by Pamela Ann
“Hello ladies—sorry to be late—traffic totally sucked on the way here.”
“Oh, don’t be daft—no need to apologize love,” Lucy greeted me and kissed both of my cheeks. The European way—love it!
Chad poured me a glass of red wine and slid it carefully before me. It’s just us three now. The boys, Toby and Blake, temporarily moved to Marbella to finish the project.
“Chad, you’ve lost weight. Are you on a diet or something?” I asked.
He looked at Lucy and me. “I did?” We both nodded in unison. He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Oh you know. The usual problems gay men have. Boyfriends…parents…hellish things…But you know, moving on—the exhibition was a success although it definitely took a large amount of my life. It was stressful but super fucking worth it.”
“What’s going on with your parents Chad?” Lucy asked.
He shrugged before answering. “Usual crap—don’t feel like talking about them. But let me tell you my dear baby love—all your portraits were sold—I had to let you know since you’ve been hella busy since you’ve been back. You’ve been ignoring your bestie—but I forgive you!”
“I’m sorry you guys, promise I’ll be better. But wait—who bought them? Oh, I’m so happy for you! You’re going to be a major brand soon! Just you wait.”
“I can’t disclose that—sorry,” he smiled wickedly at me. Huh.
“I can only guess who bought them—but who knows—anyway, Toby invited all three of us to go down there and visit. I mean I go there almost every weekend to see him—but he wants to catch up with everyone,” Lucy said with excitement.
Um, not ready for that. Toby lives with Blake. Certainly not ready for that.
“You guys go—I’m busy with school and work. Tell him I said hi and I miss him or better yet—I’ll text him.”
“Please do. He’s been worried you see—but he’ll be glad to hear from you. What about you Chad? Coming?” Quirking her eyebrow.
“No can do missy—I have a lot on my plate. Though the thought of sunbathing and enjoying hot rich men around the beach is very enticing—I have to pass, maybe next time perhaps?” Lucy stuck a tongue at him. “Oh, surely not you too? You’re such a bugger Chad!”
Crap, invitations to go to Marbella are going to come up a lot. I just hope I have enough excuses to dodge it. Chad loves vacations, wonder what’s keeping him? He looked unhappy, but why? Was it about his parents? I’ll corner him later and interrogate.
I’ve heard from Luce that Blake’s been extremely busy, flying to a few different countries on a weekly basis. His reign in the business is imminent and Toby’s confident that Blake’s grandfather is stepping down in the next six months. With his hectic schedule—I doubt he remembers his short stint with me. He did have a playboy reputation and I don’t doubt that he already had a replacement. The man was insatiable and had an everlasting stamina in bed and out of it.
Thinking of him with another woman slowly kills me—but that’s the reality…and sooner or later I have to face that. It’s inevitable that I will see him with his girlfriends. I just hope that he’s okay and hopefully, someday he and I can be friends again.
It was almost ten before we decided to leave the pub and by then we were starving. We totally forgot about dinner and got carried away talking. They never brought up the subject of Blake, thank goodness!
“Where do you guys want to go eat? I’m starving so decide pronto!” Chad demanded. “Oooh China Town, please? Crispy Duck?” My famished tummy growled.
“Genius, let’s go biatches!” Chad said as he hailed a black cab.
I haven’t had a meal all day. I nibbled on a granola bar, had two grande cappuccinos and two glasses of red wine. I am ravenous.
There’s this restaurant in China Town that’s open until four in the morning and they have the best crispy duck ever. I mean—seriously—it’s divine. They fry the duck to a crisp and the pull the meat into shreds on the table with two forks, you then eat it with Chinese style pancakes and a drizzle of plum sauce. It’s glorious! I’ve tried several Chinese restaurants in LA that offered something similar, but it’s not even close. We all love this place…even Blake. We used to come here often after late night partying.
When we got inside the restaurant, Lucy excused herself to call Toby. Apparently they’ve been playing phone tag all night. When Chad and I were both seated, I took the opportunity to ask him.
“Chad—whatever it is—you can tell me—something’s bothering you—I’m here for you,” I said as I studied his face. Something flashed in this eyes, was it pain?
“I’ll tell you later okay?—I’m not ready to talk yet—but thank you. I know you’re there for me, Sienna. That’s why I love you,” he smiled lamely at me. How I wish I knew what it was—so I can help put a genuine smile on his face again. His usual vibrant self is gone—the luster dimmed. What the hell happened? Why won’t he tell me?
“I’m not going to put my phone on silent at night anymore—you can call me anytime, whenever you are ready to talk.” He nodded and when he saw Lucy striding towards us, he pasted a lame smile.
So, I guess we both had a mask on—pretending we’re okay.
After dinner, Chad took off to party with his friends while Luce and I headed home. China Town is close to our flat in Covent Garden so it didn’t take us long to get back to our place.
Tomorrow’s Friday, so no classes for me. I can’t wait to sleep in late and just be a bum all day eating tubs of ice cream. I showered and went to bed. The past three weeks of getting two or three hours of sleep and short naps took a toll in my body. I’m exhausted and slept without a hitch.
I was woken up by my phone shrilling next to me. I placed it next to my beside table just in case Chad took my offer and it seems that he did. But when I reached for my phone, the number flashing on the screen was unfamiliar.
“Hello?” my sleepy voice croaked.
Goodness, I’m parched. I need water.
“Is this Miss Sienna Richards?” the stern voice of the man on the other end asked. I don’t know why, but there was something with the way he spoke that made my heart beat wildly. “Yes, speaking. What is it?” I inquired.
“I’m calling because you are the listed person on the emergency contact. There’s been an incident with Chad Wilson. We suggest that you come to the hospital to discuss the situation.”
Chad, my poor Chad. What happened? I started to shake as I responded to the other person on the line and informed him that I would be there as soon as possible. I called a cab company and rushed over to Lucy’s bedroom and woke her up. She almost jumped out of her skin when I told her. We both quickly changed and I harried myself in sweats and Uggs.
The entire cab journey was silent as we held hands. I could hear Lucy silently weeping. I haven’t any clue what the incident was. They wouldn’t disclose any information until I got there.
When we got to the emergency reception, the nurse directed us to the room and told us what happened. “He was brought in couple hours ago. He consumed great amount of alcohol. That alone was dangerous, but what put everything off kilter was his use of cocaine. He overdosed and slipped into a coma.” I stared at her while Lucy bawled next to me.
“Coma? Drugs? Chad doesn’t do drugs. There must’ve been a mistake. Chad wouldn’t do that…” my voice trailed off as the nurse smile sadly at me.
“That’s always the case love. Here’s the room. Do you know how to reach his family? It’s best you should contact them as well.” I nodded not knowing what else to say. I have to go through Chad’s phone for his parent’s phone number. The nurse went on, “I just checked on him so you both can go in and wait for the doctor. He’ll explain everything.” I nodded half hearing her speak as I gently pushed the ominous white door open.
The shock of seeing Chad lying there on the hospital bed hit me with sadness and guilt. I rushed to his side crying.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why the hell didn’t you!” my sad
angry voice shook as I hugged his body and cried.
This is all entirely my fault. I let him leave knowing something was off. I could’ve stopped this from happening but I didn’t. Now he’s in the hospital…in a coma. His dark skin looked ashen, his lips pale. Aside from the beeping noise of the heart monitor and the ventilator, he looked completely lifeless. Chad, had I known you were in so much pain, I wouldn’t have left your side tonight. He was in so much pain he overdosed on booze and drugs, I thought sadly to myself. Lucy was crying openly on the chair.
We were both distraught when the doctor came in the room.
“Miss Richards?” The salt and pepper haired doctor asked. I nodded to him because my voice has completely left me, my body completely in shock. He introduced himself as Dr. Hill. He was kind and understanding as he explained the situation. The amount of alcohol and drugs Chad consumed was unbelievable. I felt as if the doctor slapped me when he asked if Chad had given any indication he was suicidal. What was he blabbering about? Chad would never commit suicide. But why would he? The doctor kept insisting that it was suicide. His coma could be indefinite or it could be permanent. The next few days were going to be critical for his recovery. He said there was not much that we can do until they see progress. He bid his farewell shortly after.
Lucy and I held each other. We both agreed that he would never commit suicide and yet here he was. The guilt is eating us up inside because we didn’t have any clue what Chad was going through. The thought of Chad in a coma permanently terrifies that hell out of me.
He can’t leave! He has to survive. He will open his eyes again and give me that sweet smile, I kept saying to myself. He’s such a beautiful person, inside and out. His career was starting to take off, what’s the reason behind the suicide? Boyfriend? Finances? What?
Whatever it was…suicide is not the answer. He had us to help him out—he didn’t have to go through it alone. But apparently he felt alone or he would never have opted for this. Suicide usually is the last resort and my dear friend was unknowingly holding on by a very fine thread.
I pulled a chair next to him and held his hand while Lucy did the same on the other side. We both silently prayed and hoped our friend will recover from this.
My sweet Chad…please don’t leave me…I thought as I fell asleep crying holding his cold, lifeless hand.
I woke up when I heard hushed voices. A bright stream of sunshine filtered through the tinted windows. I looked up and saw Toby holding on Lucy. His face and eyes were red and blotchy. He was obviously crying too. “Toby? When did you get here?”
“Around nine-thirty, two hours ago—I came here as soon as I found out. Blake couldn’t come since he’s in Australia for the next two weeks. He said he’ll try to wrap-up everything as soon as possible and be here as well.” I nodded in understanding.
Kyle came the moment he found out and all four of us stayed there and prayed for our friend to come back to us. The guys took turns fetching coffee and food. Not once did Luce and I leave the hospital room.
It was late Sunday afternoon and Toby had to fly back to Spain for work. He promised to be back in couple of days. He needed to sort some business before taking a few days off.
When Monday rolled around, Lucy reluctantly had to leave for school. I stayed vigilantly next to him. Kyle brought some clothes for me and all the other things I needed. I tried to look for Chad’s phone but apparently he didn’t have it with him when the medics brought him in.
I had to personally make calls to my teachers and explain the whole thing. They said that I could do the assignments and email it to them before the end of the semester. I promised I would do all the extra work and visit museums if I have to. They were all kind, understanding and at the same time worried about Chad. I knew what they were thinking. What if he never wakes up again? But I can’t think like that. I have to be optimistic. I have to keep faith for Chad. He needed me to be strong for him.
For the next few days, Luce did the same as I did. She leaves only when she has to. Kyle visits twice a day—in the morning before he goes to work and after he gets out of work.
By Friday, I was watching reruns of Hollyoaks on the small television screen the hospital provided when I felt Chad’s hand move. I jumped from my seat and stared at his hand for a whole minute without blinking. There it was again, it was moving!
I scrambled to my feet and rang the nurse’s station and told them what I witnessed. The doctor barged in after five minutes checking vital signs and ordered a CT scan immediately. The nurses wheeled him out of the room and onto another floor. The doctor advised me to stay put and get some rest.
I was fidgeting when Kyle found me and I relayed everything to him. “Sienna, I understand your worry—I really do babe—but you have to go home and rest. You need to sleep or you’ll be the one in the hospital next. You’re shedding weight.”
He’s right.
I feel like I’m floating and I’m so groggy I can’t think straight. I can’t be of any help if I kill myself in the process.
“K, but only after the doctor gets back from the scan.” He nodded and squeezed my shoulders.
We waited for the doctor—what seemed like forever—and he explained that there’s some brain activity and advised that the possibility of Chad recovering can still vary. We have to wait for a few more days if Chad shows any signs.
After the doctor left, Kyle took me back to his house. I didn’t want to be alone and he insisted on taking care of me. I don’t know how I managed to fully shower without passing out. I wore Kyle’s LA Kings hockey jersey and fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow.
I woke up in the morning breathing in Kyle’s neck. He only had his silk boxers on. His arms were wrapped tightly around me and both of our legs tangled. I tried to imagine in my head how I could untangle myself without waking him up when I felt his heartbeat accelerate wildly against my chest. His breathing became shallow as his morning wood started to become evident against my inner thigh. Shit, this sucks.
“Kyle?” I whispered to him. He groaned in my hair. “I can feel your erection—feel like letting go of me now?” I said against his neck.
“Never—I will never let go of you.” Uh! I have to get back to Chad. I tried to push myself off him but he wouldn’t release me. “I love this Sienna. Give me just a few more minutes. Let me cherish this moment for a few more.”
“Fine.” I murmured. I wouldn’t have relented if he wasn’t so supportive and took care of my well-being. It’s the least I could do, compromise.
Not knowing what to do, I gently traced the tattoo on his arm, it was a beautiful design and it fitted him well.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked as he kissed my neck.
Oh, what the heck. I am so not in the mood to be teased. “Kyle—maybe next time—I’ll think about it, but for now I need to get back to Chad.”
“Think about that rain check, will you?” I gently slapped him in the head as he laughed heartily and released his hold of me. Men and their stupid hormones! Seriously.
I ran to the bathroom and showered. I dressed with the clothes that Kyle packed for me yesterday. I didn’t want to miss any progress with Chad. Kyle dropped me off at the hospital and I hastily kissed his cheek. He tried to capture my lips for a kiss but I nudged his arm playfully.
Kyle’s been a little aggressive with his antics lately. I can’t honestly accommodate that thought when my friend was lying lifeless in the hospital bed.
3
Blake
I was on my way out of the hospital when I saw her emerge from the cab with Matthews. They looked pretty intimate and I was frozen on the spot watching how the two exchanged their goodbyes.
Keep moving before she sees you, I told myself but I couldn’t. I haven’t seen her in a couple of months and my eyes were taking everything in. She’s walking towards the building with a huge smile on her face.
Is she still in love with him? Did she always love him even when she was with me? Did she think of h
im while we were together? Bloody fuck, she probably did.
She’s obviously looking happy while I sat with my own bloodless misery. Every waking moment, I feel the loss of Sienna and she didn’t give a damn. I was convenient and she most likely used me to just get over her ex. Well, you did pursue her—it’s no one’s fault but yours. Resentment always creeps in and I’m starting to hate her—really, scornfully hate her.
I stood frozen studying her face. She’s wearing a black cotton long sleeved top, black leggings and the very same cowboy boots she wore that wretched day she confronted me about my engagement. My stomach recoiled thinking about that encounter.
Her hair’s still wet—obviously just out of the shower. Did she share it with Kyle? Stop, it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t matter anymore.
When she finally saw me, she stopped and stared with her pretty mouth hanging ajar.
I stared at her beautiful face, hating and loving her at the same time. My jaw tightened thinking about her with another man. God knew I haven’t been celibate. I jumped at the nearest woman who opened her legs invitingly a day or two after she left for LA. But fuck, jealousy was such a toxic emotion.
“Blake,” her soft voice stammered. I caught her eyes wandering all over me, stopping at my mouth.
“Sienna,” I said through gritted teeth. I hate you.
“You’re uh—back early from Australia? Did you see Chad? How is he?” she pressed her lips, looking anywhere but me.
“I came here straight away after I landed couple hours ago. I had to cram some meetings together to get here. There was another movement from Chad’s fingers and the doctor is hopeful. Lucy and Toby are upstairs.”
“You’re leaving? You’re not staying longer?” Her fingers fidgeted on her purse straps. She did that when she’s nervous. Good, I didn’t want her to think that things would be the same after she dumped me without even giving me a chance to explain properly—another chance to prove that I did mean everything I said and promised her. I’m not going to be the considerate man that she once knew.
