Even so, I perched on the edge of my seat, nervous and excited to spend time with Derrick again.
Pup sat by Derrick’s side, his tongue lolling from his mouth, his adoring eyes beaming up at the knight. I could only smile at the dog’s devotion to the man. “I see you still claim Pup’s undying affection.”
Derrick ran his fingers through the dog’s thick white fur. “If only I might say the same of you.” Although his words were playful, there was something in the depths of his eyes that took my breath away.
Under his scrutiny, I ducked my head and waved at the chess game spread out between us. “I decided I must see for myself what kind of chess player you really are.”
“Oh, I see.” His tone hinted at humor. “You hoped that in my vulnerable state you might discover my secrets of success at chess.”
“Why, sir.” I sat up in surprise. “I thought I was the one with the secrets regarding chess. And that you were in need of my tutelage?”
A crooked grin tugged at one corner of his mouth. “I guess we shall have to see who is in need of whose tutelage.”
“I’ve witnessed the recklessness of your playing.” I leaned forward. “And I have no doubt you are in need of my help.”
“I’ve no doubt, either.” His voice dipped for my ears alone. “I am most certainly in need of you.”
A thrill spread rapidly through me all the way to my toes and fingers. I didn’t dare meet his gaze. Instead, I focused on the chessboard and moved my first piece, my knight.
What could he mean? Did he think there was hope for us after all?
With only four days left and with only the chance of secret meetings, even if we cared for one another, how could we manage to arrange a marriage?
He moved one of his pawns, then sprawled back in his chair and scratched behind Pup’s ear.
I studied the board, trying to anticipate Derrick’s strategy and where he might move next. I was thankful my old tutor had enjoyed playing chess with me over the years and that he’d taught me all he’d known. After several minutes of analyzing the various possibilities, I finally moved one of my pawns.
Derrick responded without any thought, swung his horse into an L, and took my pawn.
“That was too quick.”
He grinned in response and sat back.
I peered at his pieces, attempting to determine why he’d taken my pawn and what moves he might be planning next. “Have you no strategy, sir?”
“I have no need for any.”
“Then you won’t make it far against those who do.” I positioned another pawn in a place where I could tempt him into taking it so that I might then kill his rook.
He fell prey to my tactic, and with a smile I swiped the piece.
“You’re quite skilled, my lady.”
“Thank you.” I placed his piece in front of me. “Instead of merely reacting, perhaps you’d be wiser if you took the time to think through each move.”
“I’ve never had reason to think ahead.” Once again he moved a piece haphazardly and then focused on Pup and rubbed his neck.
“It’s never too late to start.” Somehow I had the feeling we weren’t talking about chess anymore. And when the warmth of his gaze fell back upon me, I
couldn’t keep from shifting my attention away from the board and onto him.
“What will you do with your future?” I asked with a boldness that came out of need. “That is, after the duke returns and wins your freedom?”
By the light of the lone candle on the table, the gray in his eyes turned sterling silver. “Then you’re confident he’ll win my freedom?”
“I believe the truth will eventually make itself known.” I only wished the duke would return soon and make things right, before it was too late. “And once you’re free, what will you do? Where will you go?”
He shrugged. “I suppose I always thought I’d fight in tournaments for a while so that I could save up a fortune for myself. And the duke will reward me with land for my service to him . . .”
“Have you ever thought of trying to reclaim what once belonged to your father?”
“No. ’Tis not mine to claim anymore. The lands, the castle, the wealth has changed hands many times over the years. And to go in now and try to win back what once belonged to my family would mean ripping away the livelihoods and homes of innocent people who now live and work there.”
“I respect you for your decision.”
The lines in his face had hardened. “So you see why I haven’t had reason to plan ahead. I have no future — at least not one that is worthy.”
I could sense from the darkness settling over him that I was losing him again to his past. “But you have such good ideas. I’ve listened to the way you’ve spoken with my noblemen. And all of your ideas for improvement have great merit. In fact, I should like to hear more of them, especially since you’ve aptly pointed out to me that I could help the poor of my kingdom in more efficient ways.”
I was relieved when his passion for the topic chased away his melancholy. The chess game lay untouched between us as I found myself enveloped in a conversation about the various ways I could promote prosperity and health among my people, the new farming techniques he proposed, the better methods for distributing help to those in need, the creation of better jobs and pay, and the ways to control illness.
I was swept so deeply into the discussion, I was startled when Bartholomew approached the table. “It’s nearly dawn, my lady. We need to get the prisoner back into his cell before the servants awake.”
Reluctantly, Derrick pushed away from the table and stood. As Bartholomew worked on switching the chains from Derrick’s feet back to his hands, I stifled a tired but satisfied yawn.
“Since we weren’t able to finish our chess game,” I said with a smile at him. “I propose a rematch on the coming night.”
“Yes, I propose the same,” he said with a wink, “as you still need the benefit of my chess expertise.”
I laughed softly. And as Bartholomew led him away, my heart filled with happiness and also an exquisite longing that I couldn’t explain or deny.
I fidgeted all day, my discontent growing until I thought I would fairly burst from the need to see him again. The next two days were filled with the same — waiting all day, my impatience growing until Trudy found me unbearable. My only outlet was in the ongoing investigation I was doing with the help of James, my porter. I’d sent him to scour the sheriff’s estate and to interview each of his servants. Not only did I hope to gain a clue about the identity of the true murderer, but I also hoped to find some evidence that might link the sheriff with the outbreaks, although I didn’t know what.
Even so, I couldn’t rest or find release from my inner torment until the dark hours of the night, when Bartholomew snuck Derrick into the Great Hall to the table in front of the hearth where we could talk for endless hours with the chess game between us.
Of course, the chess game never proceeded more than a play or two before a new conversation diverted our attention.
With only two nights left until my eighteenth birthday, a panic started to form in the pit of my stomach. James hadn’t discovered anything. And I couldn’t put aside the thought that the duke should have returned by now, that he should have found evidence to free Derrick and absolve him of his crimes. But we’d had no word from the duke or Sir Collin and Sir Bennet. My weeklong promise to my dear friend was ending, and my birthday was fast approaching, the day when I’d have no choice but to leave the castle and enter the convent to fulfill the Ancient Vow.
Most of my chests had already been transported to my new living quarters, and I knew the abbot was patiently awaiting my arrival.
But with each passing day, my uncertainty about entering the convent only grew. I’d prayed harder and more fervently that God would show me what he wanted me to do. I didn’t know how I could bear to leave Derrick. But I didn’t know what other choice I had.
I’d considered going against the abbot’s wise counsel and releasing Derrick. But if I did so, what kind of message would I send to my people about justice?
And what if I married him even though he was my prisoner? The problem was that even if I was agreeable to having Derrick for my husband, he’d never made any mention of wanting to marry me.
Certainly, I’d felt his attraction. And he’d hinted at wanting to be with me. But he hadn’t mentioned any plans. It was almost as if he were approaching our relationship the same way he played a game of chess — without any thought or strategy. Perhaps he didn’t know what he really wanted.
What if he didn’t love me enough to want to overcome the odds standing between us? Maybe he didn’t really love me at all. Maybe his feelings for me didn’t run as deeply as mine.
And what exactly did I feel for him? Was I really in love with him?
It was the same confusing question whose answer had eluded me before. I wasn’t sure how to tell if I was in love with Derrick. I cared about him — a great deal. But did I love him enough to risk forsaking the Ancient Vow? Enough to spend the rest of my life with him as my husband?
Perhaps it was time to take a more direct approach with Derrick. We’d grown comfortable enough with each other over the past several nights of talking. Could I not simply ask him what he thought we should do?
Maybe if I looked my best, if I made myself completely irresistible, then he’d have no choice but to bring up the matter himself.
With my heart thudding in anticipation, I made Trudy take extra care with my hair. And when I positioned myself in the chair in front of the great fireplace, I tucked rose petals under my hem, hoping he’d find me especially fetching that night.
I’d worn the crimson gown that the duke had given me on the night of the big dance. The diamonds and pearls sparkled in the candlelight. A few dangling curls hung loose from the mound of curls Trudy had arranged on top of my head.
I prayed that he would be the one to initiate a conversation about love and marriage and what chance the two of us might have for a future together. The mere thought of bringing up such matters heated my cheeks and made me stare at the pieces arranged in perfect rows on the chessboard, ready for another game we’d yet to finish.
The side door of the room rattled, signaling Bartholomew’s approach with Derrick. Trudy already sat in her corner chair, her chin resting on her rotund chest, her eyes closed in slumber. Thankfully, my nursemaid had lost her objection to the meetings with Derrick. It was easy to see why. Derrick was so noble, kind, and considerate that he’d easily won my nursemaid over.
Even though Bartholomew didn’t prevent my meetings with Derrick, he used extra caution to make sure that no one saw Derrick coming in and out of the Great Hall. When he brought up the abbot’s objection, I assured him that I could do what I wanted without the abbot’s permission, especially now that I was only days away from my eighteenth year.
An impatient sigh escaped, and I kept my hands folded in my lap and my eyes trained on them as I waited for Derrick to enter the room.
My heart gave an unexpected lurch at the thought of seeing him. Even though he carried with him the grime of the dungeon, I especially liked the dark stubble on his face, making him more rugged and handsome than he’d
been before.
“My lady.” A voice nearby startled me. It wasn’t the expected voice of Bartholomew or Derrick.
I lifted my gaze, confused by the appearance of James and an unfamiliar man behind him. “Why, James,” I said, embarrassment coursing through me at having been caught in my secret meetings with Derrick. How had James discovered my doings? Why wasn’t he asleep with everyone else?
I glanced over to the side door. Though it stood wide open, there was no sign of Bartholomew or Derrick.
“Whatever are you doing up at this hour?” I asked, hoping to divert the men from the room before Bartholomew showed up. “Did you bring me any news regarding the investigation?”
James came several steps closer but eyed the shadows of the room as though he would like to disappear into them. “I’m sorry, my lady.” His large forehead was crinkled in distress. It was then that I noticed another man creeping up on Trudy with an empty grain sack opened wide.
I glanced to the man who stood behind James. He too carried a grain sack. And when he stepped around James and came nearer, something inside me froze. He was one of the hired laborers from the convent, the same one who’d delivered the news about the sheriff’s death.
“James, why are these men here?” I tried to keep my voice from quavering with a sudden burst of fear.
But James had stepped several paces back and dropped his gaze to the rushes strewn about the floor. His broad shoulders shrank inward. “I’m sorry, my lady,” he said softly. “I didn’t want to let them in. But I had no choice.”
My mind struggled to make sense of what was happening. I could only watch with horror as the laborer slipped his bag over Trudy’s sleeping head and cupped his hand over her mouth to cut off any sound she might make when she awoke.
A scream welled up in my chest, but it caught in the tightness of my throat. I pushed back from my chair. But before I could move or force a sound out, the other laborer had closed in on me.
My gaze flew to James, to his hulking body. He was there to protect me, so why wasn’t he doing his job? Instead of answering the question that was surely glaring in my eyes, he slunk back farther.
