by Vivian Arend
By the expression on his face, she hadn’t, or he’d forgotten.
“That makes sense. You drive safe, and I’ll see you when you get back.”
He switched topics to describe a woodworking project he was making special order for a hotel in Canmore, and she fidgeted with her cup and tried to stay alert. She usually loved to listen to him, the rough timbre of his voice teasing all the spots in her psyche that needed a man’s attention and sharing. In such a short time a piece of him had wrapped its way around her, and she was worried it would soon be impossible to not let it show.
“You think you’d like one?” he asked, and Beth stumbled to give an answer.
Somehow she got to the end of the visit without making too much more of a fool of herself. The tiny seed of hope in her heart she buried deep again, not letting it see any hint of light to encourage it. It was too soon to be thinking about getting seriously involved with another man. Heck, it hadn’t even been a year since Samuel’s death.
And although Daniel had been nothing but friendly and supportive, she hesitated to take it any further. She needed to stay in control. Call the shots.
It was the only way she knew she and the boys would remain safe.
Wasn’t it?
The bright fall sunshine hit his eyes as Daniel passed another round of drinks to the tables then headed up the hill to spend some time alone, pondering why he wasn’t particularly happy today. He found a seat on the warm grass, breathing in the scented air as he tried to relax. The crowd below him was loud and boisterous, celebrating the end of another growing season but more importantly the wedding of his oldest brother to their next-door neighbour’s little girl. Jaxi was all grown up now, although it had taken a bit for that information to sink through Blake’s thick skull.
Thanksgiving weekend was as appropriate a time as any for them to have held the wedding, only there was a pit in Daniel’s belly. He should have been pleased. All his family was around, and it looked as if everyone was getting along. With six brothers, there had always been tough moments as they dealt with the reality of belonging to a big family. As six individuals they didn’t always see eye to eye—yet for the most part they were tight.
The fact Beth had hauled her family back to Calgary for the weekend—that was the part that sucked. He hadn’t realized how much he would miss her and the boys. He kept spotting things he wanted to show her, and his frustration made him irritable. He forced a smile on his face and tried to put her out of his mind.
“You planning on doing anything other than moping today, big bro?”
His youngest brother smirked from where he had dropped by Daniel’s feet, joining him on the grass. Joel wore that wide-eyed expression that made the girls flutter around like butterflies.
“Stick it, Joel.”
Another chuckle sounded on his other side and Daniel groaned. Great, his quiet retreat space been invaded by the twins.
“Methinks someone is in love. His sweet princess is not here and he’s got no one to dazzle.” Jesse poked Joel in the ribs, the two of them sprawled lazily on the ground.
Daniel was tempted to smack their two heads together. “Idiots. Don’t you have things you’re supposed to do?”
Joel pointed to the outdoor dance area. “All set to go. Can’t start anything else without the stars, and they’re taking a powder break.”
With a wiggle of his brow, Jesse gave a snort. “Probably trying to figure out a way to work in a quickie before they have to—”
“Do you mind?” Holy shit, but Jesse was annoying at times.
Joel whacked his twin on the arm and rolled him down the hill in the direction of the bar. “I see more customers for you. Quit being a jerk, if you can help it.”
Jesse scrambled to his feet, then brushed himself off. He flipped Joel the bird behind his back as he good-naturedly headed to the bar area. Daniel shook his head and Joel laughed out loud.
“He’s a pain in the ass, ain’t he?”
Daniel raised a brow. “Like you aren’t?”
“I know…two peas in a pod.”
Daniel had to smile. Of all the six brothers, he was probably the closest with Joel, even with the whole twins-living-in-each-other’s-pocket deal.
“You do seem like you’re not all there today, and I don’t think it’s because you’re upset Jaxi’s joining the family.” Joel pulled at the grass like a kid.
“I’m not the one who wanted to get involved with her. How are you doing?” Daniel watched the crowds of community folk that had come out for the wedding wander over the lawn area outside the sprawling main house of Six Pack Ranch.
Joel laughed. “Don’t try to change the topic. We were talking about the fact the lady you’ve been visiting with daily isn’t anywhere to be seen.”
Daniel shrugged. “Couldn’t be helped.”
“You really like her, don’t you?”
Daniel thought about it. First reaction? “Yeah. I do.”
Joel’s quick gaze darted around the crowd celebrating on the lawn. “So we going to see you doing this kind of thing before long?”
Oh hell. “That might be a touch difficult. She doesn’t think of me that way.” The expression of shock on his brother’s face made a laugh burst out.
“Fuck, no—are you sure about that?”
“Fuck, yes.”
Joel shook his head. “But I’ve been hearing all kinds of stories around town about you taking her out all the time and shit like that. What’s going on if it’s not you working your way up to proposing to the woman down the road? You said you’d had enough of the casual route after the whole fiasco with Sierra.”
The reminder of his ex-girlfriend was enough to turn his stomach. “It’s not as easy as all that, Joel. Beth’s a widow—she’s got the kids and—” The way Joel glared at him made him talk twice as fast. “It’s not that I don’t like the kids…”
“Glad you didn’t try to bullshit me on that one. You know you sure as hell can’t make me believe you’re not the least bit excited about not only finding a woman who’s a knockout, but one who’s got kids.”
Daniel ran a hand through his hair. Why did that topic have to come up again? “I don’t want to talk about that right now—”
“You told her yet? I mean, the fact you can’t have kids was Sierra’s reason for calling it off, wasn’t it?”
He flicked at a speck of dirt on his pants. “Shit, Joel. Beth and I have only been seeing each other for a short while. It’s not as if I’m going to up and announce, ‘Hey, by the way, you know you don’t have to worry about me getting you pregnant since I only shoot blanks.’”
Joel grunted, his face screwed up in disgust. “When you put it that way…” He shook his head for a second then checked his watch as he rose to his feet. “Damn, I need to get ready. Jaxi will kick my ass if I haven’t got the dance music lined up.”
“She and Blake do look good together, don’t they?” Daniel stood as well, ready to head over to visit with his mom for a while.
“Yeah. I guess Jaxi did know which of us was best for her in the long run.” Joel punched him in the shoulder then set out whistling down the path. Daniel took a moment to center himself. His family was all around. Matt and Travis had smoke rising from the barbecues. Jesse’s grin flashed as he sweet-talked the girls congregating around the bar area. Daniel stared toward where his mama sat chatting with the bride’s parents.
His big happy family. What he’d always known and enjoyed and secretly hated at the same time. The beauty of the ranch and the never-ending chores. The support of family and the unceasing noise. It was a blessing and a curse.
At what point could what he wanted and loved—family and caring—be separated from what he’d had enough of?
Living on the ranch was wearing him down. Tearing him apart, and he just didn’t know what to do about it. The small town? Not a problem, but he didn’t want to be mucking out stalls and driving tractors for the rest of his life. He didn’t have the grades to go
back to school the way twins were doing. So here he was, trapped in a way. Trapped in the middle of love and caring, and he felt like the most ungrateful creature around that he wasn’t as pleased and happy as he should be.
If only he could find a way to work with his hands to make a living, without being held captive by the whim of the weather and the animals. If he knew for sure there was a future for him that involved a family, in spite of the fact he couldn’t have any kids himself.
He wasn’t sure what drew him to Beth, although it wasn’t the fact she had kids. His fascination had begun before he’d made that discovery. The lost expression in her eyes when she didn’t think anyone was looking. The way she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath before barrelling forward in the direction she thought she should go.
He wished he understood better what haunted her, but every time he tried to turn the conversation in that direction, it seemed the topic got changed.
She was running, he was searching.
Maybe part of what they needed was each other.
He headed back down toward the celebrations, wishing Beth were here, the boys racing around in circles with the other children. The wish made his heart ache even more.
Beth sat quietly, staring into her coffee cup.
“You want another piece of pie?”
She lifted her head and made herself laugh. “Holy cow, Mom, you want me to roll home tomorrow?” Her mom smiled and pulled out the chair next to her. Plopping her elbows on the table, she turned and asked the question Beth had been dreading all weekend.
“So, how are you really doing?”
Could she answer without answering? Beth opened her mouth and her mom cut her off.
“Sweetie, don’t try to pull a fast one on me either. I had enough of your lies during the time you were married to Samuel. I’m not going to let you slip one past me again.”
The pain in her mother’s eyes was real. “Mom, none of what happened to me was your fault.”
“Well, it wasn’t yours either, but you still had to go through it. The fact you didn’t tell any of us that Samuel had changed so much over the years—”
“Mom.” Beth rose, ready to escape, but her mom laid a hand on her arm.
“Stay. I’m sorry, I won’t bring it up again. I need to know…are you doing okay? The boys talked through the meal about friends at school and all kinds of things they’ve been enjoying. Sounds as if they’ve settled into the community the way you hoped.”
The boys rambling during dinner had been a saving grace. She hadn’t been forced to add anything to the conversation, just smile and pass the food from one side of the table to the other. Her big happy family. Grandma and Grandpa doting on the boys, and her sister and her new boyfriend laughing together about something. Beth managed to ignore the happiness radiating from Darleen like a neon light.
She thought she’d had love in the beginning with Samuel.
“Rocky’s been good. In some ways the fire in the apartment house was a blessing since the house where we ended up has been fabulous to live in. I’m not looking forward to having to move again in a few months.”
Her mom spoke firmly. “I think you should ask for an extension. Wait until the spring to move. Shifting stuff in the winter isn’t a lot of fun.”
Beth shook her head. “Us living there has already put the older Coleman boys into a tough situation. I’m grateful for how giving the whole family has been, but I don’t want to take advantage of their goodwill.”
“You know, there’s times it’s not goodwill or charity, it’s because people can see it’s the right thing to do. Have you thought of that?”
The sad part was her mom was probably right. Mike had already told her there was no rush for her to move, but she still felt uncomfortable.
Her mom folded her hands in her lap. “Tell me about Daniel. The boys seem to think a lot of him. He’s an instructor at the swimming pool, right?”
Beth snorted. “Where’d you get that idea?” Daniel would get a kick out his new profession.
“The boys said he takes them swimming every Saturday. I figured they were in lessons or something.” Her mom’s eyes narrowed and Beth blushed. “He’s not an instructor. Beth, are you seeing someone?”
“No.” The word shot out so fast she surprised herself.
Mom raised a brow. “Okay.”
“I’m not.” Her cheeks heated even more, and she scrambled for what to say to throw her suddenly very attentive mother off the track.
“All right. Relax. If you’re not ready to talk about it, that’s fine. But I was going to remind you that if at some point you get involved with someone and need a few days alone, you give me a call. Grandma has wheels and loves to travel.”
She forced her mouth closed. In spite of the fact her mother was close to the truth, Beth had no desire to confess anything quite yet. “Mom, what do you think I’m doing out in Rocky Mountain House?”
“Hopefully you’re starting to live a little again. Doctor said you could leave the brace off more often, right?”
“What does my brace have to do with…?” Beth bit her lips. She was not going to continue this conversation. She was twenty-nine years old and talking about sex with her mother had stopped when she was sixteen.
Mom rose and grabbed the coffeepot, refilling both their cups. She sat back down and let out a huge sigh. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m going to talk and you can listen. Honey, you lived with an abusive man for ten years and kept it from us for most of that time. Now that he’s gone, you’ve been making changes I think most women with your history would be afraid to attempt. You’re taking charge of your life and trying to make sure you’ve got nothing but the best happening for your boys.”
Her mom reached over and clasped their hands together. “I applaud your decision to make a fresh start in a small town, even though it means you and the boys are farther away from me. I want to help, okay? I love you, and you deserve to smile again like you used to when you were young. You are one of the strongest people I know, no matter what Samuel used to tell you. You are beautiful and trustworthy and valuable, and I’m very, very proud of you.”
Beth watched with tear-filled eyes as her mom squeezed her fingers then fussed at the table for a moment before sipping from her coffee cup. Silence surrounded them as Beth took her time to process what her mom had shared. The shattered pieces of the past had cut everyone involved, and the lacerations went far and deep.
“You’re proud of me?” She sniffed and wiped her mouth, taking a deep breath to slow her pounding heart.
Her mom nodded. “Very.”
Beth closed her eyes and soaked in the familiar sounds of family. The boys’ laughter, their Grandpa’s deeper boom and the noise of the television mixed together and poured from the room next door in a kind of harmonic soundtrack to her life.
Her world had changed so much from the rose-coloured future she’d imagined as a newlywed. Samuel’s demands rose so slowly that she wasn’t even aware he was abusing her. Controlling her, yes, then making her dread making a mistake. He’d never physically threatened the boys, but they had quickly learned when it was time to stay out of sight and sound of their father.
And when the day came he finally hit her…
Beth stared out the window. There were a few leaves left clinging to the branches. Brown dead things swinging in the breeze. She was tired of being dead.
Daniel made her feel alive.
“Daniel is…” She puffed air, her bangs wiggling. “He’s special.” Beth lifted her gaze to see her mom smiling, the corners of her mouth twisted a tiny bit.
“You seeing him?”
Beth shook her head at first then grudgingly shrugged. “Kind of. He’s been around a fair bit. Supportive, caring, fabulous with the boys.”
“Good looking?”
“Oh, Mom, you want a physical dossier?”
Her mom grinned. “Why yes, yes I would. So if he’s not an instructor at the p
ool, what’s he do?”
“He’s one of the Coleman boys, from the ranch next door.”
The smile on her mom’s face faded. “Oh.”
Beth frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Mom wiggled her nose. “I see why you said you felt as if you were taking advantage of them.” She took another drink before putting the cup down firmly. “Still, there’s nothing wrong with it. You feel…comfortable around him?”
Beth flushed at the thought of the last time they were together. Comfortable? Oh yeah. She dragged her mind out of the gutter and concentrated on what her mom was really asking.
“I took it slow at first, only seeing him in public, but he’s been nothing but trustworthy. He’s actually very gentle. It’s kind of confusing. Even when Samuel was nice, you know at the beginning, he always added that underlying ‘I’m the man, you’re the woman, my way or the highway’ component to our relationship.”
“Daniel doesn’t do that?”
Beth hesitated. “He’s confident, and a naturally take charge kind of guy, but I never feel as if he’s pushing too hard. It’s like what he wants the most is what I want.”
Her mom made one of those hmm type sounds. “Then I’m going to be even nosier and ask. If you feel comfortable around him, are you planning on giving him a real chance? Or is this going to be something that you need more time on?” She shook her finger in Beth’s direction. “Don’t make that face at me. You know what I’m talking about. After all those years fighting, striving to keep your identity when all Samuel wanted to do was make you into the image he wanted to see…it’s got to be hard to know when you can really trust a person.”
Beth lost the logic in that one. “You think I can’t trust him?”
“I didn’t say that. I said maybe you think you can’t trust him. Or anyone except yourself, yet. There’s a time coming when you have to expand your radius of trust farther than simply your father and me. I’m not suggesting this man is someone you’re going to be with forever. I don’t know anything about him except what you’ve just told me. Still, you need to think about it. If he does become someone you want around more permanently, you’ll have to show him that you’re ready.”
