by V. L. Dreyer
"Gavin, grab her legs," I instructed, and then I dove into the fray. I threw myself to my knees near the youngster's head, and pinned it still to keep her from injuring either herself or her sister. "Hold her, but be gentle! I don't want her to hurt Jasmine."
Jasmine looked up at me, her face just a few inches from mine as we awkwardly pinned her writhing sister to the ground. For the first time, there was something in her gaze besides hatred, something that might have even been respect. She gave me a faint nod, then she focused her attention on keeping Lily down. The doctor rushed up to us a few seconds later, with a syringe in his hand.
"Forgive me, child," he said quietly, though it wasn't clear which of the twins he was talking to. I saw Jasmine stiffen up, but she let him administer the dose of sedative to her sister. Lily screamed at the pinch of the needle and tried to fight even harder, but there was nothing she could do against two grown adults and her own sister.
"It's okay, sweetheart," I whispered soothingly as the sedative started taking effect. Once she stopped fighting us, I released her and gently smoothed her tangled hair back out of her face. "It's okay… no one's going to hurt you anymore. I won't let them. Shhh… you just go to sleep, and when you wake up you'll feel much better. I promise."
Lily stared up at me with eyes so dark and fathomless that it felt like I could fall into them and drown. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, but no words came out. Eventually, her eyelids drifted closed and she fell into a deep sleep.
I sighed heavily and sat back. "Are you sure the sedative is safe, Doc? We don't know what drugs are in her system already."
"I have no way to know," he admitted. "I didn't want to use this on her, but she really gave us no choice. I have no intention of leaving her alone until I know that she's going to be all right, though. "
"Good," I agreed, nodding. "If you need someone to assist you, I'll find someo—"
"Why?" Suddenly, Jasmine spoke up and interrupted me, her tone sharp and accusative. "Why are you trying to help us? We didn't ask for your help."
I looked at her, and gave her the faintest of smiles. "You didn't have to ask. Jasmine, I'm going to tell you a story. It's not very nice, but it's the truth and I think it will help you understand why I wanted to save your sister. Come over here, let's get out of the way so that the doctor and Gavin can get her back into bed."
I eased myself to my feet, and offered her a hand to help her up. She ignored my hand, but did as she was told. We moved out of the way, and watched while Lily was tended. I felt an arm slide around my waist from the other side, and knew without looking that Michael and Skye had joined us.
"Two summers ago, I was travelling alone when I was taken by a man kind of like the farmer," I said softly. I felt Michael's arm tighten around me, and silently appreciated the support. "I was just minding my own business, like you two were, when he saw me and decided that he was going to… make me his wife, to put it kindly."
I looked down at Jasmine and saw her watching me, her expression unreadable. I gave her a sad smile and looked away. "You shouldn't even have to know what that means at your age, but I think you do. I managed to escape, but only because I was very, very lucky. Since then, I've made a vow never to let anyone take away the rights of another human being, even if it costs me my life fighting to save them. I'd help anyone who needed it, but I admit that I have a particular empathy for young women like you, because I know from first-hand experience how hard it is for us to survive in this world. That's why you didn't have to ask for help, Jasmine. I'd give it to you willingly, because it's the right thing to do."
Silence descended on the room when I finished speaking. I closed my eyes, and savoured in the strange feeling of pride that washed over me. I'd made the decision to take up the cause to protect humankind on a whim, but today was the day that I'd finally been able to prove my conviction – not just to those around me, but to myself. It was no longer just words to appeal to the group. Now, it was reality, and I was living it.
Eventually, Jasmine sighed heavily. I looked at her, and found her staring down at her feet with great interest. A few seconds later, she glanced up and gave me a shy smile. "On second thoughts, I think you are allowed to call me 'Jazz' after all."
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
It was a long, noisy, and anxious night. Jasmine and Gavin stayed glued to Lily's bedside; eventually, we decided to drag a few extra mattresses in so that they and the doctor could sleep in shifts. One by one, the others came to peek at the newcomers, but Jasmine wouldn't let anyone get close to her sister except for me and Doctor Cross. In the end, we brought them some dinner, then closed the door and let them be.
Before bed, I gathered the members of the group that weren't otherwise occupied in the kitchen, and spread out a couple of big maps on the table so everyone could see them.
"We need to decide on our route south," I told them, pointing to the large lake in the centre of the map. "Lake Taupo is just south of here, but before then we need to pick whether we want to follow the highway along the western shore, or the east."
"What's the difference?" Skylar asked, shooting me a curious look.
"The eastern route will take us through Taupo city, while the western won't," I explained, tracing the two routes with my fingertip. "I haven't been through Taupo since before the plague, but from what I've heard it's a hub of gang activity."
"It is," Anahera confirmed, nodding slowly. "The location is perfect. The lake has several feeder rivers to the south, which provide a constant supply of fresh water, not to mention the fish, ducks, and other game in the area. There's always someone living there. I sent a trading convoy there once, but they never came back."
"What happened to them?" I asked. Anahera just shrugged.
"We have no way of knowing," she admitted. "They just vanished. It's possible they ran into that pack of racists you met heading to Arapuni, or perhaps they ran afoul of some other gang. Maybe it was a pig. It could have been anything, really."
"But we know that they were heading for Taupo." I stood back and sighed, rubbing my fingers over the bridge of my nose. "That's not good. From what I remember, the western route is just scrubland, with no towns or buildings to speak of, but it's been a while. God knows what kind of condition it's in."
"So, whichever route we pick is a gamble." Anahera looked at me and tilted her head inquisitively. "May I suggest we take the western route, just to be safe?"
"Suggestion noted. All right, let's vote." I straightened up and looked at the others. "All in favour of the eastern route, raise your hand." I paused and waited. No one moved. "Okay, and in favour of the western route?" Hands popped up all over the room. I nodded, and leaned over to fold the maps back up again. "Western route, it is. Head to bed, everyone. We've got another long day ahead of us tomorrow."
Most of the group drifted out to go find their berths for the night, but Ryan lingered behind. I shot a curious look at him, but he averted his eyes and pretended to be very interested in a smudge on the paintwork until the last person had left the room. Only then did he finally glance in my direction, his expression unreadable.
"Can we… talk for a second?" he asked softly, his voice barely audible.
"Of course," I replied, equal parts wary and confused. He'd been quiet since he rejoined the group, so quiet that sometimes I forgot he was there at all. Given what he'd been through, his silence didn't surprise me. What did surprise me is that he'd pick me to chat with.
Ryan drew a deep breath, and slowly lowered himself down to sit in a chair. "Thanks. I don't really have anyone else to talk to. I mean, there's Skye, but it's not the same. And the others..."
"I know," I said, seating myself at the table beside him. Although I had every right to be angry at him, all I felt when I looked at him was pity. "Sometimes it can be really hard to earn forgiveness. You don't need me to lecture you about what you did wrong, though. You already know that, better than anyone. So, what did you want to talk about?"
Ryan fell silent, his gaze focused on a speck of nothing in the middle distance. I'd never seen anyone looking quite so forlorn, not even my sister on the day she had to bury her firstborn. His hands tightened into fists, but I knew on some instinctive level that his tension was not a threat to me.
Suddenly, he looked at me and I saw the full force of his despair reflected in his eyes. "What do I do now?"
I frowned at him, not entirely sure how to interpret his request. "What do you mean?"
"I mean..." he hesitated and glanced away again, his eyes drifting back out of focus. "It's always been her and me. Ryan and Skye. Just the two of us against the world. Then, it was the two of us and the baby. I knew what to do. Now it's all gone. My friends don't want to know me, Skye hates me, and my baby's dead. I don't know what to do anymore."
"She doesn't hate you," I told him gently, reaching out to rest my hand over the back of his fist. He tensed up for a moment, then slowly relaxed when he realised that my intentions were innocent. He glanced at me, and I gave him a faint smile in return. "No one hates you, Ry. They just don't understand. They will, eventually, but they need time. If it makes you feel any better, I understand why you left."
"You do?" His expression changed to one of surprise, then I saw the faintest flicker of hope pass through his eyes. "I thought no one did. I mean, Michael..."
"Yeah, I know what he said." I sighed softly and gave his hand a squeeze. "Sometimes, when you're faced with something so devastating that your conscious mind isn't capable of processing it, your animal instincts kick in. It was fight or flight. You didn't have a choice. There was no one that you could fight, so you chose to flee. It could have happened to anyone."
"He called me a coward," Ryan repeated, darkness falling back across his face like a veil. "He's right. I am a coward. I ran away. He wouldn't run away. If it had been you, then he would have stayed."
"Maybe, but you're not him and you don't have to be," I told him firmly. "You're different people, and you are entitled to react to a tragedy in the way that best helps you to cope with your grief." I paused and glanced down at his wrists, still hidden beneath his long, black sleeves. As gently as I could, I laid my hand over the hidden injuries, and gave him a look of pure sympathy. "No one can know what they would do in the face of that much pain, and no one should have to find out. Skye told me what you tried to do, Ry. I hate to think about you suffering like that all by yourself. I know that at heart, you're a good man. Do you think it would help if we put aside a little time each day, just to hang out and talk?"
The young man fell silent for a few seconds, then he nodded slowly. "I think… I think it might. I don't know, Sandy. But maybe, yeah. Maybe talking would help." He managed a weak smile, and stood up slowly. "I should go. I'm on the late watch, so I have to be up at midnight. Thanks for listening."
"Any time," I answered. I rose to my feet, and pulled him into a quick hug. "You're not in this alone, mate. We'll get through it. Promise."
He didn't seem sure what to do with the hug at first, but eventually he relaxed and hugged me back. When we separated, there was a faint but genuine smile on his face. Suddenly looking embarrassed, he ducked out of the room before I could say another word, leaving me to stare after him thoughtfully.
A few minutes later, Michael stuck his head into the room and called my name inquisitively. "Sandy?"
"Yeah, I'm coming," I replied, shaking off my bout of melancholy to focus on the evening's tasks.
***
Michael and I took the first watch. With all the downstairs doors firmly locked from the inside and Alfred's nose on the task, we felt secure enough to cut the watch down to just two at a time. We set up a guard post and barricade at the top of the only staircase up to our area, and watched it with vigilance.
One by one, the others stopped by to say goodnight before they turned in, until the only people left awake were the two of us. Outside, the wind howled and moaned, but inside there was only silence and the occasional sound of snoring. I lingered in the doorway to the main sleeping room for a few moments, enjoying the strange feeling of pride that came with it.
Those people were more than just my friends, now. They were my charges. They looked to me for guidance and protection. They trusted me to watch over them while they slept. It was a good feeling, and I liked it. I withdrew and went off to finish my patrol, then I returned to the barricade where Michael waited.
He glanced up as I sat down beside him and smiled at me. With that gentle strength that I loved so much, he drew me beneath the blanket wrapped around his shoulders, into the warmth. The scent of his body was familiar and comforting, and it stirred something inside me the way no other man ever had. I smiled back and leaned up to give him a kiss, then we settled in to silently watch and wait for midnight.
Eventually, midnight came and our replacements arrived to relieve us. We retreated to one of the beds left warm by their absence, and snuggled down to sleep. Even as I was drifting off, I was acutely aware of one fact: Priya still hadn't come home.
***
I woke late the next morning, lulled into a deeper sleep than usual by the incessant pounding of the rain. When my eyes finally opened, I realised that it was well past sunrise, and that everyone else was already up and about.
Maddy was the only one to notice that I was awake. She waved vigorously, then went right back to what she was doing. She was sitting in a circle with the three younger Yousefi boys, pawing over a couple of grimy children's books.
I tried to sit up, but as soon as I moved I felt a sharp, stabbing pain in my hip. Startled and still muddled with sleep, it took a second for me to realise that the source was Tigger, who was sitting primly on my hip, washing one of her paws. I tried to move again, and she dug her claws in deeper in protest.
"Ow," I complained. "Would you knock it off, please? I need to get up."
Tigger gave me the filthiest look in return, but she stood up and stretched dramatically. Then, she finally jumped off and trotted over to Madeline, her tail held high.
Despite the pain, the sight brought a smile to my face. I eased myself out of bed and indulged in a long, luxurious stretch of my own. Every inch of me was still damp and sticky, but there was nothing I could do about it. The rain was still coming down with force, so I was unlikely to dry off any time soon.
I put on my coat and shoes, and padded down the hallway to the ladies room. On the way back, I stopped in to the doctor's sick room to check on things. Doctor Cross was out like a light, lying fast asleep amid a tangle of blankets. Lily was still unconscious, and Gavin sat on the floor beside her bed with his head lowered, as still as a stone gargoyle.
I cleared my throat softly, to see if he was actually awake. He looked up, and held one finger to his lips to indicate silence. I watched from the doorway as he eased himself quietly to his feet and snuck over to me.
"Where's Jasmine?" I asked in a whisper, tilting my head towards the room. "I thought she wasn't going to leave her sister's side?"
"She wanted to go home and get some things," he replied, absently running his fingertips over the door to muffle the sound as he pulled it closed behind us. "She'll be back in a bit."
"Ah." I nodded my understanding. "What about Lily? How is she?"
"The doctor thinks that she'll be fine." He smiled again, an expression of such open relief that it warmed my heart. "Thank God. Did I ever tell you that I lost my wife and my little girl to the plague?"
"I think you mentioned it once, but you didn't seem to want to talk about it," I replied. On a whim, I reached out to touch the back of his hand and offer him some small iota of comfort from my presence. "I figured it must have been something like that."
"She died on her sixth birthday." He heaved a deep sigh, staring down at my hand as though seeing it for the first time. "She was my life. My wife had a medical condition, and the doctors told us that it was unlikely she'd survive to carry the baby to term. She was so determined to try, even if it might kill her. The da
y our baby was born, I honestly couldn't tell you which one was more beautiful: her, or my wife."
"I'm so sorry, Gavin," I said sympathetically, squeezing his hand gently. "You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to. I understand."
"I know." He glanced up and gave me a smile. "But I want you to really, fully understand. I don't want anyone thinking that I'm just some old creep that likes keeping little girls around. It's just… I see these kids, and I see my daughter. I couldn't save her, but maybe if I save enough of them then I'll figure out how to forgive myself."
I let out a long, deep sigh, and pulled him into a hug. "It won't help if I tell you that it wasn't your fault, will it?"
"Of course not." He chuckled faintly and shook his head, but he accepted the hug without protest. "I know that. Intellectually, I know that. Emotionally… that's different."
"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." I drew back, but left a hand resting on his shoulder. "Maybe this will help. If it weren't for the things you taught me, I probably wouldn't be alive today. You helped to save at least one person."
"True," he said, his expression brightening. "I honestly can't tell you how happy I am to see you, Sandy. I mean, I know I've said it, but the words can't express how overjoyed I am that you survived. I've seen some bloody nasty things done to women and children and been unable to stop it, but… you're right. That does help. Thank you."
"No, thank you," I replied, giving him a light-hearted nudge in the ribs to soften the seriousness of the conversation. "You gave me knowledge that saved my life; I haven't done anything to deserve thanks."
"Careful, those never healed quite right." He grunted dramatically, rubbing his ribs. "Yes, you have. You saved Lily, remember? That and what you did for Jasmine more than repays anything I did for you, and puts me firmly in your debt."
"Huh?" Confused, I blinked owlishly at him. "I didn't do anything for Jasmine. I mean, aside from saving her sister, but I would have done that anyway."
