Carnegie Lane, mother of four, idol to inanimate objects, and Author, was suddenly and unexpectedly…number 1 on the New York Times best seller list. All she had to do now… was wake up and live her fame.
Take my hand you know I’ll be there if you can I’ll cross the sky for your love
For I have promised, all to be with you tonight and for the time that will come.
Hold on, Hold on tightly, and don’t let go.
“Drowning Man”
Written by U2 – Collectively
U2 – War Album 1993
19
Katalie sat at her desk, unable to put Carnegie’s file away. Most of the work she had to do regarding this project was finished. It felt too final, it felt like goodbye. The mood with everyone had become the unspoken reality that it had been three weeks, and still, she lay sleeping. Trapped in a world of her own.
Every day, it was harder for Nate, yet his determination to bring her back never failed. Night after night, day after day, he remained. Singing to her constantly. Lilli was the one who made the call, gathering the family, and the oldest of her children together. Someone had to do it.
“It’s been three weeks, it’s time to really assess what’s going on here, with Carnegie.”
No one moved, least of all Nate. The unspoken words echoed around that room like thunder.
“I think we need a new doctor.” Nate was still working on the eternally optimistic approach.
“Stop Nate…just stop. Let me finish.” She had watched him fall into madness once before from losing someone close to him. She wasn’t about to facilitate a situation that allowed it to happen again.
If Carnegie was going to get through this, it was time to make her work a little. She had spoken to the Doctors, all seven of them. They agreed that maybe it was time to see if, at the very least, she could now breathe on her own. Nate had fought to allow the supports to remain in place. He was buying for time, regardless of the eventual consequence.
“All of the specialists agree that there is great hope that she will come out of this. All of them agree also, that there is a possibility she won’t. Now I don’t know your mother as well as you do, but I know the last way I want to live until I don’t anymore, is supported by a life support system.”
“You can’t put this on them.” Nate stood up, ready to challenge her.
“You can’t keep this going either. Take a look at yourself. This is killing you, it’s happening all over again. I cannot begin to imagine what you’re feeling, but I know these girls are feeling it along with you. So are the little ones.”
“They aren’t that little.” Nate argued the point, for argument sake, also to capture a memory of when he had that conversation with Carnegie.
“They are to her.” Olivia said, also knowing where Lilli was coming from, and hearing her mother’s voice in her head as she said it.
Lilli went over and put her hands in her brothers, looking him in the eye as if explaining something to a child. “I’m not saying let’s rush over there and pull the plugs, I’m saying…it’s time to consider the possibility that no matter how strong she is, she’s not coming back. And the longer she is under that much oxygen, the greater the risk that the damage to her brain will be permanent anyway. One in the end defeats the other. We know that.”
Even Nate couldn’t argue anymore. All he wanted was to go back there, and beg her, to wake up. Then the subject changed. It went in a direction that no one saw coming. Nate was opening up for the first time, about what had driven him all these years.
“I see her sometimes, out of the corner of my eye. I know she’s there.”
“Taylor?” Lilli asked, interested since she often felt the same.
“Yes…Taylor. I know I couldn’t save her. I was there, till the end, but I would have done anything to have stopped her in the first place, from getting in that car, especially under the circumstances that she did. It should have been me in that car and you all know it, even though you never said it. ”
“We know Nate, no one ever blamed you. It was just a horrible accident.”
“No. It was more than that. Part of her, became part of me. After she died something happened to me and no one would ever believe what it was, but Carnegie knows, she wrote it almost word for word. Don’t think I don’t know that the reason I became a singer was to help Taylor live out what we all knew she would one day be herself. Sometimes it felt like I just manifested this ability from thin air.”
“Well, we all do wonder where your lungs came from. Mom suggested Uncle Pete, he used to sing in the shower.”
There was almost a laugh out of that, if the circumstances had been different, it would have had them in stitches.
“I have been talking to Taylor, in my head. I’m asking her if she really is here, and I have no doubt that I see what I see. I beg her, just go to Carnegie and help her to come home.”
“Nate…I’m going to tell you this. I wasn’t going to, but maybe there’s something in what you’re saying. Taylor’s mother is still alive, she’s not good, but she’s strong, even with the Alzheimer’s. I went and saw her, on Taylor’s Birthday, I always do, without fail…She usually never speaks, and acknowledges little. This time she spoke like there was nothing wrong with her. She told me, Taylor wants you to let her go. She also said she sent you someone so you could. I took it for granted until she told me her name. She said she sent you Carnegie Lane. She knew her name, and it was back then impossible for her to have known, unless Taylor truly did somehow tell her. I hope that helps you a little.”
Nate just looked at Lilli, between them they had more secrets than the entire family combined. Between them, they lived out the loss of the most beautiful person either of them had ever met. If Lilli was saying this, Nate would never question its truth.
“I have missed her for twenty two years Lills. Twenty two years and not a day went by when she wasn’t the first thought I had when I opened my eyes. Then suddenly it changed. Carnegie became the first breath I took, and the only thing that mattered. So am I cursed? If I lose her, I’ll never ever love anyone again. That’s why I can’t. I lost one. I can’t lose both of them.”
“I have no doubt that Taylor isn’t far away, and I can assure you she wants nothing more than for you to be happy. Maybe it’s time to tell her that you let her go, so she can get on with whatever it is she needs to.”
Nate stood up, he looked and felt like a vulnerable small child, not knowing which way to turn, let alone who to look at first. Lilli stood up and walked over to him.
“I was there for you then, and I’m here for you now. Nate…you know I’m right. It’s time to make some decisions, one way or another.”
“I know…it’s just hard.” He had his arms around his sister, holding her as if his own life depended on it. Then he simply turned and walked out of the room, out the front door and was gone. Jason took off after him. He didn’t want him to go alone. He knew he needed company.
“I’ll drive.” Jase said as he met Nate at the elevator.
“Thanks little brother, you sure? I can drive you know.”
“Yeah it’s fine. I don’t get to spend much time with you anyway.”
“Thanks Jase, I appreciate it.”
Back at the hospital, the flowers were beginning to mount up. One of the nurses was almost on full time duty, distributing those beautiful things to other wards. There were cards, books, photos, songs, gifts, flowers and so many letters it was hard to keep up. It made Nate so proud of her, to see how her fans were beginning to love her, and understand who she was, for what she was. He walked into her room and picked up her hand.
“OK…time to get up now my love. You need to answer your fan mail. You have more fans than I do. You better be careful, I might get jealous.”
Beep…Beep…Beep…
Jason had a book with him, he went and sat silently on the other side of the room, giving Nate the space to do what it was, he needed to do.
“It’s n
ice outside today. Well, it’s nice in London terms anyway. The sun shone at one point. And for more than a minute… Amazing weather.”
Beep…Beep…Beep…
This conversation went on for a while, going nowhere. That’s when one of the specialist doctors who had been overseeing her, came into the room.
“Good morning Mr Bowman.”
“Morning Doctor.”
“No change?”
He hesitated for a second before answering. Afraid that if he told the truth, he would be sealing her death sentence in a way.
“No... No change.”
“Well, I think it’s time we discussed options here.”
“Not now. I can’t think about that now.”
“I’m sorry Mr Bowman, you don’t have a choice. She can’t go on forever like this. Sometimes, if we force them a little bit, they rally a lot quicker than you think. We want to see if she can breathe on her own. There is a possibility that by doing that, it will aid her recovery. We won’t be taking oxygen from her completely.”
“What’s the other option?”
“We keep her like this, allow the coma to remain, and eventually, she will die on her own terms.”
Jason made a move on the conversation. “Her brain patterns are showing that there is something going on, have you determined anything from that?”
“What we know, is that at least a part of her brain is fully functional still. Maybe a lot more of it than we realize. If she has gone into this state, not only from the physical trauma, but from a heightened degree of shock, we may be able to shock her back out of it as well.”
“So you think by removing the tubes and forcing her to breathe, it might make her wake up…from the shock? Oh that makes so much sense.”
“How does that make sense Jase?” Nate looked over at him, with a look of distaste. How dare his brother agree with the man that wanted to take her life support system away from her.
“Well…it’s like mum would say… Someone needs to snap out of it. I just get what he means…sort of.” He looked back at the pages of his book, indicating that was all he had to say.
“Mr Bowman, please think about this. It might work, in the mean time, can I suggest you keep singing to her, she responds to it very well.”
The doctor left, and Nate took hold of her hand and continued talking to her.
“Watch these doctors Carnegie, they want to kill you off you know. It wouldn’t matter where you went. I would find you. I won’t let you go that easily. I promise.”
He pulled out his guitar, and started again, at the beginning of the cure songs onto the Dire Straits, and through the Police Albums, tirelessly working to get her to come back to him. All she had to do was wake up.
Carnegie was standing outside of the room where Nate was singing. This time she could hear his songs clearly, they were perfect as always, every note was in place every word was correct. All she had to do was enjoy it. Suddenly, she didn’t feel so alone. Turning she thought she saw someone walk into a room, she ran back in their direction.
“Hello?” She called out.
No one answered, but a door was open. She knew better than anyone, that no doors in this hospital were ever open. She walked in.
“Is anybody here?” she asked cautiously.
“I’m here.” Said a voice from the corner of the room.
“Oh my god…you’re the girl.”
“Yes I am.”
“I saw you…I remember seeing you…Oh…oh am I dead?”
“No Carnegie you’re not dead. Not yet.”
“Not yet, what do you mean not yet?”
“Well if you don’t find a way to open that door down there, you will be.”
“What’s behind that door?”
“Nate, your kids, your life…”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’ve followed you for 20 years… from over here.”
“What…from a hospital corridor?” This was the most bizarre conversation Carnegie had ever had.
“No Carnegie, not from here, this is just…identical to the last place I was. Once… if you get my drift.”
“So you’re dead?” She was trying to figure all this out.
“Clearly. Yes I’m dead.”
“Oh, You’re Taylor! You are “the” Taylor!”
“And you are “the” Carnegie Lane, the only other person in that entire world that could love him like I did. And look what you went and did.”
“I didn’t mean to…what did I do?”
“You got hit by a car. It was very nasty I might add.”
“Oh poor Nate, he must have been beside himself.”
“Must have been…yeah… try still is. So much so he is going to bring me back to life instead of you, if he doesn’t stop calling me to back to help him. I’m so not into that whole Zombie possibility…” For a dead person, Taylor certainly had a fine sense of humor.
“Should I be sorry for that?”
“No, he isn’t calling and holding me here anymore, well not because he believes he can’t live without me. You fixed that, finally. His grief is something I’ve tried to stop for twenty two years, now he’s asking me to help you to come back to him. It’s the least I can do, given the circumstances. So I am pleased to say, I am sure you’re now his number one and only. Which means I can move on, and become… something else.”
“Thanks. ” Carnegie felt almost chuffed about that.
“You’re Welcome.” Taylor replied with a smile. Then her tone turned more serious.
“If you want to go back to him, and to those kids of yours, you need to work harder than ever…and now Carnegie would be a good time to start. The doctors want to take you off that life support. Your souls been wandering around in here for twenty one days. It could go either way now.”
“I don’t understand any of this.”
“You’re not supposed to understand it. You’re not even supposed to be here. That wasn’t your exit point. It was one of mine.”
“What’s an exit point?” She had never heard of them before. Sounded to Carnegie like the left lane on an Australian highway.
“Everyone in their life, has exit points…times in their life where a series of events will pre determine when you get off the roundabout…so to speak. Nate had worked so hard to replace me with you, that he tangled us up. It’s called Quantum entanglement. That accident you had was one of the accidents I could have had, if I had lived through the first one.”
“If you had him, then why did you have the accident you did? Why did you die back then if you had a choice not to?”
“Oh, it’s more complicated than that…believe me I know. You more than anyone should understand why I did it. You wrote it into that book.”
“You did give me that story didn’t you? I knew it!”
“Oh yes, I did give it to you, for two reasons. The first was because I knew you would write it down just as I had told it, and secondly, because I wanted Nate to find you. It was the only way I knew he would.”
Carnegie thought about that story. About a parallel world where there were other versions of ourselves that existed. In that world…it was Nate who had died, only he wasn’t called Nate…she changed his name, just not hers…
“In that other world, in my book he died, not you.”
“That’s right. And in that world, he really did die. Ten minutes before he nearly died in this one. In that world, my alternate self misses him every day. She also climbs on a stage nearly every night and sings songs to a crowd of thousands secretly written for a dead man. See the similarities here? On some level, in this world it was never meant to be. Nate Bowman was supposed to live a long life here, and the other side of me knew it. That’s why I got in that car, and not him. That’s why I fought with him before I did, so to be sure he wouldn’t get in with me. I was never accepted to a different University, I just said that. I shielded him, because I love him on a soul level, and you Carnegie, on a soul level, love him too, just it
wasn’t that clear and obvious from the start being born on the other side of the world and all. It wasn’t a conscious decision at the time what I did. I had no idea what was about to happen, then when I died, it was quick and confusing.
I was in shock for ages, just lingering, unable to help matters any by hanging around. It only became clear to me after years of being pulled back here by him, and being guided to the answer by others.”
“There are others?”
“There are many Carnegie, but not here, not now. This is not your time. You need to find a way to go back there. Listen to him. Nate is your key. I’ll do my best to guide him to help you, but really, now you know the truth. It’s all up to you.”
“So…I’m not dead…”
“Not yet…”
She disappeared, right in front of her eyes. Carnegie was once again alone, in a hospital with locked doors. All but one… This one. She walked back into the hallway that she had come to know. She could hear him behind the door down the hall, singing to her. Still, no matter how hard she tried, that door remained locked. She started screaming, hoping to be heard. Above all, she recognized that what Taylor said was right. The book she wrote wasn’t just a story. It was a guide. She turned around and looked at the chair she had somehow manifested in this nightmare. She picked it up and started bashing it against the door, hoping to break it down, all the time praying for Nate to hear her.
Carnegie Lane, mother of four, idol to inanimate objects, and Best Selling author was suddenly and unexpectedly on her way home…from half way to heaven.
The Unexpected Life of Carnegie Lane Page 25
