by Jayne Rylon
Gabriel separated them and held her at arm’s length. A chill crept in through the warmth her presence in his life had brought. “And I promise I’m not going to take advantage of your humility and charity. I should let you go before someone gets hurt or our friendship is ruined.”
“What are you talking about, Gabriel?” Her eyes narrowed.
“I know I’m not good enough for you. For anything more than some fun, anyway.”
Everly flinched. Then she sprang into action. She stomped over to her discarded clothes and began to yank them on.
“What did I say?” He rewound the words that had come out of his mouth but couldn’t find anything offensive in them. Only the truth.
“You’re throwing what I said in my face and using it as some kind of excuse to blow me off. How stupid do you think I am?” She whirled, glaring at him now. “If you’ve decided you’re not that into me after all, that’s fine. I can handle rejection. Just be honest.”
“Huh?” He didn’t chase after her as she strode for the door because he was too stunned to move. “Everly, hang on. You misunderstood me.”
“Did I?” Her voice held a sharpness he’d never heard before. “Because I’m pretty sure you were spouting some bullshit about your worth that was going to piss me off and jeopardize our relationship. If that’s what we have. Is that what we have, Gabriel?”
The yes he craved to shout got stuck in his throat.
“Or are you going to spend the rest of your life so busy kicking yourself that you can’t make the best of all these opportunities you’ve been given?” She propped her hand on her hip.
What felt like the single most amazing thing he’d ever experienced might actually be the most selfish. He tried to consider her first, but apparently he hadn’t gotten that right either.
“I have to go to work.” She scrubbed her hands over her face as she took several more steps toward the door. Their lack of sleep was evident in the strain around her eyes. Funny, he hadn’t noticed it before. Where he was getting better, she was getting worse. How could he make this right for them both? “We can talk about this tonight, okay?”
Gabriel sighed. “I’m not sure there’s much more to say. Nothing will change the truth.”
“You’re not responsible for how you were raised, or what others did to and around you. But you sure as hell are in charge of who and what you become. When are you going to see that?” Everly shook her head.
Goliath trotted into the room, concerned by their raised voices.
Her shoulders slumped as she gave the dog a hug and ruffled his ears as if saying goodbye for more than a few hours. Gabriel barely contained his jealousy as he watched.
She looked up at him then. “Whoever you were before, you don’t have to be that person anymore. It’s up to you. If you don’t like something about yourself, change it. I thought that’s what we were doing here, but…I guess I was wrong.”
No matter how much he’d thought he should protect her from himself, now that he was getting his wish, that didn’t feel right either. Damn it!
“Everly—”
“I can’t do this right now. Tonight,” she promised before leaving his penthouse.
Though she didn’t slam the door, the quiet click of it locking behind her seemed thunderous in his ears.
Goliath howled, but Everly didn’t return to see what was wrong with him.
Gabriel wished he could join the dog, venting his frustration and pain. Instead he sat beside Goliath on the cold marble floor and petted him until he realized Everly was right as usual. He had to make some major adjustments. Starting with himself.
And he knew exactly what he needed to do first.
8
Later that afternoon Gabriel jammed one hand in his jeans pocket. With the other, he clutched the back of his neck. Was he doing the right thing? He was never quite sure anymore. Before, he’d had a set of strict rules to follow. Now he had to figure shit out on his own—or possibly with the help of Everly and some of their other friends. He drew a deep breath then prepared to knock on Casey, Jase, and Ian’s door.
Before he could, it opened. Casey smiled at him. “Hey. You going to stand out there all night or do you two want to come in?”
Goliath answered for him. The dog charged past Gabriel and began to dance around Casey’s feet, soaking up the attention she lavished on him. He was a celebrity in these parts.
“Casey, who’s there?” Jase boomed as he left the kitchen, heading in their direction. Gabriel didn’t blame the guy for being over-protective after the trouble they’d had.
“Just me.” He lifted his hand in greeting.
“Hey, Gabriel.” The detective grinned when he realized who it was. That alone was one hell of a gift. Hopefully what he’d come to talk about tonight didn’t change the way his neighbors thought of him. That would be pretty awkward. “You’re just in time. We were about to slice up this chocolate cake we got to celebrate Casey’s big win in court this morning.”
“Oh, congratulations.” He winced. “Am I interrupting?”
Ian shouted from the kitchen, “Get in here, guys! I want some damn dessert already. I ate all my fucking vegetables at lunch, I swear.”
Maybe the three of them had been about to make a snack out of Casey. Now that Gabriel had shared that experience with Everly, he knew how tasty and addicting it could be. In that case, he should leave.
“Nah, we already had a private party.” Jase slapped Gabriel on the back, rattling his lungs around in his chest a bit without meaning to. “Now it’s time to refuel. Seriously, join us.”
He nodded.
They sat around the marble island in the chef-worthy kitchen, shoveling decadent chocolate into their faces for a few minutes before Gabriel caught Jase and Ian exchanging glances over his head. Ian spoke first. “We wish you’d drop by more often for the hell of it, but usually you keep to yourself unless Everly drags you out with her. So…uhh… Is everything okay?”
Gabriel tried not to choke on the crumbs of his cake, which suddenly seemed dry. “Fine. I guess. Well, not really. But no worse than it was before. It’s just that now I think I’m ready to do something about it. And I think you guys might be able to help.”
“Are you having girl trouble? This is about Everly, isn’t it?” Casey scooted closer to him. “Not to be too nosey or anything, but we bumped into her leaving your apartment this morning, wearing the clothes I saw her in yesterday. It seems like maybe you two have taken some pretty big steps together. Finally.”
Gabriel smiled just thinking of Everly. Until he realized how close he was to ruining his chances with her. He hung his head. “Indirectly. You’re right. We’ve been intimate and that’s…incredible. But until I can get rid of some of my baggage, I don’t think I have any hope of building something lasting with her.”
Jase nodded. “I wondered when you were going to notice how much she wants you. She’s a really sweet woman. Capable and beautiful, too. If there’s chemistry between you, you should really go for it, buddy. I can tell you from experience that finding someone special only to lose them… Yeah, that sucks donkey dick.”
“I’ve been acting like an idiot. I freely admit that.” Gabriel shrugged. “I want to change that. Do something to atone for all the things I’ve fucked up.”
“Anything can be fixed with top-quality oral. Do you need some lessons?” Ian asked. “I’m more than willing to demonstrate on Casey.”
Jase smacked his partner upside the head as if he could tell how serious this was to Gabriel.
All Gabriel could think of for a moment was the night before and the schooling he’d already gotten in how to pleasure Everly. He planned to dedicate himself to practicing and perfecting his newfound skills. If they could work things out.
He drew an enormous breath and went for it. “That’s not why I came over. I kind of wanted your professional opinions about something. I did something terrible. Might even have broken the law. I’m not sure.”
The pair of detectives tensed.
“Hang on. You should probably talk to Casey alone then,” Ian suggested. “If you give her a buck she won’t be able to rat you out to us. I don’t want you to say anything that could get you in trouble to me or Jase, okay?”
“Nah, I deserve to be punished for my wrongs.” Nothing they did to him could equal the self-loathing he’d directed at himself since he’d failed to protect the victim of his fellow clergyman. The one he knew about for sure, not to mention who knew how many others…
“Gabriel, I’m sure whatever happened it wasn’t intentional and it wasn’t as bad as you think.” Casey patted his shoulder. “Besides, we know the kind of person you really are. No one here is going to attack you or use what you tell us against you. You’re safe with us. After all, we’re only still here because of you and Goliath. Right, guys?”
Jase and Ian seemed less willing to commit to a blanket statement like that, but they eventually agreed. Jase said, “We definitely owe you a lot. Your quick thinking saved our lives. Why don’t we speak hypothetically? Let us decide what you should do with whatever is bugging you.”
That might actually make it easier to relate what had happened. Even thinking about it had the power to make Gabriel sick or angry enough to consider violence for the first time in his life.
“Someone witnessed a crime. A vile crime.” He shuddered remembering the night.
Casey put her hand on his forearm and squeezed.
“A priest abusing a young boy. When they realized what was happening, they waited just long enough to snap a few photos before interceding. While the two priests argued, the kid ran before he could be stopped or identified.”
“Oh Jesus.” Casey’s face turned an unhealthy gray-green color that made Gabriel sure her cake wasn’t sitting well anymore.
“That guy who walked in on… Anyway, he definitely didn’t have anything to do with what was going on.” Gabriel concentrated on unclenching his fists. He put his head in his hands as he admitted the worst of it. Angry at himself, the corrupt organization he’d supported blindly, and life in general, he dropped the pretense of anonymity. “When I tried to get the bishop to address the situation, he destroyed my evidence.”
Why he hadn’t been smart enough to make copies of the disgusting images before showing them to his superior? Because he’d never imagined the man would condone such evil or allow it to remain within his domain, that’s why.
That fucker had known and let it slide. Hell, he could have been involved.
The more Gabriel thought about it, the more he convinced himself that was most likely. He had to speak up. To do what he could to protect the innocents he’d abandoned and any others who might wander into the trap.
“Is that why you left?” Jase asked without a hint of judgment in his tone.
“Yeah. It was coming for a while. I felt like I was waking up from a nightmare. After that they kicked me out because they realized I wasn’t going to be quiet about what I’d seen. Worse, they made it seem like I’d been the one doing the abusing.”
“That’s a load of bullshit.” Ian snorted, but Gabriel didn’t find the situation humorous in the least.
“You believe me?” he asked, lifting his gaze to the two cops standing across from him. The bishop had sworn no one would and, until now, no one had. In fact, no one had even given him the chance to tell his side of the story. Even his closest contacts had mindlessly believed what they’d heard, despite it being utter bullshit.
“Of course,” Jase replied without hesitation. A weight lifted off Gabriel; his chest seemed less tight for the first time in months.
“No one else has. I tried to approach several people, but no one would speak to me. The church did a fucking great job of smearing me. They made sure I’m cut off. I can’t even warn anyone. I’m a pariah. I think about other times things went down around me and I wonder how many times I thought I was doing the right thing while fucking someone over.” He groaned. The list of his transgressions grew day by day.
“I don’t mean to offend you or your beliefs, but the church manipulated you through a long-standing system of mind-fucks.” Jase shook his head. “What they do works or the organization wouldn’t have lasted for literally thousands of years. I’m not trying to say everyone of faith is bad or even complicit, but at the highest levels... Yeah, most religions are designed to keep people in line. It’s no wonder you were afraid to speak out.”
“I wanted to go to the police, but after even people I’ve known my whole life refused to believe me, I thought it was pointless. I lost hope.”
Jase waved him off. “It’s never too late. Do you want to write up a report of what you saw? Anything you remember could help us investigate the situation. Even if we can’t identify the victim, we can start building a case against the people still left in power. If they won’t protect their congregation, the odds are they’re going to allow this to happen again. May even be doing it themselves. With your assistance, we could stop them from hurting anyone else.”
Gabriel stared at the ceiling and blinked. Could there be someone up there listening to his prayers after all? Jase and Ian were saying everything he’d hoped for but hadn’t been able to figure out how to accomplish on his own. “I’ll do anything I can. Even go back there if you need me to.”
“Let’s start with a report.” Ian grabbed a notebook off the counter and handed it to Gabriel, who spent the better part of an hour flooding the pages with as many details as he could recall. The act of writing it down, getting it out of his mind, seemed to ease some of his misery as if he’d drained a toxic, festering wound.
It seemed simple now. They were right. He’d been brainwashed, his thoughts knotted up with fear and doubt about even the most fundamental concepts of right and wrong. It had taken months for him to begin sorting everything out on his own.
Eventually he dropped the pen and slid his report across the counter to Jase. He slumped, exhausted.
Casey put her hand over his fingers and squeezed. “Can I ask you something personal? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” She waited for him to decide, making him even more comfortable sharing with her.
“Sure.”
“Is this one of the things that’s been holding you back from giving all of yourself to Everly?” She blushed, then grinned. “I couldn’t help but notice the marks on her neck this morning or the missing button on her shirt. Still, she seemed…a lot more tense than someone who’d spent the night tearing the sheets up with a new lover.”
“We argued before she left.” He sighed. “Half the time I think I’m damned for turning my back on my old life. The other half, I think I’m tainted for having been a part of it. Each day I spend with Everly makes me want things I don’t deserve. And now, I’m not sure what she’s expecting. I feel different. Stronger. And that makes me want even more. Maybe that’s not what she signed up for. Maybe she liked the broken me. Except she’s fixing me. I’m freaked out that I’m going to become someone she’s not into.”
“A bit of advice… Don’t let her hear you talking like that.” Jase crossed his arms. “She’s fierce in her own way. Adventurous and unrelenting. She’s strong enough to stand by your side once she doesn’t have to help you get back up anymore. Someday you’re going to be there to return the favor.”
Damn straight. Had Gabriel insulted her by worrying too much? Fuck. He bet he had. The only way to make it up to her was to stop trying to protect her and let her see the parts of him he was hiding, even from himself.
“Now that I’ve had a taste of her, I need more. A lot more. Things I’m not sure she’d be into. Worse would be if I scared her off or hurt her. That would kill me. You really think she’s up for it?”
“Only she can say.” Jase raised his hands then let them drop. “I mean, Everly is a super-sweet girl, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a naughty side. Don’t assume you know what people do in their bedrooms. As long as it’s consensual and you’re both
having fun, go for it.”
“So you think she’d respond well if I took charge in the bedroom?” He couldn’t believe he was asking them this. “She seemed to like being my first. Teaching me how to pleasure her and stuff—”
“Hang on, Everly popped your cherry?” Ian braced himself, splaying his hands on the countertop. “Wow.”
“Of course, that makes sense.” Casey smiled warmly at him. “You were a priest. It’s just so difficult for me to think of you like that sometimes. You know, you’ve changed a lot already even if you don’t realize it.”
“Well, now you know why we’re making up for lost time.” Gabriel couldn’t help the smirk that tipped his lips up. The nights he’d spent getting lost in her had been the best hours of his life. He couldn’t wait to do more, go further, if that was something she’d be into.
“Oh, now there’s a look I know very well. Look out, Everly.” Casey chuckled.
“I guess that’s what I’m worried about…” Gabriel’s amusement vanished. “Do you think she’s into submissive guys? Or will she like it if I take a more aggressive role now that she’s made me more comfortable and confident and…hungry?”
“I’m betting she’d be up for that. I mean, you should probably ask her or give it a try and see how she responds.” Ian winked. “I’d be happy to lend you my handcuffs.”
Gabriel groaned at that. The vision of Everly bound to his bed, spread out for him to ravish as he saw fit, made it impossible for him to get up and move from behind the island any time soon. Unless he wanted the trio of his neighbors to see exactly what even the mere thought of having Everly at his mercy did to him.
“Embrace your instincts. Be the man you want to be. The man you always should have been. Think for yourself. Take pride in your strength. Nothing is stopping you out here. Nothing but your own mind. It’s okay, Gabriel.” Casey closed the gap between them and hugged him tight. “All kidding aside, I think you should know that we adore you. Everly does, too. We admire you for having the courage to revolutionize yourself when you realized you weren’t on the right path for you, and for what you’re doing to try to stop innocent children from being hurt.”
