by C. J. Abedi
“He did.”
“But he still turned,” Teddy pointed out. “Doesn’t that scare you?”
“Why would it?”
“Because what if he turns again and you aren’t able to stop him?” he asked me.
“But I was.”
“This time,” Teddy said sternly.
“Go ahead,” I let out a breath. “Say whatever it is you want to me—”
“It’s too dangerous, Caroline.” His voice was soft and filled with concern. “I want you to be happy, but I also want you to be safe. You can’t live a life like that.”
“Maybe that was his one test,” I told him.
“And he failed it.”
“He didn’t. He came out of it. He fought through the fog, and the Devilyn I know came back. He’s strong.”
“He was strong because you were there. What if you’re not there when it happens again?”
“If.”
“Do you have assurances that it won’t?” Teddy asked.
I was quiet. I shook my head.
“Doesn’t that scare you?”
“No.” My answer was automatic. “It doesn’t. Look, he won’t put my life in danger, so you don’t have to worry.”
“You said that before,” Teddy replied. “And look at where that got you.”
I looked away from my friend’s knowing gaze. When I glanced across the cafeteria my eyes locked with Devilyn’s. He was sitting in the furthest seat away from me with his sister.
“He won’t do it again,” I said with my eyes firmly on Devilyn’s. “I believe in him.”
Teddy followed my gaze.
“Oh God,” he began, his tone worried. “You’re not getting back together with him, are you?”
My eyes flicked over to Teddy.
“No,” I replied. “He doesn’t want any harm to come to me. I guess that answers your many questions.”
And that was it. My dream. The tiny shred of hope that I still carried in the furthest crevice of my heart—even if I prayed that Alderon and Puck were no longer a threat, if my life was my own again, where I did not have to constantly look over my shoulder—was that Devilyn would change his mind. I would place myself in the greatest danger again if there was a chance that we could be together.
“That look on your face is scaring me, Caroline,” Teddy said.
“I’m fine.” I gave him a smile.
He watched me for a minute then looked down at my tray of food.
“You haven’t touched your lunch,” he said. “I know it’s foul, but you have to keep up your strength.”
“You sound like my parents,” I grumbled.
“Since they’re forced to be absent from your life right now, I guess I’ll just have to step in and take their place.”
I laughed. “My mom would just love to hear that.”
I took a bite of pizza and looked around the cafeteria. Everything was so normal. The students talking, the cliques at the tables—I had taken everything for granted before, but now I craved it. I wanted to go back in time and be the girl who had a secret crush on the captain of the football team, oblivious to the fact that there was a secret war going on in a parallel universe.
“Are you ready for our history test?” Teddy asked.
And it was the perfect question because it involved my life as Caroline Ellis. The part of me that I never wanted to lose.
“I hope so,” I replied with a smile. “I studied as much as I could before I fell asleep, so I will definitely be winging it on some of the questions.”
“You always say that and then end up with an A.” Teddy rolled his eyes.
“That’s so not true!”
For the rest of lunch Teddy and I fell back into the pattern of my old life.
And it was exactly what I needed.
• • •
At the end of the day Rowan was waiting outside the school in a black Range Rover to drive me home. The car suited his large stature. Before I got in, I texted Tatiana and Devilyn to let them know that I’d be heading out with him and would be home before dinner.
He looked tired.
And contemplative.
The silence between us was fast becoming deafening. Thankfully he turned the music on to fill the void. I didn’t ask where he was taking me, nor did I try to push him into having a conversation.
I waited.
I knew he was collecting his thoughts because there was a lot he wanted to say.
I wasn’t surprised when he pulled up by the Roanoke Marshes Lighthouse. He had told me that it was one of his favorite places in town. It was only when we got out of the car that I realized how weak he still was. He took his time stepping out of the car and was a lot slower than I was used to.
“Are you okay?”
“Still a little drained,” he told me with a smile. His gait wasn’t as strong and sure as it always was. “But I’ll be fine.”
We made our way down the long dock.
“I hope that you’ll eventually tell me what happened,” I said quietly.
Rowan put his hands in his pockets, carefully avoiding my gaze.
“I attacked him,” he admitted after a moment. “I just—when I felt what had happened between you two—”
Speaking of it with Tatiana was one kind of embarrassing, but it was a completely different level with Rowan.
“I’m sure you’ve been informed that we can always tell,” Rowan told me.
“Yes,” I whispered. “I’ve been informed.”
We reached the end of the dock and walked around to sit in front of the lighthouse so we’d be able to stare out on the ocean.
“Whether or not I had a right to be, I was furious. And devastated,” he said as he finally turned to look me in the eyes.
“Rowan—” I began.
“I don’t want to hear it, Caroline,” he said with emotion. “Honestly, I can’t hear it.”
I nodded.
“So I attacked,” he told me. “I lashed out even though I had no right to, even though it went against everything we are as a people. I lost my mind. And I pushed him, Caroline. I pushed him to become that monster. And I knew what I was doing. I knew that by attacking him, I’d bring out the worst. Maybe I was hoping for it the entire time, to turn him into that so that you’d see him for what he was.”
The only sounds were the water lapping against the dock and my own deep breaths.
Rowan ran a hand through his thick blond hair. I could see how hard it was for him to be telling me all of this, and I searched for the right words to say back.
“The irony of it all is that he chose right,” Rowan said with a cynical laugh.
I was surprised he used the same words as I had.
“He teetered on the edge. He could have killed you and destroyed me forever, but he came back,” he went on. “And not only that, but when he hit me with the force of lightning, I saw inside his soul—”
Rowan’s voice caught and I waited.
“And turns out I was wrong.”
“What do you mean?” I whispered.
“His soul is Light, Caroline.” Rowan’s gaze met mine. “It’s pure Light.”
Chapter Fifteen
“I once asked a bird, ‘How is it that you fly in this gravity of darkness?’ She responded, ‘Love lifts me.’”
—Hafiz
Kingdom of the Light Fae
Many Moons Ago
Tara
“You are radiant, my friend,” Iris said as she embraced me.
“I feel big and awkward,” I admitted. “I’m as giant as a house. And Iris, I’m always hungry.”
“You are perfect,” she told me with a giggle as she put her hand on my swollen stomach. “And he is divine.”
Iris’ purple eyes, for which she was named, lit up as she moved her hand over my abdomen.
“He is,” I told her.
“Have you chosen his name?” Iris asked.
“Yes, we have. It was actually not as difficult as I thought,”
I said. “But Alderon and I have decided to keep it between us until our son is born.”
Iris took my hand and pulled me toward a settee.
“You must sit,” she told me. “Shall I have some food brought up?”
“No. Alderon is always making me eat something; he believes will give me strength. He’s so worried that I will fall over and die. I keep telling him that I’m only pregnant and women have done it for centuries.”
A look of displeasure crossed over Iris’ face but she covered it.
“Does he care about your son as much?” she asked.
“Of course,” I laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous. This is his child as much as he is mine.”
Iris didn’t look like she believed me.
There was a knock at the door, then my longtime friend Carrick stepped in. Iris’ cheeks bloomed with color when Carrick drew near. I wondered if there was something romantic brewing between the two.
“Don’t I get a hug?” he asked with a contagious smile.
I rose.
“If you want one you must come to me because it’s too difficult to waddle around with this belly,” I replied.
Carrick shouted with laughter and pulled me into his embrace. At one point in my life I had fancied myself having a crush on this handsome Fae. Now I could not even imagine such a thought.
“Even though you waddle,” he said, “you are still the most beautiful woman in the kingdom.”
“Hardly,” I replied. “I think Iris has taken that honor. I’ve never seen her look more stunning.”
Iris blushed under his intense gaze, and I couldn’t wait to get her alone to ask what was going on between them.
“Dare I ask if you are happy?” Carrick’s gaze met mine again.
“You may dare,” I replied. “And I am ecstatically happy. I wish this kind of joy for everyone.”
“Nothing pleases me more,” he said solemnly. “You deserve it, fair Tara.”
Before I could step away from his embrace, Puck entered the room unannounced.
“Am I intruding?” Puck asked from the door.
Carrick and I turned to look at him as he stared back at us with inquisitive eyes.
“No,” I told Puck with a smile. “You are not. Come and meet my friends.”
Puck said quick hellos to both Carrick and Iris. Iris refused to extend her hand.
“I’ll leave you alone then,” Puck said as he looked from me to Carrick.
“You are more than welcome to stay,” I replied.
“Nay, I enjoy being left to my own devices,” he said as he headed for the door.
The room shifted around me as if a parallel life was playing out before my eyes. I couldn’t stop the feeling of déjà vu that coursed through my veins.
“He is devious, that one,” Iris whispered once the door was shut.
“His reputation precedes him. Everyone has heard one story or another about Puck,” Carrick said dryly. “The infamous. With the skills of Machiavelli.”
“He isn’t that bad,” I defended him. “He’s been nothing but lovely to me. He’s actually one of the few friends I’ve made. He goes out of his way to see to my comfort.”
Iris drew in a breath.
“Do not trust him, Tara.”
I looked over at my friend.
“Do not.” Her voice was strong with warning.
“Let us change the subject,” I said nervously, even though a part of me believed I should listen to Iris. “We do not agree on these matters.”
“Iris is worried about you,” Carrick told me. “She is constantly sending prayers to the Great Mother on your behalf.”
“And I do appreciate it,” I returned. “But I promise you all that there is nothing for you to be concerned about. Alderon and I are determined to live happily ever after.”
D
Would I ever be happy?
Would this void that I felt ever be filled?
I felt a ray of hope.
Something inside my heart had shifted.
I didn’t know how to explain it, but when Caroline brought me back from the edge of darkness, when she had showered me with her Light, something had gone off inside my soul.
The world looked different now.
The colors I was surrounded by were more vibrant. My level of tolerance was changed.
My patience.
The depth of love I felt.
It was like I was seeing the planet in a new way.
I walked through Odin’s maze after school when Caroline left with Rowan and replayed every moment over again. It was odd, even Caroline leaving with Rowan didn’t bother me as it had before. The possessiveness I usually felt had shifted.
I now knew everything was going to be all right. The calm that came over me was astounding, as if by some divine intervention I knew that everything was moving forward as it should. Where before I had been paralyzed with fear, now I felt peace.
In every scenario I played through in my mind, Caroline was there at the end of the tunnel. Waiting. With all her Light making me feel like a normal life was possible.
I walked briskly through the maze, my mind completely preoccupied. It was getting late so I decided to head back, and as I turned a corner Caroline stood in front of me.
We stayed like that, watching each other for a long while before I was the first to break the silence.
“You’re back early,” I said to her. “I thought you and Rowan would be gone longer.”
Caroline shrugged. “He’s still not one hundred percent. And I want him to rest before he begins to work with me again.”
I felt a pang of guilt.
“Are you tired?”
“No,” she shook her head. “Not at all.”
“Do you want me to take you?” I asked quietly.
Caroline seemed surprised.
“To the Light Kingdom?”
“Yes,” I said. “It seems unfair that you’ve only seen one side of our world. And if you’re ready, I would love to show you the other half.”
“Are you sure?” she said after what felt like forever.
“More than anything,” I returned.
Her smile was radiant.
“Then let’s go.”
“Close your eyes,” I said, taking her hand.
“Why?” she asked nervously.
“Because when you open them you’ll be in your kingdom,” I explained. “I want you to feel the wonder for the first time.”
Her eyes closed.
I waited a moment. I could see her pulse fluttering in her throat. The delicate lines of her face, her soft mouth—all of it was there for me to take in uninterrupted. She was so breathtaking.
And pure.
And Light.
She opened her eyes for a moment and her gray eyes met mine. She closed them again, and in that second we were transported to the kingdom of the Light.
When I felt the energy in the air change, I knew we had arrived. I was sure she could feel the shift inside her body. The hum echoing in her soul surely told her that she had come home.
“Are you ready?” I whispered.
Her hands were trembling and she was only able to nod back to me.
I knew why she was so nervous.
Once she saw her kingdom she would no longer just be Caroline Ellis.
She would become a queen.
C
Even though I felt the rays of Light all around me, my mind was fighting off the darkness.
There were so many emotions racing through my mind.
Most were good.
And the others, those dark thoughts, had me trembling in fear.
What if I was inadequate? Or worse, not what everyone expected? How would I know how to become the queen they needed?
I never felt so close to Devilyn before, and finally I understood the inner battle he waged daily.
“Breathe, Caroline,” Devilyn told me. “I’m here with you. And I promise, I will be right next to you and take you back home as soon as
you feel like you’ve had enough.”
I opened my eyes, and looked right to him, unable to break his gaze.
“I’ll be here for you through it all,” he went on. “There is nothing you should be afraid of.”
I could feel a strange warmth move through my veins. And it was welcoming.
So I finally gathered all the courage I needed, borrowed some of the strength that Devilyn offered, and took my first look at my kingdom.
Another first.
There were no words I could use to describe the feeling I had when I saw the Light I was surrounded by. This was heaven. Or what I had pictured heaven to look like my entire life.
A land of perfection.
Trees surrounded us, but not the normal kind that one would see on earth. These were alive in a way I never imagined. They vibrated with an energy that was palpable. They illuminated a beauty that spoke of thousands of years of wisdom and strength.
I pulled my hands away from Devilyn’s and just stared around and watched as these giant symbols of God’s grace bowed before me. Their branches fanned out into something that resembled angelic wings, as if they knew who I was and welcomed me into the land.
The slivers of bright green grass grew beneath my feet, tickling my calves with love. The trees seemed to move aside for me, illuminating a road that led to a majestic kingdom glowing with an ethereal light.
“That is the Kingdom of the Light,” Devilyn whispered to me. “That is your Kingdom.”
They know I’m here, I thought to myself.
“Yes, they do,” Devilyn said. “They felt your arrival.” Even he had taken on another look. He was no longer the human Devilyn that I had come to love. Now, he was a being from another world. More beautiful than he had ever been.
“I wish you could see yourself now.” His voice was soft and filled with love. “You are radiant, my queen.”
Even though my body somehow felt different, foreign even, it was hard for me to come to terms with what he was saying. Did I look the same way he did? Was I emanating the same type of light?
Me.
Caroline Ellis.
A teenage girl from Roanoke?
Fae.
“Shall we?” Devilyn asked with a reassuring smile.
