“So, wait, are you telling me that now I have to be with him?” My voice cracks in disbelief at what they’re saying. “Like, it’s a rule, or something?”
Lucy shakes her head. “You aren’t obligated to be anything to him.”
“Basically he just pissed on you and marked his territory. Twisted did that crap to me when we first met, I could have killed him.” Nikki moves back so the waitress can place our orders in front of us. The smell of the food makes my stomach roll. I’ve officially lost my appetite.
Killed him, she said.
How apt.
Because that’s exactly what I want to do to that egotistical jackass, right about now.
Chapter Twelve
Tracker
“You got trouble, brother.”
I turn to see Pres walking toward me.
Fuck, what the hell did I do?
“Seems that a few of the girls ran into Megan on Saturday. Somehow, lunch turned into a conversation about you claiming her.”
Shit.
Pres claps a hand on my shoulder. “Gotta say, doing it without telling her? That shit’s risky. Nikki damn near ripped my balls off and handed them to me when she found out. It all worked out in the end, though.”
He gives my shoulder a squeeze before walking away.
Fuck.
Claiming Megan wasn’t exactly something I planned. I heard some of the guys talking about her; more specifically, about what they’d like to do to her. My blood ran hot and cold simultaneously.
Like fuck they would touch her.
She’s mine, and she’s been mine since the first day that I saw her, and as much as I’ve tried to forget her over the years, Megan has always stayed with me.
I sent a ton of messages over the weekend, without even one response. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say this is why. I walk out to the garage, determined to figure this out with her. I’ve tried to give her time, play the game, but I’m done.
I want her, and I refuse to wait any longer.
It’d be different if she didn’t want me, but I can tell she does. The way her eyes avoid me and look for me at the same time; how her body tenses when I’m close to her, but how she relaxed when I kissed her the other night.
I get to the garage and find it empty.
Strange.
I know she’s supposed to be working right now, and it wouldn’t be like her to just not show up. Something doesn’t feel right.
I get onto my bike and drive to her office, weaving in and out of the cars like a complete dickhead but not giving one single fuck about the horns blaring at me because she can’t hide from me. From us.
I won’t let her.
I do a lap of the parking lot and see her car there. At least I know she’s not home sick. I pull my bike around to the front of the building, parking it under the shade of a large tree directly opposite the main entrance. Walking into her office right now wouldn’t be the smartest thing. For one, I’m so amped up, I’ll probably say or do the wrong thing. I’ll wait until she takes her lunch. Hopefully she’ll leave the office for that.
A thought crosses my mind and a low growl rumbles in my chest. If that douchebag from last time tries to take her again, he’ll be in for a surprise.
Around noon the front door opens and I see her walk out, the wind catching her hair and blowing it up off her shoulders. I stand up and take a few steps toward the door when she looks over her shoulder and laughs. I pause, my chest expanding when the guy from the other day follows her out, his hand resting against her lower back. They walk down the street, him leaning in close when he talks to her, and it takes every inch of self-control I have not to rip his fucking arm off for touching what’s mine.
“Megan.”
She stops dead but doesn’t turn. I catch up to them, staring down the dick, who has turned around and who is still fucking touching my girl.
Megan whirls around, her eyes narrow, her jaw tight.
She’s stunning.
“Ryder, what are you doing here?”
I reach over, throwing the dick’s hand off her, then taking her hand and pulling her to me until our bodies are flush, her front to mine. My hand snakes around her neck, the soft strands of her hair sending shivers up my arm. “I’m here for you.”
Her mouth opens as if she’s about to say something, but then closes. I can see the war going on in her mind.
“Stop fighting this. You and me, we fit. It’s right, and I can't sit around waiting for you to realize it. I know there’s shit we need to work through, but right now none of that matters.” I drop my head, grazing her nose with mine. I don’t want that guy hearing any of this so I lower my voice. “The only thing that matters is the fact that, even after seven years, I still can't get you out of my head. I can't forget the way it felt to have you be mine. I want that again. How about you?”
Her eyes dart around so I drop my forehead to hers, looking down at her, but she won’t meet my gaze. Having her this close—the way she feels, smells—it’s like going back in time. Yes, we’re both older now and I’m sure we’ve changed in ways the other can’t see, but something that feels this right can’t be wrong. Being here with her, the street around us disappears. Nothing else exists except her and me.
I feel her heartbeat against my chest. It’s racing. She can lie to me with her mouth all she wants.
Her body can’t lie.
“Stop thinking. Your head isn’t gonna give you this answer.”
I feel her nod and when I pull back, her eyes are on mine.
“Yes.”
I lean down, pressing my lips to hers, and as she leans into me and my grip on her tightens, I wonder how I lasted seven years without her.
Chapter Thirteen
Megan
There are many things in my life I just “know.”
Like, I know that even though I’m an accountant, I will tear my hair out at tax time. I know that the second I pick up the phone to order Thai, Chrissy will walk through the door. It’s like she can smell my takeout thoughts.
Every day, a thousand small things happen that I just . . . know.
Just like I know that when I walk out the door tonight, Ryder will be waiting for me.
When he surprised me at lunch, I didn’t really know how to react. He said all the right words, words that hit me in all the right places.
Now I just hope I don’t live to regret what I said.
My leg bounces under my desk. I wonder what will happen when I see him again? We have so much history that being with him feels like home. On the other hand, so much of it is unresolved that I'm constantly on edge around him. We’re going to need to talk about everything, and I know that is a huge reason why I am so anxious.
“Miss Hendrix, how is everything going?”
Mr. Duncan appears in front of my desk, the standard issue, incredibly unflattering strip light bouncing off his shiny head. There was a time when he attempted a comb-over. Thankfully, it was a short-lived phase because keeping a straight face around him had been torture. He’s such a straight-laced guy, it still makes me wonder why he’d agree to have me doctor the books at the MC. If this all goes to shit, his neck will be on the line, too.
I smile. “It’s going well.”
“Good, good.” He messes with a pot of pens on the edge of the desk, nearly knocking it over. I reach out and catch it. There’s an uneasy silence before he asks, “May I ask why you’re in this office today?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Just a change of scenery.” I shrug, hoping to play it off, not really wanting to go into any kind of explanation about Ryder and me.
“As long as it gets done.” He gives me a nod before heading back to his office.
Looking at the clock, I notice that it’s time to leave and grab my stuff. As I’m walking by Connor’s desk he stands up.
“Megan?”
I turn, knowing that however uncomfortable this might be, I deserve it. I’ve sent him mixed signals and feel like total crap abo
ut it, so this is my penance.
“So are you with him now?” His glance moves toward the front door then down to his shoes as he kicks at the leg of his desk.
I nod. Why is this so hard? “It's complicated. I'm sorry. I know we went out and I maybe sent you mixed signals but, honestly, it wasn't fair of me to say yes in the first place.”
He doesn’t respond, just gives me a quick nod and then walks away. Taking a deep breath, I head toward the door.
And toward Ryder.
As I push through the heavy industrial doors, I see him, standing next to his bike, under the shade of a huge tree. The dark jeans he’s wearing are tight, showing off his toned thighs and, if he turned around, I’m pretty sure they’d be hugging his ass. Ryder has always been the most attractive man I’ve ever met—even in high school. Now that he’s older, his appeal has only gotten stronger.
As I cross the street to get to him, I have no idea how to react.
Do I give him a hug?
Should I kiss him?
Before I can debate any more, he reaches out and pulls me toward him. “Tomorrow you’re back at the garage.” His lips press against mine and the familiar scent of him fills my nose and intoxicates me. “Missed seeing you all day.” His deep voice sounds in my ear, sending chills down my spine.
He hands me a helmet and my heart leaps at the thought of being on his bike. I slip the bulky plastic over my head and then, with his help, lift my leg over the bike, sliding in to sit close behind him, my legs encasing his thighs. His hands take mine and he wraps them around his waist, giving me a tug that forces me to rest my cheek on his back as he pulls away from my building. Being this close to him, having my body pressed against his again, feels right. If I close my eyes, it’s almost like we are kids again, like nothing ever happened to us.
Like nothing ever changed.
The bike stops and I open my eyes. We’re at my place. Nerves rack my stomach, jumping and weaving their way through my whole body because I know that as soon as we get inside, we’ll have to talk. Old wounds will be opened, and I'm nowhere near ready to do that yet.
My arms tighten around his, wanting to stay like this, locked in this bubble where we can just be close to each other. But I know that isn’t possible.
I slide off the bike, my legs like jelly as I take the first few steps toward my building. Ryder surprises me as he takes my hand, leading me toward the door, not letting go when I fish my keys from my purse and we walk inside.
The door closes and it’s like all the awkwardness is trapped inside with us, the air thick with it, making it impossible to ignore. I don’t know what to say, or how to start the conversation.
Ryder takes my purse from my shoulder and drops it to the floor with an unceremonious thump, his large frame immediately crowding me, backing me against the hallway wall, his hands coming to rest on either side of my head, caging me in. His head drops and I think he’s going to kiss me. I close my eyes.
But nothing happens.
I look at him to find him studying me, his gaze seeing me as if I’m laid bare to him. I’ve never been able to hide my feelings from him in the past. I don’t know what made me think I’d be able to now.
“What’s wrong?”
His breath is warm against my face. He’s too close. I can’t think straight. My hands go to his chest, applying a slight pressure that he reads because he backs away.
But not far enough.
I push at his chest, forcing him away from me as I begin to pace.
“What’s wrong? You can't just charge back into my life and think that we can pick up where we left off.” I turn back to face him, tears building in my eyes, hating them for being there. “Not after what you did to me.”
He laughs, but the sound is incredulous, which makes no sense. “After what I did to you? Jesus, Megan, you develop amnesia?”
“No, unfortunately, I didn't. Every day I remember all the pain you put me through. I tried to bury it, to bury you, but I never could. You left a scar on my heart that’s never healed.”
“Funny”—his hand runs through his hair—“that you’re putting all this shit on me when you fucking ended it! How can you play the goddamn victim when you were the one who screwed me over?” His voice echoes off the walls, louder in the enclosed space.
For the life of me, I can't figure out what the hell he is talking about.
“I screwed you over? I waited outside my house for eight hours, Ryder. I had a suitcase. I sat on that step, looking like an idiot, waiting for a boy who never came.” The tears start to fall and I swipe at them. I hate that I’m showing him how much he affected me back then. How he still affects me now.
“You really must have dreamt that shit. You told me not to come. All those messages about how you hated me, and I wasn’t good enough, and you never wanted to see me again.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I am so over these damn games. “I never texted you. I waited for you.”
The two of us stand there for the longest time before he walks closer to me. Taking my hand, he leads me to the couch, and as he sinks back into the cushions, a deep sigh leaves his mouth.
“The week before I was supposed to come back, I started getting these texts from you.” He pauses and looks at me, as if he thinks I'll miraculously remember what he's talking about. “You were saying that you were having second thoughts, you didn't think us being together after school was a good idea. I tried to call you but you never picked up. The day before I was supposed to come get you I got your final message. Something along the lines of you had always been too good for me, and you'd finally realized that. You said to stay away from you and that you never wanted to see my face again. You regretted everything we had together, regretted ever meeting me.”
He looks over at me and I'm speechless.
My mind goes back to that day. “I can't believe her.”
Specifically, how calm my mother was.
Chapter Fourteen
2009
The First Heartbreak
As I throw all of the things I actually care about in my suitcase, I half expect my mother to come barging in the door. She has been arguing with me for weeks about leaving with Ryder after graduation and even grounded me, thinking that cutting me off from him would make me not want to be with him anymore.
Today is the day, though. Today I will start living for me.
Ryder found an apartment near school for us. He’s going to get a job and I’ll get one on campus to help with the expense. We’ll finally be able to share our lives together without hiding. He said he’d be here at noon today and we can pick up the key to our apartment at four.
I’m so happy I could skip around my room.
The door opens and my mother stands there.
“You can’t stop me leaving.” I look away from her and continue to pack.
She comes to sit on my bed. “I’ve realized over the last few weeks that I can't change your mind. I just wish you would reconsider.” She shakes her head. “We’re your family, Megan. You belong here with us. Your father, your siblings, we’ll all miss you.”
“Please don’t. You'll miss me taking care of the kids, Mother, that’s all.”
I glare at her, hating how she’s treated me more like a caregiver than a daughter. I didn't have a normal high school life, and she and my father are the reason for that. Never once did they try and lift a finger to help. They took the checks while I did the work.
Well, no more.
Her chin lifts and her nose crinkles, like she’s just smelled something bad. I knew the “we love you” attitude wouldn’t last long. It never does. “If that’s what you think. I hope that this boy is the solution you think he is.”
“He isn’t a solution. I love him.” I zip up my suitcase. “You and Dad never understood that.”
I take my bags and place them in the hall before walking to the boys’ room. Joey and Timmy are playing Xbox, but when I walk in, they pause the game and scramble to
their feet. Joey doesn't really grasp the fact that I’ll be gone. I think he’s thinking that it’ll be like when I go to school. Timmy knows exactly what’s happening and he’s been giving me the silent treatment because of it.
“Miss you, Meggie.” Joey gives me a tight hug and tears start to well in my eyes. I’ll miss the kids more than I’ll miss my parents. I raised them. Watched them grow from babies, to toddlers, to children, to now being well on their way to becoming good men. That is, if my parents don’t mess them up like they did me.
Timmy looks at me, betrayal shining clear in his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re just leaving us.”
I cross the room, moving to him and wrapping him up in a hug, trying to put everything I’m feeling, but probably won’t ever be able to put into words, into this one small gesture. “Bud, I will come and visit. I promise. I’m going to be in school, maybe you could even visit me one weekend?” I pull back just in time to see his eyes light up.
“Love you.”
“Love you, too, Tim.” I ruffle his hair and then walk out of the room and head to see Hannah.
She understands even less than Joey. When I open her door she runs to me and gives me a big hug. Her hair is still in the plaits I put it in yesterday and her clothes are stained with remnants of breakfast. My chest seizes as I try not to think about what might happen without me here to watch over here. I crouch down, placing a kiss on her forehead. “I’m gonna miss you, Hannah banana.”
I grab my bags and go sit on the porch. It’s cool out, so I pull my sleeves down over my hands, not wanting to go inside in case I miss him. I hear the door open and out of the corner of my eye I see my father, just standing there. I didn’t even say good-bye to him. He’s been colder to me this past month than my mother has.
“I’d say I’ll call, but you and Mother are holding my phone hostage.” I don’t bother to look at him. I don’t need to. I remember the look of distain on his face. He’s worn it pretty much every time he’s looked at me for the longest while. He doesn't reply and seconds later, I hear the door shut.
Sever (Deathstalkers MC Book 6) Page 6
