by Anne Herries
It didn’t change the facts, she could never condone what he was doing, but she did understand.
Chapter Nine
‘What were you planning to do today?’ Pasha asked at breakfast some days later. ‘I have meetings until eight this evening. I hope you won’t be bored?’
‘Justine rang me yesterday,’ Chloe said. ‘She asked if we could meet somewhere for lunch today. I told her she could come here, if that is all right with you?’
‘Why shouldn’t it be?’ His brows rose. ‘This is your home, Chloe. You are at perfect liberty to invite your friends or go out with them. I have never said that I intended to keep you a prisoner.’
‘You said that you might if I attempted to run away,’ she reminded him. ‘In your father’s casbah.’
‘Even I sometimes say things I don’t mean,’ Pasha said with a wry grimace. ‘I haven’t been there for years, and I don’t intend to start now. Besides, you’ve given me your word that you won’t think of leaving until after the child is born.’
‘And I shall keep it,’ Chloe replied, a faint flush in her cheeks. She had never looked lovelier, her hair freshly washed and hanging loose on her shoulders, her complexion soft, eyes bright and enhanced by the bright emerald colour of the filmy wrap she was wearing. ‘I’m not sure about the future, Pasha. I don’t want to hurt Henry…or you, but one day this farce has to end. I don’t see how either of us can continue like this for the rest of our lives.’
‘Chloe—’ Pasha began but the telephone rang in the hall and he went to answer it. He was gone for several minutes and she had begun to clear the breakfast things when he returned. ‘You don’t need to do that—the cleaner will come in later.’
‘I don’t mind clearing a few dishes,’ Chloe said. ‘I haven’t been used to being waited on, Pasha. I like to feel useful.’
‘Just being here is all I ask of you,’ he said, his voice a little husky. ‘Anyway, you will have a guest in a couple of days…that was Mariam. She arrived in Southampton last evening, and she wants to come and stay with us for a few days. I said that she could—I hope you don’t mind?’
‘No, of course not,’ Chloe said and raised her head to look directly at him. ‘We can’t keep asking each other if we mind all the time, Pasha. Mariam is your stepmother. You want her to visit and naturally I want to meet her.’
‘Do you?’ He smiled oddly. ‘Very well, Chloe, we’ll agree to agree on everything, shall we? I have to leave now or I shall be late for my appointment. Have fun with your friend today. You are all right for money, if you want to go shopping?’
‘You opened a generous account for me at your bank,’ Chloe said.
‘But you haven’t spent anything yet.’
‘It is early days,’ she said and tipped her head on one side. ‘Be careful, Pasha. If I start I might not know where to finish.’
She was deliberately provoking him, but he knew it and merely smiled. For a moment he hesitated, and she knew that he was wondering whether he should kiss her on the cheek as he had when they were at Henry’s, but she turned away, knowing that it would be too dangerous. If he touched her he would guess how close she was to giving in to the dictates of her heart and body. He would know that she still wanted him desperately.
‘I shall see you this evening.’
Chloe did not look round at him as he left. Her heart was beating rapidly, and she felt close to tears. It was so difficult living this way. She wished that she could just walk away and forget all that had happened to her, and yet she knew that that was impossible. She would never forget Pasha whether she stayed or left.
‘What a wonderful apartment!’ Justine said after Chloe had shown her round. ‘You are so lucky, Chloe. It’s like a dream come true…’ She helped herself to one of the expensive chocolates on the little glass-topped table. ‘Do you remember when we were talking about you finding a handsome lover when you were preparing for that trip? I never really thought it would happen…but it did. Tell me, is he as fabulous as he looks in his photo?’
‘You met him on the ship—you knocked his drink over him, remember?’
‘I was too embarrassed to look at him,’ Justine said. ‘But he seems nice in this picture…at least he looks happy. I don’t suppose he is the kind of man you would term nice. But he certainly is attractive!’
Chloe felt a pang of regret. Pasha wasn’t happy now.
‘Well, that was taken the day before we got married,’ she said. ‘I’m not a very good photographer, but it isn’t bad.’
‘Haven’t you got any wedding pictures?’
‘No…we didn’t think about it,’ Chloe said, fabricating an excuse. She couldn’t tell Justine that her husband had an aversion to employing a professional photographer, because there were parts of his life he preferred to keep secret, like the fact that he had dealings with assassins! ‘It’s a pity really, but it was just a small casual affair—not like yours will be.’
‘That’s if I ever find anyone…’ Justine pulled a wry face as she crossed her long legs. ‘I’ve been to several parties, but I haven’t really seen anyone I like. Mummy has her eye on a baronet, but he hasn’t shown much interest as yet. Besides, I would much rather marry an exciting man like—’ She broke off and looked at Chloe as a bell rang loudly. ‘That sounds as if someone is at your door. Were you expecting visitors?’
‘No—at least, not for a couple of days,’ Chloe said. ‘Pasha’s stepmother is coming to stay, but I’m not sure who that could be. I haven’t met his English friends yet. We are thinking about giving a party soon.’
She got up and went out into the hall, opening the door hesitantly, but then she gave a cry of surprise and pleasure. ‘Sashimi! Ahmad—how lovely to see you both. I had no idea you were coming to London.’
‘We thought we would surprise you,’ Sashimi said. ‘I hope we haven’t arrived at a bad moment, Chloe?’
‘No, no, of course not,’ she said at once. ‘Please, do come in. I have a friend here…Justine, this is Sashimi and Ahmad. Ahmad is Pasha’s cousin, and I stayed with them for a few days in Morocco.’
Justine had been sitting cross-legged on the floor, and showing an awful lot of silk-clad thighs, but she got up to shake hands with the new arrivals, looking a little flustered.
‘It is nice to meet you,’ Sashimi said. ‘But we must not disturb you, Chloe. We came only on the chance that you might be here and we do not want to intrude.’
‘But you aren’t,’ Chloe said. ‘I am delighted to see you. Won’t you sit down and have some tea or something different?’
‘We shall stay only a few minutes,’ Sashimi said. ‘But we are here in London for a week or so. I do hope I can persuade you to come out with me sometimes, Chloe?’
‘Yes, I should love to,’ Chloe said. ‘But I’m not quite sure. Mariam is coming to visit, and I shall be looking after her for a few days—but after that…’ She hesitated. ‘How long are you staying? I know Pasha will want to see you. You must come to dinner…when Mariam is here perhaps?’
‘That would be delightful,’ Sashimi said, but Ahmad did not reply.
Chloe made some iced tea with mint the way she knew they liked it, and they stayed for perhaps half an hour before taking their leave.
Justine looked at her curiously after they had gone. ‘She seems very friendly,’ she observed. ‘But he’s a bit reserved, isn’t he? Good looking, but a little on the cold side.’
‘Was he?’ Chloe was surprised. ‘He was very friendly when we were in Morocco. I can’t imagine why he was reserved today.’
‘Perhaps he didn’t like my being here?’
‘Why should he object?’ Chloe was puzzled. She thought about it, and decided that Justine was right, Ahmad had been quiet throughout the visit, although Sashimi had been the same as always.
‘Perhaps he had something on his mind,’ she said. ‘Pasha is like that sometimes…when he has a problem…’
‘Well, I liked her,’ Justine said. ‘But I should be caref
ul of him if I were you, Chloe. He was looking at you oddly once or twice.’
‘Oh, Justine!’ Chloe cried and laughed. ‘I am sure you are wrong. Ahmad always welcomes everyone to his home, and he spoils Sashimi ridiculously. I’m sure he wouldn’t look at another woman—why should he?’
‘I don’t know,’ Justine admitted. ‘I’m not even sure what those looks meant, but I should be a little careful if I were you.’
Chloe smiled and shook her head. She suspected that perhaps Ahmad had found Justine’s clothes and manners just a little too modern for his taste, and that was why he hadn’t said very much.
‘So…’ she said, to divert her friend’s mind. ‘How long are you going to be in London?’
‘Oh, at least another three weeks,’ Justine replied and wrinkled her nose. ‘May I have one of those Turkish cigarettes? I rather like them.’ She took one from the silver box on the table and lit up, blowing a smoke ring. ‘Mummy is determined that I shall get a proposal before we go home, but I really can’t see it myself.’
Chloe laughed. ‘Surely there’s plenty of time? There’s no point in marrying unless you fall in love.’
‘Is that what happened to you?’ Justine asked and Chloe felt the pain twist inside her as she nodded. ‘The real “until death do us part” stuff? I think that’s wonderful, Chloe. I hope you realise how lucky you are? I know I shall have to settle for the first man who asks!’
‘Of course you won’t,’ Chloe said, but Justine’s words were tearing her apart. ‘You’ll find someone special in time.’
‘I would give anything to have your chances,’ Justine said. ‘It’s so romantic—the way he searched the desert for you, and then carried you off to his casbah… It’s better than a film, because it’s true and you really love each other.’
‘It was a house in Spain,’ Chloe said with a faint smile. ‘I haven’t been to his father’s casbah yet and nor has Pasha, at least not for years.’
‘It is still romantic,’ Justine said with a sigh. ‘Nothing like that ever happens to me…’
Chloe wondered what Justine would think if she told her the truth, but of course she couldn’t. It was too shocking, too disturbing.
‘You are just so lucky, Chloe.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I suppose I am…’
Chloe told Pasha about Sashimi’s visit that evening when he returned home. He nodded, looking slightly surprised by the news that his cousin was in London.
‘I didn’t know they were thinking of visiting London,’ he said. ‘It’s odd that Ahmad didn’t mention it when I spoke to him last.’
‘Perhaps it was a spur-of-the-moment thing,’ Chloe suggested. ‘Perhaps Sashimi wanted a shopping trip or something. You know how she loves to buy clothes.’
‘Perhaps,’ Pasha agreed and looked at her thoughtfully. ‘She usually prefers Paris, though…’
‘Well, the clothes are fabulous there,’ Chloe agreed. ‘But there are some nice things in the London shops too.’
‘Did you go anywhere with your friend?’
‘No, we just stayed here and talked,’ Chloe said. ‘We thought of going to a matinée at the cinema but there was nothing on that we particularly wanted to see.’
‘You mean you didn’t want to watch The Sheikh again?’
Pasha’s eyes glinted with amusement as she shook her head.
‘I’ve seen it a number of times.’ She lifted her head defiantly. ‘But I shall certainly go to his new one when that comes out…’
‘Yes, of course you will—you and millions of other women,’ Pasha said, arching his brows at her. ‘Why will you allow yourselves to be fooled by such nonsense?’
‘Oh, you are impossible!’ Chloe said. ‘It isn’t that we believe it all—just that it is very romantic and fun.’ She saw his teasing glance and pulled a face at him. ‘I believe you say things like that just to make me cross with you.’
‘But of course,’ he agreed, looking amused. ‘I like to see the way your eyes light up, Chloe. You are a very exciting, desirable woman, especially when you are angry…’
He took a step towards her, causing her heart to race wildly. She caught her breath as he leaned towards her, brushing his lips lightly over hers.
‘Pasha…’ she began, her eyes dark with distress as she looked at him. ‘You promised…’
‘I promised I wouldn’t force you,’ he said. ‘But you said this morning that we cannot go on forever the way we are.’
‘Pasha…’ Chloe turned away, shivering. Could he see how close she was to breaking point? Could he tell that she longed to be with him as they had been in Spain, that she longed to be in his arms, a part of him once more?
He touched the back of her neck, sending spirals of a fierce desire winging through her, but he didn’t attempt to take her into his arms or make love to her. She tensed, fighting the urge to fling herself into his arms and beg him to love her.
‘Don’t worry, Chloe,’ he said, a bitter note in his voice as he misunderstood the reason for her tension. ‘I’m not going to ravish you. I’m not such a beast as to force myself on you. You may have a poor opinion of my morals but…’
‘Of course I haven’t,’ she said, whirling round to look at him. ‘I do understand why you are doing this, Pasha, but I hate it. I hate what it will do to you. There is a darkness inside you…and it is that secret side of your life that is keeping us apart.’
‘Yes, I know that you cannot live with what I told you,’ he said and the smile had died from his eyes. ‘I realise that it shocked and horrified you and I am sorry. The order was given, and there is nothing I can do, nor would I if I could. You have to understand that this man murdered my father…he had attempts made on my life and that of my uncle. None of us is safe until he is dead…and that includes you.’ Pasha’s expression was cold as he looked at her. ‘I have to protect those I care for—if that means you hate me, then so be it.’
He stared at her for a moment longer, then groaned, reaching out to pull her into his arms. She made no protest as he bent his head and kissed her, her body thrilling to the touch of his lips even though her mind was denying him and what he had just said to her. The heat of his arousal was burning her, setting her on fire and she smothered a groan. She felt herself melting into him, her resistance gone, as she looked up at him, her mouth soft and loose with desire. God, how she wanted him, wanted to feel him inside her, filling her, bringing her to a glorious release. She wanted to touch him, wanted to seek out the throbbing source of his passion and take him in her mouth, pleasuring him as he had her in the first days of their loving.
Pasha smiled and touched her face with his fingertips.
‘I shan’t make you come to me, Chloe, but I want you to know that nothing has changed as far as I am concerned. I still want you and I always shall…’
And then he turned and walked away from her, going into his own room and shutting the door. Chloe stared at that door. Her instincts told her to go after him. Surely nothing else mattered but this feeling inside her? Surely they could work something out?
Yet even as she longed to be with him, she knew it wasn’t possible. Turning, she went into her own room.
Chloe spent the next day shopping for food and getting ready for her visitor. She was looking forward to having Mariam to stay, and Pasha had talked of giving a dinner party while she was with them.
‘We’ll invite half a dozen couples and a man I know who happens to be around Mariam’s age,’ he had said to her that morning before he left. ‘It will be a chance for you to get to know some of my friends. Perhaps Sashimi and Ahmad will come if we ask them.’ He frowned as he looked at her. ‘I tried to get in touch with him last night and this morning, but Sashimi said he was out. She sounded a bit odd. I don’t know if they are having trouble in their marriage. They haven’t been married that long, and I know she has been much indulged by her family…’
‘Are you saying that it must be her fault if things are going wrong?’ Chloe looked at
him hard. Was he blaming her for the breach between them?
‘No, of course not—but…’ He shrugged his shoulders, obviously deciding not to push the argument further. ‘I shall be late this evening. Don’t wait dinner for me.’
Chloe nodded. He seemed cool and distant again this morning, even though he had suggested a dinner party, and she thought that perhaps he was angry with her because she had turned away from him the previous evening.
Little did he know that she had spent half the night tossing and turning in her lonely bed!
Chloe was thoughtful as she took a leisurely bath to prepare for that evening. Justine’s visit had made her take another look at what had happened to her, forcing her to face her situation. And the kiss Pasha had given her the previous evening had made her realise that she wanted their marriage to be as it had been in the beginning.
Something had to change. She couldn’t continue to act as if she felt nothing for Pasha, because her heart and her body told her that she did—and yet she could not condone what he had done.
It was a dilemma she could not solve and she wasn’t sure what to do about it. The rest of their lives was a long time, and if Pasha was determined never to let her go…
Could she reach some sort of a compromise in her own mind, find a way to live with that part of Pasha’s life that she so disliked? Perhaps she could talk to him this evening, try to discover his true thoughts concerning what he was doing.
The telephone was ringing when she got out of the bath, and she wrapped a towel around herself, padding on bare feet into the hall to answer it.
‘Chloe…’ Pasha’s voice sounded a little odd. ‘I’m sorry, but I shan’t be home this evening. It may be three or four days before I can get back. I know it’s awkward for you. Can you cope with Mariam’s visit alone?’
